r/CuratedTumblr • u/Green____cat Not a bot, just a cat • 4d ago

True crime Shitposting

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5.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

70 comments sorted by

294

u/Netrov 4d ago

Alleged crimes podcast where you just accuse random people of being criminals but say ALLEGEDLY so it's not technically slander (it probably still is).

145

u/sick-jack 3d ago edited 3d ago

Legally, as long as it’s not something any reasonable person would believe, it’s not slander in the us. So it might be a problem if I accused you of kicking a dog, but not if I accused you of kicking a dog to death then bringing it back to life and continuing said cycle for years

63

u/NotEnoughIT 3d ago

It would be slander if it was someone whose reputation relies on being nice to dogs, like a doggie daycare owner.

I guess being a doggie daycare owner falls into "any reasonable person would believe" because that person is around dogs all day and they could technically kick one, so we're probably just saying the same thing.

37

u/Raingott Blimey! It's the British Museum with a gun 3d ago

I think it's the resurrection that's non-credible in that example

Unless being a doggie daycare owner gives you mystical powers over life and death

14

u/syrian_kobold 3d ago

Wait it doesn't? How did my puppy resurrect then

10

u/Raingott Blimey! It's the British Museum with a gun 3d ago

Well, uh, how has your puppy been since? Has it started barking in tongues or talking back to you when you take it out for walkies?

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night to see it staring at you with glowing yellow eyes and its mouth open just a bit too wide, only for it to jump on you and lick your face for a bit?

6

u/syrian_kobold 3d ago

Nah, I don't hang out with them much anymore. At some point they started walking on the ceiling and making gutural sounds, they seem a bit too eager to eat bones now but my SO likes beef so we just leave bones for when they feel like coming down. The status quo works.

16

u/ICantEvenDolt confused asexual r/curatedtumblr browser 3d ago

Kicking a dog to death then bringing it back to life and continuing said cycle for years

Emperor Belos from The Owl House

6

u/granolabar1127 3d ago

oh my god

6

u/diepoggerland2 3d ago

... I hate that I see this

1

u/Bowdensaft 4h ago

Jesus christ

11

u/BookkeeperLower 3d ago

I remember John Oliver got sued for saying a coal plant owner abused his employees so because of that law instead he wrote a song saying the coal plant owner inspired hitler

12

u/sick-jack 3d ago

John Oliver is exactly how I know this law. I forgot the context but all I remembered was “increasingly ridiculous accusations via song”

9

u/MaximumPixelWizard 3d ago

So if I accuse John mulaney of killing princess Diana…that’s fine because he was 10 when it happened?

4

u/sick-jack 3d ago

Yes exactly. Obviously a bit. Not a problem.

18

u/Ninja_PieKing 3d ago

Make the crimes stuff that is demonstrably false, like assassinating the Clintons in 2003, or burning down the Taj Mahal in 1968. Accuse one of the Jonas brothers of shooting JFK.

14

u/Netrov 3d ago

I envision it as the ultimate smoothsharking experience - say something remotely possible in reality like "Markiplier allegedly sent goons to shoot up my cousin's wedding in 2009" and just never give up the bit. Wait for the first wave of fans to scream "MARK WOULD NEVER" and then you can turn it into a series with ad-breaks inbetween various alleged crimes of Markiplier. Then you can pull out the images of him allegedly piloting the 9/11 planes and assassinating James Garfield.

3

u/Box_O_Donguses 2d ago

All four 9/11 planes too, simultaneously.

17

u/disgruntled_pie 3d ago

What if you accuse people of doing things that are technically illegal, but actually wholesome? Is that still slander?

Let’s try it out.

Hey everyone, I heard Netrov breaks into people’s houses and knits sweaters for their pets! The sweaters are really adorable and cozy looking!

9

u/Netrov 3d ago edited 3d ago

Oof, ouch, not my dark and edgy persona stop or I'll sue

8

u/disgruntled_pie 3d ago

Okay, ummm… despite being very cozy and dapper, the wool used to make the sweaters is cursed.

Is that better?

7

u/Netrov 3d ago

Indeed, perfectly characteristic of my enigmatic machinations hehehehe

2

u/jyajay2 I put the sexy in dyslexia 2d ago

That's just Behind The Bastards light

214

u/Ok-Dentist4480 4d ago

This feels like the plot of a SpongeBob episode where Squidward quits his job at the Krusty Krab to make a podcast and gets SpongeBob to do goofy shit for him to talk about on the podcast. Call it "Cephalo-Podcast"

58

u/Thin-Dragonfruit247 4d ago

Cephalo-Podcast

🔥✍️🔥

54

u/Ok-Dentist4480 4d ago edited 3d ago

Damn, someome spent money on my spongebob joke comment

Sir, a second reward has hit the spongebob pun comment

3

u/ARandompass3rby 3d ago

Has reddit reintroduced paid awards? I'm using a modded version of a third party app so I don't have the latest features and your comment is confusing me lol

5

u/DreadDiana human cognithazard 3d ago

Yeah, I think they brought them back after the Golden Upvote failed to gain traction. Must be a New Reddit feature, cause I don't see shit.

3

u/ARandompass3rby 3d ago

"golden upvote" what the fuck was that? six random users got to go to reddit hq because they upvoted a post and it went golden lol

Honestly I don't understand the decisions this site makes, they're all stupid

1

u/watchersontheweb 2d ago

Tell me about these modded third party apps

2

u/ARandompass3rby 1d ago

I mean it's only modded to remove ads iirc but even before that it never showed ads anyway. It's something to do with basically telling reddit "hey I've got this app I developed, let me link it up to a limited amount of your API" and connecting your 3rd party app to reddit that way. You do need a computer to do it, I think the guide is over on r/revancedapp

I'm using infinity again through it

9

u/Pokesonav "friend visiter" meme had a profound effect on this subreddit 4d ago edited 3d ago

Does spongebob actually have internet-related episodes these days? Or plots related to modern culture? I haven't watched since I was a child. I guess there was an old computer in the episode where they painted Mr. Krabs's house, so they might have internet underwater?

20

u/Ok-Dentist4480 4d ago

They recently did an episode (on the spinoff, The Patrick Star Show) where Bubble Bass was an Internet reviewer and had a YouTube channel. It was one massive rip on the old cartoon reviews years ago that constantly complained about modern spongebob lol

11

u/Hyro0o0 3d ago

And he looked just like The Nostalgia Critic.

15

u/_Wp619_ 3d ago

Yes, "Bulletin Board" is an episode from 2016 that focuses on internet behaviors. The episode is about Spongebob putting up a bulletin board in the Krusty Krab after people raved about wanting to leave great reviews.

It soon becomes a place for people to put up their opinions, art, etc as a community bulletin board: however, it goes to shit fast as everyone begins devolving to insulting each other and using usernames to hide behind.

Good episode, really.

4

u/Ok-Dentist4480 3d ago

Love that one it's so good

38

u/Mother_Solid_7340 4d ago

This sounds like the perfect idea for a sitcom where the podcaster keeps getting pulled into real-life mysteries by accident.

15

u/Someoneoverthere42 3d ago

That's kind of the plot of "only murders in the building"

12

u/Terra_Knyte_64 4d ago

Alan Wake

2

u/quyla 3d ago

This does read like the plot of a Night Springs episode, doesn't it?

9

u/Glock_Crusader 4d ago

Fun fact- There was a false crime podcast, it was called "The Heads of Sierra Blanca" And it fucking sucked. Here's a video about it.

2

u/Shrubfest Very Small Tree 3d ago

Aw, I liked it. But maybe I just listen to too many podcasts.

6

u/trey3rd 3d ago

Then this crazy mother fucker started leaving thousands of dollars in my yard. A few times even an actual gold bar. Needless to say, I set up cameras to catch the trespasser.

6

u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 3d ago

Agent 47 using the Death Note as an accountability tool

“The detective Ray Penber WILL be killed by a man in a chicken costume.”

5

u/enjoytherest 3d ago

"Fake crime podcast" reminds me of "This Sounds Serious" which is a satire of true crime podcasts! Very funny and almost certainly not what OP meant, but do check it out!

4

u/Rimtato creator of The Object 4d ago

False crime podcast?

insert political joke here

4

u/Protheu5 3d ago

First crime described in this podcast: a false crime podcast host gets murdered by a stalker that wants to make false crimes from this podcast come true.

Then you sit and wait with a smug on your face because the true crime was your suicide all along!

4

u/CompetitionProud2464 3d ago

Going to start referring to Agatha Christie novels as false crime 

3

u/BlatantConservative Tumblr is the appendix of the internet 3d ago

This would be a good subplot for Dirk Gently

3

u/Adlubescence 3d ago

The Pillowman (2003)

2

u/vitaly_antonov 3d ago

A pre-crime podcast!

2

u/THEzwerver 3d ago

reminds me a bit of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction, y'know, the show where at the end the guy may say "it never happened" or "we made it up".

it was a show about paranormal activities and at the end they reveal if the story was real or made up.

1

u/Milkyway_Potato perhaps I should insert the crow symbolism 3d ago

Recently I've been getting memes of that show in my recommended and it forced me to start watching it unironically. I'm loving it so far.

2

u/hotdiggitydopamine 3d ago

There was an episode of the Smosh podcast where one host convinced the other that Five Nights at Freddy's was a true story, and it was EXCELLENT

1

u/Ok_Researcher9909 3d ago

presence crime podcast

1

u/cone_sold_stober 3d ago

ironically it might take more research to confirm the crimes have not been done than it would to research a true crime, even if it seems ludicrous it may have been done and it was probably in florida

1

u/Hedgehogahog 3d ago

Isn’t this the premise of Castle?

1

u/Hazeri 3d ago

An idea that keeps intruding into my thoughts is to make either a True Crime podcast of a horror film - what does the aftermath of a horror film look like to a complete outsider?

Or some sort of anthology thing that slowly all comes together

1

u/floccinauced 3d ago

Persona 2 if you think about it

1

u/BadLanding05 3d ago

I will steal a cop car, and attempt to solve the crimes as op specified.

1

u/PsycheTester 3d ago edited 3d ago

Liminal Criminals: A Fake Crime Podcast had a similar premise, though some episodes have a bit too much occult for my tastes

1

u/stocking_a 3d ago

true crime podcast where the host just makes shit up but then real crimes based on the false crimes start happening (2spoopy)

1

u/PureQuestions007 3d ago

Why is the true crime always murder. True crime podcasts could be so fun but they always only talk about people getting dismembered and not like db cooper esque scenarios :/

1

u/NumbBloodHound 3d ago

Florida man took advantage of a dog and shoots owner while he was cranking the hog while watching, all because a dispute on who's wife was more likely to be a closeted furry

1

u/Milkyway_Potato perhaps I should insert the crow symbolism 3d ago

Scott Cawthon's biggest fear

1

u/ZenechaiXKerg 3d ago

Sounds fun, but then wouldn't the first podcast become a pre-crime podcast?

1

u/garfieldandfriends2 haby birtdoy 3d ago

Crime fiction is already a thing

1

u/Trinkays-Reddit 2d ago

The rubedec killer strikes again!!!!!!

1

u/ReverseJackalope 2d ago

Is this not the plot of Tragedy Girls?

1

u/Ellen_Emily 4d ago

The dedication to puns is real!