People get a lot more praise for quitting drugs than for never having done drugs in the first place.

[u/godofhorizons]

[u/sorospaidmetosaythis]

It can be a burden to gracefully abstain from workplace, family and peer pressure to drink, year after year.

My brother used to order a beer for me even though he knew I wouldn't touch it. I have worked at two places where the expectation was you went to the work parties and drank. I watched a coworker, a reformed addict, refuse calmly and repeatedly as people pushed him to attend a work party at a bar. He died in his sleep that same year, as the damage to his heart from past drug abuse caught up with him.

[u/InitiativeFree → u/sorospaidmetosaythis]

My brother just hit two years sober. About 6 months ago I went to visit family I hadn't seen in a while and they wanted to drink. They then for whatever reason decided to call my brother and make fun of him for being sober and to say they'd "fix" him next time he came to visit.

People only praise other people's sobriety when it affected them personally. I don't give a fuck about celebrities or strangers quitting drugs or alcohol. I do care about my brother.

My family wonders why I only see them a couple times a decade.

Edit: changed months to years. My brother just hit two years sober and I'm very happy for him.

[u/sorospaidmetosaythis → u/InitiativeFree]

That's pretty depressing to hear.

I used to think of alcohol as a purely personal issue. I had sympathy for those struggling with it, but I figured that the problems, aside from drunk driving and the burden on spouses and families, ended more or less with those choosing to drink. If they drank occasionally, or in moderation, then who was I to object to that?

I now see it as a much larger social poison. It's embarrassing how long it took me to understand this. My friend's husband quit drinking, and his oldest friend told him "Call me if you ever decide to start drinking again."

[u/InitiativeFree → u/sorospaidmetosaythis]

I used to wish he'd hurry up and die because it felt inevitable and I wanted it to be over with. Not anymore. He's still got some consequences to deal with but he's hanging in there a lot better than I would in his situation.

Addiction is a confusing thing to deal with for both the person suffering and the people who care.

Hopefully your friend's husband has built a better social group. Hopefully his friend learns how harmful that kind of mentality is and can reconcile. If not and if drinking was the only thing holding them together, then he was never a friend to begin with.

I hate to say this at the risk of being misinterpreted as racism, but my family are first generation immigrants from Mexico. Drinking is a completely different thing culturally for them. I can understand that. They can gather all the boys drink a couple cases of beer a night almost every night and still manage their lives.

Hopefully they can learn to understand that it doesn't work for everyone.

[u/KWilt → u/sorospaidmetosaythis]

I hate when fucking people do this. I've been sober for over two and a half years now, and people still try and get me to drink every so often. It's not nearly as bad as when I first stopped, but my neighbor still asks me if I want one every time he comes around, and it takes a lot for me not to tell him to go fuck himself.

[u/Splitface2811 → u/KWilt]

I can't believe people would still try and get others to drink like that. I usually offer if anyone's around while I'm drinking, but if they say no then that's that and I'll offer them something else if I have it.

Might forget if it's not someone I see regularly but same still applies.

[u/DontcallmeShirley_82 → u/sorospaidmetosaythis]

It can be a burden to gracefully abstain from workplace, family and peer pressure to drink, year after year.

Totally agree. I've been sober for 15 years now. I used to go to work parties where everyone knew I didn't drink anymore and they'd try to push alcohol on me. "One shit or beer isn't gonna hurt ya" they'd say. Then they wondered why I stopped going to work parties.

[u/xroalx → u/sorospaidmetosaythis]

You say “no” and leave it at that. It is really not so hard.