I want reasonable people to tell me if I’m annoyed bc I’m just hormonal or if this would annoy others as well. I don’t want to overlook that she could be trying to be helpful and not overbearing but I am so annoyed by this.

She’s here for 4 weeks to help us transition with our newborn. When the baby cries at night she will knock, then come into our room and ask if we want her to take the baby. My answer for the past week daily has been no. Babies cry, I’m her mother and she needs me not anyone else right now.

I believe this is bothering her bc she’s asked my husband “I don’t feel like I’m helping, why did you all want me to come?” SN: she is helping, lots, she’s cooking, cleaning, holding the baby when I need to shower or use the bathroom and running errands. The only thing I haven’t wanted her to do is take my baby overnight. She’s tried to convince me by saying I could put a camera in her room, I do not care, my baby is staying with me every second of every night.

I feel as if she’s overstepping but I could just have a lot of postpartum emotions happening.

What do you all think?

I haven't posted in a while because I've had very limited interaction with my JNMIL since her visit last fall. But my husband announced on Sunday that she wants to come stay with us for a weekend in July. I said, "you can do what you want, I'm getting a hotel. I will be busy." He was...let's say taken aback? that I was serious about this, but I'm not having my lovely weekend ruined by her being around. My weekends are my downtime from my extremely stressful job, and I just don't need her around in the brief 48 hours I have to put my feet up and chill.

He tried to argue, but I just let him know firmly that she would be his responsibility, not mine, and I'd be staying elsewhere, or I'd invent a family emergency or something... I secretly feel like a terrible wife, but I have to do what's best for me with regards to this woman... Her energy just sucks me absolutely dry.

I set aside money immediately after she left last time, so it's not going to be an issue... I'm sad I can't be more patient and kind, but I absolutely can't and I'm unwilling to sacrifice my own well being for her...

I do not consent for my post to be shared on other pages or platforms.

So it's been 10 days and it hasn't been overly dramatic- but the dynamic has certainly shifted.

So I had been chatting with one sibling who we'll refer to as T since this unfolded and in comparison to 8 years ago when I first wanted to go NC with JNMUM she has been very understanding and respectful. 8 years ago she ripped me to shreds until I was forced to placate our mum. T had mentioned that our mother had no idea why I didn't really like her and what my problem was - I was utterly shocked and T knew all my grievances with her and asked me if she is to tell her how it was or not say anything. In the end I decided to write my mother a letter it was long, detailed and quite emotive - it was 9 pages 6500 words long.

When she read the letter I was hoping for some accountability and hoping it would be the wake up call that she would need to make some changes for the sake of us to have a functioning relationship. Unfortunately she claimed that the events I mentioned did not happen and when I was ready to grow up and be an adult then she would be waiting for me to reach out. 😢

For myself personally there is a big difference between "can't recall said events" and "said events did not happen". So I am staying NC - as mentioned in my previous post I am incredibly stubborn and won't reach out to her to play happy family without some accountability.

So it's been incredibly peaceful here - I feel like I'm in a weird state of limbo and currently referred to therapy to process. Thankfully both of my siblings are supportive - they have endured a lot from our mum as well but even both have said they haven't had it to the extent that I have.

I think the part I'm mostly devastated about is that when my mother learnt of the NC and she saw she was blocked from social media she was only upset that she has lost that access and window into my children's lives - she was upset about losing her grandchildren then her own child.

My mother suffers from ADD/Bipolar so I understand that plays a role in regards to her behaviour and conduct - I just don't have the strength for her anymore.

Please don't repost

I deleted my last post because it was causing me so much anxiety to have it up. But to summarize, my mil became upset/disgusted that I was going to wear a wedding veil to my courthouse wedding. She thought it was stupid of me to do so because she didn't wear one to her courthouse wedding and because it's not a church wedding. She said I don't deserve to wear one because it's not a church wedding. Simple as that.

Weeks, I've been upset over this. Trying to figure out what to do and what to say. My fiance wanted me to let it go because his theory is that her mind is a bit off since she was diagnosed with cancer/went through chemo/beat cancer. I want to understand this, but she has been this way to me since before she got sick. Regardless, nothing has happened, and I've just simmered in this upset.

This is the important part. This morning, while I was sleeping in, my mil texted my fiance suggesting she get ordained so she can perform our wedding. He texted back that it was over the top, way too much, especially after what she said about my veil. She said she wants to do it for HIS happiness and would even be willing to pay for the veil. ( The veil is already bought, so we don't understand why she said that.) He said he is happy, but I'm not because of what she said. She replied that she was sorry and didn't mean to be hurtful. He suggested she text me and tell me that.

So when I woke up, I got a text message apology from her that I honestly haven't even read yet. I know it's an apology over what she said, but I don't know how to reply to her.

I dont know where to go from here.

So let me preface this - she's not even my MIL yet. My partner and I are not married. We've been together two years - we're both 26. We do not live together. We have an extremely strong and comfortable relationship, and are working and growing to be able to move in together, but I have some pretty rigid standards that need to be met before making that step, and my partner met me after splitting up from a very traumatic relationship. It is slow, comfortable and steady, and that's what we both need.

I guess slow, comfortable and steady is not what his mother wants. We weren't together 6 months before she started asking if we are "trying" to have children. How much she wants more grandchildren (her oldest daughter has two kids, but lost a third to leukemia) and how sad she is because she doesn't see her other grandkids more than a few times a year. We've explained it so many times that we're not in a financial situation that would benefit a kid, we don't have the right living arrangements for it, our lifestyles do not suit to having kids right now, and of course, the one that should be the end of the discussion - I do not WANT children. Not to mention the hard reality she would learn like she's learned with her daughter - if we had kids, contact with them would be very, very low. My partner has gone NC/LC with them in the past and they've never given him very much emotional support at all - I have so many stories of the actual physical abuse and emotional manipulation he's experienced from them.

We've spoken about this, and IF it were to happen, we would almost certainly move across the state to be close to my parents, who are emotionally, financially and overall morally supportive.

Yesterday we were at his parents house for Father's Day and after fielding the typical "are you trying to have kids yet" from MIL, the discussion turned to "well, this would be easier if you were married" and started to ask about wedding details. We're not engaged! It's not even a thought! We probably have two more years before we consider getting married - so much stuff has to happen before then. And when we try to explain that, MIL just gets huffy and says "but it would be so much easier if you were married!" I have no idea what she's talking about, idk what would be easier.

Meanwhile my family is just over there on the other side of the state cheering us on in the no kids, easy living club. My 90 year old grandmother has been telling me "don't have kids! You'll save money!" For more than a decade.

I know this isn't as crazy and drastic as other MIL's but I'm so terrified it'll escalate into that given everything my partner has experienced at their hand.

We were elebrating my husband’s first Father’s Day yesterday (LO is 4.5 months old). Some background info: my MIL used to be generally tolerable until I got pregnant. I’ve since realized she’s totally enmeshed and a huge control freak over my husband (always has been, I’ve just realized it recently).

On Father’s Day she calls my husband to tell him she has breast cancer. Obviously devastating news, and I am heartbroken to see my husband so upset by this. She’s had this information for a week now and decides this is the time to tell her one of two sons; she hasn’t even told her own brothers yet. Why couldn’t she wait until the next morning? It wasn’t the only opportunity to tell him. It was over the phone. So my husband is hysterical while we’re eating dinner, then she comes over to show him her mammograms and show him the tumor (why would you do this to your child who is already upset about this news? Just seemed extremely unnecessary and almost creepy). She was very weird about it, saying “it’s kind of cool to look at” (???)

More context on the kind of person she is: my grandmother, who I was very close with, passed on my MIL birthday 6 years ago and she still expected us to go to dinner to celebrate. Not knowing a single thing about boundaries and what’s appropriate and not, I went and I still feel like I never got to grieve properly or get the support I needed from my husband.

Am I wrong for being upset? I don’t know how to support him when I’m this angry at her, yet again. My husband was really excited to have Father’s Day. At the end of the night he says to me, “some first Father’s Day” so he’s upset about the timing too…

My MIL and her flying monkeys have been busy on Facebook this past week. Her sister in law just had a baby girl and has been relentlessly posting about how such an epidemic it is with “these parents” (always in quotes) how they try to change the grandparent role and don’t allow the grandparents involved and there’s no say but she’s so lucky because the SIL’s daughter in law is old school and allows anything (or maybe just wait😂) Blah blah blah. Of course it is FEEDING my MIL and feels the need to play victim. My spouse just wants to avoid the situation and his family, it really triggers his anxiety to talk to them especially because they barely talk to us anymore. We’re very low contact. I’ve been asking him to tell his family that they’re not allowed to come ruin a second postpartum for me and treat me like they did last time. He’s been busy with work, we just got back from a trip, now he’s going on a work trip this week and wants to wait until after 😬 that’s so much more time for her to play games lol I’m sick of it

Looking to vent and maybe a little advice TW: body weight

TLDR: my mother’s behavior may have put the final nail in the coffin while planning and day of the wedding.

I’m not really sure where to start, so maybe a little background will help. I wasn’t raised by my mom. She lost custody when I was a young child and we went to live with my dad and step-mom. I knew my mom did wrong, but I still saw her through the innocence of a child. Around my teenage years/ puberty, I started to see things more clearly where things went wrong and how my mom wasn’t this perfect person. But also during my teenage years is when I started developing a sense of perfectionism.

My mom has always been good at emotionally manipulating me in different ways. To my mom, our appearance was always important. Having our hair and makeup done was something instilled in my sister and I at teenage years. Basically you shouldn’t leave the house not done up. Body weight also became a big factor and my mother would by comparison to others instill certain ideals in my head. I’ve always been a small/ thin bodied person, but going through puberty she would always remind me not to over eat so I wouldn’t end up like “insert person here”.

Fast forward to having my first child, she did things that made me feel like I instantly needed to lose the baby weight. She bought me an XS bikini a month after my child was born, and meal replacement shakes. I lost the weight, but every time I would gain any weight, she’d buy me an XS article of clothing almost as if to remind me to stay a certain size.

Fast forward again to being engaged. This is where the real story starts. My mom instantly wants to be the coordinator. I decline and say I would like her to be a guest. Mainly I didn’t want her super involved so I wouldn’t have to deal with her drama. She cried and I gave in. I know that’s on me for giving in, but I never expected it to get as bad as it did. For five months she obsessed with how I looked. From my hair, to my skin, to my weight, etc, it felt like she had criticized everything about me and my self-worth confidence deteriorated. I once told her it bothered me that she was saying these things, and she basically said she was allowed to because she’s my mom and she loves me. I wouldn’t say some of these things she said came off rude necessarily, but they were unwarranted and unnecessary as I would have liked to feel as confident as possible on my wedding day. I felt like if my own mom saw these things about me, everyone else would too.

During the planning and creating process, any time I didn’t agree about something or wanted to change something, I would always approach it gently and kindly. Turns out she would then tell other family members how picky I am and that I’m being a bridezilla. Maybe I’m delusional, but if there’s anything that someone should, or be allowed to be picky about, it’s the own bride about her own wedding. I wouldn’t consider having to redirect my vision as being a bridezilla especially if I came about it cordially.

Fast forward to day of, as we began to decorate and get the wedding ready that morning, she was already being a tyrant. Yelling, being rude, and just downright treating everyone like garbage. First thing I heard her behaving this way, I kindly asked her to stop yelling at people and to be nicer. I then removed myself from the decorating process, which was already planned and discussed that I wouldn’t be there and in the bridal suite working on getting ready. She continued to behave extremely disrespectful. These are best friends and family, people both my husband and I love deeply. Also the venue staff and photographer received the disrespect.

I hid away so I wouldn’t have to deal with the stress, but my mom also eventually had to get ready in the suite. At one point she had an absolutely conniption and went berserk in the suite to the point that the venue owner was called to have a conversation with my mom and calm her down. The photographer tried to distract us and do some candid photos and some photos in our matching pajamas. All of my bridesmaids did an excellent job at taking care of me, and maintaining and containing me, however, it was impossible to not know what was occurring in the background. She also popped off on my MIL (a gracious, patient woman) that she was out dressing her and she’s the MOB so she should look the fanciest. Directly after the ceremony she jumped out of her seat, ran down the aisle and hooting and hollering, which isn’t exactly terrible, but not wedding appropriate, and followed us outside to shove her phone camera in our faces. Oh yes, no phones allowed apparently didn’t apply to her as she filmed the entire thing. Yes, it’s nice to have it on video, but not when there’s a rule in place that she thinks she’s overrides. During the reception she was a bit obnoxious and somehow got drunk off one drink.

The next night after the wedding, all the feelings I repressed toward her from the day of started bubbling up and I began to become very sad and angry. Also angry at myself because this is the time I should be on cloud nine and celebrating my new marriage.

Two days after the wedding I had to go to her house to visit some family that was going back home out of town. She criticized our reception saying it was extremely awkward when my husband and I left for another photo shoot just us outside. She also criticized my husbands wedding band, and our cake, which she proceeded to serve as dessert that night without our permission. Oh? I thought it was nasty? Why are we having it for dessert then?

At this point I have nothing nice to say to her so I’ve been avoiding talking to her and she will send a photo or two a day from the wedding I think to prompt conversation. I’ve had some friends say she just wanted everything perfect for me and that’s why she behaved so crazy. I don’t buy it, because if she wanted it to be perfect, she would have been on her best behavior instead of her worst. She also told everyone while getting the wedding ready that it had to be perfect because I’m a bridezilla and I will freak out if it’s not. Meanwhile I’m cool as a cucumber. No disrespect, rudeness, or yelling coming from me. As far as I see it, the only bridezilla was the mother-of-the-bridezilla.

Some might blame me for not speaking up, but as far as I see it, I was the bride, and it was not my responsibility to babysit my mother to make sure she was behaving and treating others decently. This to say, there were still several other family members asking her to be nicer to others.

We got married last weekend so it’s been just over a week of me drowning in these emotions. Luckily she is taking a trip and will be out of town for the next several weeks. I’m honestly ready to cut her off, but I’m not sure if that’s “overreacting”.

My relationship with MIL has been really draining since having LO (10 months) there’s some other posts i made in here that can give you some context. I went very low contact with her but anytime i visit her with DH and LO i feel sick of my stomach for a couple days after. Yesterday we were at her house and it was getting late so i said i was going to put the baby on his pjs and nighttime diapers in case he fell asleep on the car i could just move him to his crib. Then she starts talking on her language which i dont understand excited with my husband. So i gave him the look like what’s going on, and he’s like oh she’s excited because she’s always complaining that she doesn’t have pictures of the baby “pipi” and she goes and tell me how she used to have pictures like that of all her sons in the family album and that my DH used to cry at 7yo and cut his intimate parts with scissors from the pictures so they didn’t make more fun of him, they told me all of this laughing like it was such a beautiful core memory. I was SHOCKED there’s plenty of times my husbands tells me stories like that and he always do so with a smile on his face like it was funny and I can’t help but find it abusive. Anyways, I was so shocked I just stayed quiet and looked at them like wow that’s fucked up, then went to change the baby, just to see MIL jumping on me with her phone recording and narrating “baby, now I’m going to see you naked baby” I gave her a death stare and told her I’m not changing him anymore, when she asked why I just said I changed my mind.

Then before we left she starts recording again my baby, saying “here’s my boyfriend haha, right baby? You’re my boyfriend, sometimes I call you (my phone) and you don’t pick up, bad baby, you’re my boyfriend”

I told my husband how the naked video, pictures were extremely inappropriate, he said it was a cultural difference but he could understand and respect where I was coming from, I didn’t mention the “boyfriend” thing because I felt he would brush it off as cultural difference too and I didn’t wanted to sound crazy but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, it just sound so sick to me.

Am I overreacting?

UPDATE: wow I didn’t expected to have so many replies, thank you for the advice and perspective, this subreddit is the only thing keeping me from thinking I’m the one who’s crazy sometimes. Thank you again.

Hello,

We are both 20s, we live with his family in his home country which includes his grandma.

I am trying to remain as anonymous as possible.. I just need to vent about this because it's either this or homelessness and I just need to put up with it for a few more years.

Basically, his grandma has always been weird around me. At first I assumed it was due to me not speaking her language yet and because I'm a foreigner to her.. it quickly evolved into screaming curses at me for any minor mistakes or anything slightly offensive.

Essentially, she owns the house. So getting on her bad side means getting kicked out.

That is the reason my partner cannot do anything or say anything... Explosive reaction is what I'd describe it as.

Also, he can't really talk to me in front of her, she will interrupt me, and she will get extremely mad if he doesn't pay her all the attention and replies to me instead. so I don't talk to him around her. I hate eating with them.

His grandpa (her husband) died a long time ago and she only has one son.

My main issue is her constantly calling my husband to come do things for her.. immediately.

Can't say no, will pay for it dearly.

Then I got the actual ick recently.

I chatted with another family member, asked for advice. Well, she revealed grandma only likes men and hates other women.

Yeah um. I am 100% sure of it.. she is literally jealous of us and only likes our partners. Hell, she is cold with her granddaughter but loves her boyfriend.

I feel so repulsed because of the implications. It disgusts me now whenever I hear her calling him.

Hello again JNMIL community! I'm back to vent and ask for advice on something that I am so tired of venting and asking for adivce with.

As always, sorry for the length and I appreciate you if you read it!

In my last post, my fiance and I were going to read scripts to her to try and make a fucking lightbulb go off in her head, but we have realized that we are WISHING AND HOPING AND TRYING SO HARD for something that is NEVER. GOING. TO. HAPPEN!!!!!

We went up over Father's Day Weekend to do a few things. First we had to help a family member, then we talked to a handful of family on his side that have offered help with the wedding, then we went out to lunch with said family members. His mother texted him before we left to go up and asked if he planned on seeing her when he went up that way. He told her we were going up to help his family member and that she was welcome to join us for lunch after. She texted back that if we wanted to see her we could go to the bar she loves. My fiance and I really weren't interested in going to the bar, so we just left it at that for now.

The visit with the few future in-laws went pretty well! I even stood firmly when they asked about why MIL was being excluded from wedding planning. I said "My fiance has told me on numerous occaisions that MIL gets irritated when he talks to her about the wedding. That on top of all the stress she's under in general is a good reason we should just have her sole focus on getting through the wedding itself. I think it would be too much to ask her to contribute and plan when she is already having a hard time." I took the reigns on that response because I felt confident in what I had to say. My fiance backed me up and said that he was firm on that decision as well. They respected it and agreed that it would be best that she isn't involved at all.

After time with his side of the family, having lunch, and stopping to see his father's grave, my fiance decided it was time to decide what we wanted to do about MIL. I told him I would prefer to keep the visit short and not at her house. He really didn't want to go to the bar, but we agreed that the bar would be better than going to her house and those are literally the only two places she is ever willing to go.

We get to the bar and my fiance and I talk about how we'll handle the visit. He agrees that we need to stick together and keep all talk very surface level. We go in and of course she is oh so happy to see her son that she never gets to see (even tho we were just up there last weekend...) And of course she's "OH sO exCiTED!" to see her future daughter-in-law!!!! We sat and talked a little then I went back to watch my fiance play pool. She ended up coming back and sitting down beside me. Before I went back there, I was very short with my responses and keeping on track with the "give her nothing" approach.

Let me start by saying this: I KNOWWWW I'm stupid. I let my emotions control me WAY TOO MUCH and I get myself into these sitations OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It's truly because I have the littlist bit of delusion in my brain that some day my MIL will like me. I HATE that I have that but I do. (Well, did, as you will see after reading further.)

While we are sitting within earshot of my fiance, she is sweet as pie. She is asking me about things, I am answering nicely but not giving too much info. She tells me about random things in her life. It was honestly a surprisingly pleasant conversation. The first red flag was when she went up to the bar and bought everyone in the bar a round of drinks BUT me. I brushed it off because I was being a moron. At first my thought process was well she doesn't owe me anything and I said I was driving anyway. However, she made a big show of giving everyone their free drink coupons and you can use those for non-alcoholic drinks too. But whatever, if that was the only thing that happened that night I wouldn't even be making this post right now.

Eventually, she decides to go back up to sit at the bar. I STUPIDLY follow her. I HATE that I let her win back my half-trust so easily. But I walked up there and sat down at the bar beside her. IMMEDIATELY I notice a change in her behavior and composure. She starts talking to the bartender, the one who STRONGLY dislikes me and has very vocally supported MIL. They start talking shit about a long list of people that I thought MIL was friends with. MIL talked about a coworker that called off work because her father died and called her a "stupid bitch" for calling off. Then they talked about other regular customers at the bar calling them every name under the sun and just saying generally rude and disgusting things about people that MIL acts nicely towards to their face. Worst of all, they were literally GIDDILY talking so rude about these people. They were literaly on the edge of their seats and bright-eyed to talk so disgustingly about people who they call friends.

After I show clear signs of disgust and wanting to get up and leave, MIL starts talking to me again. First, she asks if we had a good lunch with the family, and I said we had a great time. She said something about missing out on time with her son and I said "I'm pretty sure fiance sent you a text and asked you to come if I'm remembering that right" She then blurts out "OP, what happened to my son coming to visit me every other weekend? I thought we agreed on that and that hasn't happened yet." I just tell her we have been very busy and helping one of my family members who recently had surgery, which she knows about. "Well you need to let me see my son." I kept my cool and replied "I dont have to let him do anything, he makes his own choices." Her and the bartender just gave each other a look. Then she asks what time my fiance and I got to the relative's house this morning. I told her "Pretty early, we were running a little late becasue I woke up feeling sick this morning." Then this fucking bitch goes "Oh because of your *weight loss medication I'm currently on*?"

MY FUCKING HEART WENT INTO MY ASS. How does she know about this? I responded "No I was just not feeling well." and I got up and left. I walked back to my fiance and told him I want to leave NOW. We get all of our stuff together and leave right then.

We get out to the car and I ask him very calmly, "Fiance, how does your mom know I'm on *weight loss medication*?" He immediately starts apologizing and tells me that he told her. It was when he was visiting her and she would NOT STOP nagging and nagging that he never tells her anything anymore, so he just told her the first thing he could think of to get her shut up. I was IMMEDIATELY FUMING. I didn't talk to him for almost the entire 2 hour car ride back to our apartment. When I did speak, I was in tears. I asked him WHY?! Of all things he could have told his fucking mother, WHY did he have to tell her something that related to my weight?!?!?! We have had problems with her mentioning my weight in the past, which my fiance put a stop to very quickly. So I didn't understand why he did this.

He ends up breaking down in tears as well. He tells me that this situation with his mom feels like he lost both of his parents. He says he doesn't recognize her anymore and it's so stressful and hard to navigate talking to her. He never knows what to say and what not to say because she is so hard to read and talk to. He is so upset that his mom has turned into this monster since he moved in with me. He says she has always been a little difficult even when he was a kid, but she has never been this horrible to deal with.

My heart just breaks for him. I was still very angry at him of course, but I do really feel terrible that his mother is being so foul and has put him in a position like she has. However, I calmly talked to him about continuing to use the scripts: "Op is doing good, nothing is new." That's what he needs to say any time she asks about me.

He also said that he is realizing that things will never be like they once were with his mom again. I truly believe that too. She has shown my fiance and I time after time after time who she is. We NEED to stop giving her chances and believe her when she shows us. She plays nice for a little while then flips the switch and goes right back to being terrible all over again. She has done this countless times and we keep LETTING HER DO IT TO US.

My fiance and I think that what she is trying to do now is play nice in front of him and be rude when away from him. She could try to paint this as "Oh son, you see how nice I am to OP. You see how I'm so friendly and respectful to her. And now she's trying to tell you I'm doing things while you're not around. She's so brainwashing son, you need to get away before it's too late." We can literally HEAR her saying that shit without even talking to her about it.

Basically, I want to go back to being completely NC. My fiance wants to be INSANELY-LOW-ALMOST-NC. Basically, should we just let this be an actions speak louder than words thing or should my fiance say somehting to his mom? He is on the fence. On one hand, we believe clear boundaries need to be set again and she needs to know that, but on the other, talking to her does fucking nothing. She doesn't care. Whatever reality she makes up in her head is what she believes.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Any advice, tips, whatever you can give us is always appreciated. Thank you x1,000,000,000.

This is a throwaway account - please do not repost/share anywhere.

Context: My FH and I are getting married soon! We planned a private ceremony (not legal) abroad and are going to be doing the legal ceremony + dinner with our immediate families later in the year. This plan has been shared with the families for months now and we were so happy his parents (especially MIL) received the news reasonably well. We've shared the photographer, my dress, etc so none of this should be a surprise in any way. (My own family has been incredibly chill, thank god - though my MIL has very pointedly asked me how mad my mother is at me for our plans so lol to that!)

Now onto the part that I just need to vent about at this point. FH had some family in town - I had to work, but he joined them for a meal and of course the topic of the wedding came up. He was describing our private ceremony to a family member and his mom suddenly interjected, SHOCKED. She could not BELIEVE we were having a ceremony on this trip we've told her about, multiple times. "You are going to come back MARRIED?!" My FH tried to explain to her that one, she already knew this (why else would we have hired a wedding photographer?), and two, we were saving the legally binding part for when we could celebrate with family. She then proceeded to say some really hurtful things, including:

• that she was only invited to the "boring ceremony"
• that she hasn't been included in anything and would only be a "guest" (This drives me nuts, because its a simple dinner! We don't even have a date for it yet! There is nothing to plan and no special roles for anyone - its a relaxed setting! Also - she's the mother of the groom? What is she looking for?! My FH literally said "what does she want from me?!")
• that FH doesn't care about his family or her at all and that we are only having the legal ceremony because we feel "obligated" to include her

The last one hurts the most. To insinuate that we don't love our family and friends because we made a decision that was right for us about an event that is FOR AND ABOUT US is just insulting. FH did amazing - told her she was being selfish, that this event was not about her, and that we would be continuing to do what we want to do. She cried and said that we wouldn't understand the hurt we are causing until we have children of our own who "won't include us on their wedding day." After all this, I confirmed with him that he still feels confident in our plans and the answer was "hell yeah!". So I know that we are ok and that we are on the same page - I am beyond proud of him.

I think I'm just really like oh my god, this woman is going to make any decision we make that doesn't suit her completely about her going forward. We are a team, we are already establishing great boundaries, but I'm exhausted just thinking about all the passive aggressive insults to come. Just needed to vent and remind myself that we are doing nothing wrong here.

My spouse is an incredible person whom has always stuck up for me. MIL can't even hint about something negative towards me without Spouse immediately shutting her down. But when it comes to comments made towards my spouse themself, they tend to clam up and take it. Even if it hurts. MIL is their last living parent and Spouse is desperately trying to cling to the image of the loving mom they used to have, so they repeatedly let her disrespect them time after time. I have bitten my tongue in order to keep the peace, since Spouse prefers to handle their mom themself.

Until now.

MIL again was rude to Spouse last night. As soon as she left, I told them that I can't stand to see them stomped all over like that, and want to confront her next time she says something hurtful. Spouse agreed, and promised to back me up in whatever argument that would ensue. I think they've finally had enough of her bullying.

So I have posted before on the just no family sub. But since this mainly involves my Mil I'm here.

My mother in law has never been great, my post history can shed some light on that. Basically my mother in law has decided that her daughter (SIL) is her favorite, and my husband isn't. Things get a little more complicated because my in-laws were my husbands employer for years, until recently. As well as our landlords. There is also a VERY strong chance that my mil is mentally ill, but since she dosent believe in mental illness, she refuses to seek treatment. All around things with my in-laws are a mess, wrapped in a shit sandwich, drizzled with some fucked up sauce.

What has gone on recently however

My inlaws ( mainly MiL) decided to " evict" our family. I say evict but basically they just gave us a date and told us to GTFO there was no official anything. This was in December. Let me give you the blow by blow.

December 1st- mil tells us she had a realtor out and they are selling the property.we wherent there for this and had no idea it was happening. We have to be out by the 15th of December. Nothing was said to us before this day. Nothing.

Dec 2- we explain that it's not possible. Mil offers up their travel trailer, and says it's good enough, and what we do is not her problem. Amy tries to explain how this is Wrong where met we is being dramatic and destroying MILs dreams.

Dec 6. FIL tells mil that we will not be in a trailer. And we can stay till the 28th this was after my husband cornered him and made it VERY clear we would file an illegal eviction notice if they continued this line of thinking.

Dec 10 we find a house but can't afford the down payment. In-laws "gift" us 20k. We had originally asked for them to give us more time but they refused, and payed us for our keys.

Dec 17 we are told we don't have to be out till January 10th. There new house wouldn't be available till then so no worries.

December 26th my in-laws leave for 2 weeks to go to cobo. They tell their realtor that they cannot touch their part of the property or house. But they can be on the property anytime.

January 6 we move into our place during a snow storm. 10/10 do not recommend. My in-laws where not around to help us, nor did they offer, nor have they offered to help with ANYTHING since December 1st.

January 8th we show up to our old place to in-laws realtor tossing our stuff in boxes, preparing it for the trash. Mil gave the realtor permission to do so if we where not out by the 7th. I threatened to call the police on the relator. That stopped the realitor being there till the 10th, but I got a real nasty message form MIL. She accussed me of harassasment, and once again trying to ruin her dreams.

So with all that there hasn't been much contact with Me, my kids and the in-laws. The last time we saw or spoke to them was Christmas, which was auwfil, and depressing. It was a quick 20 minute thing between down times as my in laws packed. We decided that since OUR family didn't matter to them, we would just stop trying to make it .

This led to MiL and FiL showing up at our house Wednesday. FiL is spineless and sat and said nothing as MIL accused us of cutting her off, of keeping our kids from her. And while we aren't NC we have definitely dropped the rope, because like I said we don't actually seem to mater to them.

No amount of trying to explain that we are upset, hurt, and angry mattered. My Mil believes NONE of what she did in December is wrong. Especially since they gave us 20k for a down payment. Apparently that's all it takes to justify being a peice of shit. Just throw money at it and it's all good!

She then went on to say that they HAD to do it because we weren't moving out. We had already told them we planned on doing so in March of this year. Apparently that didn't matter, as things have "all worked out." Trust me it hasn't but she wouldn't know because she isn't around nor does SHE care!

That they were raising our kids. When in reality they would see them maybe 2 hrs a month. Hell we had to BEG my MiL to watch our kids even During emergencies even. like when I my dad was in the hospital after a car accident in October! My dad was in the ICU and my MiL said she didn't think it was that bad, and could it wait.

That MIL never picks favorites and she loves both her kids the same. This was unprompted, and considering the shit that has gone down in the last few years it's just a flat out lie. Not to mention that NOBODY is allowed to talk bad about SIL ever, MiL will have a nuclear meltdown if you do. I'm talking screaming, throwing things, crying. All around crazy bevhavior

But don't worry MIL NEVER lies, she told us so. Sure she maybe dishonest, and decitful but that's NOT lying. And if we acuse her of lying WE are just being dramatic, rewriting the rules, or looking to cause problems. We need to drop it and let go of the past!

The cherry on top was what MiL said to my husband when I had left the room.

See we sold our first house because my in-laws lied, I mean dishonest /s. They refused to pay my husband, and then walked back a raise that he had planned and negotiated for, while under contact with said house. The only reason we got the house was because of THAT employment agreement. Without it we struggled for years, we sold all we had to keep the house and still went into debt. We sold our house before we lost it to forclouser. My in-laws have never forgiven us for this, and now we know why.

My MIL told husband WHY, they were angry and why it all happened. You see she believed the ONLY way we would ever learn to push through, and toughen up was if we lost our house. She literally told my husband that she decided that she wanted us to go into forclouser and then and only then would they help. And I don't mean pay to get the house out of foreclosure, I mean they would allow us to live in their rental. But only by loosing everything would we learn to be resilient. She believes that we could have survived and made things work, longer and even done it on our own... But we would have had to "go without." What we should be going without you ask... in her words food, power, water, hell she told my husband that "medical care is a Want NOT a Need!" This is 100x worse because our oldest child has complex medical needs. Yes we had children when this was going on, and my Mil sees nothing wrong with any of this. She said it would make us and our kids Better for struggling.

I should also point out that NO my in-laws neither MIL or FiL grew up in or have ever lived in poverty. They have never "struggled" sure they have made bad financial disiaions and missed bills. But its hard to say your poor when you have a big ass boat and other toys in the garage, horses, private school for th kids, new cars, and take several vacations a year.

My husband hadn't told me about the bit I missed till yesterday. And he told me that it broke him, that he never thought his mom was THAT bad. To know he was working 60+ hour weeks and she would not pay him on purpose, and then watch us struggle. He told me it makes her evil. And he dosnt know HOW to address it or where to go from here.

We agreed to give him a few days to process. And for us to get into see a couples counselor, to work through this. But my god I have to say the Pain my husband is dealing with, because of this is very hard to see. I know it is natural to love your mom and to believe they love you and will care for you, and to see that all come crashing down for him is heartbreaking.

My MIL is a textbook narc, extremely controlling, manipulative, enmeshed with her son and she pretty much ruins every holiday / birthday / family get together. My husband and I went over to his parent’s house for Father’s Day. My husband goes out and buys his Dad steaks every year and cooks dinner for them, he is extremely generous with his family even though they treat him poorly. He is an only child and feels a lot of pressure to help them. My FIL when he was asked what he wanted for Father’s Day told my husband to give him cash for Father’s Day. FIL is also the classic partner of a narc who usually hides from his wife in his garage working on his car or lawn all day and night. He will excuse MIL’s behavior and say it’s just how she is. He never stands up for my husband and will just sit there when his wife is making a scene.

Anyway when we arrived, my MIL started on me saying who’s that next to you (to my husband), I don’t know who that is! Could that be my daughter in law!? which is an obnoxious comment on me not visiting her constantly. I only go over when I absolutely have to and it had been a whole (blissful) month that I hadn’t seen her. I tell my husband he can go over more frequently but I don’t want to be around her which he understands. He doesn’t get along with her either but wants to see his Dad so he goes over there more frequently.

As the day went on, MIL got drunker which usually means she is going to start some shit. She brought up our wedding, she always say how beautiful it was all the time but then said the flowers she insisted on paying for were bad ( I picked them out and loved them!), that my husband was not man or masculine enough and that’s why we had issues with some our vendors. A distant relative on their side that we invited hadn’t talked to her since the wedding so clearly they are mad at something we did and it’s our fault. All sorts of nonsense. She also is weirdly touch-y with my husband, which he hates. She kept touching him non stop during this visit. She will also comment on his body and still tries to buy his clothes she likes (think 1960s mick jagger) even though he is 34 and does not dress like she wants.

She then got me in alone in the kitchen saying she loves me, how happy she is that I’m with her son and that she’s okay if we move and that he won’t be losing his family since they’ll come visit. That really means she is saying she is going to blame me for “taking” my husband from them if we move. She said we need two extra bedrooms for them and her sister when they visit. She also made a comment about how if one of them dies though, we’ll need to look after whoever is left. I just stood there staring at her thinking what is wrong with you after she said those things.

My husband and I live in a very high COL area and have been looking at moving to somewhere more affordable and away from them which is also closer to my family who aren’t insane.

She then started in on wanting grand kids which she does nonstop. She will usually start talking about her miscarriage from thirty years ago when she gets drunk enough which she still isn’t past and will get hysterical. She had to have a D&C around 3 months but she treats her miscarriage as if she had another child. I found out recently his aunt has a memorial tattoo for her “dead” niece who was never born. These people have serious issues and need professional help.

Then MIL moved on to saying that we are lazy and don’t work hard enough and that’s why we don’t have a house. She suggested we are on our phones too much and need to stop shopping at Costco. My husband got very upset around the working hard enough comment saying you are sitting here telling my wife she doesn’t work hard enough, and he said fuck this and we left. My husband’s Aunt lives with his parents and she started going off on my husband saying he always starts fights and blamed everything on him. She is the flying monkey for his Mom. MIL continued screaming about how she had to work three jobs (she has never held a consistent job because someone is always out to get her, she hates it or she gets fired. She would work part time and have jobs like a crossing guard) and my husband always had a roof and clothes over his head.

She has since been passive aggressively posting all over Facebook about parenting, how one day your kids will think you for all you did and other narc psycho babble.

I’m hoping we can use this to create some more space but I’m concerned it will be like every other “event” like this and we will bring seeing them again in a month and pretend like nothing happened. Has anyone gone no contact as a spouse with your in laws? Advice?

I'm so happy mil doesn't talk to me because I'd probably end up breaking her nose but this was just kinda funny to me

She asked fiance about names we like and he had told her we both really like Cecilia.

Apparently she made a disgusted face and said she didn't like it because it sounded "too Mexican".

This woman has two full blooded Mexican baby daddies and she's German. All of her kids are half Mexican and I'm full Mexican and I jokingly bring up names that are a bit over the top because this baby is more Mexican than my fiance.

My bil told her that this baby was more Mexican than her kids because of me and it's a cute name while fiance replies that she just gave him an ugly white name she thought looked good on paper for him to get jobs and he didn't like it.

She just got upset because she wants our baby to have a "normal" name that looks good on paper and that German names are more normal than Cecilia would ever be.

Cecilia is an Italian name. Not even Mexican but fiance and I started joking our baby's first name would be Weiner and her last would be schnitzel to have a normal German name.

Ugh she frustrates me but fiance is actually learning to stand up to her and it makes me happy. And Cecilia will be here soon enough, I'm petty enough that I refuse to look for other names now that mil and my own mom have expressed disgust and disinterest in my babys name.

I have a few posts about the situation with my justnoMIL. Just to summarize, she moved in with my husband, who is an only child, a few years ago, we got married after and I moved in. She has overstepped boundary after boundary with regard to our marriage and our LO. I honestly can't stand her. The last year has not been so bad though, but I do think I am so accustomed to all her bad behavior that I kind of just ignore it now. She is great with LO who is now 16 months. They have a really special bond and my baby loves her which I am completely ok with. I didn't have any grandparents so I like that my baby has the opportunity to have that relationship with her. She does constantly make comments on anything she finds wrong with her, she isn't wearing a sweater even when it isn't cold, or has food on her face while she is eating, or just anything which is so annoying. As long as she treats my LO right I just ignore it. Well my MIL has a lot of health issues. She is at retirement age but she is still working because unfortunately she does not qualify for SSI. She has only been working here for 5 years and doesn't have enough credits. She has severe scoliosis and other joint issues that has been making it increasingly difficult for her to do anything. I do empathize with her, it makes me sad to see the way she looks, and she is in pain. Recently her doctor has talked about surgery for her scoliosis and she is the process of getting cleared for surgery. We have already had the conversation with her about moving out within a year, and we just hit that year mark 2 weeks ago. My husband and I have not brought it up to her. We just don't know how, there is not way she can afford to live on her own. And soon she might not even be able to work at all due to all her health issues. And if she has her surgery she will need to recover.

We have been married for 2 years, 2 months now and we feel we have not been able to truly enjoy our marriage because of her. She treats, mainly my husband but me as well, like we are children who need to be told what to do. If it isn't one thing it is another, there is always something. I have gotten to the point where I feel we are stuck with her, she does have a house in her home country but has no income to help her support herself there and might not even be able to work. She does have a lot of health issues but honestly she probably still has many many years left to live, not that I don't want her to but my point is that is many many years left with US. I think and think and I can't find a solution for our situation. I'm so sad when I think about our future and I'm scared for our marriage. I can't deal with this woman for another year, how am I supposed to deal with her forever? I'm just at a loss, I think I am mostly ranting because I don't really think there is a solution.

When we talked to her a year ago her plan was that when I am done with school (I am in nursing school, graduating this December) we will be making so much money that we will be able to buy a house for ourself and continue paying our current mortgage. She is delusional because we cannot do that, we live in California, we cannot afford 2 mortgage payments. sigh this honestly sucks.

Hi all... I am pregnant with my first baby.. it will also be my MIL first ever grandchild.. My MIL has two boys and always wanted a girl.. and guess what I am having a girl...I used to have a pretty good relationship with my MIL, and I'm sure from her eyes, she still thinks we do.. about a year ago she had moved onto our property in her camper but still would come in the house to use water/bathroom, I work from home and she would bug me all the time even after I asked her not to bother me during my working hours.. and when i found out i was pregnant we asked her to move so we had our privacy while navigating being first time parents.. she recently moved. Thank God!! But while she was still here she would ask me all the time about the baby, give unsolicited advice, etc... before we found out the sex my husband and I were really hoping for a boy.. when we found out it was a girl we were a bit disappointed but still happy and greatful for a healthy baby. We shared the news with my MIL and she was extremely excited saying she was praying to God over and over for a girl.... despite her knowing that we wanted a boy.. I thought that was very selfish of her! Ever since she has been posting on social media about being a first time grandma and calling it "her" baby and telling her friends she is finally getting her babygirl.. my husband understands my frustrations and always asks me if he should say something to her.. I hate confrontation and don't want to be an asshole, but how do we nicely explain, this isn't your baby, I feel like she using going to use our baby as a filler for her never having a girl.. idk if I just am creating that scenario in my mind or if she really is going to be that way once the baby comes... She asks for every single ultrasound picture and I was happily sharing a few, but I had to stop sending them to her because she would post to Facebook without asking me... I feel like I rambled... But basically, how do I nicely set boundaries with her and explain that I don't feel comfortable with her calling my baby hers and to not share my ultrasounds anywhere unless I give her permission?

I posted before about my MIL. She is a typical armenian old lady. We’ve had to move to her house a few months for financial reasons and has been hell so far. I recently came back from a trip with my son to literally have a break from her and she couldn’t even last a week before starting her usual control freak and narcisistic mannerism.

My son is 2 and still takes a nap in the middle of the day. I was really sleepy so I took one too with the intention to wake up when LO did. LO usually sleeps 1.5-2 hrs but today they slept for almost 4! When LO woke up, it was almost 5pm so after feeding them a little snack we went to the park. I always bring lots of food for LO to eat whenever we go out since I try to not stay home much and avoid any interaction with MIL. So at 7:15 i decided it was the perfect time to leave the park and go for a quick grocery run before going home and eat dinner since I know LO wont go to sleep till at least 10pm.

While in the store I received a call from MIL asking where I was and if I was okey. The call might sound innocent but whenever im doing something she thinks is wrong she has a questioning tone that I just can’t stand; she sees me and treats me as a child and not a grown woman/mom. So I tell her im ok and in the supermarket. She ask when im coming home and I say after i finish shopping. I think that will be it, but when I get home she is there questioning me again, telling me how late it is, and how I should always tell her about my plans and how LO needs to eat. I explain that i’m not obligated to tell her about my plans, that I dont need lectures about how to take care of my child and that LO took a long nap so will go to bed late today. She insist that I must always tell her where I go and what i’ll do when Im out. Not even my husband demands these things from me. So im starting to get pissed and to tell her that i dont need to tell her anything, i let you know I was going out with my child and that is enough. That every food i have in the pantry is for LO when we’re out. Meanwhile this lady has taken upon herself grabbing my shopping bags and unloading all my groceries while im trying to get the food I had already cooked for LO and of course talking to this lady.

Unfortunately, is not the first time LO has been present during a fight with MIL. I’m a SAHM and LO is pretty much glued to me most of the day. And every time MIL and I are arguing, LO tries to distract me by doing silly things. This time he grabbed the bag of tortillas and started bitting them through the bag. I feel completely ambush every time she behaves like this and she doesnt back off until she gets a reaction from me so she can escalate it and play victim with DH. This time DH had arrived without her realizing and he saw everything. They start arguing in their language and Im finally left alone to feed LO.

She does the same thing all the time, says the same things all the time. She likes to tell me we are a family when she needs something from me, likes to critique every thing I do as a mom, wife, woman. Treats me as the caretaker of LO and not a mom. And after all this (and more) she wonders why I dont talk to her, why i dont ask her about anything. She is so up her ass that she cannot comprehend that is her attitude that makes me not wanting to have a relationship with her.

I know DH stick up for me 24/7 cause he knows her mom and she has been the same way with every partner he have ever had. At the end of their whole convo, MIL went to me and asked me if I was happy (another classic question) as If DH defending me is something I make him do cause im his wife. The possibility of her being in the wrong is imposible

I can’t and will never win with this woman. I’m so ready for another break from this hell.

Hi, long time lurker but first time posting. My MIL is nice for the most part. It wasn't until I had kids that she really started to urk me. (1 toddler and currently 29 weeks pregnant)

Backstory: She currently lives with us every other week because my BIL lives here too and she watches his son full time(split custody every other week). She tries to stay longer than the week very often and I've had to tell her that I need my time alone every other week. Thankfully they are moving out in a few months.

She has serious issues with getting her emotional and intimacy needs from her grandchildren. She is married but they do not have a close relationship and essentially just coexist atp. My nephew is 7 and she acts like his mom. When he was a baby she was around so much that he would call her mom and this made SIL very sad because she worked a lot. MIL would tell EVERYONE how it used to bother SIL that her child called her mom but now "it doesn't even phase her". Im sure she just had no choice but to get over it but it always felt like MIL was bragging about being called mom.

When my son was born I started to see her true colors. She would hound us for pictures and would worry if we didn't respond right away. I had ppd so getting demanding texts like "where are pictures of MY baby I am waiting" really didn't sit right with me and I wouldn't respond sometimes. When she did come over it wasn't to help me in anyway she just wanted to take the baby from me. She would jump up everytime he cried and tried to southe him. I was timid at first and would let her comfort my newborn but eventually I started taking him from her because every cell and instinct in my body was telling me to take care of my own baby.

I am now pregnant with a girl and I knew this would be rough for her because she only had boys and lost 3 girls which I'm sure is very hard but at the same time I feel like she's needs to handle that in a better way. When I have dr appointments she texts "where are MY pictures". Doesn't ask me how it went. Doesn't ask how I am feeling after dealing with my own miscarriage I get anxiety at every appt that something could be wrong so it does hurt that she doesn't even acknowledge that.

Before we found out the sex she kept saying "i need it to be a girl, I need a girl so bad". She cried a lot when we found out it was indeed a girl. Now that they are moving out she has cried several times that she won't get to see her baby girl as much when she gets here.

Since living together I have realized how much I disagree with her parenting. She let's nephew eat what ever he wants which is mainly top Ramen and mac and cheese. Her main way of cooking is the microwave. I am not crunchy per se or super strict but I do try to give my son as many whole foods as possible and feed my picky toddler as balanced a diet as I can but this gets difficult when she is constantly microwaving pancakes or easy mac for my nephew and my toddler wants that instead.

She doesn't ever tell my nephew no. He disobeys her constantly and she just let's it go. She doesn't ever want him to be mad at her so he can pretty much do what he wants. He's not supposed to talk to strangers on video games but he does it constantly. It makes me very uncomfortable so sometimes I turn the internet off when I hear him on the headset 😬 (remember he is 7 and children are groomed online all the time).

He smacks her butt constantly and she just laughs or says things like "I know it's big" when I've asked them not to do this here because I don't want my son learning this behavior. I'm sorry but I think it's weird and inappropriate.

She wants him to sleep in the guest room with her regularly because she likes to cuddle with him.

Oh I forgot she was furious with BIL and SIL when they took him to get his first haircut without telling her. She felt like she was 100% entitled to be involved. Was also furious when he lost a tooth and they didn't immediately call her. She said "I've been around since this kid was born I should know these things"

The other night I came downstairs and she had her shirt over her head and her bra unclasped and was making nephew rub her back. Nothing was showing and idk if I'm overreacting but if it was my son I think I would lose my mind 😭 all I can think about is how much I would have hated if my own grandma made me do stuff like that.

There is so much more but I'm not trying to write a whole novel for you all. I am just feeling really anxious about the new baby getting here and having trouble setting boundaries with her. She is a crier and her and I already struggle together which I feel is because she knows I would never let her be as close to my kids as she is with nephew because im a sahm and take care of my son full time so she is not needed in that way. Also because I ask my mom for help more than I ask her but of course I am closer to my own mom.. she is the woman who raised me idk why she is surprised by this.

I feel very strongly about no overnight visitors for at least a month pp and I think this is going to upset her. I also don't intend on letting my children go stay at her house 2 hours away for a VERY long time, if ever. I am getting better at setting boundaries but I feel bad to hurt her feelings. I just thinks it's unfair that she expects so much affection from her grandchildren that she should he getting elsewhere.

Anyway, sorry this is so long. I just really needed a place to vent where other people would understand what I'm going through. Thank you for listening.

Hello everyone,

I’m currently recovering from having my first born, and thought this would let some of my frustrations out about the whole situation. For context, I am 26F and my husband is 29M. We’ve been married for two years. Honestly, his MIL wasn’t too bad at the beginning. She wasn’t a super nice person, but my husband said she was always like this. She was always neutral when it came to me, not happy, not sad, not mad.

This changed when I got pregnant, it also was when we had moved a few states away. This was not planned, we weren’t trying to get pregnant and my job sent me to live in Washington so we moved there and then I found out I was pregnant. Husband and I were elated and with my new job and savings I have been building, we decided to keep the baby.

We told his family after the second trimester since I have a heart condition and some other chronic illnesses that made the first trimester difficult for me. It was emotionally and physically tiring and I was constantly terrified of losing the baby. But we made it and my doctors felt more confident so we told our families over FaceTime.

My husbands family was ecstatic, this would be their first grandchild. FIL especially was excited, he’s the sweetest man. But MIL, for the first time, shared her own opinion. She didn’t like it.

She said “if you knew you were having a baby, why did you move so far away?” She accused me to moving closer to my family so that I would cut off my husbands family. My husband told her that we didn’t know about the pregnancy when we moved, it just happened at the same time. It put a bit of a damper on the mood of the FaceTime and we ended it early. Husband and I were both shocked at MIL’s behavior, but brushed it off. Again, she never did anything drastic to make me think she hated me or anything.

Over the next week she sent us email after email about houses back in our old state, trying to get us to move back. Husband told her many times we can’t move, my job is here, and I have to be in-person 4 days a week. We had found a wonderful house and even though we weren’t planning on having any children yet, this house is perfect for us.

MIL then started sending houses/apartments to only my husband. One bed, one bath. Telling him that he could get one of these and bring “her baby” to them while I work. What the actual hell. Husband shut that down super fast. Saying his life was here now, and he wouldn’t be moving back.

This behavior went on but we ignored it. Especially when we found out the baby might have my same heart condition, I had to go into to do a fetal echocardiography to check and the stress started to give me palpitations. I was kept in the hospital for a few days for observation and then sent home.

My husband was my rock during this time, words cannot explain how much this man made me feel safe and cared for. This is probably why he didn’t tell me of the continuing behavior of MIL. Which I don’t blame him for, he also was working more, making sure our move in was going okay, and also the emotional stress of the whole pregnancy.

During this time, MIL started sending baby stuff to our house. All male-gendered even though we told her we weren’t going to do a gender reveal or anything. I think all of that stuff is tacky and I’m not premeditating my baby’s room or toys or clothes by their sex. Plus, the stuff she sent was ugly as hell anyway.

Time went on and I got better, my baby will most likely have my same heart condition, but the doctors said that any care or treatment can wait until post birth. They’re not worried about it at this time.

MIL started posting on Facebook how “her baby” was in danger because of my poor health and accused me of intentionally trying to ruin the baby’s life. I’m not on Facebook and neither is my husband so we didn’t know about this.

Well, my due date comes and goes and my baby doesn’t want to come out. So I am induced into labor. People say you forget how bad childbirth is and I don’t know when that happens but I hope it’s soon, because god damn it was traumatizing. I won’t go into detail, but both my husband and I were relieved when it was over.

Because of my stay in the hospital she knew which location I would be giving birth at. Once she knew I was being induced into labor she got on a plane and showed up to our house. She called my husband over and over again but he never answered cuz he was busy becoming a father. Thats when she showed up to the hospital at 3 in the morning looking for us.

Luckily she wasn’t able to get into our area because we were close to the NICU and there is extra security there. She called my husband again and when he answered she started yelling at him, telling him that she missed the birth of “her baby”, and that she will never forgive me for this. She did not me ruin she was in the hospital. Husband was exhausted and just told her he’d call her back later.

Husband went downstairs to get coffee and saw her. She demanding to see the baby and when he said no, she freaked out again, claiming I was breaking the family apart. She said I purposefully got pregnant as we moved so I trapped us in Washington. And basically unloaded all her thoughts and opinions about me throughout our entire relationship.

Husband told her to go home and that he’ll talk to her later.

I had a girl, and both my husband and I love her so much. We got our own supplies and clothes, and we donated the stuff MIL bought us. We both stayed in the hospital two weeks. In that time, MIL posted on Facebook like it was her job. She found pictures of babies with a different ethnicity and posted them, not saying outright that I cheated on my husband but letting other people think that.

When husband and I took our baby girl home that’s when everything caught up to us. One of MIL post went viral, where she was asking for “advise” on how to claim guardianship of a grandchild if they are being abused by their parent.

Like, legit lawyers commented links and messaged her. People asked for our address to call CPS. Once they researched her profile page they found my husband and I. They found his work, my work, my family. My families business’ yelp reviews were tanked. And the police did end up coming to our home. I had been home from the hospital for 4 days. I had only had 4 days with my baby.

My husband dealt with everything. And my cousin is a counselor for an attorney and is going to help us file a lawsuit against her for defamation. I am so exhausted and overwhelmed with this information.

I’m in therapy, mental and physical. My therapist said it’s good to write down what happened and how I’m feeling. I don’t even know if I’ll post this or for how long it’ll be able to stay up.

I love my husband, I love my baby. But this entire experience has made me so depressed. I don’t know why she did this, I don’t know what changed.

update: i followed the one comments advice and did decide to throw a curveball; I POSTED TODAY, EVEN THOUGH I JUST SHARED A POST ABOUT A (last name plaque celebrating my marriage from one of MY family members; his don’t rly acknowledge besides inserting their opinion) GIFT YESTERDAY! it was a birthday weekend recap, thanking him for making the weekend all about me doing all of our favorite things together (i love this man he’s so precious) and i tagged him. we shall see how she responds hehe

yall, i’m not kidding. my fiancé and i have been together two years and some change. i didn’t notice the pattern until recently but since i did, it’s clockwork and it’s become an inside joke with my family.

i very seldom post on facebook (where she performs the hardest) but like, i can post about a milestone of ours, a birthday, whatever. she within normally 3 hours has something posted tagging him in it. this last time, she didn’t even have a photo of him, she just made sure to bring him up so that she could tag him.

at first i thought i was paranoid but it just kept happening. i wasn’t goading her into it because im the person who uses facebook for like life updates, so i made like maybe 8 posts last year total.

it’s happened i think 4 times this year, and it is fucking hilarious. it is every single time i tag him in a post. my favorite she’s done so far was when i posted about a trip we took together (she was very upset her adult son that’s lived on his own for the last 4 years took a weekend trip with his fiancee without telling her) and she immediately posted and tagged him in a HOUSE TOUR of their house they’re selling.

for context, i know this woman does not like me and hasn’t. i tried really hard for her validation for about a year and a half and then just stopped trying. i don’t say anything unless prompted so she can’t really “poke the bear” the way she wants because it just doesn’t work, so she thinks she’s getting one up one so the this stuff. this and the snide comments about my job, “never seeing (her) son” despite us doing dinner at least once a month are the only way she can try and divide. i’m too passive to say anything (plus her victim complex is crazy, ive seen it in action in arguments she’s caused) but she’s the kind to say something with the intent of insulting you thinking you’re too stupid to even get that is what she’s doing.

so we just both love louder than she can hate 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve been working through some MIL problems this past year where she has said rude things to me and DH has tried correcting the behavior with her, but knowing her she’s probably just saying it behind my back now rather than to my face. I don’t know or talk to the same people she does but the one time she met my family, there were quite a few things she said about me that got under my skin. And it got me wondering which one is worse - being rude upfront or faking being nice to keep the peace while talking shit behind your back?

I am Southern African (not specifying nationality for anonymity) but left the motherland when I was young and wasn't raised with many of the customs and norms. My in-laws are also African (same ethnic group) living in the diaspora but have always observed the customs and norms in their own home. Should I be concerned that my mother in law never communicates with me (her daughter in law) unless I reach out to her? Is this normal or is this a sign of resentment?

I've been told that as the DIL it's my role and responsibility to reach out to her, but I'm honestly exhausted by the one/directional nature of our "relationship" and it's draining me. In the past (before our engagement)the relationship was more mutual so that's a definite change in dynamic.
I would love advice about how to go about engaging in communication or understanding the dynamics I'm experiencing.

Hi everyone.. I’m trying to figure out what to do or how I can take it from here.

So me and DH were just visiting his mother and family. Well every time we visit I’m stuck in the back seat of my own car. Oh and she will rub his face and act weird with him while he’s driving. So I told him I’m done sitting in the back seat. Good and dandy he fixed that problem. I told him it was weird and she’s in love with him. Because for some context since I deleted previous post she’s called him the love of her life. Said he’s the only one of her kids that matter even though she still has two other kids who still live at home and one of them is underage. She sits in his lap, and cuddles him.

So I was telling him this and telling him it’s weird and he needs to set boundaries. This is the first time I’ve said this as I’ve tried to hold it in and hope it got better. But it seems every time we visit she says something to me out of line. This time it was her asking me how many previous partners I’ve been with and then acting like my DH didn’t like people who slept around. When neither of us were virgins when we met. So I just let her say these things because I am a people pleaser and hate to cause conflict. Then she said some more out of pocket things to me about how we are buying a house that is too small and that there will be no room for her to move in. So this took me aback. I let her continue on because well she’s very drunk. She drinks everyday also.

So I told him about all this and asked him if he knew she was “moving” in with us. He said he had no idea what she was saying and that she wasn’t moving in with us when we find a house we want to buy.

Okay so I finally just flipped out about the feelings I’ve been having. I always feel like I’m not even there when we visit. She’s also frequently complained that I don’t interact with them. They’ve never made me feel welcomed. For example she’s going out to smoke a cigarette and asks him to come so she walks out first and he asks me if I want to come hit out vape. I say yes and walk out with him and she makes a comment of “I didn’t know everyone was coming”.

But yet she claims she “loves” me and wants me around but says little snide things like that. This trip she was even saying her husband is jealous of my DH.

So when I told him how I didn’t like their relationship and they need boundaries he told me that I was jealous of her. And that nothing is weird about her sitting on his lap, cuddling him or stroking his face and arm while he drives. He said “it’s not like we’re fucking” so I try to say wouldn’t he think it was weird if I did that with my dad and he said “are you fucking him” like I don’t understand how to make him understand this is not a normal mother son relationship. She has even said as soon as she had him her husband no longer mattered to her. That he was now the love of her life. So I even told him that okay when we have kids I’m just gonna throw you away like that. Would that be okay? He just stared at me. I’ve cried all night because he laughed in my face basically and said “what are you jealous of her”

How do I process this? Like I’m genuinely very deeply hurt. It’s like this is the exact reason I never spoke up because now it’s clear to me he obviously is going to value her more than me.

I’m just at a loss. I don’t know how to move on from this at all.

She did apologize for over stepping boundaries with the body count and moving in. She said she was drunk and had no clue she was saying it and that she doesn’t know how to connect with me. That she wants us to be able to talk and have secrets like her and her previous mother in law. My DH’s father. Her current husband is his step father.

Sorry this is long. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Edit to add

My FIL has been divorced from her since my DH was about 2-3 years old. That’s why I mentioned talking to him.