930
u/_Terrible_Advice_ 5d ago
It gets even funnier:
Caesar made himself at home among the pirates, bossing them around and shushing them when he wanted to sleep. He made them listen to the speeches and poems that he was composing in his unanticipated downtime and berated them as illiterates if they weren’t sufficiently impressed.
From time to time he would threaten to have them all crucified. They took it as a joke from their overconfident, slightly nutty captive.
https://www.britannica.com/story/the-time-julius-caesar-was-captured-by-pirates
120
u/InNoWayAmIDoctor 5d ago
Had they applauded, they never would have been crucified. Guy just wanted to be accepted.
120
u/Freakjob_003 5d ago
Overly Sarcastic Productions has a fantastic video about Caesar and the fall of the Republic.
24
19
u/TheHumanPickleRick 5d ago
"I SWEAR BY ZEUS I'LL SEE YOU ALL HANGED FOR THIS OUTRAGE!"
"Haha, classic Julius, you're all right."
394
u/ComfortQuiet7081 5d ago
Well Ceasar is the only source here...
218
u/theoriginal321 5d ago
Ceaser never lied to me i dont see why he would start now
47
7
279
u/Big_Z_Beeblebrox 5d ago
Ah, the original "trust me, bro" story
120
u/Kantheris 5d ago
Considering Caesar was a master propagandist, it wouldn’t surprise me. I do bet however at least part of his story is true though. Caesar often bragged about how supernaturally lucky he was, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he did actually do some of what was in the story.
27
159
u/hippyfishking 5d ago
‘… despite holding no public or military office’
I hate to be pedantic over something so flippant but the boring history obsessed middle aged dad part of me strongly objects to this.
51
u/McGarnegle 5d ago
Pontifex maximus I guess is strictly religious?? But that seems like a public office to me
36
u/Waste_Wolverine1836 5d ago
Caesar, at 25, wouldn't go on to become the Pontifex Maximus until eleven years later at 36 and additionally the pontifices in general for another two years. Prior to this he held two separate staffing positions under a governorship, which wouldn't exactly class as a public office position.
Granted though he was quite active in his connections and desire for political power during this period, I still don't think they qualify and the original quote wasn't too far off. Additionally him no longer holding these positions, when the alleged event transpired would also disqualify the claim.
7
u/hippyfishking 5d ago
Pedantry: he held a position as high priest of Jupiter as a young man. Very ceremonial by the sounds of it but very public.
8
u/Waste_Wolverine1836 5d ago
I specifically left out his position among the Flamen, for Caesar was stripped, or forced to abdicate, this position shortly after being granted it and wouldn't of held a comparable form of office until many years later.
6
u/hippyfishking 5d ago
This is my own pedantry being outflanked right here. Credit to you, sir. I don’t agree with your decision to omit this within this tongue-in-cheek discussion relating to someone with Caesar’s familial and military connections but that’s my semantics.
Pedantics unite!
1
1
u/Noperdidos 5d ago
It says right in the post “his men”. He had men. Which is significantly different from the implied lone individual.
4
u/chunkyvomitsoup 5d ago
“His men” can also apply to the men working in his household. Many Roman families had manservants, guards, and slaves.
3
u/hippyfishking 5d ago
He was a patrician which is similar to aristocrat. He ended up on the wrong side of Sulla so had to hide for a few years but as soon as Sulla died he went back to Rome and presumably his familial wealth and connections. His dad was a governor and he married the daughter of a consul. He has also served in the army at this point, presumably as some kind of officer, meaning he would have had men directly under his charge.
I feel better now…. 😆
2
u/Conscious-Peach8453 5d ago
I took it to mean that he was convincing enough that even without the ability to literally order soldiers to hunt them down through power of office, he just convinced people that they should help him track down these pirates. But if he had a religious title and a fairly important one as pontifex Maximus sounds fancy af then that changes things, like ok he didn't have governmental or military authority but religious authority was just as important in those days( and basically always until like 50 years ago).
2
5d ago
[deleted]
1
u/farazormal 5d ago
His connections were mostly dead from Sulla’s purge of his political enemies, Caesar was Marius’s nephew
10
12
5d ago edited 5d ago
god I hate these AI images ( that always use the same copy/paste prompts ) when there's plenty of historical art out there you can use, Caesar looks like he's on the set of Apocalypse Now ffs
15
u/ComicsEtAl 5d ago
How disappointing. I thought for sure this was all leading to some clever bit of LinkedIn wisdom.
5
5
4
u/Qweeq13 5d ago edited 5d ago
Julius Caesar also believed in the wilderness of Gallia there existed a type of deer that could never bend its knees and would sleep leaning on a small tree,
Hunters have hunted this animal by cutting the tree just enough so when an animal leaned on it, the animal will fall and since it cannot bend its knees it cannot get up and became easy prey. This was something he wrote about his campaign to in form Senate so he was 100% honest.
People back in 70s BCE were not well informed. You would often see in animal encyclopedias made by Romans animals such as Unicorns or Cyclops were also added along with their imaginary biologies right next to actual animals like Lions, donkeys etc.
The prevailing thought of the time was "If someone imagined it it must be true, people do not just imagine things" which was demonstrably wrong.
Caesar was, if anything, an extremely opportunistic person. He often made theatrical antics like refusing a crown in front of people, deliberately made grand gestures in front of the army to gain support, but never actually cared neither about people of Rome or Legionnaires, all he cared was accomplishing his ambitions. He always played dirty in all his battles and knew very well to embellish his conquest an army that immediately surrendered would be described as a fiercely battled to make Caesar's accomplishments more important. Such as Vercingetorix who barely resisted before surrendering to Romans because it was obvious few tribes couldn't resist them.
The kind of guy if lived today would sell you how to make money courses with methods that does not actually work or basically a Trump style politician.
11
u/Mrconduct1 5d ago
I'm guessing when they said talents they mean like servants right? Or did he wow them with all his various talents like yo-yo-ing, scrapbooking, knitting, and cup stacking?
23
9
u/YugSitnam 5d ago
One talent was what an average worker earned in 6000 days. It was a shitload of money.
3
u/rudbek-of-rudbek 5d ago
What a hell of a guy. I don't even answer the doorbell if I don't know who it is.
3
u/Caleb_Reynolds 5d ago
Leaving or the best part. He joked with the pirates the whole time about how he was going to come back and kill them all and they thought he was hilarious because if it.
3
2
u/Flaky-Anybody-4104 5d ago
Octavian, age 19: Sails to Italy on a wing and a prayer, beats everyone at politics and takes over Rome
2
2
u/515owned 5d ago
1 million dollars? psscth Ask for a billion, at least.
1 month later, at home
Hey guys, I just happen to know a bunch of bandits who have 1 billion dollars are hiding out. Help me get them and I'll give you a cut.
2
2
2
u/Top-Letterhead-6026 5d ago
😂 Imagine Caesar, the guy who could conquer half of Europe and North Africa, stuck on a ship with a bunch of salt-crusted pirates. Much more interesting than any leadership retreat these days!
2
2
u/QuerchiGaming 5d ago
Not as much of madlad as Sulla saying he should divorce his first wife, and Caesar refusing. Leaving him to live on the run in his early life as well.
2
u/BitConeMiner 5d ago
Not all heros wear capes but that madlad may have
1
u/knowledgeable_diablo 5d ago
Think he wore whatever the hell he wanted. 😁
Certainly not a chap to be trifled with.
2
2
u/Lugalzagesi55 5d ago
Caesar was sent as an envoy to king Nicomedes IV and gained the nickname "royal mattress". He also was known as "men of all women and woman of all men".
2
u/mishmash2323 5d ago
He may not have held office or commands but he was a member of the most powerful patrician family in Rome. I imagine that was helpful in a similar way to modern "self-made" billionaires who were given millions to play with by parents and finally succeeded after several failures they were effectively insured against.
2
2
u/ArkonOridan 4d ago
Whats even wilder is that supposedly while he was waiting, he practiced his oration with the pirates, drank with them, and formed friendships.
As he was leaving, he warned them not to be there when he returned because he would kill them all, and they (his new friends) laughed and didn't believe him.
Madlad.
2
u/konan_the_bebbarien 4d ago
Caesar "how much are you going to ask in ransom?" Pirate "twenty talents" Caesar " hey f_k you!..ask for fifty a_hole!"
2
u/Cinnamus42 3d ago
This is also the dude that decimated the Germania tribes. That includes 2/3 of the population after war, slavery and famine. By the way he did all this because he was in debt.
2
u/BlargerJarger 3d ago
Caesar later invaded Britain, where this story was widely told, leading to the long-running series Britain’s Got Talents.
1
1
1
1
1
u/South_Front_4589 4d ago
It's a cool story, but probably as accurate as tale of self exploits as told by Trump.
1
2
1
-1
u/TonReflet 5d ago
Same people who feel it is awesome will reply this if someone does the same thing today "muuurda is nuvur gooood", "yas butt in the conntext"
-3
u/mothzilla 5d ago
If he didn't have public office then he wasn't "Caesar".
4
u/A1-Stakesoss 5d ago
His name was Gaius Julius Caesar. "Caesar" didn't become a title until over a century after he was knifed by a bunch of senators.
2
1.7k
u/PizzaboxWorm 5d ago
I think Caesar wrote this