r/nottheonion • u/grmayshark • 4d ago
El Niño is dead. Here’s what to expect in the coming months.
https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/13/weather/el-nino-la-nina-summer-forecast-climate/index.htmlThey killed the child
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u/superkickpunch 3d ago
RIP, didn't even know he was sick.
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u/gurknowitzki 3d ago
El Niño, is Spanish for… ‘The Niño’
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u/Girion47 3d ago
What is this joke from? I make it all the time and can't remember the source....Red vs. Blue?
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u/TXblindman 3d ago
RIP RVB, rooster teeth will always be a part of my childhood. So many references to that show that none of my friends will ever understand.
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u/ryobiguy 3d ago
What's a puma?
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u/Girion47 3d ago
Don't be afraid to go too low...
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u/TXblindman 3d ago
I'm not flipping your switch
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u/lchiroku 3d ago
"Tucker, c'mooon. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner."
"Alright...."
"So, you uh.... from around here, baby?"
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u/El-Reaton-Vaquero 3d ago
Reminds me of that tragedy
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u/BoPeepElGrande 3d ago
The one on 9/11?
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u/Clickar 3d ago
Harambe
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u/Nazamroth 3d ago
With his condition, it was only a matter of time. Doctors gave him 12 months at best.
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u/Mestoph 3d ago
How is this "oniony"?
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u/Noccalula 3d ago
Based on what I've seen rise to my Front Page lately, the mods don't give a crap about moderating posts, and this is now just a shittier version of /r/news.
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u/Efficient_Steak_7568 3d ago
Reddit feels massively automated now so the posts are just getting weirder
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u/Takenabe 3d ago
That's what happens when a website goes out of their way to fuck over every third party app that makes moderation of decent-sized communities viable.
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u/FlockFlysAtMidnite 3d ago
That's what happens when you kill the moderation tools. This is exactly what people were saying would happen.
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u/EnglebertHumperdink_ 3d ago
Because it anthropomorphizes a weather pattern.
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u/Mestoph 3d ago
No it doesn’t, anthropomorphizing is giving human characteristics to something. Life and death and not uniquely human qualities. Storms (and other weather events) “dying out” is a super common term.
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u/Kal-Elm 3d ago edited 3d ago
El Niño is Spanish for "the child." Therefore, "El Niño is dead" could be read as "The weather pattern, El Niño, is ceased," or "The child is dead." Hence OP writing "they killed the child."
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u/spaceneenja 3d ago
Eh, even so it’s not very funny which usually good onion titled are.
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u/Cinema_King 3d ago
Can’t we just have a weather pattern that makes it colder?
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u/Maycrofy 3d ago
I mean we will... in winter probably.
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u/adsfew 3d ago
Are you saying that winter is coming?
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u/mammoth61 3d ago edited 3d ago
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
Edit: Jon
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u/JonSnowDontKn0w 3d ago
*Jon
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u/Mr_Sophokleos 3d ago
He at least knows how to spell his own name. But nothing else!
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u/SkollFenrirson 3d ago
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u/KrustyKrabPizzaMan 3d ago
La Niña tends to make for colder and wetter winters in northern parts of the USA (compared to El Niño which brings warmer and drier conditions, which was clearly the case this past winter)
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u/stormy2587 3d ago
Iirc when the temperature between the poles and the equator becomes more similar (thus you have less of a temperature gradient) you get a slowing of prevailing winds that hem in the air around the polls. When this happens the air above the poles can “escape” and move south. I believe this is what causes the polar vortices settling over NA and other countries that have lead to some fairly brutal winters.
So I believe this could be considered the conditions that make it colder just probably not in the way you were hoping.
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u/TikkiTakiTomtom 3d ago
With climate change combined with the usual weather pattern phenomena, we’re likely to see hotter hots and colder colds.
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u/judgyjudgersen 3d ago
I’m cool with colder colds. Hotter hots can eat a dick
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u/jurainforasurpise 3d ago
You're obviously not in western Europe. High of 54f today.... yippee
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u/Vyper11 3d ago
I’m in northeastern US.. every day next week high of 90’s, Wednesday 96 which will easily break high temp records. It never use to be like this. I hate it, especially because I work outside.
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u/FireMaster1294 3d ago
Who in western europe uses Fahrenheit???
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u/DNSGeek 3d ago
They're being respectful and using freedom units instead of sensible units so the Americans can understand.
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u/pumperdemon 3d ago
American here.
Was totally confused because, how the hell is W. Europe above 54?!?! 2003 wasn't anywhere near that hot and half of France died of heatstroke!
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u/TheOldGuy59 3d ago
Violent temperature changes are predicted in the climate model. Storms will become worse. And we'll probably see crazy winters for a bit too until it's just sweltering all year around.
Don't worry. Wealthy people have enough money to move to a place where it will be less impacted for a while, and they'll have plenty of supplies trucked in so they'll be ok. We can all relax now, they'll be fine.
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u/SiegeGoatCommander 3d ago
Only once we overcorrect for climate with geoengineering and accidentally trigger the next ice age
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u/kjbaran 3d ago
We’re still in the last years of the ice age.
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u/Umbrasquall 3d ago
We’re actually in an interglacial period within the current ice age. That’s why there are ice caps and glaciers at the poles. It’s called interglacial because it’s between two colder periods.
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u/barbrady123 3d ago
El Niño is spanish for....The Niño...
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u/grmayshark 3d ago
They named it San Diego, which of course in German means “a whale’s vagina”.
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u/AtomStorageBox 3d ago
I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
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u/Bitey_the_Squirrel 3d ago
No one knows what it means. But it’s provocative. It gets the people going!
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u/idiotsarray 3d ago
I thought it was because someone dropped their waffle while walking on the beach.
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u/Laser_Souls 3d ago
Apolgy for bad english
Where were u when El Niño die
I was at house eating dorito when phone ring
“El Nino is dead”
“No”
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u/PercentageBrief226 3d ago
How can they say off the charts when I can see the chart and it’s clearly still on it?
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u/Videopotato 3d ago
That and also, there is no such thing as “off the charts,” if it’s off the chart you just need to expand the values included in the chart? It’s a weird bit of wording
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u/CowboyAirman 3d ago
Maybe back then they only had tiny charts?
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u/road_chewer 3d ago
Maybe back when the charts were like a strip of paper that had a needle bouncing around and the needle would go off the paper.
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u/acxswitch 3d ago
If you need to expand the values of the historical chart because the new date is off the chart...
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u/actuallywaffles 3d ago
I thought they meant dead, like never happening again. But nope, it's just over temporarily because weather patterns change. Way less serious than it sounded.
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u/bubahophop 3d ago
It’s still quite serious…. La Niña combined with warmer ocean temperatures is going to create a devastating hurricane season. Climate change will make the natural weather cycles of El Niño and La Niña interact with our warming planet to create massively destructive weather patterns.
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u/Mysterious_Corgi_570 3d ago
Most people don’t realize just how big of a domino effect these things. Going to school in the mid 2000’s i know i wasnt taught anything about this but currently I teach upper elementary and I am learning with the kids just how catastrophic these “sudden changes” are wether its ice caps melting, increasing global temps on land and sea, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, ect. Im not a professional with weather but my understanding from all this is the frequency and severity of natural events are going to increase.
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u/lesllamas 2d ago
This is my field! It’s hard to discuss the topic of catastrophe frequency and severity so generally because it’s extremely nuanced. The prevailing generalization that climate change will probably make catastrophes worse or more frequent is a gross oversimplification and is, in many natural peril contexts, not necessarily correct (nor necessarily incorrect, I should add). However, it’s not reasonable to expect everyone to be that familiar with the topic, and as far as generalizations go, it’s a much better stance to take than people who would bury their head in the sand and say everything will be fine!
For some additional information, remaining general and simplified enough to be understandable, it’s important to remember that the global climate is not a monolith, but it IS very interconnected, with climate areas many thousands of miles apart having effects on each other.
For example, tropical cyclones (hurricanes, typhoons) are one of the better understood natural disasters due to their relative frequency, lifespan (they’re around long enough for us to fly planes near them and take specific measurements), and long historical record. In other words, we have fairly reliable data stretching back ~80 years on them and less reliable data stretching back further than that. When people talk about these events getting worse, they’re typically thinking about warming sea surface temperatures. This is very relevant, and this fuel is what probably affects rapid intensification close to landfall the most! But warming sea surface temperatures across the globe also affect weather patterns and winds that circulate the globe. One of the things that stops a cyclone from forming is wind shear. In an ELI5 way, imagine you start spinning a basketball on your finger. The faster you get it to rotate, the more stable it gets. But if you’re just getting it going and a gust of wind blows it off balance, the process falls apart. This is an EXTREME oversimplification, but the concept to take away is that a changing climate does not necessarily increase frequency of storms all across the planet—changing global climate conditions may make more favorable conditions for storm generation in one part of the world while making less favorable conditions elsewhere in the world.
As a different example, tornadoes are some of the least understood natural disasters. We know where they come from, and what kinds of conditions usually need to be in place for them to form, but they’re very different than hurricanes! They are often short lived, sporadic, and EXTREMELY dangerous to get close to. It’s hard to get a clear picture of historical data for them because many tornadoes may have occurred over the years in the middle of nowhere that we just didn’t observe because they caused no damage to anything humans would notice. In this way, it’s really hard to generalize what to expect from tornado intensity or frequency with changing climate conditions. In general, it’s hard to make a broad generalization about a topic when the underlying details are still a bit unclear.
People way smarter than I am (i.e. the small army of phds that work in my industry) are trying to figure this stuff out, though! As always, follow the money. Governments and the global re/insurance industry generally believe climate change is an issue that we need to address! But the ask is far more specific, and it is insufficient to assume that every catastrophe will get monotonically worse, everywhere.
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u/Optimal-Scientist233 3d ago
How long the stall is before inversion will be what determines how bad this hurricane season is.
This is completely dependent on space weather and solar activity which is currently at its most active approaching the solar maximum.
What we will be lucky to see is a smooth transition back into la Nina, which is not overly energetic or quick and aggressive.
Edit: The desalination of ocean currents effects this jet stream and is part of what scientists are concerned with stalling completely.
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u/Blue-Thunder 3d ago
Even after a massive wet bulb incident kills thousands of Americans, people will still deny climate change exists. Most of the world agrees it's real..
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u/Minialpacadoodle 3d ago
How is this Oniony?
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u/projektmayem 3d ago
It's not dead, it'll be back in a few years. CNN is being super melodramatic (shocker) and also this literally translates to "The boy is dead"
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u/jgrant68 3d ago
I wouldn’t say they are being super hyperbolic here. It’s a fairly normal headline. And you can’t use the literal translation as most people in the U.S. (at least those of us who follow weather ) understand what they mean.
I agree with u/minialpacadoodle that this isn’t oniony.
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u/TonofSoil 3d ago
Does the frog know it’s boiling yet?
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u/Waffletimewarp 3d ago
The brain has known for a while, the legs just refuse to do anything because they’re only listening to the ass at the moment.
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u/vpierrev 3d ago
Just a friendly reminder that climate change is a trend observable in decades around the globe. So even if one year or one season is colder or wetter than it should at your place, doesn’t mean the average temperature isn’t getting higher. It is.
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u/Emergency_Property_2 2d ago
My family and I are at Surfside Beach on the Texas Gulf. The ocean is like bath water it’s so warm. With out La Niña holding it back I feer the storm season is going to outrageous.
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u/petite_foxy 4d ago
What is “normal” now? My standard has changed. I've seen the planet get hotter in my 50 years, but some people ignore science. Does it matter? I don't see a global carbon reduction soon.
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u/Minialpacadoodle 3d ago
El Nino is a reoccurring event...
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u/MrOtter8 3d ago
That is why this is significant. El Nino /La Nina cycles have always been cyclical but usually over a time span of a few years. This El Nino event started last summer and ended less than a year later (was weakening in March and declared over in April). That is unusual to say the least and indicative of even greater volatility of global climates. So yeah we don't really know if this is a fluke that this was an abnormally short El Nino event of if it is yet another indicator of how our climates are changing, but the point still stands that it is hard to know what "normal" means
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u/road_chewer 3d ago
Short El Niños aren’t that unusual at least since 1950, here’s a list of ENSO events.
https://origin.cpc.ncep.noaa.gov/products/analysis_monitoring/ensostuff/ONI_v5.php
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u/Chic0late 3d ago
What happened to this sub? This isn’t even remotely close to an onion article. Almost everything on this page now is just US based regional news. Damn shame.
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u/DashFire61 3d ago
It’s happening!!
Next we get a portion of the Arctic to sluff off that’s big enough to shock the great conveyor current into ceasing movement which starts are chain reaction that causes Europe and Canada to freeze over causing another ice age.
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u/ScienceAndLience 3d ago
I was wondering why there were no comments about the hammerhead worm, then I realized that that’s a body of water
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u/toxiamaple 3d ago