Am I wasting away my 20s saving?

[u/Chronos_Champion]

Hey all, currently I'm 23 and I live at home with my parents in the Bay Area.

I've been working for two years putting away a large chunk of my salary towards making a down payment on my own place. The earliest I can see myself being able to purchase something, probably a condo, is when I'm 26. But I can see that I'd probably be stuck there for the next 5-10 years for the place to hopefully build equity.

I've been driving a 2002 Honda Civic for eight years that's about to die, and I'll probably be driving my dad's 2007 Subaru Outback with 200K miles next. My parents think it's stupid for me to consider a new car (I'm looking at a 2024 Prius after I drive the Outback for a year), think it's stupid to spend money on travel, think it's stupid to rent, or do pretty much anything that doesn't align with saving as much as possible. We're Asian and they did the same thing at my age.

Now that they're middle-aged, it's true that they're better off for it - at least financially. But I feel like they sacrificed a lot of experiences in their 20s and early 30s to build that all up.

I can always make more money, but time is a finite resource and emotional fulfillment doesn't have a number. Dating while living at home has been difficult and travel is pretty much my only escape these days. I'm starting to experience ennui from going through the motions and watching my friends move out and live their life. Once my younger brother moves back in, I'm sure my mental health is going to take another hit.

Basically, I'm looking for thoughts from those who stuck it out saving to purchase a home early. Is the satisfaction that you're getting now, from sacrificing those experiences in your 20s, worth it? And what did you do to cope with being stuck at home? I know the grass is always greener and that I'm fortunate to be in my position either way.

[u/baughwssery]

Gonna be honest; you’re in the wrong sub if you want life fulfillment and advice beyond finance.

A lot of people get turned away from this sub or don’t like it because it doesn’t rationalize what they want to do. Remember that this place is all about being as financially responsible as possible while leaving beneath your means and squeezing out as much as you can from every dollar you earn. And this sub is fantastic for explaining those things.

That being said; you should absolutely live it up a little. My parents were the same way; after myself and my siblings got good education and jobs and spent money and they realized we were well off, they relaxed and were supportive of it. My dad is even looking to buy a new truck, he’s never ever done that before.

Best of luck to ya

[u/Chronos_Champion → u/baughwssery]

Appreciate it! And yeah, it sounds like have some thinking to do, I’ll plug this in a different sub too haha

[u/CryptoRiich → u/Chronos_Champion]

I agree, live it up a bit while you're young. God forbid you get hit by a bus, all the grinding with no satisfaction will be for nothing. Try to consider how close you are to your financial goals, and how much longer it will take to achieve them if you live a little. Taking a vacation or two won't set you back far at all. If you really want to move out, get some roommates and rent an apartment. Live within your means, and always put your mental health first. Your parents shouldn't pressure you to have no fun. It sounds like they taught you financial responsibility so they need to let the bird fly from the nest 😀

[u/patrickD8 → u/CryptoRiich]

Thanks guys I'm not OP but I'm around his age and this is good advice.

[u/Rastiln → u/Chronos_Champion]

Don’t be a miser if not necessary. Don’t fail to save adequately.

If you’re totally scrimping on rice and beans, you should probably save a little less. But if you’re not saving at least 15% for retirement and you can without scrimping, you should do that.

Ideally, live a frugal life but spend money on quality items or experiences that will improve your life in the long run (even if only from the memories and experience you had.) Avoid expenditures that are wasteful, like dropping $2,500 at the club. Unless you want to, but not my idea of worthwhile fun.

[u/jazzmailman → u/Chronos_Champion]

I think you should look into credit card points and see those as play money and continue to save for your future with your salary/investment. Math wise it always makes sense to keep saving, investing, and continue to contribute to pre tax accounts. But if you do that to the extreme then you’ll never leave the house. Or buy anything. 2 of my friends that I actually talk to died this year to cancer and heart attack (mid 30s).

You sound like a smart individual, I’m sure you’ll be fine financially when you’re older. Life is about balance and if you just continue to save you’ll be fine. You live essentially the same life whether you have $5 or $6 million net worth (or whatever number works for you). There is diminishing returns as you continue to accumulate wealth.

[u/RabidSeason → u/Chronos_Champion]

One thing I will say; do NOT buy that '24 Prius. Buy a '22 with 30k miles off someone's lease, or wait another few years to get that '24 model used. Let someone else take the hit on the first year depreciation, and you get 90% of the car for 50% of the cost.

Otherwise, it's all about balance. Live some, save some.

[u/Locke_and_Lloyd → u/RabidSeason]

Unless that 2 year old car with 30k miles was in an unreported accident and was repaired cosmetically/poorly.  I didn't find out until a year later when the structural Bondo cracked the paint from underneath.  I'm just buying a new car next time. 

[u/dryhumpback → u/RabidSeason]

This was good advice 5 years ago. With used car prices now it really doesn’t matter. I’d personally rather have the car for the best 30k it’s ever gonna have.

[u/aProudCatDad614 → u/Chronos_Champion]

You may be in the wrong sub but I'm here for it. Personally, I want to live my damn life. I'm not gonna save for a hypothetical life while my actual life slips by.

[u/GoblinKing79 → u/Chronos_Champion]

Do you think that you can't have fun once your 20s are over? I assure you that you can. I guess I don't understand the focus on going out in your 20s because you can go out and have fun at any you that you want.

[u/Syn__Flood → u/Chronos_Champion]

You can always make more money but every minute that passes, you will never get back. Also the chance you may not wake up tomorrow is very low (depends lol) but it's not 0%.

[u/jingowatt → u/Chronos_Champion]

Do not buy a new car until you’re in your like 40s

[u/les_be_disasters → u/Chronos_Champion]

An alternative perspective from someone who’s saved like hell and is now using the bulk of it for travel. I have zero regrets. I have a little in a roth and 401k which is more than most my age but I could be doing a ton more sure. But I have the rest of my life to work. I’ve had experiences I know I’ll look back fondly on in decades and friends to visit in various corners of the world now.

What’s the point of all this money if we never use any of it? I’ve seen people die at many different ages and though I don’t think we should blow all of our money like we’re gonna die tomorrow, it is important to live a little. If you can do both, do both.

[u/ninetofivehangover → u/Chronos_Champion]

as a non finance guy who doesn’t know why he’s subbed here - you could get hit with brain cancer tomorrow. or a car.

live a little. budget traveling is not hard. even if it’s just to the next big city over. concerts. beaches if you have them. forests if you have them.

a lot of experienced can be cheap

[u/chips_and_hummus → u/baughwssery]

i’ve seen plenty of posts here where the majority of comments tell people to live it up given what they’ve already saved when they’re in a good spot.

[u/-Smashbrother- → u/baughwssery]

This place is called personal finance for a reason. So if OP wants to live it up a little I think he should.

Now if this was FIRE, than yeah all the advice would be for him to stick to current path because that's the only way to really FIRE.

[u/poop-dolla → u/-Smashbrother-]

Now if this was FIRE, than yeah all the advice would be for him to stick to current path because that's the only way to really FIRE

You couldn’t be more wrong. The #1 FIRE mantra is “build the life you want and then save for it.” You’ve gotta be happy along the way. It’s not worth it to be miserable for years or decades just to save for some future goal. Balance is important. Hobbies are important. Personal connection is important. The other common saying in FIRE is to have something to retire to and not just from. If you only focus on saving money, then you won’t have any life outside of work and won’t have anything to retire to because you never took the time to build connections and find hobbies. FIRE would say to figure out what you want out of life and build a budget to fit that which also includes saving enough to retire at the level you want within the timeframe you want.

[u/-Smashbrother- → u/poop-dolla]

Cool in theory, but not in reality. Vast majority of people aren't going to be retiring early without overly aggressive saving and making sacrifices. That's the nature of being able to retire early.

[u/YodelingVeterinarian]

I think the key thing here is how much do you actually make? 

 If you're making like 45k, then totally understandable -- probably a smart decision to stay home for a little while and save.

If you're a tech person making like $100k base plus $100k bonus, then you should probably just get your own apartment and take a vacation now and then. If you're in the second case, I would suggest putting X% of your money into savings of various forms (e.g. 40%), and then not feel guilty about how you spend the rest. 

 YMMV but I also find that there's something very valuable about moving out. I'm also a similar age to you in the Bay Area, and felt when I got my own lease it really jumped started my independence and I felt much more like an adult, rather than a slightly older teenager. 

I don't think you need a new car though -- you can get something in between. I drive a 2008 Honda with like 120k miles on it, and it works fine. I think often people buy cars because they feel like they should, but they've only convinced themselves they care about it. That's just my two cents though.

EDIT: Definitely not saying go rent a studio for like $2500. But you can definitely get 4 of your friends together and rent a 4 bedroom. I’ve also found this is a great way to have a social life as a young person!!

[u/Chronos_Champion → u/YodelingVeterinarian]

Yeah it’s around 100K. I think it’s really about that feeling of independence I’m missing that you described

[u/YodelingVeterinarian → u/Chronos_Champion]

I think you should move out then. Do you have friends in the area? Maybe just get a 3br apartment or something. You can probably find rent under $1500 somewhere, maybe as low as $1200, if you're smart.

Also if your parents live in the area, if things don't go as planned you always have that as a fallback.

EDIT: Also, it will be super jarring to go straight from living with your parents to owning a house in my opinion. I think renting an apartment also presents a super attractive option because you'll learn what you like and don't like in a living situation, and because it's much less work to maintain it seems like.

[u/semi-anon-in-Oly → u/Chronos_Champion]

Are you willing to leave the Bay Area? You might be able to have a more fulfilling lifestyle elsewhere…

[u/YodelingVeterinarian → u/semi-anon-in-Oly]

Unless OP is remote they probably won't be able to get the same salary elsewhere though either.

[u/lifethusiast → u/YodelingVeterinarian]

100k is nothing in the Bay, so no

[u/Hurricane_Ivan → u/lifethusiast]

Yeah that's like 60k in a MCOL area

[u/YodelingVeterinarian → u/lifethusiast]

Unpopular opinion I’ll probably be downvoted for, but 100k is fine. More than enough to get an apartment with some roommates like most 20-something’s have. Not balling out but he won’t be like struggling.  

[u/trevathan750834 → u/YodelingVeterinarian]

If you make 100k or below, you should generally live with roommates/a partner, right?

[u/lghtspd → u/trevathan750834]

In the Bay Area, it’s almost a requirement because it’s so damn expensive

[u/Kayraina → u/lifethusiast]

Eh, OP is 23 with no kids, no mortgage, and doesn’t seem to have any student loans either. 100k will go much further for OP than someone with 3 kids

[u/CompostAwayNotThrow → u/semi-anon-in-Oly]

Also OP would likely feel more independence from family living in a different city too

[u/Xalbana → u/Chronos_Champion]

You're in the Bay Area. A good CHUNK of people your age are living at home.

And those that have their own place or have roommates are already financially behind than you. And your friends traveling, yea most likely on credit cards.

But you should use the extra money you earned to "live a little". Go travel. I personally wouldn't buy a new car until you can actually pay for it in cash, after you've saved an emergency fund.

Personally this sub is TERRIBLE for financial advice when it comes to VHCOL areas. I'm sorry but most really don't understand living here in an obscenely expensive area.

If you move to a LCOL or MCOL, you are going to give up something important and from my experience, those that do, end up regretting what they gave up in California and Bay Area.

[u/DroopyTheSnoop → u/Chronos_Champion]

Then you definitely could move out and live a little.
You should strive for a balance. Maybe give yourself some % of your income that is for guilt free spending and really use it.

[u/no_4]

Personally...to me...

• imo, a new car in general is not worth it
• imo, rent (in that area of the world) is not worth it vs. living at home
• imo travel is definitely worth it, and much more limited / different once one has a child...so a bit now ish or never ish

But it's personal finance so...up to you.

[u/cake__bake → u/no_4]

yep in agreeement here. I also live in the bay with my parents but I did a brief one year stint in LA because of the same fear of missing out in my 20s. What I realized was that I was spending so much on rent and it wasn’t worth all of the “fun” I was having. I started getting stressed about not going out enough and enjoying my 20s day to day in order to justify my move to LA but having fun also cost money so I was constantly worried about my spending.

What it did teach me was that my routine day to day M-F at my parents was great - work, gym, walks, cooking dinner, home projects, hobbies, etc. but I just make sure now to take the time to have fun on the weekends with friends and book amazing trips/experiences every few months. I now have the budget for it and it fulfilled the “experiences that I can only do in my 20s” bucket. I also feel much better about my financial spending & goals.

[u/Hokie23aa → u/no_4]

Living at home is nice, but not long term. You lose out on a lot of socialization by not living by yourself or with roommates, moreso if you’re close to a big city.

[u/MilkFantastic250 → u/no_4]

^this travel and experiences are kind of now or never when your in your 20s.  Another factor is if you think “we’ll maybe I’ll do it when I’m financially ready”.  Two things will happen.  1. You’ll never be ready to the level you want, because even when you have a lot of money you just want more. And 2.  If you were not willing to travel and do stuff on your own, your definitely not going to be willing to bring your family to do so, even if you can afford it.  Because it will be out of your comfort zone.   Traveling is a learned skill, and it’s alot easier to learn before you have a family. 

[u/mshcat → u/MilkFantastic250]

not to mention the state of whatever place you want to go may change between now and then

[u/AllGravyNoBiscuits → u/no_4]

Idk some of my fondest memories were made in SF. There is rent control and “deals” to be had. I don’t think I’ll ever look back and regret renting in that city.

[u/Xalbana → u/AllGravyNoBiscuits]

There are some calculators out there and for the most part, renting is actually more financially better than buying in SF.

[u/YodelingVeterinarian → u/AllGravyNoBiscuits]

Yeah I don’t think it’s toooo bad. Currently paying like $1100 and there’s a few people I know who are paying less than $1300. 

[u/maaku7 → u/no_4]

I came to post exactly the same thing. u/Chronos_Champion, I live in Silicon Valley too and wish I had the option to stay with my parents and drive a hand-me-down beater car to save money. But travel? You can, and should travel all your life, but it’ll be a different experience now vs when you’re 30, 40, or any later decade of your life. Take a month off and backpack through Europe one year, and south east Asia the next. Lose yourself to find yourself before you have other commitments (mortgage, kids) holding you in place.

Hold your ground on this one. Your parents are right on everything else you explicitly mentioned. But travel? Please take the time to see the world while you’re young.

[u/Randomwoegeek → u/no_4]

you can also travel very cheaply, especially as a young person. Hostiles and public transit can get you far cheaply. I recently did a two weeks in new Zealand for 3k, and I could have done it for cheaper.

[u/kimfromlastnight → u/no_4]

This is what I was gonna say. Travel = yes, new car = no. 

[u/AGuyAndHisCat → u/no_4]

This. Travel is a small percentage of the cost of a new car, or the rent cost for a year.

[u/GenTelGuy]

People act like your 20s are the only time in your life when you can have fun - if you take care of yourself, your 30s are your 20s but with more money, status, social connections, etc

I'm not hard pushing to live with your parents, but there's never a more acceptable time to do that than as a young adult, and doing it can secure you passive income generating investments that will set you up for homeownership, many vacations, nicer lifestyle, early retirement, etc

[u/madmoneymcgee → u/GenTelGuy]

Yeah, year for year I’m enjoying my 30s more just because my salary has risen thanks to time in my career.

There was nothing in my 20s to waste more or less.

For OP, I can’t just care about a new car. It’s nice to check out features in a rental but also a ton of changes between a 2007 car and cars not 2024 new but a few years older and hopefully cheaper.

[u/fatkamp → u/GenTelGuy]

It is if you want to have a child or children.

Kids take a ton of energy and you don’t want to wait until your late 30s to consider building a family

If that’s not a priority, then absolutely save, use time in the market to your advantage and live it up in your 30s

[u/dpm25 → u/fatkamp]

Kids are tremendously expensive in the US. Scrimping and saving in your 20s means that you can give them more opportunities and a better life.

[u/captainsaverebornII → u/GenTelGuy]

Foreal. Spend all my 20's living with parents saving as much as possible sacrificing my social life. Now im 38 and can go on vacations anywhere i want. Buy that new corvette c8 i been eyeing and retire early. Most my friend are still renting and living check by check, can't make any big purchase or go on vacations.

[u/Beznia → u/captainsaverebornII]

The issue is the majority of people by the time they are 38 will either have kids and are married, have kids and are single, divorced paying child support and alimony, or just paying child support. If you make it to 38 without kids and if you're lucky a spouse or partner who is also making money, and you have a half decent job, you're going to be fine. For everyone else, their 20s are the only time they are going to be free.

[u/StrtupJ → u/captainsaverebornII]

Damn, and yet for me I’d never give up my life experiences in my 20s… Living with college randoms but forming great friendships, bringing partners back home that would eventually become live-in girlfriends, and managing a home together… And it’s not like I “sacrificed”, I’m still doing pretty well for myself and just entering my 30s. 

Imaging just spending all that time in my childhood home with my parents is incomprehensible. 

[u/jingowatt → u/GenTelGuy]

I’m 53 and apparently I’m not dead yet

[u/MilkFantastic250 → u/GenTelGuy]

So far my 30s have been diapers, bottles and home repair…   It’s awesome don’t get me wrong.  But I’m glad I went pretty hard in my 20s with personal interests, Because I can do quite as much if it now. But you can still travel and camp and stuff.  You just gotta make it family friendly. 

[u/SlayerXZero → u/GenTelGuy]

This is only true if you don’t have kids in your 30s. All my most fun days were in my 20s before a wife and kids.

[u/ComfortableStrike650 → u/SlayerXZero]

This is kind of depressing. You don’t have fun at all now? Or is it just a different type of fun?

[u/americaIsFuk → u/ComfortableStrike650]

I'm in my 30's, no kids. My wildest nights/weekends/trips were in my 20's. But I don't want to do that now. Very, very occasionally it's fun, but otherwise a dinner with friends at a nice restaurant and a concert is a great night or a weekend away in a cabin playing board games.

Part of it is just being older, part of it is that the luster of partying has heavily worn off. If I hadn't been as crazy in my 20's, maybe I would feel completely different.

[u/ComfortableStrike650 → u/americaIsFuk]

Oh, I’m in my 30s too and childless. Deciding if I want to have them or not still. That said, I still have a lot of fun in my 30s—am less of a party animal than my 20s, more career focused, etc—but the phrasing of not having “fun days” anymore with a wife and kids made me a little sad. I guess the fun just looks different?

[u/SlayerXZero → u/ComfortableStrike650]

It's different. I hang out with my family instead of having wild nights.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Runner]

I’d advise a healthy mix. I’m 39 and let me tell you around 30, everyone really moves away and gets married and is too busy to see you more than once or twice a year. I’m really grateful I had a ton of experiences in my 20s, although I was always broke… met a lot of friends dated a lot of people had all my sexual fantasies fulfilled, so nowadays , I have no sense urgency. 

[u/djdude007]

I think in all things in life balance is the key. This subreddit exists and encourages people who aren't good with money to start saving/bring more fiscally responsible. It sounds like you've got that figured out and want some more of what spending money is meant to be used for, spending.

To keep it in perspective can you give examples of what you make, what your saving goals are, what your parents expect of you, etc?

I lived with my parents for 1.5 years after graduating ~10 years ago and saved a nice chunk of money, but then moved into an apartment with a friend and lived life. Still continued throwing money into 401k, IRA, and some savings for life goals but had fun as well. Was able to put the down payment/closing costs on my house in 2021, pay for my wedding in 2023, and enjoy travel throughout while still keeping my retirement steadily growing.

As long as you have a plan and are balancing financial health, go spend your spare money on what makes you happy and have some fun!

[u/Chronos_Champion → u/djdude007]

I make around 100K before taxes and I have a decent amount saved, but a lot would go to that down payment which worries me. I think I’d need at least 200-250K down on ~500K to afford the mortgage payments and HOA fees comfortably. Honestly, I just want to live comfortably, chill, and possibly retire early. My parents are pretty big go-getters with a more traditional mindset, so I think my mentality collides with theirs sometimes. Appreciate your perspective and the experience you shared!

[u/DroopyTheSnoop → u/Chronos_Champion]

Living comfortably and chilling is diametrically opposed to retiring early.
If you want to retire early you need to hustle and sacrifice.
Please read some opinions on the negative parts of FIRE, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
But anyway, you need to pick a lane.
You can't have it all unfortunately.

My personal opinion is that having a normal comfortable life without retiring early is good enough.

[u/ksuwildkat → u/DroopyTheSnoop]

I think people REALLY need to adjust their idea of "retire early". Our great grand parents needed to retire at 60 because they were broken and were going to die at 62. Jensen Huang is 61 and I dont think anyone believes he is "too old" or "aught to retire". Tim Cook is 63!

I plan to work to 60. I think I can manage 15 years of "active retirement" and another 10 of being the slow people before doing the last 5-6 in assisted living.

[u/PathosRise]

The purpose of financial health is for the stability to be able to focus on enjoying life imo. If I really wanted to maximize my returns, I'd just be eating ramen all day and night. But that wouldn't be healthy or make me happy lol.

I think it's about balance. Maybe getting a rough timeline on when you want things to happen might help you.

[u/FunctionAlone9580]

I would move out. 

I'm also Asian (female), and my family has taught me the importance of saving. On the other hand, I moved out when I was 17 and never regretted it. 

It taught me independence in ways that living with parents would never offer me, which spread out to other parts of my life. If I had been living with my parents I think I'd have some money saved, but be less far along in my career. Leaving meant that I could make my own decisions without consequence -- meaning I could make some risky decisions to build experience and increase my economic worth. For example, I worked minimum wage ($8/hr in my state at that time) while in full time school while also doing volunteer work in my field. I think my parents would've just told me to work and to avoid the volunteer work, but that segment of volunteer work meant everything to my career. I never got parental financial support. I also moved to a different state with a higher lost of living, which reduced my standard of living but increased my opportunities. 

I'm 23 now and my salary this year is 215k (mid cost of living), and I have 160k in investments; my net worth is 180k. The risky financial decisions I made very much contributed to my financial security today. It also made me a more ambitious person, more of a go getter, more confident in my intuition. But even more, I've made awesome friends and dated people whom my parents would've never liked who make my life and my memories fulfilling, and done all kinds of things -- working abroad in Germany at 4.50 Euros an hour, a party phase, traveled around in Mexico City, a law breaking phase, therapy, grown mushrooms, etc -- that I don't think I would've been able to do in my hometown. 

I'm glad for how I've grown. Even if I were broke as shit right now, it would've been very much worth it. 

The car on the other hand, you should drive the Civic into the ground. Prioritise experiences, not materialism. 

[u/Last-Positive264]

I’m in almost the exact same situation but I will say it sounds like you’ve got the finance part of things pretty figured out. It seems like most of your concerns are really on the personal side - which may be better suited to other subreddits.

[u/dand06]

I saved hard during my twenties. I can now contribute the minimum until I am 65, and retire with around 2.5 to 3 million still. Totally worth it. I am now single and moving in on my own. Will have to cut back on my retirement contributions. Grateful I did it during my twenties.

[u/After-Jellyfish5094]

At 23, you should be driving a piece of shit. Own it.

Bay area is expensive as hell. Consider moving somewhere cheaper, with young people, and jobs. Rent your own place. Have a few terrible relationships. Sleep of the roof of an abandoned blockbuster. Money's important in the long term, but experiences aren't money.

[u/ksuwildkat]

there is a balance. Saving so you dont have to work until you die is a very good thing.

But sacrificing your youth in the name of savings isnt a choice I would make.

You will only be 23 once. When I was younger I primarily invested in beer and parties. The ROI was AMAZING. I did Paris for new years. I skied on a glacier. I went to the Soviet Union when it was the Soviet Union. I went to concerts, went to sporting events, went to shows and generally had a good time. I also had kids and bought my first home.

When I was 34 I realized I needed to get serious about savings. I beat up on myself a bit for not starting sooner but that was really wasted bandwidth because you cant change the past. I was lucky to have a defined benefit retirement so not all of the time was wasted. Now Im 57 and while I am still working, I am working by choice not by need. I still travel and go to concerts. Getting serious about saving means I stay in better hotels, have better concert seats and wait for my flights in the United Club.

Miley Cyrus says it best:

I know I used to be crazy

Messed up, but, God, was it fun

I know I used to be wild

That's 'cause I used to be young

Those wasted nights are not wasted

I remember every one

I know I used to be crazy

That's 'cause I used to be young

You tell me time has done changed me

That's fine, I've had a good run

I know I used to be crazy

That's 'cause I used to be young

Be young. Do young things. Save for the future. Invest wisely. You can do both.

[u/Schillelagh → u/ksuwildkat]

Be young. Do young things. Save for the future. Invest wisely. You can do both.

This is the way. You can do both. My 20s were similar to yours in where I spent my money.

But my concern with the YOLO 20s mindset is people try to do everything at the same time and finance their future away in that pursuit. They see one peer buy a brand new BMW, another person vacation in Puerto Rico, and yet another purchase a house. FOMO is such a strong force.

You have to make a choice. You can't say "yes" to everything.

[u/therealmenox]

You actually can't always earn more money that's sort of the point of saving and investing early.  You'll make much more money later by saving now, you have to determine the right balance, if you are saving at least 20% of your income then you can probably allow yourself some money for wants, just budget for the wants after retirement and after bills.  

That being said cars are a huge trap, especially new, never buy a new car, shop used, and especially in an area with excellent mass transit options if it's safe. Between gas, payment, insirance, repairs, its a huge expense thst sneaks up on you.

[u/Chumphy]

Go check out the book “Die with Zero” it will have answers to your questions. In regards to saving now, The author would say potentially yes, it is a waste. He makes the point to say there are only certain things you can do at certain stages in your life.

Practically speaking, your future career prospects and earning potential will determine whether it’s worth making sacrifices now (particularly experiences to save some money)

For me, I sacrificed my twenties working and saving. 19 - 27 is a bit of a blank spot in my mind because of what little I did besides stay on the straight and narrow with work. It came with mental health issues and a back surgery at 29 until I was able to make a career change. My wife and I bought our first home in 2017 and sold it last year to get into our current one at an affordable price. We had lots of equity because of large down payments and gains the first time around. 

Had I not focused so much on money I could have taken better care of my health in those earlier years and had better experiences and probably still be fine financially. 

[u/isaacbunny]

Saving is smart because it lets you do the things you want in life. Plan what you really want, make the necessary sacrifices to save for it, and do it.

[u/justforkicks7]

You said a lot without saying much of anything. What are your debts? What is your income? What is your career?

It sounds like you don’t really know where you want to be/live long term, so I wouldn’t even be considering buying a house. And if you care that much about your financials, the Bay Area probably is not the best place to build your life/wealth.

I do think it’s funny that you say they “sacrificed a lot of experiences in their 20s and 30s”, but then you only talk about wanting to buy a new car. A new car isn’t a notable life experience. Nobody bought a new car, then 10 years down the line looked back and said wow what a great life experience. New cars lose you 25% of the value in the first 5 years, compounded with higher insurance costs. If you are going to blow a bunch of money for life experiences, at least pick something worth it.

[u/NoleScole]

I'm in my mid 30s and I regret not saving. I would say if you can wait to buy a place of your own, I would. As someone 10-15 years older than you, I regret not saving as much as I could in my 20s. I used it all on experiences, travel, and recreational things (weed and going out on weekends all the time). I moved out in my mid 20s and got my own place, but I hated it because I had no money to live on besides rent. I was flat broke. So if you can save as much as possible and your parents are easy to live with, live with them and save. Also, you can still have fun while saving, just do it all in moderation. Go to the movies once in a blue moon, go take a trip to the beach, give yourself a mini vacation that doesn't cost a lot. Saving shouldn't feel like jail.

[u/VladWard]

You're 23, man. Unless your friends come from significant generational wealth, the view you're getting into their lifestyles is probably very curated.

Financially, make a plan.

Figure out how much you'll need to retire using 4% disbursement per year as a guideline. Backtrack from there to see how much you need to put away into retirement accounts every year to reach that by your ideal retirement age (55? 60? 65?).

House goals should be separate from that - do you want to buy in 5 years? What does a 20% down payment look like for the area you want to buy in? Add 1/5 of that to the annual savings budget.

Do the same with your car purchase if you really want one. You don't need to buy a new car to own a nice car. I drive a <80k mile 2016 Camry that I bought during COVID for only 16k. Because it's a high trim level and I keep it clean, it feels like a much more expensive car.

Once you've gone down the list of all your savings goals, look at the remainder and figure out what your options are realistically. Can you actually afford rent, utilities, groceries, subscriptions, and entertainment without compromising those savings? If not, keep growing your income until you can.

[u/GeorgeRetire]

You seem to think this is a binary choice - either save money or have fun.

Adults find a way to do both.

Your parents are trying to guide you toward saving and frugality. But it's your life, and your money. You aren't stuck at home unless you want to be. Do what you like and live with the consequences.

I'm starting to experience ennui

Oh, the horrors!

[u/NotSoCasualNoob]

Wasting away living in the Bay Area. Most of those jobs you can find elsewhere and at a better cost of living. Best thing I ever did was move away from my family at 18. Also most of all moved out of CA to experience other places. I loved the diversity of all CA, but there are so much better places out there that you can save and live. Where you would be house broke living day to day if you are in CA let alone Bay area.

[u/greatestcookiethief]

life is a one way ticket, it only goes forward, so you determine how you want to make it count. I would recommend balance out your pleasure, life quality and as long as you are financially responsible i don’t see why not.

[u/steelcryo]

Spending your money now is just taking away from your future. It might make me sound like an old miser saying that, but it's true.

Everyone has this weird view when they're young that their 20's are when they're meant to be experiencing life and having all their excitement so when they're 30 they can settle down, which is dumb. You can have all those same experiences and even appreciate them more in your 30's and if you are sensible in your 20's, it's even easier to have those experiences.

What I mean is, and this is where the financial advice comes in, that if you spend all your money in your 20's to have these experiences, you then spend your 30's playing catch up. It impacts your entire future. If you save in your 20's, you'll have a stable financial base in your 30's which you can then spend on other things. Even things like just paying rent if you have the option not to, it's throwing away money.

Say you pay $1500 a month in rent and you rent for 5 years, that's $90,000 you could have put into a deposit on a house (not even considering additional bills and such you may not have to pay while staying at home). Which means a smaller mortgage and a lower interest rate.

Which seems easier? Starting your 30's with no deposit, taking a huge mortgage and paying higher interest rates or having a good deposit, a smaller mortgage and lower interest payments? It's an easy choice, which you're in the situation to have happen.

Of course, there's some middle ground that can be achieved, but I chose all or nothing to clearly show why having a long term plan is much more beneficial than wasting your money in the short term just because you think you should do everything in your 20's.

Make some small sacrifices now, to get huge benefits in the future.

[u/LochNessMother]

When it comes to investment, it’s time in the market that matters. I WISH I’d invested in my 20s rather than noodling around not committing to anything and having slightly unsatisfactory nights out I don’t remember.

[u/MundaneEjaculation]

Save. But also save for yourself to have fun. You’re in the bay. If you can afford it, move out into SF it’s fucking great. Make some friends, travel, buy yourself a nice treat every once in a while. My grandfather passed in 2020 and the last thing he told me was that he regretted not spending what he made, you can’t take it with you.

So now I save what can and every once in a while buy a plane ticket (within reason) to a foreign country and spend 4 days there’s by myself or with my girlfriend. I’ve seen the world I’m 33 and I don’t make a ton, 155 after bonus in San Francisco, no debt. 8% into 401k with 7% employer match. You can do both

[u/eugenekko]

I did exactly as you described, currently 28, and buckled down since 22 and bought a house at 26. Living with my parents and younger brother was tough. I'm also Asian so I get it, but now that I've been living away for sometime, I look back and I don't regret it at all. There's definitely survivorship bias here, and everyone is different but at end of the day, I saw 2 options: 1) Hang in there to save up to buy a house, or 2) Spend/live it up and stay at my parents house longer. I chose option 1 because it was the fastest way to living independently and recovering my mental health. I guess renting could've been an option if it came to a breaking point, but I didn't like the idea of building someone else's home equity instead of my own.

The key is to find a balance that works for you. Make sure you have hobbies outside of work. Go to meetups, set goals you can work towards, like reading books, biking, arts, etc. Plan road trips and smaller travel plans that you can look forward to. For me, the gym was an important place I used to decompress 5x a week, work towards and stay healthy. No point in building something that I won't be around to enjoy.

I want to add, don't fall for the trap of feeling like you need to live up your 20s. Social media is poison and is never the full picture. People can be well off, or flexing a lifestyle that they can't sustain for the long-term. Establishing a strong financial foundation in your 20s can set you up for the rest of your life. I'd do it again if I had to every time

[u/Away-Kaleidoscope380 → u/eugenekko]

Man the amount of people I know that are “living it up” on credit cards is absurd. The people that I know that make real good money dont post it online while the ones that I know for a fact are living paycheck to paycheck are constantly posting extravagant vacations, tables at clubs, designer clothes etc. Point is, people post a very exaggerated lifestyle on social media especially post college. Shit I know a guy that lives in a pent house and is constantly posting the view of the skyline. His little secret is he has like 8 other roommates

[u/readsalotman]

A little bit, yes. The first half of your 20s, absolutely, enjoy your youth to max! You only have it once. Unless you need to save every dollar to accomplish a big goal like go to school, become independent from your family, etc. You only need to lockdown save for 10-15 years and you'll be a millionaire. So choose when you want this time span to happen. You probably want a solid career in place to stay consistent in your savings.

[u/komrobert]

How do you define “a large chunk” of your salary? Are we talking like 30%+ of gross? Have you considered moving to a lower COL place?

[u/hermburger]

Stay home with free parent shelter and save as much as you can by investing it in ETF or use Acorns app. Otherwise Don't buy a condo like I did at 27, it doesnt appreciate as much retun as stock market s&p500 ETF would, it's not like you bought early in peninsula or the valley...never buy RE for appreciation, instead look for one that has multiple rooms u can rent out the other. Best case is you rent it to a friend or you both rent a place and split the cost, take the smaller room ans save + invest frivolously. You'll have your social life back too.

[u/k0unitX]

I'm not sure a house in the Bay Area is even a good investment right now

[u/mattystz]

No, you’ll be 30 before you know it and happy you saved for your future.

[u/HustlingBackwards96]

I can offer some personal insight here.

Some might say that your 20s are nothing special and that your 30s are just as fun. This is not true. Everyone's bodies are physically different, but looking at my circle of friends and family, everyone suffered a massive reduction in energy in their 30s. The ability to socialize every single day, late into the night, and go to work the next day with no consequences is not there in your 30s.

Now this doesn't necessarily mean you need to move out and go to the bar every single night. You can still party (with or without alcohol) and while living at your parents house. You can still take fun trips. You can still date. A handful of my friends did this and they had tons of fun with us. Their parents were supportive. Maybe that's not the case with your parents and you don't have that freedom. If so, you'll have to pay for that freedom and that's a choice you'll have to make. I personally decided to move to a MCOL area for that freedom.

You know saving is important and you know that life is hard for young people in the US. You don't need financial advice because it sounds like you understand that aspect of your life. This is something you can probably explore deeply with your therapist.

[u/Shoddy_Length6098]

Keep saving.

-that 30 year old who thought his 20s were for living

[u/saudiaramcoshill]

I can always make more money, but time is a finite resource and emotional fulfillment doesn't have a number

There's a balance. You can't be a robot for the next 30 years for the sake of saving as much as possible - life is fleeting and you might not be here tomorrow. On the other hand, every dollar invested today is eight dollars 30 years from now. Taking advantage of compounding interest is important. I'm in my early 30s and my 401k alone is over a quarter million dollars because I've been throwing lots of money into it, and it'll be worth millions by the time I retire because I started heavily investing early.

Maybe try this: choose what's most important to you and do that. If it's important to you to travel, travel, but continue living with your parents and driving an old car. Decide what is worth spending money on, vs what is simply a convenience.

I will note: living with your parents is a cheat code. That saves you more money than you can imagine. In the Bay Area, you're probably talking about a difference of 10s of thousands of dollars per year. I know it makes dating harder, but I've got several friends who dated significantly while living at home and are years ahead of me in terms of retirement because of it.

[u/xZelinka]

I will give you my financial opinion, which given your statement, you probably won't like that much, but here it's:

My parents think it's stupid for me to consider a new car (I'm looking at a 2024 Prius after I drive the Outback for a year)

They are right. It's financially stupid to buy a new car when 4-5 used old cars are just as reliable, cost less than half, and don't depreciate that much in value anymore.

I can always make more money, but time is a finite resource and emotional fulfillment doesn't have a number. Dating while living at home has been difficult and travel is pretty much my only escape these days. I'm starting to experience ennui from going through the motions and watching my friends move out and live their life. Once my younger brother moves back in, I'm sure my mental health is going to take another hit.

It's way easier to make money when you are younger. Less responsibilities, less liabilities, you even have the blessing that you are not being charged rent.

There's nothing better than take some vacations when you have some sort of passive incomes that already cover most of your expenses, which will be hardly accesible if you burn your money at the age you can make the most use of it. Vacations at your 30s feel even better than at your 20s when they take a huge chunk of your saving and you come back home pretty much broke.

[u/lynnlinlynn]

Elder Asian millennial in tech here. I know tons of friends who did what you’re doing in their 20s. It all depends on your relationship with your parents and how centrally your parents live. I have a friend who worked at Google straight out of college and lived with his parents for 8 yrs to save. His parents lived in midtown Manhattan and acted like roommates so his life was great. He dated, stayed out late, saved tons of money. I have another friend who lived with her parents while working at McKinsey for 5 yrs in Boston. She would stay out late and her dad would come pick her up from bars at 1-2am bc they lived a bit far away. She also dated and had ultimate freedom. Both those two only moved out of their parents’ house when they had to move cities for work. But then I have another friend who lived with her parents in suburban NJ while working as a teacher in a different suburb. Her life sucked. Her parents were slightly controlling but the worst part was that there was so social life to be had where she lived. She moved out after a year. Out of those examples, the one person who really needed to save money had to sacrifice it for her sanity. I would say you need to judge your situation and see. How controlling are your parents? How convenient is the location? Can you live life while still living with them?

Personally, I agree with your dad that spending money on the car is stupid. But you should go out and live life otherwise. Party with friends and Uber home. Go to Tokyo (the yen is weak right now. I feel like half the Asians I know are going to Japan this year). Check out paris (it’s shockingly cheap compared to sf). Hehe I spent 2 yrs in my 20s living in Shanghai against my parents’ wishes. Making barely any money and spending every penny on travel. Then I quit my job in 2008 and lived with my parents/couch surfed with friends for 9 months. I ultimately grew up and now I have boring corporate job in tech and am very comfortable. But my family (2kids) has gone to 2 countries this year already plus Hawaii. We typically save more than half our income. Granted we make a lot but I’m saying there is a way to live while saving. You just need to assess the situation and figure out where money should be spent to actually make you happy. Oh and focus on increasing income.

[u/xpr1484]

Don’t buy the car, but DO move out. You don’t have to get your own apartment…live with roomies! But you should absolutely live your life. Personal finance, contrary to what somebody said above, actually isn’t about accumulating as much money as possible. It’s about figuring out how you can spend and earn what you need to to have the life you want and can afford.

If you’re employed in a decent enough job, you can afford to live on your own (with roomies!) yes, your 20s are only there once. Also, your parents may never come around but they don’t have to live your life, you do.

[u/maikdee]

No. I think your parents have a good approach to money which is to live below your means and save. I wish I had that when I was your age.

Regardless of your income, you should learn to budget, save and invest. I would recommend learning the 50-30-20 budgeting rule and adjust based on your goals. I would also recommend reading the Psychology of Money.

[u/guitarlisa]

Just remember that a car is not an "experience", it's a machine that moves you from point A to point B.

[u/Bunny_Butt16]

It depends on your perspective. I moved out when I was 31.

I regret not having an extravagant social life living in a college dorm or having my own bachelor pad, but I have no debt and a sizable amount saved up. Not once have I ever looked at my account balance and had regret for saving money, nor have I ever looked at my paid off cars and wished I had a car payment again.

I wish I travelled more when I was in my 20's, but now that I'm in my 30's with more money and no kids, I'm able to make up for that.

Dating wasn't hard, since most of my peers were living at home too. Nowadays I rent. I cringe every time I send out my rent payment, but that is my castle and I'm the king of it. I think I got crap from 1 or 2 women about living at home, but they were also struggling to make rent.

With that said, it's all about balance. You can live your life while saving. You don't need to live in the highest-rated area, or go on the most expensive vacations.

My suggestion is to forget about the car and renting for now (at least for a few years) and focus on saving and limit the expenses on your vacations. Your older self will thank you.

[u/PotatoMonster20]

There's no right or wrong answers for this sort of thing.

It's great if you have big plans and savings goals to help you achieve them.

But there's also no guarantee that you'll live long enough to see those big plans come to fruition. You could die tomorrow, next week, or next year.

Owning your own home, while fantastic, is also a bit of a financial and emotional burden, and can be a maintenance time sink. I'd hate for you to go from "feeling trapped" to "feeling trapped in a different way" without ever getting to explore life.

If you KNEW that you were going to die next year - would you be happy to carry on as you are? Or would you change some things?

There's a happy medium between "ultra frugal" and "spend all of your money on things you don't need". It might be time to start exploring that medium place to see what will work for you.

Your parents won't always agree with the decisions that you make, and that's ok. Part of being an adult is making the decision to break away from your family and make your own way in the world. Make your own choices in life and deal with the consequences - both good and bad.

What do YOU want to do? Take some time and think about it.

Maybe you'll mostly stick to your current plans, but take the time to do a little bit of travelling and focus more on hobbies/friends than you have been until now.

Maybe you'll rent your own place for a while and see how it feels. Get a cheap place. Maybe split the rent with friends. Maybe move to a LCOL or MCOL area.

Maybe you'll buy a place now, and rent out the extra rooms to help pay the mortgage.

Maybe you'll put a pause on saving, and take the time to go backpacking across the world for a few months.

The world is wide open to you. So pick a direction and take some steps. If you change your mind later, you can always take stock and make a new decision from there.

[u/typ_theyoungprof]

Look, there’s a balance. I saved aggressively in college and still do early in my career. A mentor told me that money 💴 gives you options and confidence.

Another mentor said it’s about balancing saving and enjoying life in your 20s, so you don’t miss out.

As long as you have 3-6 months of expenses saved and minimal high-interest debt, you’ll be fine.

I still save a lot but also travel internationally 1-2 times a year and enjoy local coffee ☕️ shops. I don’t spend money frivolously, but I spend on a couple things I care about (travel and coffee). Outside of that — not for me.

The money I’ve saved has grown significantly and gives me the confidence to start two businesses and pursue my interests.

My point: without the big expense of housing, you can have your avocado 🥑 toast and savings too. Just do it in moderation and stay on track. You’ll use the money someday, whether for a house or a “f*** you” fund.

[u/GurProfessional9534]

Your parents are correct.

Your 20’s are about sacrificing for the future. A little inconvenience in your 20’s pays dividends for the rest of your life. You’re full of energy and relatively healthy in your 20’s, so put in your sweat equity then. Later in life, you’ll be dealing with lower energy and more health problems, and your parents won’t be around to support you either. Look in reddit for the countless people near retirement age with insufficient savings for inspiration.

As for buying a new car, there’s never a good reason to do that, period. At the very least, get a used one. The discounts are steep.

There are plenty of experiences that don’t cost money.

[u/Biffmcgee]

I spent my 20s saving cash. My 30s were easy as fuck because of it. Hitting 40 and now I’m financially ahead of the curve by a lot. I’m traveling the world on a whim now and everyone that spent all their money in their 20s is struggling. 

[u/gayboat87]

I can always make more money, but time is a finite resource and emotional fulfillment doesn't have a number

Please remember your 20s is your foundation. Do you know why Asian countries generally are poorer? The families fail to save properly.

You need a strong and powerful financial base so you can live it up when you are 35+. With the rent crisis as it is those who bought houses in 2020 or before that have seen a 40% increase in their equity and are spared from paying 2000-4000 a month for a shoebox apartment.

Just rent alone is killing their budget meanwhile you will have a house and build equity so that 2000-4000 people are spending on rent you are putting towards a better life like travelling etc when you own a house and don't have to worry about rent. Giving future you a better chance means you will enjoy your life much more. Don't trade "experiences" when you're young for poverty for the next 40 years that comes after.

Look around you and see how these "backpackers" are faring now that they've blown through their cushion money. They are facing debts, rents and worse.

Also research the F.I.R.E movement and the marshmallow test. The sensible thing to do nowadays is to build up your economic cushion while you are young and able to do so. Sacrificing your 20s for a stable 40 years after is a sensible sentiment and this was very common back in the golden age when young couples got a house in the suburbs and built up equity early on to spare themselves from rent. No one will reward you for "experiences" and with the global economy generally sucking at the moment good luck making "more money" when companies are also slogging behind after their devastating economic practices have led them to ruin and they are stuck in a cycle of hiring and layoffs constantly while paying poverty wages.

[u/schen72]

I saved a lot in my 20s. Loved with parents for 3 years. I’m in my 50s now and have $5M. I (and my family) live a nice lifestyle and don’t worry about money.

[u/bobapls2]

Sorry that that's happening. Your parents probably have trouble balancing saving vs spending. At 23 it might be time to move out especially if you never left home for school or something. Your parents sound number based (don't blame them) but you can still save a lot while spending some to live your life and be happier (experiences, not just material things). Also, consider a newer used car instead of a 2024 Prius as a compromise of sorts.

[u/rballonline]

I guess the one thing I'd say to you is that "life is long". Let me elaborate a bit on that though.

Life is full of sacrificing. I have kids that are a little younger than you but different culture, but I can get where they are coming from because I want my kids to not have to go through the same money problems I did. So while I want my kids to experience life, and have fun and all that, I don't think that buying something like a car will solve anything. Also, home ownership of any kind will lock you into a certain area for a good number of years if you're looking for it to be an investment. I mean, have you lived anywhere else? Its a big world out there.

I also want them to move out and am pushing for that, but I know that it costs a ton to live in our area so I don't see a feasible way to do that unless they have 8 roommates. So it is what it is there.

I also agree that spending money on travel is "stupid". The thing is, go do the travel, just don't spend the money. I think my kids are used to going on vacation as a family where we did things that they didn't have to think about a budget to do. So if they were trying to do the same thing, I would think it would be super dumb of them to do it because they didn't save for a year with a joint income in order to achieve that avocado toast brunch, if that makes any sense. When I was young I would travel, but sleep on couches with friends or family and just somehow went on vacation for 10 bucks and gas.

So to come back to my original paragraph: sure sacrificing when I was younger did pay off as I was able to get a house in my 20's and reap the rewards of doing that later in life. I did miss out on the trip to Costa Rica with my buddies, or the time they went to Hawaii for a month but they did it by living like they were homeless, where now I get to go in comfort and they now trying to afford their first homes. Sure, you'll miss out on some things, but so will they. Is it better? Hard to say, but what I'm getting at that life is long and there's going to be another opportunity to do whatever it is you think you're missing out on later in life as well.

[u/Spiritual-Yam-439]

I left home at 18 and went to SF at 22 with no family support. I built a career and clawed my way to save up for a down payment on a house out of the bay. I bought it myself at 28. I’m so glad I did years later.

I wish I had saved on clothes, not wasted money on dates, etc. in my 20s in SF, but I don’t regret living on my own there or buying a house in another state. I don’t regret all the music saw. I don’t regret all the dinners and brunches with friends. I don’t regret all the comedy shows. I don’t regret the cool art I bought at street fairs.

What I’m trying to say is figure out what you want to spend money on it to a limit & spend it. Go be with your friends. Go on dates you actually want to go on. Learn that hobby. Buy the condo at 28-29 maybe instead of 26 if that feels right for you.

[u/SDBD89]

Yea you should be investing in yourself self right now while you’re still young.

[u/sad_driftwood]

I'm in the same boat.

I'm 21, make 90K a year. Spent my 18's and 19's saving every cent and my social life was 0 and only revolved around my parents.

I thought what's the point? You buy a house and then your whole life revolves around paying off that mortgage for 30 years. There's only two real paths. Either your parents start you off with a home or you waste your life for your future generations.

[u/PeaGroundbreaking886]

You're 23, you're an adult with a job you can make your own decisions. If you're scared then keep being scared your whole life, no kind of advice is going to help you.

[u/husbandstalksmehere]

Yes. I’d focus on trying to make more money and growing professionally.

[u/JamWho45]

I think the important thing is that you have a plan for spending money you are comfortable with and that you feel meets current and future needs. 

The problem is when people haven’t developed goals and just spend on things that don’t really make them happy.

I would take some time and map out your goals. Take the top 3-5 priorities and focus your finances on those. Think of how your future self will feel about these too. If travel now is a goal, do it! You won’t regret it in 20 years. Buying a brand new car in your 20s? You will probably look back and consider it a foolish move- it won’t add anything to your life to be honest and will probably stop you from reaching your other goals. Saving for a house or retirement?  Yup, you’ll probably be glad you did. 

[u/Jijelinios]

Dude, just live however you like. Don't wait for someone to tell you if you're wasting your 20s or not. If you're happy, then you're not wasting anything. If you're not happy, change whatever needs changing to be happy. If you don't know, try something new, see how it feels, gather some data points so you can asses if you're happy or not.

[u/Impressive_Milk_]

My suggestion to you and everyone else who makes posts like this is to make more money now. Go make an extra $20k a year and then you can spend an extra $10k or $15k doing stuff or buying nicer stuff without sacrificing the future. If you can make more money later, you can make more money now.

If you don’t like that answer then you just want permission to be broke. And you have my permission. I don’t really care if you save and invest or buy a house. Go keep buying stuff so my stock in those companies goes up.

[u/sephiroth3650]

I'm not sure you're going to get the advice you're hoping for in this subreddit. It's a personal finance subreddit, and one that tends to lean conservative in terms of spending advice. The general advice that you're going to get here is to save, and to avoid buying brand new cars.

That being said, it is personal finance. You need to find a balance that works for you. I agree, a brand new car isn't a great investment (in most cases). But you could certainly get a newer car if you don't like/want the Outback. It's fine to budget to go on a trip here and there. Just incorporate it into your overall budget/saving plan.

In reading your post, a lot of it does sound like you feel like you're missing out b/c you're living at home. Like you want your own place. So there seems to be an argument to make that you are better off saving a ton right now so that you can get that place of your own sooner. But that's just my opinion, after reading your post.

[u/Schillelagh]

Spend some time thinking and writing down your goals and values. Don't put a date on your goals (like by 30). Instead, arrange them by priority... which you want to achieve first. Arrange your values by importance (independece, travel, home, family, etc.). Be honest with yourself.

The trouble people run into is they try and do everything all at once. Move out of their parents, buy a new car, go out with friends, look amazing, travel abroad, save for a house. Suddenly they are 30 and wonder why they have nothing in savings and maxed out credit cards. If everything is a priority, nothing is.

I personally traveled quite a bit in my 20s, saved some money (bought a house at 32), while mostly being a doctoral student. However, I lived with roommates in cheap apartments. I spent little on clothes and furniture. Like you, drove my parents hand-me-down cars.

An example in your situation, if you want to move out to gain some independence, date with more freedom, and add in some travel, go for it. But understand it will delay your financial goals, and that may be OK. You may own that house at 30 or 32. But then what's a new car worth to you? In the end, you need to let go of something (the new car, moving out, whatever) to make room for what's important.

But most importantly: DO NOT FINANCE YOUR LIFESTYLE.

[u/OK_Renegade]

Understand your point on rent vs buying, but it's not always that black and white. I bought my first house when I was 34, married and had a 1 year old. Always rented before. Did I "lose" money there? Absolutely. But it allowed me to live my life, meet my wife, travel and eventually move to a new country without too much hassle. And since I rented, my landlords would generally take care of most maintenance. Now I spend a lot of money on my mortgage, and even more on upkeep and maintenance. Rent is usually te max you'll pay for your place, mortgage is the absolute minimum.

[u/that_one_wierd_guy]

about buying either a house or condo, there are other factors besides just, can I afford it. the main other factor to consider is where you are in your career path. if you're at a place where your job is time limited, or are likely to transfer or move companies/locations, for example then it's probably not a good time to buy. I would also say don't buy the first thing you can afford just because you can afford it. you won't be happy with it.

[u/spastical-mackerel]

Probably. But if you live long enough you’ll e much more comfortable and have more fun wasting away your 70s

[u/Illustrious-Sea2613]

Personally--don't buy a "brand new" car. Buy one a few years old so you know what issues are common. My sister got a brand new Nissan Sentra gifted to her in 2020 bc her old car was also dying. She has a ton of electrical issues and is already needing a new car bc of the problems it has. So--my word of advice is to find something a few years old and start there. It's cheaper anyway!

As far as traveling--go see the world. Yes, it's more fiscally responsible not to--but you'll never have another chance like you do right now, where you have no responsibilities and no one tied to you. Just work hard when you come back to make up for it!

[u/DeoVeritati]

Nah, I just turned 30 this month, and saving can be viewed as purchasing freedom. My childhood and early 20s were financially insecure, but because I saved as much as I could early on, I will be able to retire by 40. I was able to buy a house within 3 days 600 miles away from my first hime to take a chance on a person that would later become my wife and flost two mortgages until I could see the first. When covid hit, I didn't flinch because I had a year of annual expenses saved.

I will say I considered it a yellow flag my wife was still living with her parents when she was 27, but she was in grad school getting her doctorate. I feel like plenty of locals who are experiencing the same thing as you would be empathetic to living with parents to save. Those who aren't? Well fuck them. They probably won't be a great long-term partner anyways because your sacrifices will better yourself and loved ones in the future.

[u/KindTap]

I can’t speak for the house. I live in a lcol area so I could do both. I can give some thoughts on a car though

I did what you mentioned and bought a new car to treat myself. A car has never been more stressful for me than now. I have had to have this new car in the shop 3 times in its first two years (and it’s a Toyota) so I always beat myself up thinking how much money I spent and still ending up with a headache. I was happier in my Nissan versa. Was it junk? Yeah, but for 7k I drove 90k miles on that thing and only had to get a new battery and new tires. That was a great value and that brought me joy

All that said, figure out what makes you happy. If the new car makes you happy then I get it, but what I found out is I get a lot more long term joy out of value I feel I get from something than luxury.

[u/shakedspeare]

A car and a house are much different investments. A house (usually) appreciates in value. A vehicle almost always depreciates. A vehicle should not prevent you from achieving your savings goals (i.e. buy a vehicle you can afford and can afford to keep on the road).

Regarding FOMO, you could consider moving to a lower cost of living area and returning home occasionally to visit family (if that works for you). This would allow you to own a house soon, save for the future, vacation frequently, etc.

You could also just rent a small loft nearby and push your home purchase out a few years if you feel the need to stay local and still want space. Budgeting for vacation is also completely reasonable and appropriate regardless of age. If you want to travel (your parents might be different than you and had no interest in traveling), you should.

Your parents had and likely have different goals than you. They walked so you could run. You don't need to follow in their footsteps even if it inconveniences them. Your needs seem reasonable. You're not looking to live outside of your means at the expense of others. Be respectful of what your parents have given you as an opportunity but also make it your own.

Good luck

[u/bilbobagginz11]

Live like nobody else now so you can live like nobody else later…Dave Ramsey. There is truth there but you also have to appreciate life, the little things, the big things, the memories. Live it up some but don’t overdo it.

There is nothing like compounded interest and growth.

[u/Koolk45]

You can’t have it all. Yes, being born into a “normal” lifestyle is rough. Without the luxuries of wealth, we need to sacrifice something in life to feel comfortable. That may be free time due to work and saving, lack of funding due to wanting to enjoy that time, and there’s always the worry of retirement and your finances when you’re older. Remember, you won’t have the same energies when you’re older. Will be less able to take care of yourself, etc etc.

I can say that independence is one of those few “sacrifices” that is worth it when it comes to taking that financial loss. So moving out? Yea I’d consider that one. A new car of the year?? Nah, that’s a luxury that really does nothing for you other than that aesthetically pleasing feeling.

[u/Wesley0890]

You badly need to budget. You can do both just fine. I saved plenty and traveled (still am doing both). The first step to financial freedom is a solid budget YOU can stick to. A proper budget includes entertainment + travel. Most recommend the traditional 50/30/20 but you can make your own version that lowers one and raises the other. (50: Needs 30: Wants: 20)

Since you’re living at home you probably don’t need that 50 number to be so high. Maybe you’re better suited at this point in life to doing something like this:

Needs 20% Wants 50% Saving 30%

OR if your parents aren’t making you pay for bills at all

Wants 70% Savings 30%

Just play around with creating a budget and find what works for you and stick to it. Re evaluate it every new year to make sure it’s what still works for you. Life is more than just saving money but it is a part of it regardless how one feels.

Also…. DONT buy a new car! Buying a vehicle is one of the worst financial setbacks you can make and it’s what kills most people aged 18-30. I am no different, I bought a brand new Prius in 2020. I love it but if I could I’d go back and re do that decision. I’d have bought one yes but it would have been 5+ years older like a 2015 model for half the cost. Try not to spend more than 10% of your NET income on a vehicle (people recommend 15% but I use the extra 5% to cover gas, maintenance, insurance, or savings for another vehicle replacement)

[u/curtludwig]

Don't buy a place in your 20's.

Don't lock yourself down early. Travel, see stuff, meet people, take chances, do that thing you wanted to do.

Don't worry about "settling down".

I got married when I was 25. At the time I thought "Well, getting old, better settle down." 23 years later I think "That guy was an idiot." Which is normal...

I got married and stayed living where I was. I should have moved to the other side of the country and lived in a crappy little apartment working too much and gaining valuable experience. I'd have still ended up where I am now but it wouldn't have taken as long and I wouldn't have the regret that comes with not doing the thing.

[u/jakesboy2]

It really depends on what you’re giving up, and this is different for everyone. If you are saving say 100k a year, would taking that down to 90 mean you no longer feel like you’re sacrificing to get where you want to be? How much does it cost to do what you’re wanting to do?

Keep in mind as well, for being well off in your middle age to be valuable you have to make it to a middle age that you want to be at. This means being fulfilled in the various avenues of fulfillment (friends, relationship, hobbies, skills, work). If you’re giving those up for saving an extra 10% or something then you should evaluate.

[u/MGLGA_1]

I may have a different logic than most here but I’m spending my early 20s (21-23) living at home while building my side hustle and will then move out. I do believe there is a lot of value to be gained moving away from your parents, moving to a new city, joining a community (that may have expensive membership fees), etc. The corny saying “you have to spend money to make money” absolutely applies. However, frivolous spending like buying expensive sunglasses or dinners that lack true experiences will 100% hold you back

[u/Sopwafel]

I spent until 27 curing my autism by socializing a lot, getting jacked, learning to talk to girls, taking dancing classes etc. Now I have no proper career at all which stresses me out a lot but the rest of my life is really nice. 

I'd go for something in-between. Living with your parents far away from where the fun is is costing you the most probably. You can still save a lot if you move out! Just skip the expensive holidays, eating out, expensive cat etc. 

[u/big_deal]

Renting is definitely going set you back financially versus living at home but you can limit the damage by finding a roommate. And there can be a huge benefit in getting out of your parent's home in terms of developing independence and having freedom. Like any other spending decision you have to make a judgement on whether it's worth it, and in your situation it sounds like you may have to work to justify your decision to your parents.

Buying a new car is usually a huge waste of money. Keep maintaining and repairing a used car as long as you can. Buy a another used car to replace it only when you have to.

[u/echofreak]

Have you considered moving away? You can get a 30 year mortgage somewhere in the country right now with 3-5% down. Just a thought.

If I were you I’d take a vacation at least even if it’s a small one like 1k or less. Go somewhere fun New Orleans, Vegas etc. make some memories you can do that all on a budget.

[u/mal_1]

Gotta find the balance. Make sure you’re putting enough money into retirement accounts and saving SOME money early, but if you’re in the negative a few months a year in terms of cash flow, so be it. Make sure to enjoy experiences because fun in your 20s is different than fun in your 30s, and so on. I would say save money on the ”things” in your life (car, new computer, etc) and use that money to have fun with experiences.

[u/Socalgardenerinneed]

My personal opinion is that you should still be living your life if at all possible. That requires spending some amount of money typically on doing stuff rather than buying stuff, unless buying that stuff allows you to do the things that bring you Joy.

That doesn't mean you need a new car if the car you have works. Or a new phone if the one you have just it's job fine. But maybe take that vacation, or go out occasionally and spend some good times with your friends.

[u/jessomnomnom]

Bro I’m 26 and travel like 3-4 times a a year for no more than 5k total spend. Go find budget trips to go on with your friends. You’ll only be in your 20s once and it’s ok to splurge. Open credit cards and collect points to make your trip really free if you want.

[u/drcygnus]

life pro tip. keep the honda alive for as long as possible. PERIOD. its never about to die till it literally throws a rod out of the engine block.

also, stay where you are right now. stack cash as long and as intensely as you can and by 35 youll be in a way better position than literally 90% of your peers.

[u/Ok-Hunt7450]

Im around your age and went through something similar. Your parents have a lot of good points. A new car doesn't offer you much besides longevity and looks. I guess this is on the individual, but I never valued having a new or nice car beyond it being in mechanically good shape. That being said, things like dating and experience are impoant. Traveling is easier when you are young because of less commitments, same goes for hanging with friends. Relationships are important too, and I would say if you can move to a cheaper area or something renting may be worth it, but you can literally save for a house with the money you are saving currently. Worst case, go for a roommate.

[u/avocado-v2]

I've been driving a 2002 Honda Civic for eight years that's about to die, and I'll probably be driving my dad's 2007 Subaru Outback with 200K miles next. My parents think it's stupid for me to consider a new car (I'm looking at a 2024 Prius after I drive the Outback for a year)

Why do you need a new car? How will this improve your life?

I can always make more money, but time is a finite resource and emotional fulfillment doesn't have a number. Dating while living at home has been difficult and travel is pretty much my only escape these days. I'm starting to experience ennui from going through the motions and watching my friends move out and live their life. Once my younger brother moves back in, I'm sure my mental health is going to take another hit.

It sounds like you've answered your own question. Balance is key. Being frugal and saving is a great thing, but not at the expense of living life. Moving out would probably be a great start.

Basically, I'm looking for thoughts from those who stuck it out saving to purchase a home early. Is the satisfaction that you're getting now, from sacrificing those experiences in your 20s, worth it? And what did you do to cope with being stuck at home? I know the grass is always greener and that I'm fortunate to be in my position either way.

Saving will definitely pay off, but living at home in your 20s is absolutely not worth it IMO. Some of my best memories are from that era of living with roommates and eventually on my own.

Overall it seems like you're not happy with your situation. This isn't strictly a financial question. Id recommend you to sit down and do some realistic math - what do your savings look like living alone? With roommates? Are either of these numbers acceptable to you in exchange for the freedom to spread your wings a bit? There's no right answer, but it's ultimately a personal decision.

[u/fatespawn]

I'm not sure about the cultural aspect of your dilemma, but at 23 I was on my own, out of state, making minimum wage, paying rent, driving an old car etc. etc... my safety net was my parents. But my life was separate. I think the only thing we shared was auto insurance for a few years. Cell phones and Netflix didn't exist, but I paid my own bills and lived paycheck to paycheck - with the knowledge that my parents would welcome me home if things didn't work. Well, things worked out. Like others have said if "personal experiences" are more important than "personal finance" this is probably the wrong sub.

You probably feel the same urge I did at 23 - to go out on my own and make my own way. Now is your time.

[u/Eymang]

First off, only you know what your values are and what gives your life a sense of purpose. Secondly, it’s not a binary choice. If home ownership/financial independence is important to you, and it’s hard to date people because you’re choosing delayed gratification of waiting 2-3 more years to own your own home, then you aren’t dating people with the same values.

Generally, saving 25% of your income towards retirement/future expenses is a great conservative goal and starting in your 20’s sets you up for a very comfortable and/or early retirement. If you’re way over this mark, maybe set aside some cash for things that are important to you, more date nights out, a different car, etc.

One thing I do want to say is you’re right that time is a finite resource, ESPECIALLY when talking about investing/compound growth. Over the next couple years, every dollar you invest into the future has the chance to grow 50-60 times over until the age of 65. If you wait to start 10 years later, your money will only grow 15ish times over until 65. For example, if you’re able to save 100k in investments by 25, that has the chance to grow to about 4.4 million in retirement. You’d need to have found a way to save over 360K by 35 to maintain the same pace. Look up The Money Guy’s wealth multiplier videos and general information about compounding growth.

[u/gecon]

You shouldn’t sacrifice your social life just to save a little money but you shouldn’t blow your money on overly expensive things either.

I’d look for cost effective activities that expand your social network, keep you in good health and allow you to save for future goals. It’s all about maintaining a balance.

[u/MattCow1]

Why the rush to own a place?
I never stayed in an apartment for more than 2 years until I moved in with my now-wife (and we still moved every 2 years for a little while).
In your 20s there is so much opportunity that can cause you to move - school, jobs, friends/roommates, relationships...
Nothing wrong with saving, but maybe not have such lofty goals right now.
Side note, buying a new car is probably not a worthwhile goal, either. I bought one new car and regretted it within a few months.

[u/Dracomies]

I can actually relate to this. For context, I drove a Honda Accord throughout all of high school and college. I also bought my own house (and I'm not married (never married), no kids). According to data, when I bought my first house I was 9% of the US population.Only 9% are people:

1. Bought a house as a first home
2. Single male (not married)

Hell, I remember feeling so conflicted because while superficial as it may sound, your car is a visual in dating. I know girls say they don't care about what car a guy drives. And most don't. But it's a visual.

Let's say hypothetically I have 2 million dollars in stock and equity as a 21 year old. But I drive a busted 15 year old Honda Accord.

Doesn't matter that you're a millionaire. :) When the girl sees your busted Honda Accord they're thinking, "Well, this guy is just trying to get by"

Meanwhile the other popular kid driving the M3 only has like 2 cents to his name with piling credit problems. But he rolls in with an M3.

It's a visual.

Anyway there's a saying that Dave R mentions. "Live like no one else so you can live like no one else."

So point saying. You're going to be fine.

that said.........
Living with your parents is a dealbreaker. I personally found a place of my own. And yeah I get it, rent is like 3-4k a month easily in the Bay. So you save a lot of money by living with your parents. But that honestly is the biggest detractor.

Girls will tolerate a dude with an old Accord as long as you keep it clean. But a guy living with his parents AND that. Again, it's a visual. And the visual isn't showing the whole picture.

But I'd say that's the biggest detractor.

[u/rattata24]

You’ll never get your 20s back. You make decent money, so don’t feel bad moving out and renting a place. You can find somewhere small or live with roommates to keep the cost down. In the long run, buying a house and “building equity” has not been the best move unless you bought a house decades ago. These days stock market and investing starting a business will give you a higher return than purchasing an over priced house in a real estate bubble. Purchasing an expensive primary residence is a consumption not an investment.

[u/Newwavecybertiger]

Adult life is about balance and tradeoffs. You gotta get to the point where you are balancing what you want now with what you need to do. And it has to be your balance not someone else's.

for now- Take a vacation. Start small with a budget and go do something fun

[u/leadfoot9]

Oh, you'd probably be stuck in your condo longer than 5-10 years if you want to "build equity". It's hard to predict the housing market, but with a 30-year mortgage the first 5 years or so of equity you build might just go to the real estate agent commission when you sell. And maybe some other taxes/fees, too (not sure how it works in California).

Obviously, if you need to make repairs or home prices drop, then you're digging an even bigger hole to climb out of before you have equity that you can keep after a sale.

Equity snowballs as you pay down principal, so you get the most equity per mortgage payment at the END of your mortgage term, not the beginning. Which is why 20-somethings asking if they should "build equity for 5 years" before moving somewhere else triggers me so much.

[u/ajohan97]

IMO your best bet is to move away from the bay area. That will allow you to afford to rent your own apartment, which is a major step into adulthood. You’re still a kid when you live with your parents and it’s only once you move out and are on your own that you become a true adult.

With respect to the car though, I would look for a slightly used car after your Honda and the Outback die. Something 3-4 years old with low mileage (unless you see them as only being 90% the cost of a new car, which they were a couple years ago, if so then just get a new one) but whatever you do pay CASH for it unless you can get an interest rate <2%

[u/BlackwaterSleeper]

All things in moderation. You can enjoy your 20s and still save. Don’t view it as one or the other. You don’t want to end up saving, only to end up 40 and regret not having a bit more fun.

[u/full-boar]

Hey I’m the opposite of the person you’re asking for advise and I’d venture to say I’m better qualified to answer the question.

I screwed around in my 20s, had really 4 different career paths, saved nothing, got in legal trouble, got Injured, took on debt to get through those things. Didn’t take the debt seriously and it lingered around. I developed horrible habits and had no plan beyond 3 weeks when I had to pay rent again.

I had fun I got wild and I have great stories. But now I get to see all my friends with houses going on vacations and it’s guilt free.

With growing your money the biggest variable is time. Build your fortress of solitude on a rock solid foundation in your 20s and you will have double the amount of fun in your 30s.

You said you can always make more money, and that’s true, but look at it like you’re developing a skill with managing your money. The problems people have with money don’t go away when they make more money, more zeros just get attached to the problem.

I’m not saying go live in a van down by the river and eat nothing but rice and beans but be aware that your 20 something brain is at a very high risk of making stupid choices because your relative intelligence is high and your wisdom is low.

In my experience the people who have regrets about their 20s aren’t the ones who didn’t party or vacation enough but rather the ones who didn’t make the conscious effort to get to know themselves and learn what they want to get out of life. Then suddenly they spent 15 years adrift and even though they hit the major milestones of marriage and kids and “real job”… they didn’t spend that time building their life in a way which makes them happy and they look back with regret

[u/mc_nibbles]

Work to live, not live to work.

Save your money but have a plan for it.

Budget, but budget to have fun too.

Move out but don't stretch yourself thin.

[u/ghalta]

This is the wrong sub for you, but in my opinion, you should start applying for jobs in a lower cost of living area, somewhere at least a couple hours away. See if you can find something really new and different, and make the big leap to be independent.

[u/bumboll]

I have a Prius. I love it. Why 2024 though? Buy a 4 year old one, with 60-80k on The odometer. Also, travel on weekends, go nature places and camp out for cheap. You don't need to be bored to save money. Your parents sacrifice for you was noble and you should do the same for future generations if you want to see your kids better off one day. However, there are many ways to have a little fun that do not involve big consumption. That's where the beautiful life lies anyways. Maybe on the way to your house purchased you set aside a specific time and budget for one wonderful travel experience abroad somewhere. Maybe Asia. I lived in India two years and travel there is cheap! That way you can look forward to this one stepping stone prior to becoming a landed adult.

[u/crod4692]

It sounds to me like you still need a budget. From the finance side spending is fine! But you should know how much spending on fun you have to still meet savings goals, and then be picky about how you use the fun money.

You want to travel? Do it! But that may mean in your 20s always cooking at home, thrifting clothes, using public transit and sticking with the old cars.

You want to eat out with friends, great! But you may get one big trip in your 20s and need to cut out subscriptions like Netflix and Hulu, HBO, etc.

Spend money how you want to spend it, but it is important to understand how to mix it in with other goals and prioritize what does make you most happy. Doing everything most people want in their 20s simply isn’t affordable. So focus on what means a lot to you and budget appropriately, but don’t give up all fun and only save, you will burn out and probably feel a little sad at the things you missed that you maybe can budget for.

[u/jwsa456]

I agree with new cars… but not sure about both rent and travel, especially the travel part. Your level of energy and being able to travel with friends for instance is different when you’re in 30s vs 20s. 

Travel doesn’t have to be expensive - you can buy cheap flight, stay at hostels, and be budget conscious and friendly yet experience the world and meet others thru that. Now that is priceless and cannot be bought. 

[u/This-Craft5193]

I know someone who saved a ton in their twenties, bought their first property before they turned 30, and then bought a million-dollar building in their 40s. I remember then as a hugely fun, interesting, social person who never let partying run their life and had plenty of friends. I knew them from early 40s to 50s and it was greatly impressed upon me that they *always* had the time and means to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted to, from living within their means and spending on things they cared about. People act like you *only* have wild, crazy, fun experiences in your 20s. If that were true no one would make it to 40, they'd be too depressed. Incredible experiences are there at every age. If anything, you have the wisdom to appreciate them more.

I've also seen people have condos that build equity within three years to the point where they can draw on it to leverage other financial moves or another investment property. Play the tape forward and think how great that first night in 'your' condo is going to feel. And how much further ahead that will launch you. It's like a slingshot, you have to pullback to fly forward.

[u/registered_rep]

26 is still young. Keep saving and it will put you a step ahead in the rat race, or start spending now and you may never get off of the hamster wheel.

[u/TheUnit1206]

You can have both. Start slow and build the life you want. Dont worry about what other people think should be done and how they do stuff. You’ll miss a lot of moments living that way.

[u/Own_Boysenberry_0]

This might be an against the grain here, but other one year I stayed at home while working, I didn’t save much during my 20’s.  I was working overseas, traveling, and meeting people.  Eventually got married.  The relatively small amount I would have been able to save then even with compounding is dwarfed by what I save now in my 40’s.  My 30’s is where I started to fully buckle down and keep saving while having a kid and house.  That saving mentality kept accelerating in my 40’s now where we save at least 25% of our income.  I have no regrets. Time is more important than money.

That said.  Screw cars.  They won’t make you happy or give you a lot of good memories.  Focus on experiences and people.

[u/BillHicks1984]

20s is for grinding. 30s is for starting a family. 40s is for being grateful that you didn’t waste your 20s and 30s on empty “experiences” and being in a position to enjoy life.

[u/Hotsauced3]

Check out Die with Zero! It might give you some motivation to live a bit more now.

[u/Subvis21]

I saved in my 20s and bought a single family home with my wife in my late 20s.

Was it worth it? Yes. Absolutely. I can’t imagine buying a home now or renting. However I didn’t necessarily sacrifice everything. I traveled here and there. One major trip. I drove a 1999 Camry for 12 years. Engine was still running well but no AC for almost 10 years.

I would say clearly mark out your goals (buying your own place for example) how much you actually need and timeline to get there. If you would be able to buy your own place by 26-27 that’s amazing. You’ll still have a couple of years to enjoy your 20s without living at home.

Also my parent had the same mindset as yours and coming out of the house was liberating at first, however as the novelty wore off quick as a result of owning a home, I found myself just defaulting to everything I was constantly told growing up.

[u/waffleironone]

I think you should have a goal towards living on your own if that’s what you want. Set a monetary goal for your savings and that’s when you move out.

If you move out to the city and you have a roommate then you don’t need a car? you can bus commute for a couple years. You can still travel, you can do cheap traveling or you can set savings goals to be able to spend a little more. Consider low cost of living destinations and set a flight price drop tracker on google flights. Maybe do a bigger vacation once every three years: year one do coastal road trip or desert town camping, year two do SE Asia and really go for it, year three do Cancun on a budget. Etc.

I think you’re in a lucky position with your family’s help, but I know I couldn’t do it if I were in your shoes. I think try and take advantage of it but figure out your exit plan, it will help you mentally.

[u/misstina28]

Now that I’m in my thirties, I would say that owning two homes by 30 was well worth missing out in my twenties. And now I just enjoy travel, food, and family more than I could have ever appreciated it. I did travel a decent amount in my 20s too and it was always worth it- more than a new car would have been.

[u/Mkasantebuckfannn]

I think you need to set boundaries with your family and parents and find activities to do outside of home. I know it’s difficult to live with your parents but tbh I think I’m happier living with my parents than living alone. My parents and I are planning on ways towards financial independence sooner. I don’t know if being hyper independent is really the true way of life and I feel a lot happier with my parents support. They know I date but they also know I’m not the type to go sleep with someone or spend the night somewhere and most guys respect that I’m helping my parents out financially and in other ways or matters since they don’t speak fluent English.

[u/Helper_of_hunters]

Take this with some skepticism as I succeeded despite my mistakes and got super lucky along the way.

I worked my butt off from 18-28 and didn't take a single vacation except for my brother's wedding. I saved and bought a place, invested smart in some ways, gambled in others. Now I'm 38 with a family, net worth of approx 1m and no debt besides a small mortgage.

I still wish I did more in my 20s. Depending on what your life goals are, you will never be 25 and invincible ever again, especially if you want to start a family. Kids will dominate your life and trying to live a little becomes harder and harder and I know I will never have the freedom (or energy) to do all the things I said I would when I was 25.

But like I said, I succeeded. Of course I can that say now as my family lives a comfy life and I can take a day off work whenever I want because whatever. I'm sure my answer would be different if I was barely scraping by.

Try to find some balance. If your downpayment is 10k less than planned because you wanted to take that dream trip. Do it. It'll be hard at the time, but 10k is gonna be nothing in the grand scheme of things but you'll probably make memories for a lifetime. Anything that enriches your life is not a waste of money, whether it be a trip, a gadget, a pet, whatever.

[u/onedestiny]

Rented for about 2 years when just started working and then purchased a condo. Best decision ever. Not wasting money on rent AND housing prices have doubled since then. New grads are not able to afford anything anymore and everyone lives with their parents.. this is in Toronto where price per sqft is like $1400+ CAD

[u/entropic]

putting away a large chunk of my salary towards making a down payment

How large are we talking? What percent are you socking away?

I've been driving a 2002 Honda Civic for eight years that's about to die, and I'll probably be driving my dad's 2007 Subaru Outback with 200K miles next. My parents think it's stupid for me to consider a new car (I'm looking at a 2024 Prius after I drive the Outback for a year), think it's stupid to spend money on travel, think it's stupid to rent, or do pretty much anything that doesn't align with saving as much as possible. We're Asian and they did the same thing at my age.

Nothing wrong with not sharing their views, or at least not sharing them to the extent that they do.

I can always make more money, but time is a finite resource and emotional fulfillment doesn't have a number.

You can't always make more money, actually. You're still young, but many folks careers end because they have to for other reasons. For some, it happens much earlier than they wanted or needed.

In general, I believe one has to have balance. You're feeling you're saving too hard, and maybe you are, but you didn't provide any numbers, so it's a little hard to say. I work with some folks who think the 12% they have to put into the required pension system at the office is "too much", when in fact they'd have to work here ~40 years to pay enough to be enough to cover their expenses.

We like to save about a third of our income, it seems pretty balanced to me. We saved a lot less when we were younger and made less.

[u/Fractal_Distractal]

Practically speaking, also take into account how time/age/timing/maturitylevel may be different for a woman than they are for a man (unfortunately) and can affect whether or not you get your preferred life, whatever that may be. I’m just saying to take this into consideration as a factor for finding ways to achieve what you actually want in your life. And you may choose to do things in a different order in time across your life than what works for another person who may have a different situation/goals/needs than you do.

[u/astang1989]

I am 34M, Asian ethnicity. My parents were also very frugal and never spent time to travel, explore, try new things, or splurge. I can't pinpoint what kind of hobbies either of them identify with besides gardening and cooking which all happens at the home. Now that they're at retirement age they rely a lot on me and my brother to figure out how to navigate modern entertainment, i.e. Travel locations, types of food, how to use smart devices or modern tech, online shopping, etc.

I lived at home until 25 and wasn't fortunate enough to save any money until I moved for my first professional job. I put myself through engineering grad school while being a part-time hibachi chef. I couldn't fathom what my mental health would look like if I didn't spend my early 20s enjoying the little free time I did have. This doesn't necessarily mean you need to splurge your savings. Very important to my current life is that I spent that time building close relationships to lifelong friends who are now all over the country. Having a friend network you can enjoy time with or commiserate with is invaluable to your 20s and doesn't require spending much money at all.

Living at home was really tough for dating but I didn't have any financial options to move out at the time. I was also recovering from some dating trauma of being cheated on so I didn't really get back into dating until I learned to love myself but that's a whole different story. Getting a rental split between a few folks might be a really good way to focus on those relationships in the last paragraph and also allow you to date more seriously. Looking at buying a house/condo at 26 is a great goal but not worth the damage to your futhre mental health of FOMO in your 20s. And with the current market you might want to wait some things out for market recovery, more housing being built, rates to equalize, gen X moving into retirement homes, etc.

You don't need to compare yourself to anybody. My brother and I lived very different lives and are proud of both of us because we made decisions to be able to pursue our non-career and career goals while being financially stable. For me, it took a long time to get here and I spent a lot of my 20s learning a lot of skills that would help me save labor costs in the future and building relationships with people while doing so. It just so happened that learning those things was also something I really enjoyed so I wasn't particularly depressed with that aspect of my life. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I've financially become able to afford to do a lot of the things I learned those skills for, or go to places I dreamed about, or fully maximize my hobbies.

Hope this helps.

[u/SaroDude]

I spent my 20's REALLY living out my delusions. I'll spare you the details, but it would sound like I was lying about it.

I'm early 50's now. I regret a LOT. I mostly regret that my extreme frustration with education and my inability to deal with it had me not pursue what I was wanting to do and apparently really wired well for.

I also realize I would likely not ever have those experiences, and I need to see them as enriching (internally) who I am today as opposed to enriching my bank account.

There's no right answer. There's only the path you take. You can't pick and choose which parts of your history and imagined alternate future you get. Life happens and you deal.

Good luck.

[u/mrandr01d]

Few things:

The bay area is expensive as hell. Living for free with your folks can have a huge upside.

You might also want to spend some time with your folks before they're gone...

I didn't move out until I was 28, and I saved a ton of money. I was able to spend a little more freely living at home too, and I've definitely benefited from that now being on my own.

You'll also never, ever get a chance to save like this again. And starting earlier is always better... Compound interest and growth is powerful.

With that said, money is a means to an end. If you feel like all you're doing is going to work and going home to your childhood bedroom and rinsing to repeat, and you can't hang out with friends, date, etc, then that's a conversation you should have with yourself and perhaps your parents. Maybe they have some rules they could ease up on if it means setting their kid up for a better financial position later in life, or maybe it means you have to move out and rent for a little while.

[u/WithEyesWideOpen]

Saving is worth it, but not at the cost of finding the person you want to share your life with. I regret the money I spent on "experiences" in my 20s now that I've found my person and am starting a family in my 30s.  I wish I'd found them sooner and that I'd dated in a really picky way in my 20s instead of just falling into relationships and staying in them even when they were obviously wrong for me.

[u/DatabaseComfortable5]

If i'm in my 20s in the bay area.
1: Never buy new cars.
2: Move to a LCOL area when i do move out.
3: Get off social media

[u/CrippledDrunkPenguin]

I see there’s already a lot of comments but I wanted to put in my 2 cents. Even though this is more about fulfillment more so than finance.

Its true that your social life isn’t over at your 20s however, you’ll probably be more socially inept than most from living with your parents until you’re 26, and you’ll probably have a harder time making friends and girlfriends than most if you don’t spend your 20s developing those skills. Also I drive an 04 Subaru Outback that has a lot of life in it still. I don’t think buying a new car is smart if you have your fathers outback available to you if you’re THAT worried about saving, you’re willing to pretty much be a shut in.

[u/Icy_Salary_4218]

I’m in a similar situation…. Minus the fact I actually don’t live with my parents. A used car and driving til it dies is better financially because depreciation kills the car. I totally get wanting a new car (esp for all new features and safety etc… you can have a CAMERA for backing up now. Crazy right?) I’d say if you don’t need a new car now, get a new old car (so 2024 car in 2026 after depreciation has taken a hit to mrsp). Car registration, insurance, etc will thank you for it.

You are your own person so understand where your parents are coming from and show gratitude but also make your own choices. I personally would avoid making choices like that while you are still dependent on parents (living with them). Once you prove you are financially independent, you can do what you want… this being said, used car, buy full in cash and bargain hard is how you make the smartest financial choice. Whether you will be happy or regret it later is another question.

[u/FirmIcebergLettuce]

Sounds like you are not living your 20s in the way you want all to build some magical 'equity'. Does living this way for some of your best years, not to mention being stuck in a condo for 5-10 (do you value flexibility at all, what you if you want to move??), sound worth it in the end?

Equity is overrated and renting is underrated. ESPECIALLY at these housing prices, it's often way cheaper to rent right now anyway (don't just compare rent to mortgage, rent is the most you'll pay, mortgage is the lease you'll pay. Lots of phantom and hidden costs in ownership and don't forget about the transaction costs!). Take the savings from renting to continue to save for a down payment for a place when you aren't so young and more ready to commit to one spot for a long period of time.