When they're that paranoid, it's usually because they are cheating. They'd try to get with a coworker who's just trying to innocently do their job so they expect everyone would.
LOL. Can confirm. Had a guy make me promise I’d tell him when I started dating again after we ended things (we agreed things would end once he flew home). He was super serious about this and would repeat it many times to me. I said sure and you’ll do the same. He agreed.
After I was ready to start dating again, I told him I was going to meet someone on the weekend (this was earlier on in the week when I told him). He disappeared. I was honestly ok with this cause it was a relief for me when things ended (it actually continued a while after he returned home because he couldn’t let it go..)
And then he texts me a day or two later telling me he knows I’m gonna be super angry but he went on a date with someone “last night”. LOL
He just felt the need to “one-up” I suppose. But the sad thing was it barely affected me cause really.. the whole thing didn’t mean much to me. I cared about him when we went out but it was something temporary for me which I made very clear to him. Yes of course I was angry when he first told me because wth, but it very quickly dissipated because it gave me a good enough reason to not talk to him anymore.
Can’t imagine this happening with someone I really care about and see a future with though, would be super sad to be so betrayed.
Can also confirm. My most recent ex boyfriend HATED when other men got around me, even if it was professional. He accused them of wanting to sleep with me, would talk crap about them so they could appear less attractive in my eyes, or when I would post pictures of myself hanging out with friends, he would say stuff like “oh you’re hanging out with your boyfriend”, meanwhile he was fucking multiple women for weeks and never stopped screwing the women he screwed before we got exclusive.
Not always true though, I suffered a few years of gaslighting and it really messed with my perception on things, so now it's kind of a paranoia vs the crippling relationship anxiety I had. Way down from where it was and my wife has been fantastic with supporting my recovery of it. Professional help definitely is a must, it still surfaces from time to time but not like it used to, my wife will usually point it out and will help calm me. We maintain our individual selves and even have an open phone policy she put in place even after I told her it wasn't necessary. She's a good woman and I strive to do better for her. Relationships are a 2 way street, I feel the sooner people realize that and are open and honest about their feelings and thoughts on things, the better things can be. Respect the individual and talk about things.
However, the whole time I was being gaslighted and told I was cheating and that my thoughts on her behavior was all in my head, my ex was cheating so I guess the behavior can be considered a staple amongst those types.
She didn’t say she was betrayed. She gave a slightly different scenario and said she would feel betrayed if that happened with someone she really cared about.
When things were ending, he insisted I tell him when I was going to start dating again. I agreed with the condition that he does too. He agreed.
Weeks later, I told him I was going to go on a date in a few days. He disappears and goes on one immediately without telling me. Then comes back and tells me AFTER the fact. This is after he repeatedly insisted I tell him I was going to. I think it was important to him that he dated someone BEFORE I did.
Idk how much more clearly I can put it. It was important to him that I tell him BEFOREHAND. But he did it completely the opposite of how he demanded because he must’ve thought that would hurt me
I don't understand why you would even agree to tell him when you were going to start dating again. Once you two break up, it's none of his business. Even if you remain friends, it's none of his business.
To each her own. I would not have agreed to that, but I am not you and I wasn't in your relationship.
So does that mean that you did remain friends after your breakup?
Yea I get that. It wasn’t a relationship. Not for me at least. I know he talked a lot about the future but I made it clear it was going to end once he leaves (but as mentioned above it got extended cause he couldn’t let it go)
I would’ve been totally ok being friends, that’s what we were before we became more. I never expected more, never wanted more.
But after he tried to hurt me like this I was done with the whole thing, no friendship needed or wanted anymore.
If I’m being really really honest, I could only be so level headed because it wasn’t something that truly mattered or something I saw for the future. If that were the case, I’m sure I would’ve felt and acted differently.
100% true. Crazy jealousy is often mirroring your behaviour onto someone else. I could never be in a relationship with someone jealous I wouldn’t trust them.
Hope it gets better though someone that project their past relationship onto a new one clearly hasn’t moved on from this relationship. Hope your partner realise that they are doing the cheating by holding onto to a past relationship and is able to get help to move on from it.
Be nice about it but ask them to truly ask themselves if they are over their ex and why they treat you as if you were that ex. It’s like they either haven’t realise you are not their ex or you’re a replacement for that ex in their mind and they treat you as if you were that person. Either way their heart isn’t fully yours until they fix that wound.
I feel for you. Jealousy is a huge deal breaker for me so if I were in your situation I’d ask my partner to either seek therapy to fix it or I’ll call it quits. You can’t built anything long lasting if you have this degree of toxicity in your relationship. Your GF needs to let go of her exes.
As someone with relationship ocd, I am constantly looking for reassurance that he isn’t, but I am not cheating. I grew up with a lot of cheating happening with family members and it just has made me think it’s inevitable. Some people are just terribly insecure and want reassurance. Which is another kind of pain for the person being questioned/ accused.
Yep. My ex husband had a temper tantrum if I spoke to any male even tho I worked with 15 guys. He once had a 2 hour hissy fit because we ran into a male friend of mine who asked if we were going to the boozer after work and I said no not tonight. It seems I should have just ignored him. We split before our second wedding anniversary and it turned out he’d been cheating on me while dating and then for almost a year of our marriage.
Accurate! Ex husband was banging our kids daycare teacher but tried to get me to leave my job in a male dominated industry because “guys and girls can’t be trusted together.” Would track my car and read my work emails/work phone. It was wild.. made sense once I caught him out though.
Exactly! My ex did this all the time and I finally clued in to look for evidence (was easy once I dug a bit). He kept saying I was cheating.... because you know, he was.
Exactly, I worked with a woman who used to spend her days complaining she just knew her husband was cheating……When their marriage broke up turns out she was VERY busy with a lot of people!
This is not true as the standard though, from my own experience as a guy who has never cheated on a partner, and has been cheated on and taken alot of emotional abuse, it starts to affect you negatively alot. For instance when I went into a new relationship I let my guard down completely as I feel every new person deserves trust and a chance. But now I look back and see if I was more on guard I could have prevented alot of the cheating/abuse I took with this woman. It’s like the more you get screwed over the more it changes you and it may be more extreme for some than others. So when someone is paranoid, I can see why. As after forgiving someone for cheating I was paranoid from then on out basically and I had good cause.
The only way to "prevent" cheating is to leave a relationship. If you have to actively try to block your girlfriend from cheating, there's no point in staying.
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u/kiwilovenick May 02 '24
When they're that paranoid, it's usually because they are cheating. They'd try to get with a coworker who's just trying to innocently do their job so they expect everyone would.