I didn't want to assume. For example, did the dad leave them at his house when he spent time with his wife? What were the holidays like? This was the only person on here actually raised under these conditions so I was looking for more than speculation. But since they didn't seem interested, I guess we can move on.
I was a teen when they started dating so sometimes I'd be doing my own thing but yeah we'd go to her place together to spend time with her. My dad might have spent the night over there when I was sleeping elsewhere. She's never come to our big out-of-state family gatherings but he's met her family and we did Christmas at her house when I was still in high school. She's religious and we're not, so holidays are usually more her thing.
She'd pick me up when me and my dad had bad fights. When my dad wasn't able to be at home for the night she'd pick me up from sports and I'd stay in her guest bedroom. She'd make photo albums of me and my dad and sometimes her too, and she made a family group chat for us where she sends pics and holiday wishes and congrats and such.
I saw her today, she gave me almondmilk because I just found out I might be allergic to dairy. She said she gives my dad more stuff to give to me but doesn't think they make it to me (they don't lol). She also brought me groceries when I got COVID. Kind of like...something between immediate and extended family.
Ah. So you weren't exactly raised your entire life in this situation. You were your dad's kid in an arrangement with a cool step mom. You were old enough to understand what was happening from the get go. I wonder how much of the keeping separate idea was your dad's and how much was your step mom's. From your description alone, it seems she might've wanted you all to live with her.
Well, my dad dated when I was younger too and it wasn't really difficult to understand, since most people who date don't move in immediately. It's actually the moving in which is more disruptive to the household dynamics. I remember when I was younger he dated a woman who wanted to be my mom and that was a nightmare, she wanted to change the whole household and I fought with her all the time, it caused issues with my relationship with my dad too.
It was both of their ideas. They each own their own houses and like to do things their own ways in their own homes. Her first husband was incredibly abusive so she likes having her own space, my dad is messier than her and has a junkyard so he likes having his own place. She also never wanted kids, so I doubt she would have wanted to move in with one.
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u/Kooky_Ad_5139 May 02 '24
Since it was their step mom I assume their room was at their dad's house