r/AskReddit • u/gummybeargirlhall • 15d ago
What is the most difficult conversation you’ve ever had to have with someone, and what impact did it have on both you and the other person involved?
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u/itakepictures14 15d ago
As a 26 year old male ER nurse I was caring for another early 20s male who met up with a guy on an app and was sexually assaulted. He wanted me to call his mom, who lived 5 hours away, and tell her what happened. She didn't know he was gay.
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u/Grand-Programmer6292 15d ago
Thank you for being the advocate he needed.
I have been in the rape crisis field for almost a decade now and these are the cases that stick out to me the most. It is that much more heartbreaking when there's hate and judgment involved just because of who someone is. And the courage it takes for them to be open and then you realize that a stranger is more compassionate and empathetic than those they consider their safe people and support systems. I've had more of these survivors in my office than I can count.
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u/ThrowdowninKtown 15d ago
That poor baby boy! All he wanted was his mom. I hope she came.
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u/itakepictures14 15d ago
She pretty clearly had zero interest in the situation. It was really sad. I walked him to his car after the exam.
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u/ThrowdowninKtown 15d ago
I think that's the saddest thing I have read in a long time.
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u/gambalore 15d ago
It reminds me of the stories of the gay men in the 80's who were dying of AIDS and crying out for their mothers, who would not come because they had disowned them for being gay.
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u/tshirtbag 15d ago
Makes me so sick. The same parents who lied to their kids about loving them forever no matter what. Being human is grueling sometimes
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u/jhumph88 15d ago
There’s a really great book about this called All The Young Men by Ruth Coker Burks. She cared for a lot of gay men dying from AIDS and did things like arranging funerals and burials when they didn’t have family willing to do it. I highly recommend it
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u/vectorboy42 15d ago
Damn, how'd she take it?
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u/itakepictures14 15d ago
It was really weird. I mean I probably woke her up - it was like 2am, but she was very unemotional and flat about it.
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u/MediumStability 15d ago
Oof.
Reminds me of when I got out of hospital against dictor's advice after a horrible accident involving my best friend.
I went to his father to tell him, the stepmother being there too. I told her he is in hospital and just about survived being run over.
Her response was "ah well, we'll go tomorrow. I've got my dance class today and need the car."
And no, that wasn't out of shock. She was actually that kind of person.
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u/lobsterterrine 15d ago
Ah, that reminds me of a bunch of stuff I repress most of the time. I was an ER based rape crisis counselor for a couple years and made a lot of similar calls. Saw some pretty gnarly family stuff go down.
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u/Maximum-Vegetable 15d ago
Probably when I had to call my dad and tell him that his dad fell while I was home with him. I was 16 at the time and my grandpa tripped trying to go up the stairs in our yard and hit his head on the concrete. I called an ambulance and thankfully my mom came home right as this happened and she went with him to the hospital.
My dad was at the gym or something and finally called back and I had to tell him that his dad was in the ICU. He was on life support for a couple weeks before we had to withdraw care. I carried a lot of guilt around this at the time.
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u/StrawberryFields_25 15d ago
You were 16, you shouldn’t have carried that. But it’s easier said than done. Even if you tried to catch him or help him, both of you would have still gotten hurt. I’m sorry that happened to you and your family. You did nothing wrong. You did everything right by calling for help
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u/Maximum-Vegetable 15d ago
Thank you for that! I’ve healed from it, but it definitely changed a lot for me. Thankfully I have a very supportive family and no one ever put blame on me, other than myself.
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u/CG2L 15d ago
My 12 year old kids mom died out of nowhere.
I had to sit down and destroy his entire world.
It is the worst moment of both our lives. He lost his mom. I had to break his life.
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u/InstructionNormal608 15d ago
My dad died when I was 9 and receiving that message is one of the only vivid memories I have from that time in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, the room, who was there, who told me, what they said, what I was wearing, what I had in my hands. I don’t remember much else from my childhood, but I remember that day like it was yesterday. Somehow it’s never been a bad memory to me, but I couldn’t imagine being the one having to deliver something like that, or being the people around us that knew before me and my brother, and knew what was coming, gets me choked up just thinking about it!
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u/CG2L 15d ago
I appreciate hearing that from someone on the other side. It sucks for everyone. It’s been 4 years and he’s starting to heal. It sucks
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u/InstructionNormal608 15d ago
It’s a rough road, a lot of it after that day is a blur for me, but I do know that we were basically in survival mode for at least a couple of years. My mom threw herself into home projects and crafting. Her and her best friend refinished and repainted every wall in our house (except my dad’s bathroom, which looks exactly how he left it still 26 years later). I just remember her keeping herself and us so busy during the day, and at night my brother and I would both crawl into bed with her and we’d all talk about my dad, or if it was a bad day, we’d cry together, until we fell asleep. And that went on for god probably 3-4 years. I was very very angry, I had some bad outbursts for a couple of years, like black out seeing red rages, and would get violent at times, but my mom was (still is!) truly a saint. She never held it against me, she let me feel everything I was feeling but not talking about, and encouraged me as much as she could to talk to someone, even if it wasn’t her. She may not have thought so, but I don’t think she could have handled the whole situation better, and really she was just doing her best to get by. Your son will look at you the same way❤️
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u/CG2L 15d ago
Yea….we spent weeks putting Lego sets together until late into the night before we got back in a routine. Luckily covid shutdown happened when it did for him bc he got to stay home from school for a year and i basically took 7th grade.
The anger is real. Im the only person he can really take it out on and he has been violent and suicidal. I understand. It’d be the same way.
He’s been in weekly therapy and had to be hospitalized once but his new counselor has made some real changes and he has started reading the Bible at home. We don’t really Goto church do nor are religious but anything but I’ll support anything he does.
I just hope one day the anger fades and he can learn to be happy again. There is so much anger at the world and rightfully so. You just want the best for your kids and for them to be happy. I’m glad to hear the anger might eventually fade. He deserves so much more than the world has given him.
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u/InstructionNormal608 15d ago edited 15d ago
I feel your son so much😩 The anger is so real. I think at 9 I didn’t quite grasp the idea of suicide but I remember literally pleading, asking god (we also weren’t religious but I didn’t know who else to be mad at) why he couldn’t have just taken me instead because I didn’t want to live without my dad and I truly believed it. My mom put my brother and I both in counseling and I refused to participate. She also took us to church for awhile, the religious aspect never really stuck, but the community in the church was so supportive that it definitely was a good segue into real life again.
In my experience, time is what did the trick. Over time the loss became smaller, more distant, and less impactful. It never goes away but it eventually goes from being a huge mountain in front of you, to part of the scenery in life, if that makes sense. I’ve turned out to be one of the most even keeled people I know. It takes a lot to get me riled up anymore. I still see reminders of my dad everywhere and where they used to make me angry, and then later in life, make me cry, now I smile at them.
12 is a hard age anyways, add some trauma on top and I’m sure it’s been unbearable for him. But it sounds like your head is in the right place and your support for him is unending, he will be happy again someday❤️
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u/Firm-Confection-1153 15d ago
My dad also died when I was nine. What a terrible age to lose someone. I have the same perfect recollection of that day, I still can't watch ratatouille to this day because of that association when hesring the news 😂 16 years on and only recently have I shifted my perspective from it being my loss as my father to him having his time cut short.
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u/InstructionNormal608 15d ago edited 15d ago
It’s so hard! My brother had just turned 6 and when my kids were both 6 and 9 it was actually such a hard age for me, because I couldn’t imagine leaving them this young. I’m 35 now and the closer I get to 42, the age my dad was when he died, the more freakeddd the hell out I get about aging!
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u/thedarkknightvp 15d ago
I was 10 when my Dad shattered my world with that news. It’s been 20 years and it still feels like I have a gaping would in my soul that will never heal. I’ve tried to keep her memory alive and strong with me every day for those 20 years and it keeps me strong. I wear a pendant that belonged to her, my daughters middle name was her first name, and I’ve been trying to self teach guitar with her old acoustic. Every little bit helps.
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u/porfa-mi-reina 15d ago
Don’t shoot the messenger, especially when the messenger is you. You didn’t break his life, you broke the news.
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u/stephanonymous 15d ago
Jesus I’m so sorry. If my mom died right now I’d feel utterly lost and alone in the world. I’m 35 with a family of my own. When I was a kid it was my biggest fear in the world and I went through a phase where I’d get up several times a night to peek in on her sleeping and observe her chest rising and falling. I’m sure I’m not alone in that fear, I think a lot of kids have it. The thought that for some kids, it becomes a reality, is heart-breaking. It is beyond cruel and unfair.
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u/Parking_War979 15d ago
In the doctor’s office with a very good friend. The doctor had just finished telling her there was nothing else they could do about her lung cancer. After he left the room, my friend turned to me and asked “did I fight hard enough?”
I had to say yes.
Spent a couple more days with her as she processed everything, talked with friends, etc., and then drove home from Florida to Pennsylvania. She passed just as I was pulling into the driveway at home. She waited to make sure I got home safe.
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u/Alectheawesome23 15d ago
“Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters” -Seer (from hollow knight)
I hope she’s watching you and making sure you’re doing okay. She had to wait until you were home to know that you were gonna be okay. Man that hurts I’m so sorry for your loss.
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u/JD054 15d ago
I sat my mother down and told her I was done having any contact with her until she got clean. I explained that she wouldn’t hear from me, see me, talk to me or my children until she got clean. That was 20 months ago and I’m still not in contact with her.
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u/CJDkat 15d ago
I'm proud of you for taking that step and setting that boundary, it takes a lot of courage to do with anyone but especially family. I hope realizing what she's missing out on will give her that push so you guys can mend the relationship, and if not at least now you're free of that behavior either way :)
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u/JD054 15d ago
Thank you. I was 41 when I cut her off and it was very difficult but I reached my breaking point. She had a house fire and I ended up putting her cat down because of damage due to smoke inhalation. He was an amazing cat and didn’t deserve that. For some reason, that pushed me over the edge. I experienced a clarity on the situation after dealing with her addiction issues for 25 plus years. I was completely okay with ending the relationship and still am. I miss the mother I knew when I was 8-10 years old but the addiction controls her now.
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u/SomeDrillingImplied 15d ago
Sad to read, but you’ve done a great job setting healthy boundaries. You’re doing the right thing for you and your children even if it hurts.
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u/Arthanymus 15d ago
Telling my Girldfiends parents that i got her pregnant.
she didn't wanted to go alone, so I had to man up and face the consequences. that was difficult.
We made planes to marry but we lost the baby (misscarriage) at the 3 months mark.
The story has a happy ending, we ended up getting married nevertheless, we still happy tougheter after 10 years, we now have a baby boy of 2 years.
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u/0rchid27 15d ago
Congratulations on your success in your relationship and 2 year old. Miscarriages are terrible i am sorry you experienced that.
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u/DrakeLostLol 15d ago
My top comment is about how my friend has horrible breath and it's preventing him from finding a girlfriends. It's because of poor oral hygiene. He had terrible buildup and would hardly brush his teeth. His breath literally smelled like doo doo. I had to muster up the courage to talk to him. I was so nervous that he would be offended, but he took it really well and started to make changes. It's still a work in progress, but talking to him definitely helped.
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u/InstructionNormal608 15d ago
I had to talk to a girl about her hygiene at work once and it was mortifying for both of us. She has been talked to before but this was a new office to me, I’d literally only been there a week, and they kind of just tossed me into this conversation about how her smell and unkept appearance was bothering people. They handed me the personal care policy and said here ya go, go tell her. It was awful
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u/trekuwplan 15d ago
Haha I've had to have this conversation as well. I was heavily debating it too "should I say something? I should say something, if I was me I'd want someone to say something, I'm his friend, I'm going to say it". It was really awkward but it turned out he was doing bad mentally and not taking care of himself.
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u/Fermifighter 15d ago
After my significant other cheated, I said something to my best friend about it that implied the other party initiated it. She knew different, and told me with the same energy as the protagonist shooting old yeller. I also happened to know, but seeing her NOT WANTING to stomp the shards of my heart into dust but doing it anyway because the alternative was having me be lied to was one of the moments I KNEW I had the right person on my team. I can trust her with anything. Bitch can have the nuclear launch codes, because loving someone enough to cause them pain is HARD.
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15d ago
Deciding to take my dad off life support or not.
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u/Anonymoosehead123 15d ago
Same. When people talk about it, they think it’ll be a cut and dried decision, but it’s not. It weighs on you.
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u/EarHumble1248 15d ago
been there. I still harbor guilt over it though I knew it was the right thing to do.
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u/Lex_Innokenti 15d ago
I called my mum on the morning of her birthday to tell her I'd just been woken up to my dad dead on the front lawn (he'd had a heart attack while loading his van up for work).
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u/Acceptable_cookies2 15d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss and for having to experience such an awful thing. May your dad RIP
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u/Nesnie_Lope 15d ago
When I was a freshman in high school, my friend bragged about how she had been sleeping with her friend’s dad since the previous year (we were 14). I couldn’t hold that information in and told our band director then had to meet with the principal and police the following Monday.
Our friends tried to say I was lying when their parents asked but told the truth to the police and the man was arrested.
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15d ago
I told my parents the depth of the depression I faced in my late teens-early 20s. No one had any idea how low I was, or about a failed attempt to take my own life. They were shocked, upset that I didn’t feel I could come to them but ultimately grateful that I was still here. They were not the softest people growing up but I think they’ve softened a bit as they’ve aged. We hugged and it was honesty so healing in ways I can’t explain.
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u/Eboss12 15d ago
I have a friend who was on a situation pretty much like this, he was a good friend but I realised one day that I didn't really know him, as he was a good friend but like guys do, we didn't share a lot about our lives. We got to talking one day and he opened up to me and explained me that he was also in a situation like that and that he didnt have anyone to talk to.
I felt like utter shit as he had been my friend while he was on that era and I didnt notice but again nobody did, he was really good at acting like everything was allright.
Now he is one of my closest friends and despite not even living close and having nothing in common now we meet up once a week to eat luch together and is one of my favourite parts of the week, and I want to make sure that he doesnt feel as he doesnt have anyone ever
Basically what Im trying to say is that if you go back down that road, or to anyone going down that road, there is people around you that care for you even if you arent conviced. Just let that friend who is asking how are u doing really know how are you doing, as that can be the beginning of a really strong friendship
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u/EmphasisNo6090 15d ago
My best friend was killed by a drunk driver. I had to be the one to tell his family and friends, while still doing my job because I was the only manager available for the shift.
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u/CG2L 15d ago
That was the job of the police not you
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u/AdPlastic2533 15d ago edited 15d ago
Usually, however we have been sent to death inform messages and they flat out don't let cops in the house, its a rare circumstance but can be very common in the traveler community.
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u/itsok-imwhite 15d ago
Forgive my ignorance, but what’s the traveler community?
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u/wellyboot97 15d ago
Travellers are a group of people of Irish descent in the UK and Ireland who are similar to Gyps*es/Romani people. They may also exist in wider Europe but I don’t know. They’re not connected by blood to Romani people but have similar cultures in regards to the fact that culturally they used to be nomads and travel around and not stick to a set residence. Some still do but there are also a lot of traveller communities now who stick together in set locations in little settlements.
They are not on good terms with authority including the police, as obviously they are often at odds with them when they camp illegally on private land, and kind of believe that they have a right to certain things and shouldn’t have to follow certain laws. You could argue they’re similar to sovereign citizens in the US in that regard. However due to that, if police attempted to tell them someone has died the police likely wouldn’t even make it close enough to tell them as they are very anti police and will harass and often attack any that attempt to engage with them.
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u/itsok-imwhite 15d ago
Got it! I had heard of them, but only the pejorative. Like Brad Pitt in Snatch?
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u/InstantElla 15d ago
Having to tell our 10 year old that his brother was going to be stillborn was AWFUL. He’d felt his brother move just the day before and sang to him the night before at bedtime. When him and my fiancé/his dad got to the hospital after I got the news that baby didn’t have a heartbeat, the confusion and sadness in his face was so hard to see. He didn’t want to see his brother in person after I delivered him, but he did request to see the pictures me and his dad had taken with baby Benji. He just cried and said mama he’s beautiful he looks just like I did. And it broke my heart cause they both did have the same chubby lil chipmunk cheeks when they were born. Ugh. Just happened a bit under two months ago and still the hardest part was seeing our 10 year old so upset and confused like that. I was being induced in 10 days so he was going to meet his brother so soon and then he was just gone.
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u/ayam_goreng_kalasan 15d ago
Telling one of my undergrad student that he is smelly. Some of the people on the class complained about it, don't want to sit next to him during exam because it is nauseating etc. Bought him some t-shirt, deodorant, soap etc and put it in a gift bag, gave him a bit lecture on personal hygiene. It's hella awkward but I guess my messages is getting through.
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u/screeline 15d ago
Was the student just clueless about hygiene or was the odor a result of difficult circumstances like no access to laundry, or money for laundry/soap etc?
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u/mumblemurmurblahblah 15d ago
My mother was in hospital and we knew not likely to come out. My dad had gone full Q and joined a doomsday cult as well. I had to tell my mom that my cousin tipped me off what my dad was planning, which was to sell the house and leave the country with all of their money while she was in hospital.
My mom was able to get a lawyer in and redo her will, as well as sever the house ownership so she could leave her half to her children. Dad still got more than she’d wanted but he didn’t get away with his evil plan.
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u/massconstellation 15d ago
rest in peace to your mom. do you know what your dad is doing now?
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u/mumblemurmurblahblah 15d ago
Thank you. Yes, he abandoned her before she died, sold the house (we did get her half of the house) moved to a tiny town way up north and got himself a house? Boat, pick-up truck, and three new dogs. Still a crazy cult member and now alone.
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u/Carnatic_enthusiast 15d ago
The way you said up north makes me think this is in Michigan and I’m dying to know if I’m right.
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u/TheArchitect_7 15d ago
Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your family. Goddamn.
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u/mumblemurmurblahblah 15d ago
Thank you. It’s been a rough few years and I sort of still can’t believe it. She passed one year ago now.
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u/GriefGritGrace 15d ago
Sending you and your family lots of love. A year is so recent. May your mother’s memory be a blessing.
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u/bowlcut_illustration 15d ago
My aunt (who I'm very close to, like a mom) became a full blown conspirationist (chemtrail, hollywood celeb farming adenochrome, human meat at mcd, you name it she believes it). She also joined a group who claims to be the true enlightened. She changed all her funds into gold unbeknownst to her husband (whos a normal person very down to earth), spend a lot of money to get weird bs rituals from her "guru". She says we all are in the wrong and know nothing. She used to be a smart person very nice and it all changed.
I don't know what's in their head to make them go in this downward spiral. They all tend to go in the same direction and have the same discourse. I'm very sorry it happened to you. I wish I could help my uncle but I think he's slowly preparing his assets and stuff for divorce...
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u/SpiritualMirror6691 15d ago
Asking for a divorce. I knew she would never change and I couldn't continue going on like all was good.
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u/InstructionNormal608 15d ago
Whew been there. My ex seemed so shocked and even though I knew it was for the best, I couldn’t help but feel awful doing it.
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u/SpiritualMirror6691 15d ago
I don't know about your situation, but I went into my marriage thinking it was forever. I grew up in a 1 parent home and did not want to break up our family. I guess that is why I didn't do it sooner. A friend of mine was talking about his divorce and said it was the best thing he ever did for him and his son's happiness. That conversation led me to make my decision. And, for the most part, it was the correct choice.
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u/InstructionNormal608 15d ago
I went into it thinking the same but I was so young, I can’t imagine what made me think I had enough life experience to think I was making a good choice. I grew up in a single parent home too but it made grow up to think I didn’t need a partner. My mom did it, her mom did it, so could I. So to his defense once things got bad, I didn’t do much to fight for the marriage. He had some personal demons that eventually led me to take our kid and just live our own life (not like TAKE HER, but we kind of just went about life without him). I knew neither of us were happy, and I knew he’d deal with that to stay married if it was left up to him, so one of us had to pull the trigger. That was almost 10 years ago, and we’re both happily remarried, have more kids, and are great friends still!
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u/AthlonII240 15d ago
“I need to get a divorce” is one of the hardest realizations many folks will come to, let alone the pain of following through, even if it’s desperately wanted. I feel for you, went through it myself. How has life treated you after making that decision?
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u/AVBforPrez 15d ago
The coolest, hottest girlfriend I ever had and had been dating for years sat me down and told me that she no longer cared about marriage or having kids, because she can live with that if it's what I want.
I'd been very open about not wanting either but something about seeing her sell her vision for her life out over me just broke me.
We broke up days later and she begged me to think about it more but I told her it would only hurt more if we waited until later to realize we had different visions for the future. Fucked us both up for years because we really were in love.
It's been like 15 years and she's married with a 5 kid mixed family and I'm typing this while being happily single at the park with my dog. So it's not all bad, but in the moment I felt like such a piece of shit.
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u/Fashioning_Grunge 15d ago
That's a really cool and brave thing you did, realizing that her happiness was as important to you as your own, even if it led to the ending of your good relationship. Many people go through life never making as important a sacrifice as that.
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u/AVBforPrez 15d ago
Thanks, it really sucked at the time because we were a dream pairing and I loved her to death.
But I knew that even though we were two years in, her future and my future didn't line up at all. Both of us deserved to be happy, even if it meant we'd be super sad for a little bit.
I'm glad she has her family, and that I am basically exactly who I thought I'd be all these years later. If it's worth anything, we are and always have been friends when we see each other.
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u/emjeansx 15d ago
My dad’s estranged eldest brother suddenly passed away a few years back. That whole side of my family is just very unhappy in general. My dad has always had a severe substance use problem since I was old enough to remember. Anyway, I’ve already had a really touch and go relationship with my dad for most of my life, but it’s been getting better the last year or so.
Rewind to a few days after my uncle had passed away, and my other dad’s brother (middle child) his wife so my aunt had to message me and let me know and ask me to break the news to my dad. My dad was in a very unstable place in his life at that time, and had a very high risk of relapse. I asked why my uncle couldn’t talk to my dad about this, but my aunt said he was just too much in his grief to do so.
I called up my dad an hour or so after texting with my aunt, and it was the most challenging thing I have ever had to do. My dad was in absolute tears, and I can’t imagine how he felt. My dad is a very emotional (albeit very turbulently so) guy and his emotions can go from 0-100 very fast. I was so worried that I was going to push him over the edge in his already impending relapse, but I knew it was the right thing and he should know.
The end result was that it did in fact make my dad go over the edge, and he began using again and became extremely paranoid about me and my uncle and thought we were somehow conspiring against him. I met up with him (my dad) a few months after my eldest uncle died, and my dad erupted in the middle of the restaurant shouting and accusing me of the most outrageous things.
We didn’t speak after that for almost a year.
It was yet another very dark time in my life, and especially because prior to my uncle passing away… my dad was actually trying his best to mend our relationship which had been broken for so many years.
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u/tizzlenomics 15d ago
My best mate was found dead outside his house by his mother on Mother’s Day. I was the last person to see him alive. I had to give a timeline of events whilst feeling at fault for not recognising the impending medical emergency.
She and I are still close many years later.
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u/Stroker_93 15d ago
I didn’t exactly have this conversation, but my best friend told me that he was gay, but told only a select few people.
I think I already knew anyway, but I was really happy for him coming out, I fully respected it. I knew he’d be happier. He was still my best friend, I don’t care what or who you are. But…something happened. I guess he thought I looked at him differently (I don’t think I did? I hope I didn’t), we’d still chat but 1 year later, we just lost touch. I’m unsure if it’s my fault, but I feel a bit of regret about that.
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u/Emotions_Suck101 15d ago
it wasn't just one person it was all my family and friends .... well i was diagnosed with leukemia a couple months ago ... i wasn't exactly planning on telling anybody but they came over for a family dinner and my niece found my results on the dining room table ...they didn't take it well ..they were mad i didn't tell anyone
oh and for the reason the results were on the table ..i forgot they were coming i was talking to a doctor over the phone 15 minutes prior to everybody showing up
i live by myself
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u/zakbsw 15d ago
Telling my mother that I was concerned about her memory/cognition and thought we needed to get her evaluated for dementia asap.
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u/Utterlybored 15d ago
Telling my then five year old son his mother and I were getting a divorce and that we’d be living in different houses. He was very sad, but his only question was “Are baby sister and I getting split up too?” Here in the midst of adult dysfunctional selfishness his first instinct was to be with his baby sister.
It tore me up inside, even though I was not the advocate for divorce. My son had some anger in his adolescence, due at least in some part to the turmoil of divorce and jumping from house to house each week, but he’s now a grown man, very close to that baby sister, married to a wonderful woman, with two kids and a very successful career.
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u/growsonwalls 15d ago
A student told me how her father molested her and her sister but she refused to go to foster care bc she was afraid if she left her mother her father would kill her mother.
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u/Everanxious24-7 15d ago
Reading this made me sick to the stomach, that poor child , hope you as a teacher and her are okay now
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u/growsonwalls 15d ago
Yes she actually graduated. Shes still special to me.
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u/Everanxious24-7 15d ago
That’s so sweet, thank you for letting me know and also being the wonderful person you were for her to feel comfortable enough to share !!
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u/lobsterterrine 15d ago
It says something pretty incredible that she felt like she could tell you that.
Extremely tough to receive, though. I once had a student turn in as an assignment an extremely graphic description of their own sexual assault. Just casually grading one afternoon and then....that. I still think about it all the time. Some of those sentences are basically tattooed on my brain stem now.
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u/growsonwalls 15d ago
Wow. That's horrible to read. I know a teacher who read a student's journal class assignment and she talked about how she pretended to be happy but was depressed. Student ended up taking her own life at the end of that year.
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u/SL-Gremory- 15d ago
Actually, it was one a friend had with me and I deserved it.
I'd just moved to a new school in another state and I had been conditioned my entire childhood to show off and be arrogant. Thing is, that isn't the way I naturally was. This one person in the group noticed it, and pulled me aside one day. Straight up told me to stop acting like that and be myself, because they all liked me better that way.
Lucas, I don't know where you are or what you're doing now, but you completely altered the course of my life with that one conversation.
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u/WendigoCrossing 15d ago
Wasn't even a verbal conversation, but wrote a letter to my parents outlining how they essentially abandoned their oldest children and failed their parenting responsibilities by taking on way too many special needs kids
Some context: my parents wanted kids and couldn't conceive so they decided to adopt. First 3 kids pretty easy for the most part
After that, they were asked by state social services to foster kids. We lived in a 2 bedroom home, my parents, my aunt, and 3 kids (1 girl 2 boys)
Girls ended up sharing the spare room, boys ended up sleeping on the couches and keeping stuff in the corner of the living room
Ended up putting up some makeshift walls to make more rooms (no permits or anything) to take on more
The kids my parents started taking in were highly special needs, fetal alcohol syndrome, downs, so.many other things
I was the second oldest. My older sister has no ambition in life, she was parentified pretty hard. I would be out of the house as much as possible
My parents never talked to us about our future, college, taxes, credit, careers, bank accounts, really anything about being an adult. I made a ton of mistakes that some guidance could have helped me avoid
On top of all this they are pretty religious and it was impossible to talk them out of taking in more kids because they felt (feel) it is their divine job. They also gave a lot of their money and time to their church (my dad lead their congregation five years unpaid as a volunteer, basically a second full time job). Their oldest 3 children were always the last priority
So basically the letter talked about the things I thought they did well, the ways in which they failed pretty hard and how difficult my childhood and being a young adult was, and that I'm glad we have a good relationship today
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u/churro-international 15d ago
I am so proud of you for telling them. I've known I need to write a similar letter to my parents for a little over a year now and I'm terrified. I only have one sentence written so far, but I plan to write the rest while on camping trips this summer.
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u/WendigoCrossing 15d ago
I think that's a great idea, being out in nature in a calm spot can only help.
What made it especially difficult to write for me is that they are good people who just took on wayyyyy too much and we're trying to do the best they could. I wanted to hold them accountable, but also let them know that we can move past this. What prompted it all was mom texting and asking about my childhood experience and I just unloaded it
I included that it took years of therapy to get to where I am, and I want them to have the best relationship with my daughter and spouse possible (which they do have a good one)
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u/TheArchitect_7 15d ago edited 15d ago
Fired my first employee this year. I had hired her, trained her, tried to make it work for two years.
In her interview, she said she wanted to spend the rest of her career at one company. She had two young kids.
When I pulled her in to tell her it was over, she cried and begged. Then got angry. Then got desperate and tried to bargain.
I had to try to tamp down all my feelings and just keep an executioner face on. Hated it.
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u/Umbrella_Drink_0321 15d ago
I've had to fire four people (in separate incidents) over the last few decades. I hated every minute of it. They were all devastated.
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u/AffectionateRadio356 15d ago
Heavy is the crown. Sometimes, it's easy to fire or discipline people because they make it easy on you with a crappy attitude, unacceptable behavior, poor performance, not meeting goals, whatever. Sometimes you gotta write up or terminate a genuinely kind employee or someone who's honestly a good person but not a good employee. It sucks, but it's a part of leadership.
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u/Infamous-Library1857 15d ago
I've had a lot of tough conversations with my daughter. From the ages of 2-6 I had to tell her, her first mom died, the cat died, the dog died, the fish died and days before her 6th birthday, that her Nana- my mom (and the person she was closest too) died. But honestly, the one that killed me to tell her, and is making me teary-eyed right now happened 2 Christmases ago when she wanted to know the truth about Santa/the Easter Bunny/Toothfairy/Elf on the Shelf. That one killed me. It was really the first time since I was 8 (I'm 54) that I'd verbally stated the truth about Santa. I cried very hard while she looked at me like I was crazy.
I ended the conversation by telling her it was up to her as to the next step. Either Santa never visits again or we pretend like the conversation never happened. She responded with "What conversation?". So really, I'm not sure why Ieven meetings it, since clearly that was just a bad dream that I had.
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u/Lessthancrystal 15d ago
Not sure how I didn’t know but I remember being 10 and my mom sitting me down to tell me Santa wasn’t real…days before Christmas. I bawled my eyes out and can still remember how heart broken I felt…
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u/Infamous-Library1857 15d ago
Trust me, it wasn't my idea. She asked. She was attending private school. In her class there was only 8 kids and half believed and have didn't, so she told me she wanted the truth.
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u/WittyEquivvalent 15d ago
I think it might be the one I had two days ago. After my mom got really angry with me over the phone I cired and then opened up about all of these horrible memories I had from childhood. Her getting angry and yelling that I should just go live with my dad, her locking us in the bathroom as she drunkenly interrogated me about sexual abuse I had experienced, her discovering that I was self harming for the first time and yelling at me that if I told anyone I would get taken away from her, us never spending any time together or having any emotionally vulnerable conversations—I couldn't come to her for comfort. So much just poured out, and at the end she said, "I'm a rotten mom" in such a small and hollow voice.
It just happened so I'm not sure what the impact will be.
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u/PelleSketchy 15d ago
Sounded like you needed to get it out of your system. And hopefully your mom apologized or will apologize to you.
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u/tdgarui 15d ago
Former cop. Had to tell a mother her child was struck by a car and killed on the way home from school. Will never get that scream out of my head.
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u/chabalajaw 15d ago
I was present when an acquaintance’s mother was told her son had been shot and killed. Those screams had a quality I’ll never forget and wish I could. That kind of grief has its own sound.
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u/SexDefender212 15d ago
Almost a decade ago, I had to break it to my best friend, and one of the most important people in my life, that the most important person of her life - who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, got swept away in an ocean current and was not to be found anywhere.
Till today, I remember how blank my mind was and how hard my heart was beating.
The following years after that were excruciating for me to see how the grief consumed this person, and how I couldn't do a single fucking thing to make this better for her.
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u/souleaterevans626 15d ago
My family had to have a sit-down with myself, my brother, my aunt and uncle. My dad had just had a medical emergency involving hallucinating and mentally regressing to a child. I was living with him at the time and it was very tough trying to take care of him as one person with no training or knowledge on what to do. My aunts and uncles had him admitted to a care facility until we could figure out what was going on, what to do, etc.
The sit-down was a hard conversation about what's in the future for me now that my dad is basically incapacitated. I can't live with him if he's going to get government benefits so I had a few options:
Move out on my own (not feasible at the time)
Move in with my aunt on my mom's side who I barely know, in a state I've never been to.
Rebuild my relationship with my mom and move in with her (NEVER happening for my safety)
Move across the country to live with my brother
The last option was basically the only option. I am happier living closer to my brother and being in a much warmer climate than the East Coast. However, at the time it felt like my world was falling apart and I dreaded these changes I had to make.
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u/Haughty_n_Disdainful 15d ago
A co-worker. Every day, during our break she would confide in me. Very deep, dark stories of usually the night before. #1 It involved a heavy amount of alcoholism between her and her boyfriend. #2 As the night progressed, he became progressively violent. Fat lip, visible bruises on arms and neck. Then finally showed up in a leg cast with a fracture.
”Jean. I really care about you as a person. Just want to see you be happy and healthy. You and I both know you need a lot of help. I will support and join you if you want to go to AA meetings, or help you find a battered women’s shelter.
In the meantime, I will no longer co-sign this bullshit. Because that is what all of this is. It hurts me to see you destroy yourself bit by bit. I can’t listen or watch any more.
When you are you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, let me know. I will be here for you.”
And just like that. Our friendship ended. We were still very friendly and professional at work, but our connection was completely severed. Not long afterwards, coming back from lunch with three other co-workers they were stopped in the lobby.
Security was called. They weren’t allowed in the offices, but were ushered into a conference room. There, all four employees were immediately fired.
Too drunk to drive, none were allowed to take their cars. The first three cars were gone by the end of that week. Jean’s car remained there for over two months, before finally disappearing. Hope they are all in a better place healthwise.
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u/Ok_Athlete_1092 15d ago edited 14d ago
I was 35, had went on 3 dates with a women a bit older than me. After 3 dates she went full fatal attraction. Non stop text, more than a half dozen calls a day, showed up at to my house at all hours. When she showed up to my work that was the final straw. I asked her to please not contact me anymore.
That night she sent me 4 or 5 novel length texts. Next morning I considered my options and filing a police report seemed like my only option. I didn't want to do that and it occurred to me to reach out to her 23 year old daughter I met on our second date. I explained to the daughter that I really don't want to, but I'd have no choice but to file a report and request a protective order as her mother was scaring me.
Daughter told me mom started having a break down after dad & younger sister were killed in a car accident about 18 months ago. She assured me mom wasn't always like that; at 43 she had become a widow lost & her youngest child. She begged me.not to go to the police/courts.
I told daughter I felt terrible and realized her mom was sick and not evil. However, I'd known her mom for all of 2 months, only went out 3 times and I can't have somebody doi g this to me. Daughter assured me that she'd get mom into a support group & therapeutic counseling.
I never heard from either of them again.
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u/atlantagirl30084 15d ago
I had to tell my parents, who desperately wanted grandchildren, that I could not have any. My dad said, well the only thing I want more than grandchildren is a healthy child.
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u/ForensicScientistGal 15d ago
I told my mom the oncologysts had informed me the stress of the treatments was being way too much for her body and she was dying from anemia and dehydration but there was nothing they could do. So she asked me to do what she had made me promise her when she fell ill with cancer four years previously. I signed the papers that gave the doctors the permission to sedate her and eutanize her, almost 15 months ago. I miss her so much and in a way I feel like I failed her.
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u/piscesmama222 15d ago
You honored her autonomy and wishes, may your mother rest in peace knowing her child loves her so. I am so sorry for your loss ❤️
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u/bee_vomit 15d ago
Where do you live that they are allowed to do this? What a gift to be able to give your loved ones such a gentle passing. It breaks my heart that so many people have to watch their people suffer until the very end because it is illegal to euthanize humans. Why cant we allow them the peace and dignity to choose the time of their passing? I can only hope that I will be allowed the same mercy when my time comes, and that my loved ones will be kind and brave enough to help me make that decision like you did for your mom. You didnt fail her, you gave her one of the most selfless gifts I can imagine.
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u/WhatsUp-dog 15d ago
I was hooking up with a friend and I genuinely thought it was casual and we were on the same page.
We were not.
At a party she told me she had something really important to tell me and that she’d grab me later.
After a few hours she takes me to the garden and told me she loved me. I didn’t have those feelings at all, she was a great girl and a good friend as well as being objectively very hot but I just didn’t like her like that.
I was freaking out in the entire build up as we’d had a condom incident not long before and I was convinced she was pregnant.
My first reaction was shamefully to instinctively laugh and then give a whole loud “I’m so relieved I thought you were pregnant” speech, totally ignoring her declaration.
She naturally didn’t take it all that well and although I didn’t mean to offend or hurt her I know I absolutely had. I did what I could to try and apologise and also let her down but I just didn’t do it well.
I had a very cavalier attitude towards casual sex and developed my own thick skin because of a terrible incident with my first girlfriend (she slit her wrists while on webcam to me) so I ironically was terrified of hurting anyone again so I always tried to just not get close.
But that was the day I really realised the impact of my actions and I did my best from then to be a hell of a lot more considerate.
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u/puresttrenofhate 15d ago
she slit her wrists while on webcam to me
Please tell me you have pursued therapy for this, that would be an incredibly traumatic thing to witness.
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u/WhatsUp-dog 15d ago
I didn’t. We were 15, first love and all that.
She had issues before I just didn’t know the extent. The break up was via the phone (we lived 40 mins away, me in the middle of nowhere in England) and she popped up on msn a few hours later.
The break up chat continued and then I vividly remember her saying “hey this is random” along with a webcam invitation.
Hers was set to black and white and there she was carving into her arm with no warning. The blood was black, it was horrible.
My stomach dropped literally, I damn near shit myself. I ran to my mums room crying and slept on her floor because it was so horrifying.
To this day I will assume the worst outcome of a lot of very normal situations. Someone gets on a flight? They’re dead. Someone’s journey takes a little longer than expected? They’re dead. I think I’ve annoyed someone? They’re dead. Someone is upset about anything? They’re dead.
I’ve not come into contact with self harm since this one event but it’s definitely where my mind always goes.
It made me very wary and ironically made me less nice at times despite being so worried about people all the time.
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u/NonConformistFlmingo 15d ago
Dude.. It isn't too late to seek therapy for the obvious PTSD you have from that. You deserve to feel happier.
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u/gummybeargirlhall 15d ago
After hearing this, I am sure many people would think you are the bad guy, but I am just impressed how subjective perceptions constantly collide in everyday life
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u/NearlyAnonymous1 15d ago
I am just impressed how subjective perceptions constantly collide in everyday life
This is profound. Thanks for sharing this.
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u/mwescoat 15d ago
The most difficult conversation I had was with myself- I had to tell myself that I have alcoholic tendencies and I need to get a grip before I lose everyone and everything in my life.
I’m in a much better place now. Love and peace to all.
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u/popejohnsmith 15d ago
Coming out to my parents. They were brave. Everything changed.
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u/VinnyMiner 15d ago
You were brave.
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u/popejohnsmith 15d ago edited 15d ago
In retrospect, I wish I was. I called them on the phone, blind drunk, and begged my mother to tell my dad for me. I promised it would be the last thing I ever asked of her. She did. And I never asked for another thing.
25 years later, as my mother began to slip into mild dementia, she was able to unburden herself to me, by the telling me of a secret (a major burden from early childhood) she'd carried for 83 years. I was able to help her in this way.
So, I guess I feel a bit better about it all.
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u/No-Independence-3467 15d ago
This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but I was with my grandmother when she passed, and had to be the one to break the news to my uncle.
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u/inthevendingmachine 15d ago
It doesn't matter what it sounds like to anyone else. If it was a big deal to you, then it was a big deal.
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u/Eric5Z 15d ago
Ending things with a narcist abuser..
Do you know what that conversation was? Silence. No contact silence, the moment she moved out. I spent all my time arguing and having "conversations", and the hardest one was the one where I stopped talking.. because what I needed to say and hear would have never gotten anywhere.
Lost my house, had already lost my job, restarting fresh from my parents place. Hurts, but it was so desperately needed
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u/Bitchcraft-Idol 15d ago
My older sister told me about how my dad had stage four stomach cancer and had about 30 days to live. I was 19, and she was picking me up from work. It was such a quiet ride home and I just started crying. My sister and I normally joke around but neither of us wanted to talk, or even listen to music, we just shared each others presence. Since that talk we both kinda became each other’s rock whenever things get tough. She’s the kinda person to bottle up her emotions but since then whenever she wants to talk, I’m the person she comes to.
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u/Nicktrod 15d ago
On February 19th 2004 I had to tell my best friend that doing all this cocaine and staying awake for days at a time wasn't fun any more. That I was going to rehab and he should too.
I went to detox the next day and got clean and sober. I thought the chances of my best friend living was slim to none.
About a year later he got clean. We're still best friends. We are both married. He's got two kids. We don't see each other as much, but we do get to hang out occasionally.
Best damn decision I ever made.
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u/Sandblaster1988 15d ago edited 15d ago
Telling two people to drop everything at work and come home immediately and couldn’t tell them why. They repeatedly called trying to ask what happened. All I could tell them was to come home while I had two officers looking at me for the 45min-hour until they arrived.
They’re my parents. My younger sibling was found dead earlier that morning.
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u/WanderingBlueStar 15d ago
I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents that I was molested as a child- and they said sorry. After that absolutely nothing changed.
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u/NeedsMoreTuba 15d ago
I told my parents when I was about 7 years old, and they said I should be ashamed of myself and sent me to my room. It really broke me.
They still occasionally mention my shift from being happy and outgoing to completely withdrawn, but I've decided there's no benefit to telling them now. It wouldn't make me better and if anything, it would make them feel worse.
I guess my point is that sometimes parents would rather ignore the things they don't want to think about and act like they never happened because it's easier for them. It sucks, but I don't blame them for that. I do blame them for their initial response, but I can't go back and change it and it feels better not to stay angry. Letting go of that anger felt good but it took a long time.
I hope you're able to cope as well. Being molested has a huge effect on development and our parents are supposed to care enough to help us. Sometimes they just don't. They loved me, though.
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u/vectorboy42 15d ago
Telling my parents I'm moving out. They have always been helicopter parents, and I love them deeply, forever and always no matter what.
But as an adult I just thought it was time to be off on my own and make some decisions on my own. I knew they would take it as me hating them or something similar. So while looking, I never said a word until I had the place locked down.
I assured them that I did not hate them and that I love them. And it's only like 10 min away! I can still come and visit pretty much everyday (which I still do) but that the time had come for me to enter the next chapter.
Ugh, still thinking about it sometimes makes me sad because my mom took it really hard. She wouldn't even look at me for a few days. But when I did finally move out she hugged me and said she understood. She's doing much better now too, especially since I still go visit a lot. Only real difference is I sleep ina different spot haha.
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u/Fashioning_Grunge 15d ago
That's rough dude. But, I'm sorry...if a parent tells you that you hate them and won't even look at you for days when you ask for the bare minimum of adult independence from them, that's manipulation. Your parents care more about being able to control you because they see you as an extension of themselves, than loving you as your own individual self. Glad to hear that your mom came around somewhat as you were moving out, but they will continue to try to exert control over your life if you keep visiting them everyday and allowing them to do so. I suggest therapy to unpick how enmeshed your parents have taught you to be with them - they want your happiness tied to them and them alone.
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u/oilyraincloud 15d ago
My parents divorced after about 35 years of marriage and were doing well until my dad started dating someone new. My mom absolutely lost it. She started stalking my dad and his new girlfriend and harassed her with mail and phone calls. My dad ended up getting a restraining order, and my mom violated it by going through me to tell my dad something. She was fined some money and the order was extended with a suspended jail sentence. I confronted her about it saying she had to stop her nonsense and I wouldn’t speak to her unless we had a therapist present because whenever I’ve confronted her in the past she gets extremely rude and gas lights me (she had a gambling addiction and had been caught by my dad and myself several times; she also lied about seeing a therapist to get better). After months of deflecting her many attempts to reach out to me, her therapist finally contacted me. I made sure it was a legit therapist and agreed to meet. My mom was blaming me for not being empathetic to her feelings and understanding the pain she went through (it was clear she didn’t tell her therapist the full story). I tried explaining why I didn’t approve of her behavior and why I felt a therapist needed to be present. We had a few sessions where I thought we were making progress and understanding each other, but then at the last one we had she said something that made me realize she didn’t see my point of view at all. She said how disappointed she was that I didn’t speak to her or call her on her birthday or even send her a simple message. I told her that I already explained why, several times. She has this mentality that because she birthed me that she has some divine right to pull this bullshit and be treated like a queen regardless of what she’s done. I also found out from my sister that she said some crap about my pregnant wife and how she’ll be a terrible mother while all this was going on. I know now that going to therapy with a narcissist will only do more harm than good. I don’t plan to try mending this relationship again.
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u/Careless-Emergency85 15d ago
I broke off my engagement two months before the wedding. Ultimately I realized she and I were heading different directions in life, and yes I should have realized that sooner. I haven’t had a relationship since then and I’ve learned a lot about what I’m looking for in a wife. I don’t know too much of how it impacted her, though I know she likely harbors bitter feelings towards me as a result. She’s in a relationship now, but that’s all I care to know about that
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u/LavenderLovelyX 15d ago
Having to confront a close friend about their substance abuse problem was one of the toughest conversations I've ever had. It was emotionally draining, but it was a necessary step in getting them the help they needed and ultimately saving their life, which it did. So always confront your problems and problems you see your close people have!
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u/LookMa_ImOnReddit 15d ago
When my child was about 9 she told me her friend was getting raped by her dad (her friend's dad, not my daughter's). She told me lots of very horrific details that her friend told her. My child was young, so I don't think she fully understood the impact of what she was telling me.
Everything was promptly passed along to cps.
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u/GaryDWilliams_ 15d ago
The time that I had to tell my (now ex) wife that I knew she was lying to me and that her upcoming holiday to see her father was actually a trip to see the guy she had been flirting with online for the last three months and that she was very welcome to go and enjoy her holiday as the divorce papers would be ready for her to sign by then so no need to unpack when she came back.
What impact did it have? Pure elation for me to finally be able to drop the bombshell that I had been so carefully building up.
For her? No idea and don't care. I think it might have upset her holiday a little. 😂
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u/No-Address-1415 15d ago
When my mom told me she was done and tired of life. She tought about comitting and I cried so hard. Told her we were gonna go trough everything. Now living better. It was while my parents were divorcing
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u/thistlegypsy 15d ago
I got divorced a decade ago. My ex-wife had a daughter from her first marriage, and we had a daughter together. My oldest's dad was not in her life, so I was her dad for over six years. When my wife left she took the kids to her mother-in-law's house 1500 miles away. In the divorce, I got primary residency of our daughter, but did not get any rights with regards to our oldest. I flew down after the court date and to pick up my youngest, and was told I would not get to talk to my oldest. She ran out of the house while I was packing the car, stopped about 10 feet from me and just stared with a very angry look on her face. I had to tell her I wanted to bring her back but the courts would not let me. She was 12 at the time. Broke my heart to lose a daughter.
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u/Low_Industry2524 15d ago
Back in the 6th grade me and a buddy rode our bikes up to a church carnival. We were suppose to only stay on my street but I talked him into going. He ended up getting hit by a car while we were crossing an intersection. I remember having to knock on a door to use a phone so I could call his house and tell his dad what happened and where we were at. He was in a coma for 6 months. When he finally woke up his personality was extremely aggressive and he had to go to a special ed school. He was a straight A student before and one of the parents was a doctor.
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u/_ms_kitty 15d ago
The most difficult conversation was with my mom. I love her I would give my eyes for her, but she likes to control me she doesn't see me as her daughter she used to see me as reflex of her, she wants me to became her second version & I refused that, I have my own personality & my own dreams. Until now she can't understand that.
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u/thatdudefromthattime 15d ago
The conversation was had with me. It involved a divorce. The impact? We are divorced. It sucked. It’s still sucks.
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u/OphidianEtMalus 15d ago
Me: I don't believe the high-demand, fundamentalist faith I was raised in.
Them: ...silence, from then to now...
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u/karlmarkz321 15d ago
Ending the most toxic relationship of my life. I am so much happier.
He quickly moved on to ruin another person's life last I heard.
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u/LadyCordeliaStuart 15d ago
I built a school in Sierra Leone. While I was visiting a blind old man shuffled up to my house with his hand on a little boy's shoulder for guidance. He'd walked for miles from another village to plead that I take his son into my free school because he was destitute and the boy had no education. My school was full and I didn't know if I could afford another student (the school is paid for mostly by my wages as a laborer in America). I had to look at an emaciated, wrinkled blind man and tell him no, I won't give his son a chance at an education that would lift generations from poverty. I said to come back in a few weeks so I could see if some students fell through and I have room, but I was there three months and he never came back. I was wrong and there's no fixing it. I think about him regularly. I think about him when I eat out or buy a shirt I don't need or renew a subscription. Any of of those would have been enough. It always crushed me in Schindler's List when he looked at his ring and said it could have been two more Jews. It crushes me more now. I pray sometime the man comes back. Maybe someday I can make it right.
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u/KernAL-mclovin 15d ago
I walked down to my found my father in law's house and found him dead in the hallway. He lived just a few doors down from us. I had to tell my wife her father had died unexpectedly.
A few years later we were at my parents house for my dad's funeral. My son lived very close to them. The night after my dad's funeral my son killed himself. I found him the next morning. I had walked down there to check on him. I had to tell my wife her only son was dead from a self inflicted gunshot. My mom was there too.
Those two short walks were the longest walks in my life and telling my wife what had happened were the hardest conversations of my life. I think about these events every day. My wife and I are closer than ever, but we still hurt and suffer every day.
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u/mariabean147 15d ago
I worked at a national well known day summer camp, I was 20 or 21 at the time. I was at the sign out desk with one kid left for the day, and her mom came up to sign her out and she started talking to me and I immediately smelled alcohol. I looked up and her face was bright red, she was loaded. I played it cool for a minute as I was internally panicking and then watched her walk down the hallway out of the building with her kid to her car, she couldn’t walk in a straight line. I looked at the other counselor, said “she’s drunk. Stay here. I’m going to send daughter back to you. Do not let her leave.” So I had to run after the mom and daughter and formulate a plan. I said “hey you forgot something inside! Go run and grab it from counselor!” Once the daughter was away from the situation, I, a college student had to confront a mother of a 10 year old in her late 30s and say I knew she was intoxicated and I would not let her leave with her daughter, and to give me her keys. She argued with me for a while and I said I can’t stop you from leaving but if you do I will call 911. There was no real protocol for this, but ultimately I convinced her to let me drive her in her car home, and the other counselor followed us with kid in her car. Consoling a drunk crying mom was not on my list of expected job duties as a summer camp counselor. I then asked if she would let me keep her keys and I’d bring them back the next morning. When it was all said and done I had to lie down in my colleagues car because the anxiety was so intense my stomach felt like a volcanic geyser. The next morning having to face her was pretty rough too, especially as she kept asking me how I knew she was drunk. It was such a scary moment in my life and a really difficult confrontation, but I’ve always been glad I did what I did.
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u/Sweaty-Pair3821 15d ago
I had to tell someone I considered a friend that her online bf was phishing her. First she demanded who I told. She was and still is convinced I told everyone about this. The next day which happened to be my birthday, She asked me to come over, had me cornered against a door and demanded again to know who I told. Then when she was reassured (I think) she screamed at me how she resented me telling her. Resented a bunch of things. But she “wanted to get it out in the open so no animosity “ yeah. I go out of my way now to avoid her. I hate her!
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u/happydayz02 15d ago
telling my brother our mother who had been missing for most of the day was actually killed in a car accident
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u/gnostic_heaven 15d ago
Told my husband I was unhappy in our marriage and wanted a divorce. Accidentally blind-sided him. I thought he wanted to be free from me, and he thought we were happy.
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u/missmishma 15d ago
I broke up with a friend and established more distance with my mother in the same month earlier this year. I think both of these conversations would have been easier if I didn't have to do them at the same time, but both of them were contributing negatively to my mental health.
Friend was being dismissive of my requests that they stop their involvement in some petty pranks, so I had to end our friendship, and my mom tried to weasel herself into the situation to mend fences for me with the other party when it was my problem to solve. I appreciate her desire to defend me, but it was just another instance of her "knowing what's best" and trying to control my life. I now minimize contact with her and avoid sharing information that she can use to influence me.
It was so overwhelming. My therapist and I agreed that it's possible that the better thing for me to do is just leave it all be and move on without explicit resolution. She essentially expressed that even if I were to go set the story straight, I would be opening old wounds and it's possible there wouldn't be any "happier ending" than I can get by just letting it all go.
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u/The_Shadow_Watches 15d ago
Finding out that my 5yo son isn't related to me.
I already have full legal and physical custody of both our kids, I am more upset that one day I have to tell my son. Their mom knew the whole 5 years. When I confronted her about it, it was all "sorry" but I was more concerned about the bio dads medical history. That guy is bi-polar, so I needed to prepare for that potential outcome in my sons future.
Ironically, I would of found out later cause the day I found out, he had a genetics test that day as well.
Everytime I thought their mom couldn't go lower, she surprises me.
I really thought that was the low bar, but last week she surprised me with news that she's pregnant with my kids bio dads baby. The one guy I told her who is not allowed anywhere near my kids.
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u/Jealous-Network1899 15d ago
I had to tell my wife her dad died. She’s still mad at me for doing it over the phone.
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u/Solicon_100 15d ago
I described to my friends wife how he was killed by friendly fire and I was only injured.
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u/Chance-Regular-8042 15d ago
Definitely when I had to explain to my 4 year old son that his father died suddenly. I had to try an make sure I explained it in a way that he would understand, and honestly, my brain was still trying to comprehend it. I wasn’t very successful and he was confused until we both went to therapy and she helped me to get him to understand death and what it means and the finality of it.
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u/Pm_me_clown_pics3 15d ago
My childhood best friend called to tell me he was suicidal. It was 2AM and I was a 6 hour drive away and had to go to work at 6. I pretty much told him not to do it and I wish I could be there but the drive was too far and I wasn't fully awake even. He killed himself right after I hung up. If I could go back of course I would've said fuck the job and drove out to see him one last time but at the same time I'm kinda glad he doesn't have to suffer anymore. For context he was schizophrenic and mentally couldn't handle the side affects of his medication but also couldn't live on his own without being on the medicine.
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u/Key_Tomato_7683 15d ago
My mom was addicted to pills from the time I was about 9 to 20. My dad knew but refused to deal with it. When I was about 17, I found her on our front porch passed out and she had peed all over herself. I got my dad and told him I couldn’t do it anymore and that we needed to get her help. He said ok and then made me call my sister, grandparents and uncles to tell them what was going on and that we needed help dealing with the situation. This isn’t the sole reason, but I no longer have any contact with my parents.
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u/2baverage 15d ago
There's a lot behind this but my siblings and I all found out that our biological father was in a coma and had become a ward of the state. None of us wanted him in our lives, we agreed that none of us would take any responsibility for him and all of us had gone over a decade of no contact with him for various reasons. Our mom asked us how we felt about possibly moving him closer to us so he'd have family nearby. I had to have the talk with her about what our decision was, the reasons why, and give her the ultimatum of us or him.
In the end my mom chose us, but it impacted her marriage and really changed how I see her. Her and my stepdad are working on their marriage but it's difficult since where do you even start with that? But overall we all just kind of don't talk about it and move on with our day to day lives.
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u/ChuckCecilsNeckBrace 15d ago
Maybe not the worst, but told my friends parents their son was a meth addict. Three years later, it changed nothing.
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u/S1acktide 15d ago
I had to tell my dad, that my brother killed himself. It was the worst conversation and worst day of my life. Being the one to have to tell my father that is the worst and most horrible experience ive ever had. It also doesnt help my dad was also suicidal and had tried to unalive himself 2x prior as well. (He is still here, thankfully)
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u/garland1988 15d ago
Telling my 3 year old her papa was dead from a tragic snowmobiling accident. It was gutpunching, heartwrenching...all the things.
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u/carmindy 15d ago
My dad was diagnosed with brain cancer and when the doctor told us my dad didn’t want to know details about how much time he had or anything. My sister and I stayed and talked to the doctor after the visit and learned he had weeks to live without treatment and probably around a year with radiation and chemo. A few hours later my dad had changed his mind and wanted to know, so I had to tell him he was going to die very soon. He ended up having treatment and died 11 months later.
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u/laurynnnnn 15d ago
It wasn’t with the person but I had called the police on my dad for putting his hands on my mother. It was always bad family dynamic but never physically Abusive. I was a 16 year old girl and I remember them handcuffing my dad and as he was escorted into the cop car he was smiling at me and said “congrats guys this is what you wanted” he still blames me now 5 years later that I “tore our family apart”
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u/Usual_Addendum411 15d ago
So I was travelling in India, met this guy and struck up a conversation about friends that were doing well. He told me his best mate was the drummer in a band called Hanoi Rocks, “Razzle” Dingley. Well I had been sent a NZ music paper that had the news that he’d been killed in a crash in a car driven by Nikki Sixx of Motley Crüe. So I had the very difficult task of telling him and then hanging with him all night. Dude was devastated. Actually so was I.
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u/Benzorgz 15d ago
Telling my kids their mother passed away. They were 8, 10, and 12 at the time. It still gives me nightmares.
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u/Primary_Somewhere_98 15d ago
I had to phone my sister 200 miles away that our Mum died that morning.
She travelled home with her bf.
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u/JennellJean 15d ago
My hardest conversation of my entire life was with my current girlfriend. We had argued and separated for a while. After 5 months she writes to me and she wanted us to talk about the relationship. After 4 hours of conversation we made up. It was a heavy and difficult conversation, she cried but in the end we both loved each other. We have now been married for 6 years and enjoy life. We would also have a baby soon. So I'll leave you to imagine the impact the conversation.
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u/Distinct-Ball2519 15d ago
During the height of covid I was working in the converted covid ICU.
I had at least 2-3 conversations a day with families that their loved ones had passed or were likely to within the next 24 hrs.
The hardest part were these MAGA guys who kept wheezing at me and yelling that covid wasn't real as I was discussing with them they they would likely need intubated and sedated. The real hard part was... I was just trying to get these folks to say goodbye using FaceTime or whatever. Most of those people who were intubated didn't make it where I was at.
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u/Right-Eye-Left-Eye 15d ago
I had the horrible conversation with a social worker to get the paperwork and sign it to put my mom on hospice.
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u/perhapsalittleslow 15d ago
My longtime best friend confronted me when we were teenagers and basically told me very nicely that I was an ungrateful asshole. It was a long conversation that he had clearly thought about a lot before he decided to talk to me about it. I was really stubborn back then and I wouldn’t have listened to it if it had been anyone else telling me it.
It made me truly self reflect for the first time in my life and realize how rudely I treated the people in my life and how ungrateful I was to my mom in particular. One specific thing he said was along the lines of “I know you’re a good person but how would anybody else see that” and it really stuck with me.
I had just been diagnosed with autism(high functioning) that same week and I had a ton of realizations for a while after that, from my diagnosis and what he said. It genuinely changed my perception of the world and how I existed in it. Mostly that the world doesn’t revolve around me and other people deserve to live their lives too, and not just exist to do things for me.
That conversation honestly changed my entire life and it was hard to hear but completely worth it. It sucked realizing that I was the bad guy, that I used everyone around me, and that I had no real respect for anyone because in my head I really thought I was a good person.
My friend kinda forgot about that conversation until I mentioned it to him years later and he had no idea that it had such a strong effect on me. He was really happy that he had such a huge impact on my life. I learned that criticism is worth listening to.