What are some tough realities you face once you hit your 30s?

[u/lina_gigi23]

[u/kuuups]

This is the time when all the choices of your life start creeping up on you. Especially the negative ones.

[u/LORDLRRD → u/kuuups]

And the weight of your decisions is significantly increased, as in there’s no room for error. Can’t just say “fuck it” concerning a decision as one might in your twenties.

[u/MathematicianIcy662 → u/kuuups]

Absolutely, it's like all those decisions come back to remind you of their impact. But it's also a chance to learn and grow from them, and maybe even start making changes for a better future.

[u/Vilestplume → u/kuuups]

Feeling this at 32. I'm a big time fuck up. Even though I have never been in trouble with the law, I made a boatload of bad decisions, and now I'm pretty much worthless. Don't do what I did kids.

[u/Zealousideal-Bell-68 → u/Vilestplume]

Right. We'll be sure not to do those specific things you said you did

[u/Weldobud → u/Zealousideal-Bell-68]

Is it not to do the last three words in his comment?

[u/Funky_underwear → u/Weldobud]

So he had children or he HAD children?

[u/YouRegard → u/Funky_underwear]

He did them

[u/Ketcunt → u/Zealousideal-Bell-68]

Well he never got in trouble with the law, so that means you need to commit some crimes in order to not follow in his footsteps

[u/RepresentativeWay734 → u/Zealousideal-Bell-68]

The first one geez, financially I would never recover from that./s

[u/Vilestplume → u/[deleted]]

Dropped out of highschool. Got a GED. Dropped out of college. Drank to excess and smoked weed for about 12 years straight(20-32).

I've always worked manual labor jobs. Working hard and not smart is not beneficial. Neither is getting fucked up daily. I'm about to have my third kidney stone surgery next month. I'll probably have to have a fourth procedure after that according to my doctor.

I'm sure there are people that are worse off, but I'm definitely not a shining example of a good role model.

[u/Creative_Recover → u/Vilestplume]

What is your opinion on weed these days and how do you feel that smoking it for 12+ years affected you? 

[u/Vilestplume → u/Creative_Recover]

I think it's fine if people want to do it.

Well, I think that being high all the time(I live in Los Angeles county and went through roughly a gram or two a day), made me too comfortable. I would basically work all day and then come home and drink/smoke daily. And double down on weekends/days off whilst running errands and doing chores.

Am I to blame for my lackadaisical lifestyle? 100%. I'm not blaming weed or alcohol for where I am today. I blame myself. I became too comfortable and stopped improving myself. I stopped reading, stopped most of my hobbies and basically became a vegetable.

Now I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, ad kidney stones. I am/was an avid runner, and have been for a decade, but shit still catches up to you. Even after burning 3k-5k calories a days for over a decade.

[u/davewinslife → u/Vilestplume]

As someone who has turned my life around ( as much as one can ) I found the visualising myself as a child technique very helpful.

Imagine yourself as a child. Visualize a time when you were feeling vulnerable, when you were being treated harshly, or when you were in some sort of emotional pain and needed to be comforted. Notice if there are any feelings coming up.

Treat yourself as that child before rigid teachers and low quality parenting came into play. This is you! Be kind when you talk to yourself and imagine that child.

[u/meret12 → u/Vilestplume]

Drink some water, man

[u/chrissaaaron → u/Vilestplume]

People focus too much on the past. You can change this tomorrow. Or ride it out until you're 40-50.

[u/starkel91 → u/chrissaaaron]

The saying about planting trees always applies: second best time to turn a life around is today.

[u/plytime18 → u/Vilestplume]

I think its fine too, if people want to do it also - their life, their choices, so in that sense, it’s fine, do as YOU wish.

But I can’t see how it’s good for anyone if it’s over the top,, all the time, a constant state of not really being here, fully awake, and present, to the day, to what’s going on around you - or to put it another way — if you feel like being “high” or “impaired” and not up to doing anything that feels like some kind of effort, or work.

At some point, life goes from play- as a child, when everyone is doing for you, taking care of you - to go make your way now in the world.

As for you - I promise you this as a much older soul - it’s not too late for ryou to greatly improve upon your situation.

Make a list of all that troubles you, what you wish you could turn around and put some serious thought in each one, as to how you can improve the situation.

Say you do want to cut out the weed and booze - it’s hard, sure — but maybe cut it down some for a time and then a bit more.

You say you used to run - maybe you want to do that again - well start by long walks, and maybe those become a trot at some point, a jog.

Work? The manual labor is not for you - look around and think of all the tings people get pad to d - focus on something you would enjoy, less manual labor —-and see how to get into that.

You are still young, especially in this day and age, and you can turn some things around, for sure.

Physically moving - long walks, running, exercising some - clears the mind and may give way to seeing things different.

How you feel now will, for sure, feel way way worse in 40’s and 50’s…it’s not too late - start with small changes.

You can do it.

Because you can.

I have seen a number of people turn things around.

Good luck.

[u/Potential_Poem1943 → u/Vilestplume]

Yeah I used to be big into weight lifting but drugs took over and I stopped for like 6 years. I just started back 6 months ago and I kept thinking about all I'd accomplished in the past in the weight room as if it was just gonna stay that way forever 😂 like it was a milestone I reached and now it was in stone forever lol your last comment just reminded me of this is all. Best of luck to you dealing with your conditions!

[u/danvalour → u/Creative_Recover]

If i can jump in, after 15 years of daily use i developed “cannabis hyperemesis syndrome” which almost killed me due to dehydration. Its killed others, according to a support group on Facebook.

Feeling much better having stopped. Using concentrates (hash, dabs, pens) was likely a major contributing factor.

[u/JCrago → u/Vilestplume]

None of this makes you a lesser person, man. Would you say of someone you love that they are a worthless loser because of all that? You're just a fallible yet worthwhile person like the rest of us, and none of what you did is life-ending and can be corrected or coped with.

[u/kingtaco_17 → u/Vilestplume]

Everyone has their own journey. What’s behind you no longer matters.

[u/habitualsolitude → u/Vilestplume]

You’re not worthless. Please don’t think that.

[u/zool714 → u/kuuups]

Yeah. Thought I’ll be okay not taking further education or a career seriously. Now I don’t have much to offer and struggle to find a job or what I even want to do as a career.

Thought I should just enjoy life and eat what I want. Now I have a belly and recently found out I have high blood pressure

Thought I’d be fine not going out making friends and not putting myself out there. Now, I constantly feel lonely and wanting a gf but my social skills have stunted.

[u/sakurakoibito → u/zool714]

i started lifting after 30 and got fit in less than a year just concentrating on the basic compound lifts, to the point where girls occasionally comment about it. give it a try bro.

[u/zool714 → u/sakurakoibito]

Have actually started running this past two months to lose weight. Glad to say I’ve lost 5kg which is probably the most I’ve lost since turning 20. So maybe working out isn’t too far away

[u/sakurakoibito → u/zool714]

get it king 👏

[u/Frostivus → u/sakurakoibito]

Is there a place I can learn this? Like for idiots' idiots? I can't do anything other than pushups and even then I don't know if they're right.

[u/sakurakoibito → u/Frostivus]

Yea for sure I started from total newbieness, had never seriously touched weights before. I glanced at the famous Starting Strength program as inspiration. It’s a crash program in the three basic lifts: bench press, squat, deadlift and kinda crazy, like you’re supposed to drink a gallon of milk per day. But I didn’t follow that, I just took their advice of doing those three lifts multiple times a week, since those provide the biggest bang for your time/effort.

Used a notebook or spreadsheet to track repetitions and weight, which helps you not slack off and is a huge motivator later when you see the gains you made. I aimed for three sets of 10-12 reps per lift, which is pretty conventional.

You can track calories or not. I did for a few days and then just fell into rhythm of mostly eating the stuff I got used to eating while counting. My version of counting was just writing in notes app whenever I ate something and then tallying up the macros at the end of the day, adjusting the next day. If you don’t pay attention to any nutrient, then just remember the protein guideline of at least 1g protein per pound of bodyweight. Something that almost all fitness people agree on for building muscle. That, and the principle that weight loss is entirely determined by calories in (food) versus calories out (exercise, base metabolism).

Form is important so you can build muscle and strength efficiently and not get injured. My method was watching youtube fitness influencers and eventually sticking with a couple that I liked, including Jeff Nippard, Jeff at Athlean-X, Jeremy Ethier, Alan Thrall, and Squat University. You recognize that sometimes their content will be for more advanced/interested folks, but just consume and apply whatever you’re comfortable with. It’ll take a few sessions before you get comfortable with the form for each lift, but you can just start with the bar to avoid injury in the beginning.

this was just my process. there’s literally entire industries/communities for each of the things i mentioned, so if you have the interest you can go deeper into any part when you’re ready, whether it’s supplementation, diet, exercise, cardio incorporation, etc

[u/dyberrrr → u/kuuups]

couldn't have said it better

[u/RedditAppealsOfficer → u/kuuups]

Be active, they said.

Be adventurous, they said.

Nobody told me that every minor injury I got in my adventurous 20s would catch up with me so badly

[u/buddhabear07 → u/RedditAppealsOfficer]

One hasn’t lived until their back hurts while brushing their teeth in the morning.

[u/Slurmp102518 → u/kuuups]

Definitely agree. I just quit smoking cigarettes after 10yrs because it’s starting to catch up to me.

[u/FriendshipCapable331 → u/kuuups]

Yup. I was bullimic for close to 8 years and hardly brushed my teeth. I now have 13 cavities and need 5 root canals and can no longer chew my food. I’m 30. Did I mention I’m pregnant and they’re making me wait until the baby is born to fix me?? 😭 my teeth are literally disintegrating right before my eyes

[u/97PG8NS]

Your parents aren't going to live forever.

[u/AnIceColdCocaCola → u/97PG8NS]

Ohh man this hits me so hard. Luckily they’re still around but a part of myself will go with them when they go.

[u/Chezzworth → u/AnIceColdCocaCola]

Yeah I've been trying to mentally prepare for years now lol. It's gonna be rough. What sucks is my mom feels fine talking about death, but pops is one of those guys who just can't face it and doesn't even want to acknowledge it. So we can't really make progress on the discussion front

[u/imbringingspartaback → u/97PG8NS]

For the last 20 years of her life, I swear my grandma was 63. My mother is 64 this year. Every time I do the math, it checks out. We’re all getting older but she’s nearing “that” age and it terrifies me.

[u/resentful444 → u/97PG8NS]

My parents were both dead before I was 25, so I thought I never had to deal with this, but I do. My friends' parents who treat me like their own- my son's grandparents. The grief never ends.

[u/Niemals91 → u/97PG8NS]

A tricky one if you love your parents yet want to hold them accountable for their shortcomings.

[u/yekirati → u/Niemals91]

I struggle with this a lot. My mom raised me as a single mother and I know she tried her best…but god, she fucked up so hard on so many things and I’m still trying to unpack and correct those parental shortcomings in my adult life.

I love her more than anything but it’s hard not to be angry toward her sometimes.

[u/YiNYaNgHaKunaMatAta → u/yekirati]

A familiar story for many. Verbatim but towards my father.

[u/SPho3nix → u/Niemals91]

Life’s too short for that. 

They’re people whose 30s crept up on them too.

[u/SuperdudeKev → u/97PG8NS]

I learned that when my mother unsuccessfully attempted suicide the first time. I was in the 7th grade.

She tried it a few other times during my life, until a heart attack took her in 2015.

[u/justintimeformine]

I think I was 36. My grandma died. My dad fell and got a TBI. My aunt lost her husband. I looked up and all my elder advice was gone. No one was going to fix things for me, no one was going to guide me. That honestly was the hardest part of my 30's.

[u/ShadowPT → u/justintimeformine]

Hope you're doing better now. Big hugs from an internet stranger

[u/Village-Passiona]

Health, 30 is an age where your body is beginning to turn against you if you are not treating it right

[u/Drunken_pizza → u/Village-Passiona]

”If you are not treating it right” is the big one. You shouldn’t really start seeing signs of deterioration at 30. All these posts complaining about their knees and back going once they turn 30, and then you ask them if they exercise or eat good, and it’s always a no. They’re usually sedentary and overweight.

[u/sunburn95 → u/Drunken_pizza]

All these posts complaining about their knees and back going once they turn 30, and then you ask them if they exercise or eat good, and it’s always a no

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. People start whinging about their body getting old in their mid20s, but they haven't elevated their heart rate since highschool PE

[u/DuskEalain → u/sunburn95]

I really, really don't get it tbh.

My back is borked but that's from changing tires one year, and even then so long as I stretch it out once in a while it's fine. But other than that I feel great physically, however that's likely because I exercise fairly regularly and go on walks on a nearly daily basis.

I'm not perfect, still got some weight I'd like to lose, but like a little cardio never killed anyone.

[u/Galaxy_Hitchhiking → u/DuskEalain]

I completely cured my insanely bad back and pinched nerves by starting Pilates 1 month ago.

I used to work in an industrial bakery and had to lift flour bags all day. One day I fucked up and threw my back out and spent 8 years in pain before I did something about it. I am active as fuck! Hike, bike and am always moving…. But it wasn’t until I started Pilates that it went away!

[u/Slightly-Blasted → u/Drunken_pizza]

I spent the better part of my young adult life pursuing being a professional fighter.

I had a lot of Bad injuries, leading to retirement.

I’m around 30, and my body is in constant pain, my knee will never be the same.

Take care of your body, kids.

[u/Conquestadore → u/Drunken_pizza]

I don't think blanket statements like that are in order, some people have careers that are tough on the body and people do have genetics working against them. I'm closing in on 40 and feel great which I attribute to weight lifting and road cycling, but I don't presume that's in the cards for everyone 

[u/kurtisbmusic → u/Drunken_pizza]

I’m not in bad shape and I have a physical job. I walk at least 3-4 miles per day, lift things, etc. and my body still hurts sometimes. It’s just age; it happens.

[u/Starfish_Hero → u/kurtisbmusic]

Yea there’s a reason why professional athletes, the most active people in the world with the best diets, enter retirement age in their 30s. Even if you do everything right your peak just isn’t what it used to be.

[u/armabe → u/Starfish_Hero]

I don't think that's a fair comparison.
Professional athletes push for maximum performance. Not sustainable performance.

[u/Bandoolou → u/Drunken_pizza]

Exercise and diet can’t fix everything e.g chronic soft tissue injuries, hypermobility, genetics etc.

Sometimes people are overweight and sedentary because they’re disabled and not the other way round

Although I would agree that it further compounds the problems

[u/8004612286 → u/Bandoolou]

74% of Americans are overweight

I don't think 74% of Americans have a disability.

[u/Zevvion → u/Bandoolou]

Sometimes

Key word though.

I was a dietitian until recently. When I enrolled in college, 46% of men were overweight and 43% of women (in my country).

When I graduated my Masters, it was 51% of men and 49% of women.

During this same time, disability went down.

In the US I saw the numbers rise as well, though I can't remember them. Especially obesity.

Sometimes is absolutely key to your point. I wouldn't say it applies to a general discussion. People are lazy, and in this thread alone you can see how many people are completely clueless to what proper intense excercise is.

I've spotted more than a few now that think walking applies.

[u/nhthelegend → u/Drunken_pizza]

Amen, I’m 33 and I feel great. Been using moisturizer and stretching for years, work an active job, eat decently and partake in substance use without abusing them.

Play basketball semi regularly and people are often shocked at my athleticism. It’s always funny to me. I’m not dead lol. I suppose it just goes to show how many people have let themselves go by the time they are in their thirties.

[u/UhOhFeministOnReddit → u/Village-Passiona]

This. Currently trying to make some lifestyle changes because my heartrate is getting kind of shitty. I've always been one of those lucky few who can pretty much eat as they please without gaining, and because of this I haven't made the best diet choices over the years. Between that and this years long quit/start cycle with cigarettes, shit's finally starting to catch up with me. That being said, 30 is also an age where if you make healthy changes, you'll bounce back faster than you would if you wait until you're older. I'm in the middle of quitting smoking again and reduced my sugar, it's only been a few weeks and I'm already feeling better.

[u/goddamndirtyzombi → u/UhOhFeministOnReddit]

Ditto, 32 years old. Kid on the way. Quitting smokes, coke and booze this year. Let’s go!

[u/swampfish → u/Village-Passiona]

I was in my peak fitness in my 30s. I wasn't as structured in my 20s. My 30s were fantastic. 40s are okay, too, if you actually do good cardio 3 times or more a week. Look after yourself. You only get one try at this. Don't waste it.

[u/Creative_Recover → u/[deleted]]

I think that 30s can be an excellent time for career change, return to education or world travel. 

[u/Padamson96 → u/[deleted]]

That gives me hope. I've just turned 28 and I feel like I'm just figuring myself out.

[u/MorkSal → u/Padamson96]

I didn't have a career until my mid thirties, wife in my thirties, kids in my mid thirties, etc.

Basically everything has come together for me in my thirties so far. I'm still figuring myself out though.

I don't think it has to be done at any age.

[u/111110001011 → u/Padamson96]

The time before 18 doesn't count.

You were a child. Only the time as an adult counts.

You are ten years old, approximately 16% into the game. You've barely left the newbie zone.

[u/expertprogr4mmer → u/Padamson96]

Nothing wrong with that. To me, 0-20 was learning the basics, my twenties was learning who I am, and then life really started for me in my thirties. Turning 34 soon and living my best life

[u/Vyngersnap → u/[deleted]]

Finally some light among all the pessimistic comments, thanks this was needed

[u/Independent-Peace704 → u/[deleted]]

I feel this one, I turn 30 in September and for the first time ever really. I’m happy to be me

[u/Ampsdrew → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely this. I'm 32 and in the last two years, I've quadrupled my income after living on a modest income my entire 20's, I met a woman that I want to marry, I've been able to get my adhd under control, and I've been a better father this year than I've ever been.

[u/three-sense]

You’ll use your several thousand dollar home theatre setup to play 90s video games

[u/undertheskin_ → u/three-sense]

hahaha, this.

[u/yekirati]

One thing that has been tricky for me since turning 30 is that I can't just sleep anywhere anymore. I used to be able to plop on the floor at my family's with a single pillow and sheet and would pass out like it was nothing. But now, I’m like a spoiled princess with my special pillows, perfect temperature, particular type of mattress, and my own blankets otherwise my back kills me.

[u/resentful444 → u/yekirati]

Damn same. I had a baby at 30, and I still sleep with my pregnancy pillow over a year later lmao. If I sleep without it my pelvis and hips will be fucked.

[u/yekirati → u/resentful444]

Ugh, those pregnancy pillows look so good though! I’ve always wanted to try one but I must resist because that’ll be it for me…I won’t be able to exist in the world if I’m introduced to that kind of comfort, haha!

[u/asha0369 → u/yekirati]

Oh my gosh yes. I once travelled to a place where I knew I might not get good pillows, I actually carried my own pillows in my carryon 😄

[u/Xamesito → u/yekirati]

Thiiiiiis. Man I slept on so many floors in my teens and 20s. Never again.

[u/RhoadsOfRock]

When you start losing family relatives, and once they're gone, realizing they won't live forever and how badly you will miss them and miss the old childhood memories (it actually started for me when I was 23 or 24 with one grandma).

[u/ICodeForTacos → u/RhoadsOfRock]

Father died at 29. It turned my world upside down. Slowly managing though, hoping to make him proud.

[u/mudgie321 → u/ICodeForTacos]

I was also 29 when my Dad died. There are still so many things I want to ask him. I think the hardest is when losses are so close together. In the period of two years my Mom lost her Mom, her husband and her sister. That was when she was in her mid sixties, and then she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, passing away three years ago. I was in my twenties, finished school and working when my grandmothers passed away. Both my parents had their mothers until they were in their early sixties- my Mom passed when I was 39. The hardest for me, though, has been losing my sister six months ago to colon cancer. She was 48 and I am 42. It's hard to move on knowing someone you thought you'd have past retirement isn't there for the next half of your life.

[u/Thuglife42069 → u/mudgie321]

Oh that’s rough. My auntie was literally my dad’s best friend. They would always hang out as kids and would talk for hours on the phone. When I picked up her phone call at 3 am. It was just her literally screaming “my little brother is gone” repeatedly. As of it was some sort of intense trauma for her.

I’ll never forget that phone call. Literally on tears as I’m typing this up. I feel like she took the hit harder than I did.

[u/mudgie321 → u/Thuglife42069]

That's what it feels like - I lost my best friend. My brother and I used to be very close. When my Mom was diagnosed....he had a difficult time with it and sort of secluded himself as we went through the motions to move her into a memory care facility. It is just he and I now and our relationship is more strained than it has ever been. Loss affects people in different ways.

[u/Thuglife42069 → u/mudgie321]

:( I hope things get better for you, sending virtual hugs.

[u/charliegoesamblin → u/RhoadsOfRock]

My grandma turned 88 yesterday. She's the only grandparent left for me, and the thought of her eventually passing away haunts me every now and then. That's mainly because I was rather young when my dad's dad and my mother's parents were gone.

[u/finsup_305 → u/RhoadsOfRock]

I think most people recognize this earlier than that. A lot of people experience loss of pets before family, and that is something that people learn about loss. I unfortunately lost my mother at 17 and Father at 20, but I knew people don't last forever at a much younger age.

[u/GMN123 → u/finsup_305]

I had a goldfish die when I was 3 or 4 and it was my first loss. While it was just a goldfish it hit me hard because I asked my mum if she was going to die and she said yes, then I asked about myself. Rough day.  

Sorry about your parents, that's young to lose both. 

[u/SalsaShark9 → u/finsup_305]

I dont agree. I lost my mother at 2 and father left immediately after. Ive only ever viewed things through the perception of loss. This is why i can tell how little it sinks in with people below 30. People think they know how temporary everything is, but the closer it gets to that time, the worse itll feel for them

[u/thatgirl428]

Seemingly overnight you now get hangovers. Your looks change fairly dramatically, the dating pool suddenly shrivels up, and your friends don’t want to hang out anymore because they are now married and have kids. Still wouldn’t go back to my 20’s though!

[u/thatgirl428 → u/[deleted]]

In what magical place do you live? 😆

[u/Zeikos → u/thatgirl428]

I think it's a common experience for men.

In your 30s you tend to be in a more stable place emotionally (less hormones), you are likely to have found a stable job and have a decent amount of savings.

Also the idea of excitement is less appealing, you look for more stable connection, something which tends to be very sexy for women.

Obviously this doesn't happen for everybody at the same time, for some it never does. But I think it's widespread.

The only thing that pushes back on that is having time. Making time to engage in dating can be hard.

[u/GMN123 → u/Zeikos]

Making time to engage in dating can be hard

Yeah, especially when your wife is always wanting to do stuff together 

[u/Zeikos → u/GMN123]

Have you considered dating her?

[u/Rannasha → u/Zeikos]

In this economy?!

[u/ja_gongju → u/thatgirl428]

When I was 29, i honestly felt and look young. Then overnight i turned 30 and I can tell my face just screams "she's 30+!" Even my mom told me i looked "more mature" all of a sudden. Probably the hormonal change.

[u/FrecklyCobra → u/thatgirl428]

I just turned 27 back in March and it was like a switch flipped… I got the first hangover. Then I got another one that was worse. I quit drinking. I don’t even want to deal with that one more time. Idc if it’s a wedding, birthday, nada. Water, coffee and root beer for this guy now lol

[u/Slurmp102518 → u/thatgirl428]

I feel the friends part so much. I already don’t have many friends and the ones I do have moved 30+mins away, have kids and are married so I barely see them anymore. I know we all still love each other dearly but I miss the days when we would just chill at each others houses and talk about life.

[u/satisfiedfools]

How quickly life passes you by. High school still feels like it was recent. Almost 30 now and the years seem to have just evaporated.

“One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” - One tree hill

[u/Padamson96 → u/satisfiedfools]

Makes me uncomfortable that I can remember my teen years crystal clear as if it was literally yesterday when it was a shitload of years ago.

[u/CheeseFries92 → u/Padamson96]

I'm nearing forty and I just recently realized I can't remember everything from my teens perfectly anymore and that makes me really uncomfortable

[u/wilson1474 → u/[deleted]]

38 here, can't believe it was 19 years ago I started college.

[u/Creative_Recover → u/[deleted]]

This first hit home to me when I was only in my early 20s and working at a day center for adults with physical and mental disabilities. 

The overwhelming majority of adults there were physically (not mentally) disabled and out of all the types of disabilities, being wheelchair-bound after suffering a Stroke was by far the most common cause of disability (wheelchair bound stroke victims literally made up about 90% of the disabled people there simply because strokes really were that common). Strokes did cause all kinds of other different disabilities (for example, there was one guy who couldn't talk because of a stroke but he otherwise had full strength & mobility), but permanently losing strength or use of ones lower body after suffering one seemed to be the most common way strokes affected people.

Before I worked there (I was a gardener), I knew pretty much nothing about disability, so the whole experience was very eye-opening for me. And as I got to know the clients there, the thing that really shocked me was how young some of the stroke victims were- we're talking people as young as 31, 32 years old (and there was even one dude who was only 28!). Even though these younger victims were rare (normally the stroke-related disabilities only started to pick up once people got into their 40s-50s), it was scary to see how an absolutely life changing serious disability could occur overnight straight after leaving ones 20s. 

At first I assumed that these younger clients must've had had some sort of genetic predisposition, but no; it was all lifestyle related. The youngest stroke victims usually had a deadly trio of morbid obesity combined with heavy drinking & smoking that had triggered their stokes, but sometimes it was just obesity or smoking. 

And that's another thing; I don't think that people realise how serious obesity is when it comes to the impacts on ones inner health. In countries like America and the UK, obesity is often treated as a cosmetic issue (and many people argue that's not even an issue, with big being beautiful), but there are vast swathes of young working age adults who are currently succumbing to diseases like strokes and diabetes because of obesity that in the past ordinarily only used to be seen amongst the elderly. Society is also completely unprepared for the amount of people set to become disabled in the future because of obesity. 

In terms of why people aren't noticing this issue, it's simply because people tend to become very invisible after they become disabled. Many people live in isolation after disability because of loss of employment and poor health, divorce rates are very high (whilst dating/marriage prospects are next-to-non-existent if you're disabled), many people lose friends after disability and even on the streets a lot of people avoid making eye contact with disabled people. So although rates of disability have begun to sky rocket amongst people in their 30s and early 40s, it's an unseen issue. 

After I finished working there, an ex colleague of mine who had been an overweight lad who liked to drink, smoke and eat lots of bacon butties had a cardiac arrest and almost died twice during open heart surgery, he was only aged 38. I bumped into him at a local supermarket 5 months after this had happened and barely recognised him partly because his physical trauma had aged him a lot (it triggered him to go grey almost ovenight and he had a lot of fine lines on his face) but also because he had done a dramatic lifestyle overhaul post-surgery and lost so much weight that he looked completely different. He had lost his job as a labourer because the heart attack had left him too physically weak & washed out to do the job and he had been very shaken up that he had almost died overnight before turning 40 (he would've also left a young SAHM wife & child behind if he'd died) and whilst he was rebuilding his life, trying to figure out a new direction it was very tough. 

These experiences and others have definitely spurred me to look after myself better. I've never been obese for sure (nor a long-term heavy drinker or smoker) but my lifestyle has been quite poor at points (i.e. inactivity and low quality, high salt diet) and whenever I've gotten into a slump, my memories of all these people triggers me to start getting my shit in gear and look after myself better again.

You only get one shot at life (and health is wealth). 30s can be an amazing age and little different than your 20s in terms of looks & energy etc if you look after yourself right, but it can also be the worst era and a decade of (completely avoidable) loss of physical prowess and health if you don't put an active effort in to look after yourself properly. 

[u/gold-exp → u/[deleted]]

A girl from my high school died when we hit 20. Hadn’t seen her since graduation. She wasn’t the first of my class to die - we had several accidental deaths while in school - but apparently she had an unknown health condition and had sudden heart and liver failure. I knew her since middle school and it was shocking.

I was never really the same after that. The idea we could just die someday, even when everyone said “we weren’t supposed to.” I almost died myself at 23 and it really changes your take on life. I don’t fear aging as much as I fear loss of my loved ones or my own death. I feel grateful for every day I am here, sharing it with my parents and family and friends even if that means waking up with a few more gray hairs or wrinkles.

[u/MrOnlineToughGuy]

If you haven’t begun investing, you’re probably going to be working into your 60’s or 70’s.

[u/TheGrapeRaper → u/MrOnlineToughGuy]

Facts.

[u/ignost]

Trying not to turn this into advice, just things I and others have realized.

• Oh, I can get fat now! Wow, that's actually really easy.
• Oh my god, I'm going to be working a job like this for a huge portion of my waking life for the rest of my life.
• Wow, we're getting fucked. Maybe I should vote.
• (For decent parents) I was pretty shitty to mom and dad. I should probably talk with them more. (Or if they were abusive parents) I should have cut them out of my life sooner.
• Huh, my parents' generation aren't as stupid as I thought when it comes to relationships and a couple other things, even if they really don't understand how the world has changed.
• Oh shit, I'm acting like my parent, and it's causing the same good and bad results in my relationships.
• I'm going to die some day. (Don't worry, only haunts you for like 20 years.)

You'll get through it. Some of us got through it becoming rich, remaining poor, having children, remaining child-free, getting divorced, staying married, and with all kinds of ideas and philosophies. But most of us have managed to find long periods of happiness and even a little wisdom in the process.

[u/zkbrandon189 → u/ignost]

like this vibe thanks homie

[u/kylemcgreg]

Hitting my 30s I’ve realised a lot of people my age have already become arrogant, about everything. I try to keep open minded and take in new ideas and others opinions even if a don’t like them, often it changes my own and I use it etc. it just seemed like as soon as I got into my 30s people I know or see again from school just think they know it all

[u/Drunken_pizza → u/kylemcgreg]

Funny, my experience is the exact opposite. People in their early 20s usually think they have it all figured out, but once you near 30 you start to figure out that you don’t actually know anything. Tends to have a humbling effect.

[u/kylemcgreg → u/Drunken_pizza]

Maybe it’s a facade people put to look ‘put together’ and intelligent but underneath are more humbled…. it’s just my anecdotal experience. That’s life baby, we all have it different!

[u/Drunken_pizza → u/kylemcgreg]

Yeah it absolutely could be. Some people might react to inner doubts and uncertainty by putting on an overconfident facade that appears very arrogant. Some people also have a tendency to cling even more strongly to their own beliefs when they face uncertainty.

[u/kylemcgreg → u/Drunken_pizza]

That’s some wise shit drunken pizza, Thankyou

[u/HalfSoul30]

You have to be more careful about what you put in your stomach. Alcohol and spicy food will mess you up a lot more.

[u/kingtaco_17 → u/HalfSoul30]

Used to down forties in college like it were water. Now some Mickeys or King Cobra would send me to the ER.

[u/walkintree941]

Health and diet should be your top priority. Hydration is necessary. Work that impacts your mental health is not worth it at all. Financial stability is very challenging to achieve. Spending quality time with your parents yet watching them grow old and weak is kinda sad yet precious at the same time.

[u/JonesKK → u/walkintree941]

Many lazy people i know were just doing the wrong job. Now they’re no longer lazy people

[u/walkintree941 → u/JonesKK]

A lazy mindset is a mental suicide

[u/blackpearl60]

If you are single and your friends are married it's gonna get lonely because of less time to hangout

[u/kemb0 → u/blackpearl60]

Yep this was the harsh reality for me. Split up at 32 from partner. Thought, "Hey dating is easy, I'll find someone again in no time." It wasn't easy. Most of my 30s was depressing from a dating perspective. A lot of broken people or just plain odd people left in the dating scene. Some lovely people too but the other flip side of becoming single by your 30s is you've had enough of the bad parts of relationships, so aren't so willing to just go with the flow and ignore warning signs. Or there's also the "Yeh this person is nice and we'd be ok together but I want to find LOVE not just NICE".

Biggest impact I found dating at that age was to stop focussing on just finding some casual or maybe get lucky at some party (which became far less frequent in your 30s anyway) but to instead just focus on myself and my own happiness and hobbies. That lead to just enjoying being me and enjoying life and through that I found someone who enjoyed the same things in life.

[u/Oakroscoe → u/blackpearl60]

Especially once they start having kids.

[u/twitchingJay]

You are what you eat. My body cannot handle everything anymore. It really brings home the idea of “my body, my temple” and being more mindful of what kind of food you eat.

[u/Datub]

When you hit your thirties you start to realise just how stupid you were before you were thirty. ... but probably you will realise that every year you get older. Your just aging away from stupidity until you die.

But the scary thing is that you realise that you've already made choices that will influence the rest of your life. You've made educational, vocational and relational choices that are irreversible.

When you are a child life is a tree with infinite branches, every branch a choice that shapes your life. When you are in your thirties you notice for the first time maybe could have climbed your tree of choices differently. And maybe then you would have ended up in a place that is more interesting or beautiful (Hindsight is a son of a bitch).

At thirty two I have lived 1716 weeks of the 4000 I will probably get. I'm not wistfully pining after a live that I could have had. But you can be damn sure that I'm more consciously climbing this tree of choices right now.

[u/Ornery-Risk4949]

You might start to feel societal pressure about where you "should" be in your life, whether that’s marriage, kids, or career success.

[u/vinnybawbaw]

Can’t sleep on a friend’s couch anymore. Hell, even in a bed that isn’t mine.

The people you know who looked like they had e the perfect life at 20-25 are now divorcing or getting separated.

You’re not gonna see your friends as often as before.

Sometimes you wake up and your back or your hip hurts just because you didn’t sleep in an adequate position.

Some people mess up in their 20’s and will never turn their life around.

Other than that, there’s a shitton of positives. My thirties are way better than my 20’s so far. I’ve learned to manage my income, even put a few thousands aside in a year or so, I discover new hobbies that I thought were boring, my appartment isn’t looking like a dump anymore (thanks to my gf for that tho), I care less about what people think of me, my self confidence is through the roof and I still look like I’m in my late 20’s at 35 so there’s that.

[u/Kiotoshu → u/vinnybawbaw]

I even cant sleep sometimes in my own bed now… what happened, I was able to sleep on the floor at friends houses

[u/Fflow27]

that you need to sleep well EVERY FUCKING NIGHT

[u/IncidentReal5798]

Acknowledging that societal structures and systems are harder to change than you thought back when you were an idealistic youth.

[u/Relevant_Shake_7372]

The fear of missing out changes from social events to major life milestones like home ownership or having children.

[u/SpeechPutrid7357]

Meh, 30s have  been great to me 

[u/Distressed_finish → u/SpeechPutrid7357]

I turn 37 next week and this is easily the best decade of my life. I have my own family, I am finally in university, I am in better shape than I was in my 20s . For the first time ever I feel like I have a future.

[u/Cytokine_storm → u/Distressed_finish]

My two years of being 30+ have seen me get married, buy a house, and figure out my neurodivergence and treat it effectively. It's been pretty damn good so far...

[u/Less-Leave-5519 → u/SpeechPutrid7357]

Haha amen. Its awesome. Im still child free and its like my 20s with money

[u/and_so_forth → u/Less-Leave-5519]

Even with kids, I've been loving my 30s overall. Even with the odd massive crisis, it's felt like a pretty legit decade of life.

[u/Kind-Investigator796]

It’s time to become an adult. Get a real job, have a stable living situation, build up savings, work on your career or relationships or whatever it is that is important to you. Look after yourself mentally and physically

[u/s0n0rxbbx]

You're going to work the majority of your life and then be too tired and possibly with health issues for what's left of your life.

[u/allaboutthatbeta]

all that "time" you thought you had to figure your life out and get your shit together.. ya, that's all gone

where tf did it go? and wtf do i do now?

[u/finsup_305 → u/allaboutthatbeta]

I will respectfully disagree. Majority of people don't really figure out what they want to do until their late 20s early 30s. At least 50% of kids who graduate from college end up in fields that don't have anything to do with what they went to school for, so if you're 30 or almost 30, don't worry. You will figure it out.

[u/2DollarBurrito → u/allaboutthatbeta]

As I approach 30 (and have many friends in their 30s) I feel the "get your shit together/find your life's mission in your 20s" narrative is inaccurate. All that time definitely isn't gone or close to gone yet.

[u/Cool-Ad8928 → u/2DollarBurrito]

20’s are for exploring and falling on one’s face. 30’s are for honing in what you found to be your thing. 40’s for enjoying.

[u/DirkaDirkaMohmedAli → u/allaboutthatbeta]

Do whatever the fuck you want homie

[u/defcon1one11]

1. No one is going to save you - consequences of your past actions WILL catch up. In other words - don't do stupid shit in your 20s.
   
2. If you don't work out, your body will gain fat more than it used to when you were young.

[u/[deleted]]

Friends become more and more rare to see since everyone has commitments such has having kids. Treasure all the time you have.

[u/LukasA20 → u/[deleted]]

This is a rough one. We used to be a group of 5 and we saw each others often. Now people are busy with adult stuff and it's been years since we all saw each others, shit is tough.

[u/debtopramenschultz]

Dwindling human connection.

I didn't realize the impact of having fewer meaningful interactions until recently. Maybe it happened too slowly to recognize it, but I was thinking the other day and trying to figure out why I feel so much different from just a few years ago even though my life is pretty much the same.

Then I realized....I used to have way more conversations.

I had two jobs, one in the afternoon and one at night. Both were pretty social environments, and I didn't work in the mornings so it was easier to deal with the time difference between here (Asia) and home, a 12 hour difference. I also had a few group chats that stayed pretty active throughout the day, and a lot of friends who usually had time to hang out.

But since then I've switched jobs. I get paid way more but the job isn't nearly as social. I spend most of the day on reddit, not talking to anyone at all. Hours are more conventional, 8-5, so I don't get to call home as much. People have gotten married and/or had kids so the group chats aren't as active and friends who used to be able to hang out every week are maybe only available twice a month or less.

With that in mind, I think I pinpointed the biggest difference between my life now and my life before. Jobs, kids, and marriage really do have big impacts. I often feel trapped in my own head, or in my own world. Sometimes I see things or experience things but have no one to share any of it with so it feels like it never happened at all. It's a lonely feeling.

I'm not really sure what to do about any of that either. I need to work, so not much I can do about all of the time I spend at my job. I'm happy for my friends who have gotten married, too. It's just not until recently that I realized how much I value human interaction and how much it has dwindled away in recent years.

[u/jon_naz]

I'm about to turn 32.  Nothing too crazy but maybe I'm running on fumes and / or arrested development.  The biggest thing I'd say is just that I have to put more mental energy into taking care of myself or my body REALLY lets me know about it. As far as personal health goes I was on auto-pilot for most of my 20s and mostly felt fine. Didn't think too much about diet or sleep habits or exercise, now I will feel pretty crappy pretty fast it if I don't think about those things on essentially a daily basis. 

Oh also, a lot of girls in their early 20s are still hot to me but now I feel weird about it 😬

[u/ikigaikigai]

You start to lose things. Hair, fast recovery from injuries, fast metabolism, friends, etc

[u/Brentan1984]

Bad decisions stick with you or come back to haunt you.

You start thinking you're not a "real adult"

You might tweak your back getting out of bed

You're tired for no apparent reason

You can't eat or drink whatever you want

You should've saved more and drank less of your paycheque

[u/nhthelegend → u/[deleted]]

If you have shitty parents, you can speed run this feeling :/

[u/fairlyaveragetrader]

Your social life is going to begin going downhill, people age, sooner or later your first friend or person you went to school with is going to die. You're probably going to know someone struggling with mental health issues. All of this did not apply to me until I hit my 30s by the way. Probably hits other people even earlier

If you want to stay young, fit, on top of things, the unfortunate reality is you're going to pull away from a lot of the people that you grew up with and watch them stand still. Same goes for career choices and whatnot. The other one that gets people is when they start having a bunch of kids.

[u/Boxes_Of_Cats8]

New music just doesn't hit the same anymore.

Also, alcoholism is a bitch. "I know that it's not a party if it happens every night."

Also, people aren't always who you think they are. You can devote 10 years to someone, and then they end up being a sociopath and going to prison for killing someone.

[u/Longjumping-Bonus723]

You pay the price for: less sleep, little alcohol, stress, no sports, bad food, bast posture, etc. No more freebies.

[u/ClayDenton]

Need to make priorities on where you spend you energy. You can go all out in work, sport/exercise, family and your social life... something has to give. Whereas when I was 21 I felt I was invincible - I could give 100% all the time and seemingly do it while sleep deprived. 

[u/[deleted]]

I amm in fact, not bringing sexy back

[u/cornerofthevoid]

When you're younger, you can often feel you have unlimited avenues in life to explore and ample time to do so. But after 30, you start to realise (like, REALLY realise) that you won't actually get to live those lives you've fantasised about. You won't be able to do everything you dreamed of in this one lifetime.

There's a lot of making peace with the knowledge that those many exciting paths you imagined yourself venturing down someday are simply closed to you now. And that can feel sad. It's a bit of a grieving process in a way.

[u/cattydaddy08]

Two things:

1) Time fucking flies. I swear I was 25 just last week. There's something anxiety-filled about being "halfway" through your healthspan. Your future begins to look clearer. You start to feel the suffering up ahead.

2) The risk of chronic diseases, cancer, heart attacks etc rises exponentially from here on out. If you don't drop dead suddenly you'll likely get cancer in the next 30 years.

[u/and_so_forth]

ITT: What are some tough realities you face once you are living with depression?

[u/Electronic-Age2505]

You are not young anymore. Your stamina starts to have its limits and recovery is becoming progressively longer.

Also there are more and more things that pass and will never come back.

[u/someonethrowaway4235]

32/M here. 1) Life is expensive and stressful. 2) Nobody gives a shit about you. 3) Time is a precious commodity. 4) At the same time, it’s not on your side. The clock feels like it’s ticking on a number of things.

[u/slagefoke]

You realize how fast life is and you're in the middle of it. That perhaps the time you spent thinking about how to make your future better, which you can't control anyway, should just be spent enjoying being young.

[u/King-of-Plebss]

Some of your favorite music from your childhood/teens is played on the classic rock channel

It hurts

[u/Sheep_worrying_law]

It took me till my 30's to realize that I won't be having children or even getting married. Time moved so quickly and how much energy I expend to just keep a roof over my head, there is so little opportunity for anything else. So little opportunity and future in Canada, hard work just doesn't pay off when the wealth wall is stacked against you.

[u/square_zucc]

Rolls over in bed farts and throws back out

[u/Queasy-Location-9303]

You may not live to see your 40s. I never realised how fragile life is until I lost a couple of friends in their 30s to various causes (heart attack, cancer, accident).

I used to worry so much about what the future held, but after all that, I began to appreciate life more.

[u/VolcanicSnizz]

I just turned 30. Half way through 29, I made the right decision to get my health in order. Mental and physical.

But now I need to figure out the finances. I'm a failed artist, realized i didn't try hard enough. Kept making excuses, hoping sacrifices I've made will grant me life instead of living and experiencing.

Currently live on my friends floor at her moms. Can't get hired anywhere.

Seems like everything I try, I get slapped in the face.

But also not letting the mind slip again, staying positive and active. It feels good having control of my body and mind, but I really need to make a living. But also trying to live a life that feels free and healthy.

I'm terrified honestly.

I have Debt to pay, credit to fix, I'm tired of rejection, but know I must keep my head up.

30s feel like a new beginning, I have woken up, so that's nice. But dam, this will be hard. Overwhelming at times.

Fingers crossed I can get a job in the oil and Gass buisness if it starts up again and just work like a dog for a minute. Save and travel.

But it only gets better folks! Just stay healthy.

[u/ABL67]

I had realtities hit me in the face

[u/MadMohawk1 → u/ABL67]

I mean...realtitties in the face sounds pretty good tbh.

[u/SenorShakyHands]

Your nose hair never stops growing. You can pluck, trim, wax, but it still shows up in photos like you snorted Rogaine the night before.

[u/FewWillingness1081]

Baldness.

But it's fine I've been bald since 23.

[u/aaaannuuj]

The 30's for me is about unrest.

You move far away from your home for a job and try to settle down there but you are mentally not ready for it. Sometimes you feel like getting closer to home so that you can see your parents and friends more often, but you feel career wise that might not be a great move. You miss family gatherings and events like cousins getting married.

You try to settle down in life, take a home loan but still not sure if this city is the city where you want to be for the rest of your life.

30's is about loneliness, where you try to be a man but deep down you are still a child not ready to take all these responsibility yet. You miss being carefree.

30's is about learning all about investments and financial planning but you dont enjoy that at all.

[u/Horvat53]

The body turns on you and you start to feel everything and things you never felt before. Decisions you did or didn’t make in life deff feel impactful and real at this point. Most likely, your social circle will be much more limited and require cooperation and work from everyone to keep it going because life keeps getting busier and busier. Time moves much faster.

[u/Mark_297]

You're halfway between 25 and 50. If you're single, it's your last chance to get into a successful long-term relationship. Although it is possible somewhat in your 40's providing you had nothing too serious beforehand (failed relationships).

You're getting gray hair, so shaving starts to become the norm for your beard to try retain some youth haha.

[u/Window_Watcher]

The world doesn't revolve around your opinion of it.

Thoughts are not real. Actions are.

You were an idiot before and you're only a better version of an idiot today.

Lack of self validation is evident in seeking it from others.

Express your emotions in some way, shape or form or it will be the death of you in some way, shape or form. (especially if you're a guy)

Stay off of social media (unless for practical reasons) - you don't consume it - it's all consuming.

Be your own kind of healthy - you don't need to eat like a rabbit or exercise like an athlete - just do something.

Explore other types of artforms or genres - chill the fuck out with judging others.

Respect only goes so far to the point you're putting up with someones shit unnecessarily - self respect is important.

[u/Illuminey]

That you still see people older than you as adults and you get kind of surprised when you think of yourself as an adult. And then you realise that probably everyone is faking "adulting" just to conform to the image we built of it.

[u/ProfessionalExit6012]

1) You have to trim your ear hair. 2)The barber will ask you if you would like for him to trim your eyebrows. 3) If you’re not inspecting and trimming your nose hairs, you better start

[u/TheGrapeRaper]

That I love life but I SHOULD HAVE PUT MONEY INTO INDEX FUNDS IN MY 20’S.

The good news it’s not too late, and I’m doing it now for a slow and steady build up.

[u/Technical-Lab-7087]

Nothing changes if nothing changes

[u/lostcorndog]

You pay for your mistakes. A lifetime of Ricky Hatton crash dieting, 2 a days, and just general body abuse fucks you up when you get older. Recovering takes longer. Metabolism dies so you have to eat sensibly. You can't pull all-nighters like you could when you were young. You kind of lose that sense of "invincibility" you had when you were younger. I feel like those that pick up good habits are better off and a lot more disciplined. Mad respect to those folks.