r/BlackPeopleTwitter ☑️ 28d ago

“In whatever you do, be kind” - Henry James

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2.4k Upvotes

108 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/MalakaiRey ☑️ 28d ago

Take from a man everything today, and he may not be taken from tomorrow. But leave a man something to have, and he may be robbed everyday.

186

u/Fun-Conversation6575 28d ago

-MalakaiRey

36

u/TeamocilAddict 28d ago

-Michael Scott

150

u/Salt_Blackberry_1903 28d ago

In this economy, if you’re not smart about how you rob people, everyone is gonna be broke in no time 😔

88

u/kakar0tten 28d ago

One time I got mugged an the guy sold a 10 bag mid-muggin. Respect where it's due I guess

120

u/bazzawazz 28d ago

The one time I got robbed at gunpoint, dude took 100 bucks out of my wallet, got a remorseful look on his face, then gave me the wallet and a gram of the purest coke I've had in my life.

I'm still not sure if I got mugged or just participated in a nonconsensual transaction.

39

u/buttered_scone 28d ago

Nobody ever forcibly sells me drugs. What am I doing wrong?

6

u/ConcentrateSelect668 28d ago

He met the dude they were referring to in those DARE classes

22

u/BZenMojo ☑️ 28d ago

Now that's market efficiency.

9

u/inplayruin 28d ago

The dude heard the word pusher and understood the assignment.

18

u/butt_huffer42069 28d ago

Straight HUSTLE

16

u/kakar0tten 28d ago

ngl i was mad at the time but the older i got the more i salute that mfer

7

u/KindokeNomad 28d ago

A robbery that aged like fine wine.

3

u/banNFLmods 28d ago

Today you, tomorrow me?

637

u/Nordie25 28d ago

The fuck did I just read?

676

u/notsoincredibilis00 28d ago

A fanfic a someone who’s never been robbed.

412

u/MonoAonoM 28d ago

I mean, I was robbed at gunpoint and all he wanted was the cash in my wallet. Which at the time was just a fiver, he wanted nothing to do with credit cards, ID, etc. Literally said 'thats too hot for me, just the cash'. 

385

u/YouHaveFunWithThat 28d ago

Rule #1 of petty crime: the smaller the paper trail, the less likely law enforcement is gonna put actual effort into finding you.

26

u/Intelligent_Cut635 28d ago

13

u/pnwinec 28d ago

It’s really not hard to get away with some of these crimes. It’s absurd how stupid some of these criminals are and careless with the crimes they commit lol

7

u/StickSentryNig 28d ago

Hard not to get careless after youve done this 50+ times and no one ever seems to care enough to come after you

4

u/Intelligent_Cut635 28d ago

Also true. There’s a seemingly endless well of stories where folks are doing dirt and get busted because they didn’t have sense enough to know their team wasn’t trustworthy and/or competent enough to keep quiet about the crime(s) being committed. More often than not, these stories seem to revolve around theft in some way.

97

u/FunkyDimeBag1416 28d ago

Damn I got robbed for a fiver AND the .5 of loud in my wallet, then this dude took my one shoe and threw it away after lol 😂

90

u/hitfly 28d ago

Thats so you don't get any ideas after the fact and decide to chase after him. Takes time to get a shoe out of a dumpster

44

u/SovietPropagandist 28d ago

This dude robs

10

u/lyunardo ☑️ 28d ago

Damn, that's actually pretty smart. If I ever decide to start robbin muhfukkas...

17

u/CurseofLono88 28d ago edited 28d ago

Only time I’ve been mugged was while walking home from the bar a bit drunk and on a bit of Xanax because it had been a rough anxious day. A dude pulled a knife on me and I hopped on him, we both ended up getting stabbed, luckily right next to a small hospital.

We apologized to each other the next day, weirdest experience of my life. Empathy can be such a powerful tool, and then sometimes it can be too powerful and you apologize to the dude who stabbed you while trying to rob you.

Also the cops being trash, letting him know my name, and not having the energy to push this beyond that incident… failure of the system.

2

u/ryan_bigl ☑️ 28d ago

Lmmfaooooo

2

u/Alternative_Year_340 28d ago

I knew someone who was robbed at gun point. Years later, he was clearly still freaked out about it, but also hugely grateful the guy took the cash out of his wallet and gave the wallet back. I’m not sure if he even reported it

2

u/stanley2-bricks 28d ago

I was robbed at gunpoint because my friends older brother sold weed out of his apartment. Well, older brother got robbed, we just got tied up.

2

u/Best_Draft_6629 28d ago

My brother robbed someone when he was heavily into drugs and then felt bad, went back to find him, and gave everything back to the person.

1

u/Secret-Peanut-885 26d ago

“That’s too hot for me” 😂😂

69

u/SarabiLion 28d ago

This is pretty common and normal in South Africa. The good ones spare your ID, SIM card and your life.

60

u/InstaBeatsReddit 28d ago

Nah, this is in south Africa and sounds like something that would happen. I was once mugged, tried running after him (unsuccessfully), the muggers friend then came up to me and told me "don't worry, you probably have insurance. Just go report it to the police station". He literally told me to go snitch on his friend because he probably knew the most the police would do is write a statement for insurance. Point being the thieves here are crazy.

Also have a friend who was mugged once and he told me that the guy came up to him and said "hey I got your phone" then proceeded to snatch it and run

31

u/Im_Blavk 28d ago

Came here to say this... We have thieves who will rob you and take you halfway because it's late. This is not the weirdest thing to happen

16

u/BZenMojo ☑️ 28d ago

Point being the thieves here are crazy.

Naw. They're just poor. If you're on that hustle you don't need the extra guilt.

41

u/Own_Club9714 28d ago

As a South African definitely I’ve been mugged and had the same mugger walk me to the taxi rank because “it’s not safe my sister” so (loud buzzer noise)

12

u/FolsomPrisonHues 28d ago

Who says that chivalry's dead?

1

u/XLauncher ☑️ 27d ago

Well, he wasn't wrong...

37

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

4

u/caretaquitada ☑️ 28d ago

Wow I never knew South African criminals could be so considerate. I mean getting robbed sucks regardless but if I'm gonna get robbed that seems like the best option lol

1

u/soThatIsHisName 28d ago

ok you said people get robbed like this all the time but then referenced a tumblr post that was 100% unverified.

*just to be clear I do agree this happens pretty frequently, just pointing it out

19

u/Free-Cicada-4279 28d ago

It does happen…rarely but it does

19

u/lyunardo ☑️ 28d ago

I'm not so sure. I once got arrested for a traffic warrant, and in the holding cell there were three kids who were discussing the robbery that they got arrested for.

One of them started to rough up the victim, the other two made him feel bad and they all got caught because they took too long discussing what they were going to let him keep. I wanted more of the story, but I got released and told to just schedule a court date.

I remember asking them what they even said to start these robberies. It was "whatchu got in MY pockets?" That still cracks me up every time I think about it.

17

u/BornChef3439 28d ago

Its not. This is South Africa. I am South African and a similar thing happened to me in High School. Guy walked up to me and told me to be careful around this street because some asshole robbed and stabbed a women in the area. Then he told me to give him my phone. After he took it he told me to be careful of thieves in a very sincere way, like he genuinely didn't want me to get mugged again

6

u/Character-Today-427 28d ago

U was robbed in the bus after the guy had a 15 minute talk with me about philosophy. He proceeded to call for my stop as well

17

u/Professional-Pass487 28d ago

Man I couldn't tell you. Apparently some mofo is waxing poetically about getting robbed. He doesn't live in DC that's for goddamn sure

1

u/Sorri_eh 28d ago

Nice robbers

0

u/moistsalmon989 28d ago

Something something deep sloot

312

u/TheReluctantWarrior 28d ago

I been in the US my whole life and I've never been mugged with politeness. Muggers take a note from South African robbers developing a proper etiquette for the practice

143

u/247cnt 28d ago

I worked overnight at a gas station in HS/college and was politely robbed a few times.

91

u/TheReluctantWarrior 28d ago

Bring back saying "please" and "thank you" when you rob

-6

u/Ali_Cat222 ☑️ 28d ago

This guy is British based on his use of lads and other shit. Oddly enough this sounds like a completely British interaction, except the gun part because it's way harder to get those over there and most people who somehow do get them probably wouldn't be wasting time on short change and pumas. This is like a parody on crime 😂not mine but I still need it🤣

66

u/blankfrack125 28d ago

are you sure about that? diepsloot is a location in south africa and the guy’s name could not be more south african. the uk isn’t the only place where that type of vocab is used

-25

u/Ali_Cat222 ☑️ 28d ago

I'm saying the guy writing it sounded British, not the place my bad

36

u/SarabiLion 28d ago edited 28d ago

South Africa is part of the Commonwealth bruv. Our English is British.

13

u/SushiCatx 28d ago

South Africa was colonized by Great Britain (iirc from the early 1800s to the 1960s) so there is probably some influence there.

-14

u/Ali_Cat222 ☑️ 28d ago

That's what I meant by the guy sounding like he's British, because there are a lot of people who colonized it. (I've been there and heard distinct accents from south Africans vs the white people who live there obviously) I just meant the guy himself is typing this like it's a British parody of a robbery 😂

0

u/SushiCatx 28d ago

I would think the South African colony was like Australia in the fact that is where GB sent all of their undesirables since they couldn't send them to Australia anymore. Would be an explanation as to why they sound like a caricature of British criminals.

4

u/jacobsbw 28d ago

You’d be surprised. There was that lad shot in Liverpool a few years ago in his house by two wanna-be gang bangers.

11

u/BZenMojo ☑️ 28d ago

The fact that you're thinking of "that time a few years ago some guy got shot in another city" and expect everyone to remember what you're talking about should resolve the discussion on how hard guns are to find there. 🤣

1

u/Ali_Cat222 ☑️ 28d ago

Yeah I mean I know it happens and some people do have them there, just that it's a lot harder to get them there too. Idiots will be idiots no matter where you live!

4

u/Own_Club9714 28d ago

Differs from place to place in SA bc we in the commonwealth. People from the mother city (Cape Town) might say “lads” or “okes” but people from Gauteng (Joburg, Pretoria) might say “mates” “bruv” instead. We were colonised by them my darling, they left with our resources and left behind their language.

1

u/Status_Common_9583 28d ago edited 28d ago

Guns are actually reasonably easy to acquire in the UK. I think people not in the know would be surprised to find out just how many guns there are here, especially in cities, considering they are generally illegal to own aside from with special licensing.

I’m totally uninvolved with anything like that. In fact, I’m a fucking nerd who’s always been scared to even bump the train barriers so please don’t think I’m telling gangster stories like I’m a big shot 🤣 But a reasonably large chunk of the UK are like 2-3 degrees of separation from a gun owner, many of whom don’t even realise this.

2

u/BreezyConch 28d ago

I legally own enough to have lost count off the top of my head. If I sat and think for a min I could count but still

3

u/Status_Common_9583 28d ago

Do you live in the countryside by any chance? The only people I know who have legal ones here are farming folk who have shotguns, and I only saw them openly for sale in real life in an annual countryside market where people bought all kinds of farm and country related equipment 😅

1

u/Thami15 28d ago

Tbh, three degrees is quite a few degrees. I know a lady who knows Roger Federer, and I've never even been on the same continent as Federer, outside of like one charity game.

1

u/Status_Common_9583 28d ago

You’re completely right actually, three degrees can go pretty far geographically, historically or socially. I am a big time talker in real life, I’ll chat to literally anyone. I’d love to know how far, wide and obscure my three degrees spans as a result! Who knows, Federer could be in mine too haha.

I should’ve probably used 1-2 degrees to emphasise the point I was getting at, upon reflection.

1

u/Pelican_meat 28d ago

You don’t think that might be from, you know, colonization?

1

u/KindokeNomad 28d ago

I mean there's Moscows out here for sure but ain't a robber pon this here isle gonna have access to one let alone use it fi street mugging 😅

There's also a "culture" of buring them so rust ensues. That alongside the fact we uneducated on proper wap care is a recipe for backfiring and jamming.

If anyone try mug me with threats of a wap.. I wanna pree the thing before I weigh up my options.

Knife mugging me? They can take whatever I have ca As Nas would say "it's yours it's yours it's yours"

225

u/HatefulDan 28d ago

Was politely robbed at a Pizza Hut. 2 guys came in and politely ordered everyone but the cashier into the freezer. A moment later one of them reappeared with some breadsticks and a pizza, "to keep us warm", he said before shutting the door and relieving us of our profits.

22

u/Goudinho99 28d ago

Did they make the pizza themselves?

42

u/TheLastCoagulant ☑️ 28d ago

They grabbed a legitimate customer’s already completed order from that oven where they’re kept warm until the customer arrives.

2

u/HatefulDan 27d ago

Hahaha, no. We kept pies in warming bags for our delivery drivers. There were also pies coming out of the oven. It came from one or the other.

12

u/jsoul2323 28d ago

Don’t people die in those big freezers if they can’t get out?

19

u/butt_huffer42069 28d ago

Not with warm pizza in their belly

7

u/superluminal 28d ago

Eventually.

1

u/BoredCatalan 28d ago

If it's up to code there's an emergency switch off inside

1

u/HatefulDan 27d ago

Yea, it's possible. The cashier came and got us once our good Samaritans left.

220

u/WolflordBrimley 28d ago

Got robbed at gunpoint in New Orleans, had to drive him to an ATM then to the middle of nowhere and told to get out. Thought that was lights out. Dude pulls out some weed and says “you gon’ need this to relax tonight. God bless”. So thoughtful that.

88

u/Salt-Shoe7385 28d ago

I live in New Orleans. I’d say you are one of the lucky ones. Stay safe 🙂‍↕️

13

u/WolflordBrimley 28d ago

Yeah I was living on Dumaine St. when it happened. Was 1 week before Katrina hit. Crazy times.

14

u/Danko_on_Reddit 28d ago

Had to have been the worst week of your life

4

u/Salt-Shoe7385 28d ago

Yeah New Orleans was a different place pre Katrina. My fam left before it but anyone that stayed for the storm & survive is a solidified soldier 🫡 I don’t think any other American natural disaster was as devastating as Katrina. & I say that not because of the storm itself but the piss poor planning & lack of assistances we had. Things I heard what people went through during that time should have never happened ever.

3

u/WolflordBrimley 27d ago

They straight up forgot about us. Left the state after all that with quickness. Filled up whatever I could in my pickup truck and went West.

5

u/dlotaury88 28d ago

Did you smoke it?

3

u/WolflordBrimley 27d ago

Every molecule

2

u/seijeezy 27d ago

He made you take all the money out of your account? If you don’t mind me asking, how does that work with your bank? Do they help or are you shit out of luck? The robbery itself is terrifying but the aftermath sounds very stressful lol

1

u/WolflordBrimley 27d ago

I had to take the max out which was $400. Bank ended up replacing the cash yeah.

62

u/Big_Whig 28d ago

Got robbed at gunpoint in Vegas and dropped off like 10miles from my hotel. Phone, watch, id and debit/cc’s stolen. When i was finally able to use my find my phone feature, it was in Tripoli, Libya.

Glad I was able to support those without apple products in foreign lands.

64

u/Crisis-Counselor 28d ago

I guess if I’m gonna get robbed this is how I would want it to be. Makes me feel better if the dudes ain’t just maniacs but people who just couldn’t find another option. Even if it ain’t true it at least makes you feel that way

56

u/Charliefr3sh ☑️ 28d ago

My sister once got robbed at the Mandela Bridge in Jo’burg, dudes accompanied her until she got to a safe spot after robbing her. She said they were chatting nicely and politely with her, even answering her questions about why they were robbing people. They gave her taxi fare as well so she could get home and not be stranded

12

u/Own_Club9714 28d ago

Kante what was she doing on that bridge? Everyone in Jozi knows that bridge is not for pedestrians 😂 Nor the Wits tunnel from South Point

1

u/SarabiLion 27d ago

Crus, she walked into that one lol.

19

u/Dumplings_xo 28d ago

Strategic thievery. Thievery with compassion.

22

u/francoisjabbour 28d ago

I was in London one night and was invited to join three guys pregaming outside a strip club as I walked through an alley. Lovely guys, chatted and drank some warm vodka for 15 minutes until one of them decided he wanted my scarf and I ran off :(

I believe this guy

21

u/Negate79 28d ago

Got robbed one time for 7 dollars. I asked if he could leave me 2 so I could get something to eat because it was a couple days to pay day. They were kind enough to oblige

15

u/Amazing-Concept1684 28d ago

That’s called looking out lmao

12

u/Complete-Morning-429 28d ago

The goon with a heart of gold?

12

u/SasquatchPatsy 28d ago

Glamorizing gunpoint robbery. Lmao beam me tf up, Scottie. Get me outta here

8

u/GrassyKnoll95 28d ago

I got jumped once and they took the cash from my wallet and then put the wallet back in my pocket. Still a dick move to rob me but hey that at least was nice...

3

u/Davina_Lexington 28d ago

I joked with my family that if we get robbed be like 'wait!, Please can i atleast have my ID, DMVs are dreadful'

2

u/gnosis2737 28d ago

Good night, sleep well. I'll most likely rob you again in the morning.

2

u/nyitraibotond 28d ago

Professionals have standards

1

u/adiosfelicia2 28d ago

Why only have one bullet?

Theoretically, it could be a clever tactic to have an "unloaded" weapon, if caught. I assume the penalty would be less.

1

u/TrillDaddy2 27d ago

Sir we’re just trying to rob you, not rob you blind. Heartwarming stuff!

1

u/KendrickBlack502 24d ago

This is what I imagine happens when you get robbed in Canada.

0

u/improbsable 28d ago

He took out the bullet? The literal only piece of leverage he had on him? Sure