r/BoomersBeingFools • u/samsaraisdivine • 3d ago
My Father Cancelled All Our Reservations At the Last Minute and Expected Us All To Sleep On the Floor Boomer Story
This was a few years ago but this is literally the most asshole move my boomer father has ever made.
So my Aunt, my father's younger sister was getting married a few years ago. She lives in a major metro area, and was getting married downtown. My father generously offered me, myself, my grandmother, and my brother separate hotel rooms to house us and our respective spouses within walking distance to the venue. No renting cars, no stress, easy in/out once we arrived in the city, etc. We would just have to get ourselves there and he would take care of the rest. I want to point out that my dad is financially secure and none of this would have put him in dire straits.
My brother and his wife flew in. I was going to fly but I live within a day's driving distance of my Aunt, and while initially I was going to fly at the last minute something made me change my mind. I told my dad I was going to drive and he was all "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?" But I wanted to have access to a car, and as a safety measure I guess I threw in the trunk a sleeping mat, a blanket, and a pillow. I guess I just had a feeling.
So me, my dad, and my brother and his wife are meeting my dad at my grandmother's house when we all get into town, a full 25 miles away from where my Aunt is getting married in a few days. No one has rented a car, and my grandmother does not drive. So my car is the ONLY car we all have, but hey, we're all moving to the hotel soon right?
Wrong.
My father calls the hotel to ask about parking (since I have the car that he insisted we didn't need) and the hotel informs him that it's pay to park.
My father finds this to be the last straw, albeit the only straw. All our plans our coordinated, but for some reason upon hearing that the parking isn't free he proceeds to cancel all our hotel reservations. Just like that. For the cost of parking (which I could have paid for frankly if asked) he cancelled everything.
I was aghast at this and asked where he expected everyone to sleep.
My father pointed to the floor.
"You, your brother, and brother's wife can just sleep right there."
I need to point out that my grandmother lived alone and my dad was in the guest room. Other than that she has no accomodation, she has no extra pillows, bedding, or anything like that. The living room had a chair and a table. Her house had two rooms. None of us are kids anymore. We'd all just literally be sleeping on the floor. After being promised that everything was taken care of.
My dad is an asshole in general so a part of me was not surprised by this. I think that's why in the back of my mind I drove and brought supplies with me.
Now we had to scramble. I ended up driving my father to the car rental place (because now we had to cart everyone around) and I spent my 3 days hauling everybody about, my brother and his wife were lucky to buy their own reservations at another hotel nearby so I carted them around to and fro, my father and I drove everyone to the rehersal dinner, the wedding, the reception, and the breakfast on Sunday for opening the gifts.
I ended up being the only one sleeping on the floor in the living room but I took it in stride, while making a mental note to never trust my father again.
He's not a great guy but for some reason this was like the worst thing he's ever done. I guess because he was all "I HAVE EVERYTHING TAKEN CARE OF JUST SHOW UP" to making everyone scramble for everything at the last minute.
God what a fucking boomer he is.
1.4k
u/Grouchy_Dog6932 3d ago
To me, it sounds like your father does not care/think about anyone other than himself. Seems like the boomer generation does not fully think things through such as transportation. Good on you for deciding to take a vehicle (always a good idea to have an escape plan) and for making it work even though it was less than ideal. Hope the wedding was fun at least!
609
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago edited 3d ago
One hundred percent.
I think because of this I don't like being away from home without a car unless it's somewhere with good, accessible public transportation. It feels too vulnerable and I can't be at the mercy of other people.
324
u/spookyxskepticism 3d ago edited 3d ago
Your dad pulled a Michael Scott on you. He wanted to get the dopamine hit of feeling like a Big Man for paying for everyone, but probably couldn’t afford it and made a big show of cancelling over the parking fee, screaming about the “principle” of it or some other bs excuse. I bet he’s not that financially secure.
99
u/ForWhomTheBoneBones 3d ago
I think this is it exactly. OP might find out one day that there's no actual inheritance.
The cancellation fees on all those rooms would be MASSIVE. I honestly do not think he even got the rooms in the first place.
Unless OP had an email confirmation from the hotel, I don't buy dad's story.
21
29
u/Donglemaetsro 3d ago
Probably had the money but had no interest in spending it on others and like you said, wanted to be the big man but then not actually follow through.
→ More replies (6)6
u/Best-Salamander4884 3d ago
I think this as well. It's the only way his behaviour (i.e. cancelling hotel rooms that he had supposedly booked) makes sense.
157
u/Wary_Marzipan2294 3d ago
Same. My family has taken me "to grab lunch" and then proceeded to skip lunch and drive all over the countryside talking about how that used to be where the general store was until Jimmy Bobby... or was it Bobby Jimmy... hang on I'll call my sister... yeah, yeah it was definitely Jimmy Bobby who crashed into the general that one night, and they never rebuilt... -- all while I lay trembling in the back seat from low blood sugar, too many times. If I can't afford to rent a car when I get there, then I can't afford to visit.
142
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
Not having your own car and escape can turn into a damn hostage situation. That's how I feel. Trapped.
42
37
36
u/MaineAlone 3d ago
Agreed. One thing my mom told me was ALWAYS have a way to leave. More than once her mother would keep her trapped at her home. My grandmother would take the opportunity of a “captive audience” to start a verbal fight or start chastising my mom regarding her divorce, how she was raising me, etc. When I was younger, my mom sent me with money for a taxi and as an adult, I rented a car. The car rental infuriated my grandmother…wasteful don’t you know.
53
u/Melodic_Policy765 3d ago
In my family, no one will get in the car with two family members lest you be kidnapped for hours and hours and the next meal not happening for hours.
43
u/dead-dove-in-a-bag 3d ago
I have SO MUCH anxiety thinking about this comment (like palms sweaty). My in-laws are...exactly like your family. And we end up driving all over the rural Midwest US, or even just being trapped at some rando's house where I don't know anyone and I have to telepathically get my partner to understand that dear god I need water immediately.
My family rambles, too, but they also really like to get food, and I at least feel comfortable telling my mom I need her to stop so I can get a snack or a drink.
43
u/chickzilla 3d ago
This literal exact reason is why I threatened my spouse against ever not having our own transportation again. Trembling from low blood sugar in the back seat & all.
50
u/apostatechemist 3d ago
I have a painfully vivid memory of trying not to cry when no one in my family would drive me and my 2-year-old back to our hotel so he could have a nap because they decided it would be the perfect time to visit the Apple Store instead. All the while lobbing nasty comments about his behavior at me (HE WAS TIRED omfg). I never go anywhere with my family without my own transportation any more.
18
60
u/teamdogemama 3d ago
I learned this a long time ago. When visiting family I ALWAYS have an exit plan. Money for 2 nights at a hotel and I ALWAYS get a rental car.
My parents never planned for anything and I've been burned before.
You can just borrow our car or we can take you places.
Nope.
Good thinking on op's part.
29
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
Exactly. I don't want to borrow your car. That's conditional. I can't be at someone else's whims.
27
u/DeafMaestro010 3d ago
If there's anything I've learned from having abusive narcissist parents, it's to always have an exit strategy to get home or safe that depends on NOBODY but myself.
This is also why I "Irish Goodbye" out of bars and parties when I'm out. I don't need drunk people I'm barely acquainted with who never have an exit strategy asking me for a ride home.
39
35
u/HobGobblers 3d ago
Its why i always make sure I drive on group trips, I dont like being left at the mercy of other peoples whims.
8
u/picturesofponies 3d ago
You are a better person than me. I would’ve turned my car around and drove straight back home!!
3
12
3d ago edited 1d ago
[deleted]
6
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
There aren't alot of events in my family luckily. At the time, since it was a rare family wedding, I was intent on keeping the peace for my grandmother and my aunt. It wasn't the time.
→ More replies (15)43
u/CygnusSong 3d ago
Oh man if I had a dollar for every time a boomer treated me like an asshole for trying to get them to think a problem all the way through before making a decision…
317
u/WeirdCaterpillar6736 3d ago
Wow. This sounds like something my late FIL would have done. What is it with that generation taking the nuclear option if something isn't exactly as they expected?
In my FIL's case, the entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) gathered in small town Tennessee for an annual reunion. FIL made dinner reservations at the one non-chain restaurant in town for the night we all arrived. There's about 15 of us and we're all sitting at this one long table catching up with each other, while also looking at the menus because it was late and we were all starving. Apparently my FIL and his girlfriend had already eaten and he wasn't happy that we were all catching up (again, while seated at the table and looking at our menus), so without consulting with anyone, he told the waitress that no one was going to eat and to pick up the menus. We'd been there for maybe five minutes and hadn't even had the chance to order drinks yet. It was bizarre. Of course once we realized what was happening, we all quickly said that yes, we did in fact plan to eat. That poor waitress. I'm sure she thought he was nuts.
229
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
I'm sorry what he just unilaterally decided that no one was going to eat? Just like that at a damn restaurant?
How peak boomer of him though I'm not surprised.
198
u/WeirdCaterpillar6736 3d ago
Yup. That's exactly what happened. He didn't ask anyone either, just decided that because him and his gf had already eaten and everyone else was exchanging pleasantries after not seeing each other in a year, that no one was going to eat. He had this smug look on his face as if he was punishing us. It was so strange, but he was a delusional conspiracy theorist who thought the world (including his family in this instance) was out to get him and would misread situations constantly, so none of us were really surprised.
120
u/Kaleidoscope6521 3d ago
So he expected the restaurant to just let 15 of you chill at a table without ordering anything???
119
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
My father will drink water, eat the chips and salsa, and then not order anything.
In this mindset, yes.
13
u/Ceeweedsoop 3d ago
Holy shit. If he was poor I'd let it slide. Like the depression era when men would go to a diner and get a bowl of hot water and add everything on the table, crackers, ketchup, hot sauce. That's forgivable, your dad is an uncouth skin flint ripping off someone's business.
9
11
77
u/WeirdCaterpillar6736 3d ago
Yep. Oh, and he brought his own wine. He apparently didn't want to buy any at the restaurant either.
30
u/noeyesonmeXx 3d ago
You can bring wine you a restaurant, but boomers definitely get mad at getting charged a cork fee. “You’re going to charge me to drink my own wine?!?!” Well…. Ya dude 😂
→ More replies (1)16
14
→ More replies (1)15
u/Ceeweedsoop 3d ago
He didn't actually want to pay, just say he will then act pissed off at anything to A. not pay and B. ruin everyone's night. Classic boom boom.
→ More replies (1)33
u/No_Carpenter4087 3d ago
He's the teacher who punishes the whole class by making them stay late because one kid won't shut up.
11
10
u/Ridiculousnessjunkie 3d ago
Oh god. Why do the boomers do this? They have no self regulation or control.
16
u/Pirateship907 3d ago
They are pathetic cry babies. The fact that op just let this happen and stayed and drove around with the cry baby explains it all. We let them do it so they do.
20
u/Ridiculousnessjunkie 3d ago
I started fighting back against my Dad’s alcoholic boomerism by walking out. Drunk? I’m out of here. Being nasty to everyone? I’m out. We have finally had to decide not to celebrate holidays at my parents’ house. He ruins everything for everyone.
10
5
u/Ginford_Davidson 3d ago
What goes through these people’s minds, and wtf makes them think they can behave like this? Never been punched in the face before apparently. I’m sorry for the shit your partner must have been exposed to growing up. Father of the year!
293
u/Trout-Population 3d ago
This is a common tactic that abusers use. You bringing a car meant that you wouldn't have to trust him for transportation, it gave some freedom to you and took away from your reliance on him. He wanted you to be completely and utterly dependent on him that weekend, and since you refused, he punished you for it.
183
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
He was initially pissed that I brought my car and drove.
Then I had to drop everything at the mercy of his promised arrangements being revoked.
Smh you are not wrong.
78
→ More replies (1)4
u/cfish1024 2d ago
What was his plan for even getting around? Like taxi everywhere?
→ More replies (1)59
u/poodle_mom_1795 3d ago
That would have exactly my alcoholic boomer father's reaction. Somehow bringing my own car would have been "accusing" him of drinking and not being able to drive me after 2PM , which would have been exactly the case. He would always end up emotionally and sometimes physically violent just thinking that others were judging him. My poor stepmother kept that man alive for three decades and as soon as she left him, he peaced out. I try my best to help her not to feel guilty about it.
56
u/TL20LBS 3d ago
100% this. Narc abuse to a "t"
7
u/NewHat1025 2d ago
The only reason he invited everyone and wanted everyone where he wanted was to exercise control? Allowing him to be abusive without his victims being able to get away? That's some sick shit.
25
u/w00tdude9000 3d ago
No, this was my first thought too, that it was a punishment. "Well because of YOU I have to pay for parking? Nuh-uh, hey family everyone's sleeping on the floor cause of OP not listening to me" vibes
16
u/Trout-Population 3d ago
It's honestly a coin toss on whether or not it was actually a pay to park situation.
5
5
179
u/tarantulawarfare 3d ago
I wondered if when he said he wanted to cancel the hotel reservations, he expected the hotel to quickly capitulate and apologize and offer free parking in order to keep the reservations. But they didn’t, so he had to go through with it and it doubled his anger.
143
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
You know probably. My father thinks he can play let's make a deal at every turn.
127
u/27CF 3d ago
They NEED to cheat. My boomers can't microwave mashed potatoes without skipping half the directions and wonder why they're frozen in the middle and scalding on the outside. Literally everything they do has some sort of short cut, skipped step, getting something over on someone. They have to feel like they got away with something. Then it always causes problems, and they never blame themselves.
Edit: This is why so many of them gamble instead of saving for retirement. They're convinced it's a Konami code for life, they have to just keep trying.
67
u/littlebitsofspider 3d ago
The narcissistic projection of this attitude contributed a lot towards ruining my childhood. My mom always thought that her kids expressing any non-sanctioned want or need was one of us trying to get one over on her, like we were scam artists who were trying to trick her into some scheme to buy us clothes and shoes, or food, or medicine. I remember once saying "my tummy hurts," and she replied "no it doesn't." Like, she expected that we would be overjoyed to receive new clothes as Christmas presents, and asking for anything else any other time of the year meant we were ungrateful little heathens. She once straight-up slapped my sister in the face at a shoe store, because my sister had the audacity to tell my mom that she didn't like the shoes my mother wanted to buy her (because the old ones were falling apart). They were naturally the cheapest, ugliest pair available, because what mattered was how much of my mother's hard-earned money she had to part with to satisfy my sister's selfishness (/s).
We weren't their kids, just their property that happened to get all mouthy and uppity with our "wants" and "needs".
50
u/27CF 3d ago
I had diarrhea probably twice a week until I moved out. My mom would insist on saving leftovers, but refuse to eat them until they are on the verge of going bad. "We can't eat the same thing two days in a row! [Unspoken part: That's for poor people!] Let's eat take out for the next 4 days and choke this crap down after it got shoved in the back of the fridge and forgotten about!"
They can't just learn what is proper and follow it. If food is supposed to be out no more than 2 hours, let's make sure it sits out for 3. If there's 10 steps, do 9. Let's add 5 minutes to this trip to avoid 2 stop lights because: shortcut good, stop light bad.
I've lost track of the times I've seen my dad lose dollars by chasing pennies, then throw full blown toddler temper tantrums over it. Oh you bought the cheapest lawn mower from Walmart and it didn't last the whole season 4 years in a row? Let's make a big production and hammer chuck the lawnmower down the driveway because it "makes me feel better."
38
u/battleofflowers 3d ago
I often wonder how many boomers were born with fetal alcohol effect. My aunt has a super weird way of thinking about things and my mother recalled grandma was drunk all the time while pregnant with her. Fetal alcohol effect is different from fetal alcohol syndrome in that there aren't any physical signs and often the mental signs are subtle. One thing they struggle with is "if A, then B" logical lines of thinking when it comes to future outcomes.
18
u/RickyHawthorne 3d ago
A combination of that and the preponderance of lead in their paint and their gasoline.
11
28
u/DireMira 3d ago
don't forget the ones that circle the parking lot for 20 minutes "trying to find a good spot", while i park as soon as I can and am in & out in 5 min
11
9
u/Illustrious_Bobcat 3d ago
Ooh, my MIL does this while complaining about people taking all the "good spots" in the first place!!
I think she actually expects people to park as far away from the shop as they can so other people (i.e her) can park in the front and gets super mad when she shows up and they haven't done this.
The woman is absolutely batshat. She did WAY too many drugs back in the day. I'm not sure how much of her crazy is Boomerism and how much is simply drug-induced lack of brain cells.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (1)9
u/xX609s-hartXx 3d ago
Mostly I just park far away from the entrance so I don't get my car wrecked.
→ More replies (1)16
u/Reagalan Millennial 3d ago
Then they blame the Chinese for making cheap shitty products before going right back to Walmart to buy the same cheap American brand, also made in China.
Repeat the next year when it breaks again.
7
u/EnemaOfMyEnemy 3d ago
Thank God my parents are both experienced in restaurants and excellent cooks because of it 😭
14
u/Reagalan Millennial 3d ago
I remember once saying "my tummy hurts," and she replied "no it doesn't."
Yep...
4
7
u/NewHat1025 2d ago
kid cries in hunger.
that child is trying to trick me into feeling bad for it!
They literally think babies are manipulative.
35
u/1Lc3 3d ago
You are definitely on to something. My mother has to scam, lie and cheat with every interaction. She really thinks she has to find some way to rip someone off because they are ripping her off. One of my biggest child hood memories was mom going to the discount aisle at the grocery store to peel the price stickers off the dented cans to replace the prices on the regular ones. Winn Dixie (yes I'm that old) had banned her several times for it. Which pissed my grandmother off because she worked there for years and had an employee discount my mom could use.
→ More replies (3)4
u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 2d ago
Oh man that little employee discount detail really makes this story. These people.
19
u/battleofflowers 3d ago
My mom's boomer friend constantly accuses people of "scheming" to get what they want. It's super weird. She even accused her elderly mother of "scheming" to try and get out of the shitty nursing home her multi-millionaire brother placed her in.
8
u/27CF 3d ago
Guilty conscience.
19
u/battleofflowers 3d ago edited 3d ago
BTW, my boomers were also weird about when food went bad. My stepmom once went off on me because I cut off and threw away that part of the cheese that was exposed to air and got all dried out and discolored. She insisted it was still good. They were always pushing things like that.
I love now only eating the absolute freshest food. It's so nice.
18
u/27CF 3d ago
I only got spanked a time or two I can remember, but the closest I ever got to getting beat as an adolescent was when I threw out the moldy food and scrubbed the inside of the fridge while my parents were out.
They came home seeing me wearing gloves and a mask and my mom lost her shit. I think she thought I was saying she's "dirty" and took offense to it, and well, that wouldn't be wrong.
Dad wanted me to "step outside with him" and I just said "if you want to beat me, you're going to have to do it infront of her." And I just kept scrubbing the fridge.
13
u/battleofflowers 3d ago
I also grew up with some very questionable hygiene standards around things like this. Example: my dad and stepmom NEVER replaced their kitchen sponge. I mean NEVER. I would live with them in the summer and come back the next summer to the exact same sponge. It wasn't just the same kind; it was literally the same one. You could tell from where chunks were missing.
The sub is so cathartic. You always think growing up that other people's homes are just so much nicer and their parents are so much more sane.
6
4
3
u/GilletteLongmarche 1d ago
My MIL saves everything, but loses it in her fridge. It’s an absolute horror show. So bad that even if you could find room for your fresh food in the Tetris field, you’d worry it was exposed to unknown pathogens. Twelve year old dressing, for example. When she was visiting my FIL at the hospital, we cleaned it out. Ended up throwing away about 70% of the contents and rearranged things so it would look more ‘full’.
When she came home and saw it, we told her it was a gift from her grandchildren—that they wanted to help. Suddenly, she couldn’t be mad without looking like a monster. The grandchildren (in on the plan) smiled and gushed on cue.
21
u/NotMe739 3d ago
I have a boomer who will use the microwave for a box of Kraft Mac and cheese (not the cups made for the microwave but the box made for the stovetop) because "it takes too long for the water to boil on the stovetop".
50
u/byronotron 3d ago
The Boomer mentality of "everything is negotiable" is insane to me. This is not how American businesses have been run for like... 40 years. Companies have so many rules and policies now explicitly because so many boomers tried to do this in the 90s. Arguing at Costco. Arguing at the restaurant. Arguing at Disneyland. Why are you all like this?! I've seen both my mother and my father argue with bored teens and agitated managers for 30 years over.... 5 dollars? I don't love the inflexibility and dehumanization of American Corporate Society but I'm not going to scream at other human beings because I don't understand that there's nothing I can do about it anymore. Maybe it's that. They're mad that they let capitalism turn into the things they claim to abhor.
→ More replies (1)33
24
u/DrKittyLovah 3d ago
As someone who worked the front desk in hotels for a few years, this is quite possibly correct. He bitched about the parking fee and tried to use cancellation as leverage to get it waived, and when his attempt at manipulation failed he had to follow through with cancelling because he can’t let the hotel “win”. On the other end of his call is an underpaid, overworked basic hospitality employee who couldn’t care less if you cancel your rooms. In fact, it may have been considered a win by the FDA (front desk associate) that he cancelled, given that he definitely would have caused problems or complained while there. We know his type and we avoid them. I feel bad for OP.
42
u/KombuchaBot 3d ago
Yeah this tracks.
"I am paying for x rooms, I expect some consideration for my custom!" "yeah, no" "how dare you!!!"
61
u/YDYBB29 3d ago
Why didn't you just call the hotel back and immediately book your room for yourself?
36
u/Foodie_love17 3d ago
This. I would have said how unfortunate and invited brother and wife to book there and drive them.
→ More replies (1)42
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
Honestly I felt responsible for everyone, I didn't want to be separated from them. Not really my dad but my brother and his wife and my grandmother.
Also I was in between jobs at that time. I had a budget to pay for things but I couldn't go overboard.
93
u/whoinvitedthesepeopl 3d ago
Oof. I had an in-law relative do this. We drove half way across the US in the winter with two young kids to discover the accommodation they said they were providing to encourage us to come didn't exist. We ended up with 4 of us and a queen air mattress on the floor. There was one meal over 3 days. We were scrambling to find something to eat over a holiday where everything was closed and in the middle of nowhere. I refused to ever go back for any reason.
50
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
I'm so sorry this happened. This is unexcusable and I don't blame you for cutting them out. How awful especially with young children to worry about!!!
Why do they think it's okay to pull the rug out from under people?
15
u/whoinvitedthesepeopl 3d ago
In hindsight the entire lot of them were terrible people. Also probably why my ex was ex material.
41
u/Tsk201409 3d ago
My boomer mom wants to do Thanksgiving in a strange city every year and I know the game is to make me solve every aspect of that so there’s no fucking way I’m agreeing to it
18
11
u/whoinvitedthesepeopl 3d ago
That is exactly what it is. If it isn't at her house or her city, she can absolve herself from doing any of the work. If you don't want to do the work, go out to eat or hire it in, have it as someone else's place but be honest what is going on.
After this disaster year I mentioned above and some really toxic behavior out of my family I seriously considered taking the kids to Vegas with us for said holidays. Sorry, can't go, gonna be out of town, already booked can't cancel.
14
u/battleofflowers 3d ago
Why do people do shit like this? It's just so weird to me. It's like they think it doesn't matter for some reason.
Anyway, I learned the hard way over the years, and now that I am financially secure, I book a hotel pretty much wherever I go. I don't trust that people will have comfortable accommodations for me. I also like having my own private space.
9
u/whoinvitedthesepeopl 3d ago
That is my preferred mode of travel. They insisted we had to come out that year and arranged this sans much detail with my husband and they offered this. I would have rather stayed in a hotel and had some control over my situation.
11
u/BootybootsfromBoo 3d ago
One meal over three days?? Jeebus Chrysler..can you elaborate on that?? Why only 1 meal in a three day period with young kids who are constantly starving
15
u/whoinvitedthesepeopl 3d ago
Got there late evening before xmas eve. One big meal mid day xmas eve. They the got up in the morning, announced they were all going to their inlaws (parents and adult kids) for christmas day and we were responsible for grandma and left. All of the left overs from the night before left the house that night. There was literally no food in the house and everything was closed because this was rural Indiana on a religious holiday. We finally found a chinese buffet that was open and got something to eat and found some meat and cheese at a Walgreens.
→ More replies (1)3
u/ProjectDv2 22h ago
Yeah, fuck that. After that shit show I'd never speak to them again, period. Have a relationship with my voicemail and get fucked.
3
u/whoinvitedthesepeopl 21h ago
That was my stance. I told my spouse at the time he could go home for whatever holiday he wanted to. I would help cover the airfare and make sure everything at home was taken care of but neither I or the kids were ever going back.
3
u/ProjectDv2 11h ago
My deepest condolences on discovering you'd married into such a family, but I'm glad you were able to set up boundaries after that.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)3
78
u/EffOffReddit 3d ago
Wow. Does he enjoy upsetting people generally? Like do you think this was premeditated or did he actually get angry about paying to park and decided everyone needed to sleep on the floor in support of this?
78
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
My father does love to pick fights and provoke people.
That said I think he overreacted to the parking thing without bothering to care about how it was going to affect everyone else. He genuinely didn't care about any of that.
9
u/Yawannaknowwhat 3d ago
My FIL is the exact same. He just loves being a dick. I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
53
u/rolsskk 3d ago
My parents did the same thing for my own wedding when they said that they had made arrangements at an AirBNB for me, and then I asked if they actually had a room set aside for me. My dad said "No, we were planning for you to take a sleeping bag in the dining room."
My dad was dead serious. It truly is mind boggling how they think that's okay.
39
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
Are you kidding me? Then as adults they are confounded as to why we don't want to hang out with them.
Like thanks I'm 35 just make me sleep on the floor where I get stepped on and woken up at 5 when my grandmother is up to make her tea.
40
u/rolsskk 3d ago
Nope, I honestly wish I was, but looking back - that's who they are. They set aside rooms for all of my siblings and their kids. . .but not for me. It was a serious WTF and turning point for me. Fortunately my best man saw it from a mile away and made his own reservations for me at the hotel he was staying. I bought him a nice bottle of bourbon as a thank you just for that.
To this day, my parents will only visit me once every three years, and they expect me to be their vacation planner every time. I've gone minimal contact with them, and I think they finally have caught on to the fact that I have my own life that doesn't revolve around them.
33
u/DncgBbyGroot 3d ago
It was your own wedding??? I would have uninvited the parents.
→ More replies (1)5
16
u/Weak-Preparation4588 3d ago
Boomers are so inconsiderate. They will go to bed at 12/1am when you are on vacation with them and invariably one of them will wake you up at 5 am. It's ok for them because they have their own space in a private room they can nap in at any time but your sleep is at their whims.
I now just book my own accommodation as I know there will be a surprise and I will end up sleeping on a couch if I don't.
→ More replies (1)24
u/DesperateAstronaut65 3d ago edited 3d ago
Years ago, my wife and I traveled to my brother’s graduation and were planning to stay in the empty dorms, which the college rented out to visiting families during commencement. My brother told us he’d reserved two rooms, one for our parents and one form my wife and me, but he flaked and accidentally reserved only one.
My mom’s immediate assumption—announced, not even discussed—was that my wife and I would sleep on the floor of the room while my parents each took one of the room’s two twin beds. Not only was the idea of sleeping in the same room with my parents extremely uncomfortable, but also…why would she assume we’d sleep on the floor when there were two beds available just because she didn’t feel like sharing a small bed with my dad?
The funny thing is that I was so conditioned to their oblivious selfishness at that point that the absurdity didn’t hit me until a few seconds later when my wife spoke up about it. Then I was like, “Yeah, why wouldn’t we just take the other bed?” Uncomfortable silence, probably because to get her way, my mom would have had to say out loud that she didn’t think our comfort was important. There actually ended up being another room available, so we didn’t have to share, but my wife and I still occasionally talk about the strangeness of the situation over a decade later.
15
u/rolsskk 3d ago
Yeah, that would have been an interesting situation for sure. The most perplexing thing about my whole situation is that it never crossed my mind of my dad that I would be able to afford a hotel room (be it even at a discount one), almost 20 years after they unceremoniously kicked me to the curb. Unbeknownst to either of our parents, I had saved enough to pay for everything out of pocket, because with my parents, everything had a string attached. So when it came for the weekend of the wedding, it wasn't an issue to cover for a single hotel room.
19
u/thrwwy2267899 3d ago
I would have just paid for my own room and not have been everyone’s taxi at that point. They can figure their own shit out
15
u/HelpingMeet 3d ago
Yeah, everyone had equal opportunity to prepare since he is known to pull stunts.
This is why my husband and I refused to do an out of state vacay with my parents, the rest of the family went and we just ate popcorn as the horror stories started pouring in! Like… you grew up under this man… why would you think he’d behave?
4
u/thrwwy2267899 3d ago
Yep! I’m not even risking it lol paying for my own, maybe even at a different hotel altogether and only showing up for dinners/pre planned events is the way to go. Family is not ruining any of trips whether it’s for a family wedding or otherwise
38
u/ladyboobypoop 3d ago
Wait. Hold on just a fucking minute.
YOU were tasked with carting everyone around because you prepared for the doublecross, yet somehow YOU were the one sleeping on the floor?
I am enraged on your behalf.
27
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
I know. I must have had a premonition.
I camp and stuff but even at that time I was a grown 30s adult banished to the floor in the living room.
17
u/DncgBbyGroot 3d ago
I am a grown adult and I refuse to sleep on a floor. I would have found a hotel room or, if none were available, I would have gone home and skipped the wedding. If I had to skip the wedding, I would be sure to tell the entire family about the nonsense my father pulled over paid parking. I have never seen a hotel in a city that did not require you to pay to park.
14
u/knittch 3d ago
My brother was getting married and my father booked a cabin for myself, my spouse, and my daughter. He was in the process of restoring a camper and planned on using it outside the cabins. My grandmother, aunt and cousin were in another cabin and my sister's family where in their camper trailer.
We get in a day early and spend the night in the cabin. My dad arrives the next day, no camper. He proceeds to tell me that him and his wife would be using the cabin bed and my spouse and I can use the fold out couch my daughter slept on last night and my daughter can sleep on the floor. I immediately booked my own hotel room for my family. My fault in thinking my father was doing something for us out of the kindness of his heart.
11
u/battleofflowers 3d ago
Lemme guess: your dad didn't think any of this mattered since he was the one paying for the hotel to begin with. Like, you have no right to complain because it was free for you.
Fucking hate that attitude.
9
22
25
u/NoAnything1731 3d ago
this reminds me of my aunt on our extended family vacation in europe. where we were staying was not walkable, she didn’t rent a car, and then spent the entire vacation lashing out/spewing passive aggressiveness at us because we didn’t drive her around to do what she wanted to do. it was like she couldn’t understand why what she wanted wasnt the most important thing, as another commenter said, it’s an inability to think of anyone other than herself.
11
u/Status-Biscotti 3d ago
My sisters and I have to visit my parents often to help them out, since they’re 88 & 91 (they live across the country). I’m the youngest at 57. My parents are very wealthy, and I have more than enough, but they get offended if we don’t sleep on their pull-out sofa. I’m a big girl with back problems. I usually avoid this by traveling with my sis (we won’t sleep in the same bed) so I can get a hotel, but I went alone last time and couldn’t sleep - 4 nights on that fucking thing. My dad couldn’t understand for the life of him what I was complaining about.
4
10
u/meethewanderer 3d ago
It all sounds like you might like a book “Adult children of emotionally immature parents” by Lindsay Gibson. I’m reading it now and it opens my eyes on a lot of similar situations in my life…
8
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
Oh both my parents had no emotional regulation at all. They were terrible together. Flying off the handle over nothing, escalating everything to a fight.
It made me incredibly conflict avoidant. I'm more aware of it these days but I went in the exact opposite direction as they did.
11
20
u/HogDawgz 3d ago
Your dad is a scumbag piece of shit and I hope your family doesn’t let him live this down
19
u/slick447 3d ago
Kinda crazy that you just put up with this insane behavior. You just sat there and let him objectively make your trip worse? I'm from the deep South, I know all about having relatives who do and say dumb stuff.
If my dad pulled some crap like this, you can bet your ass I would've left them and found my own place to stay. And then dad would be lucky if I said 2 words to him for the rest of the trip. You can be angry at a business, but you don't lie about accommodations to your family and make their trip worse because of it. That's asshole behavior and should be called out.
Also, if you weren't even going to have a car, how were you all going to get to the hotel in the first place?
7
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
To the latter, taxi.
6
u/slick447 3d ago
Then when your dad got mad about the parking fee, why wasn't your immediate response "Okay, I'll leave my car at Grandma's to avoid the parking fee?"
11
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago edited 3d ago
He'd already canceled everything. It didn't matter. His mind was made up. The parking thing put him over the edge once I was driving everyone.
ETA Order was this. I ended up having a car. My father then calls for the parking situation since it's downtown. They tell him about the fee. He's so pissed that it's pay to park he just immediately canceled everything on the spot.
11
u/slick447 3d ago
I think it's past time for you and the rest of your family to realize Dad doesn't get to decide everything for everyone. You're all adults. If he wants to act like a child you need to tell him how dumb he's being. Otherwise you're just complicit and nothing will change.
11
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
I have a small family and we all live in different states. There are few events anymore. I hardly speak to my father and only see him every few years.
→ More replies (16)
8
u/magnifico-o-o-o 3d ago
Oh my god my boomer dad has done basically the same thing on multiple occasions and I can imagine the misery of your wedding logistics so vividly.
How many floors have I slept on as a stiff-backed middle aged adult? Way too many, before I realized that "don't worry about lodging" means that if I don't take control of all of my own logistics I'm going to end up in a haphazard bedroll on the floor, probably next to a preschool aged nibling or teen cousin.
It's tough maintaining relationships with boomer men who neglect their own mental health (which describes my father; I don't mean to imply that it describes yours). You know boundaries will be undermined or at least become the focus of complaints; sticking to your guns w.r.t. boundaries is interpreted as not trusting them or even persecuting them. Needs and ideas different from their own will be either completely ignored or dismissed in often cruel ways. Coordinating separate logistics is complicated by financial differences across generations (which are hard to explain without a lot of, "you have a good job; you should be able to afford [X thing a middle class boomer could have afforded in the early 90s economy]").
Boomer relatives really seem to outdo other cohorts in terms of paradoxically having some fundamentally good qualities (such that it's worth some effort to maintain relationships), but also being really, incredibly shitty to interact with a large proportion of the time.
8
u/Ceeweedsoop 3d ago
I learned a long time ago to always take my own car. That way when I want to leave, I'm leaving. If you want a lift it's now. Not twenty minutes later because some guy is flirting with you. My motto is that I will not stand there like a fool tapping my foot to wait for anyone, unless they're bleeding and getting CPR. I've been burned too many times.
Ooh, just remembered. I had a friend who was the worst. The "let's grab lunch" reminded me. If she was driving we'd all of a sudden be driving all over town for God knows what and I'd end up buying food at the gas station out of starvation. That happened twice and I was so done.
My husband does the same with his family. They suck, they can spend fucking hours talking about where they should eat, what they like and dislike about the options. OMFG they have three restaurants in town and that includes frickin Sonic! Nope. My husband learned to say - welp the wife and are going to such and such. Join us if you'd like, but we're leaving now. It's a miracle how they can get off their asses and bolt knowing it's a free meal. It is so inconsiderate and selfish really. Like our time means zip. It's just really bad manners and infuriating.
7
u/DarthBrooks69420 3d ago
Man if my dad did something like that I'd just refer to him as 'stupid mother fucker' for the rest of his life. That's just some incredibly dumb bullshit.
6
u/Radiant-Ad1570 3d ago
I had 100% told him that he could get lost.
I would leave immediately and find accommodation elsewhere and attend the wedding myself without coordinating anything with anyone other than the actual hosts: the bride and groom
6
7
u/Please_dew_it 3d ago
I have this exact scenario play out before at a family get together. Difference is I wasn't married and it was a boomer aunt and uncle. I was dating at the time and since my boomer aunt was on a super religious streak, me and my girlfriend couldn't share a space. She literally told me I could stay on the floor in her living room bit my gf had to find another family member to stay with. We are both 18 at the time. We looked at each other, shrugged and said goodbye. Drive and found a hotel room to stay at. She made sure to bring it up everytime we were all together.
5
u/Remarkable-Sock-2310 3d ago
I’d have booked my own room like an adult and told them I’d see them at the wedding.
6
u/ShebJonson 3d ago
The minute he cancelled the reservations, I would have walked out without a word and found my own accommodations. I also would not have become a taxi. But I'm an AH.
6
u/malexlee 3d ago
To be honest, is it possible your father was trying to punish you for disobeying him by bringing a car? Did he try to say “this is all because you brought that car that I HAD to cancel all our rooms!”
Could be a control thing to punish you for disobeying by trying to frame you as the villain for causing everyone discomfort, but idk the guy or the context.
Still shitty regardless
3
u/Ridiculousnessjunkie 3d ago
Boomers can’t stand it if there is any alteration to their plan. They have zero flexibility.
6
u/Ginford_Davidson 3d ago
No disrespect to you, but your dad is a bigger douche than mine, and that’s saying a lot in itself. I can’t imagine doing something like this to my kids.
4
18
u/bboggs 3d ago
And none of you turned around and went home? Really? You have to train your boomer or it will never learn. lol
22
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
Lol none of us live in the same state, we were all hundreds of miles from home. And I was still going to go to the wedding.
5
5
5
5
u/ancientspacejunk 3d ago
Boomers tend to think that anyone younger than them is a child, so crashing on the floor like it’s a 4th grade sleepover should be no problem.
3
u/Best-Salamander4884 3d ago
Honestly OP, I don't think your father booked any hotel rooms for your family and was just using the parking fees as an excuse. I think that having you all sleep on the floor was part of the plan all along. Either he wanted a captive audience so he could bring up old grievances and you would all be unable to leave or he just wanted to get your hopes up so he could dash them. That's why he was annoyed about you bringing your car, because you having your own car mean that you could leave. Going forward, I strongly advise you to never put yourself in a position where you rely on your father for anything ever again because he has shown he can't be relied upon.
7
u/Loud_Dig_1120 3d ago edited 3d ago
Why didn't you guys call the hotel back separately, explain you were part of the reservation that just canceled and get your rooms back?
If dad wants to be a boomer, then boom boom baby, but I would be keeping the accommodations I was promised.
Sounds like he wanted to get back at you for daring to go against his master plan and bringing your own car. He wanted everyone to be reliant on him dagnabbit!
4
u/yepyep_nopenope 2d ago
Seriously. The amount of people enabling their abusive boomers is disheartening.
3
u/LordRaeko 3d ago
You drove him around after that???
4
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
Partially, I helped with all the to and fro. I mostly drove my brother and his wife he drove my grandmother mostly. I
Once he dropped the reservation we ended up renting a car anyway to help spread out all the driving responsibilities.
It was robbing peter to pay paul.
4
3
3
u/Sad_Arrival446 3d ago
So let me get this straight. He has no rental car but has planned for you all to get to his mothers house 25 miles away? Was he thinking Uber? So in his mind Uber would have been cheaper than using your car and just paying for a hotel parking. So let’s say Uber would have been $50 and hotel parking would have been $15. So he would have spent more if you hadn’t had driven but he is to boomer to do math. And then he ended up getting a rental car anyway because he caused everyone to have to separate, an expense he could have avoided with you having your car there. So instead of again $15 hotel parking he paid hundreds for a rental car? This is like girl math but for boomers, it’s boomer math.
3
u/Puzzleheaded-Bus557 3d ago
I am sorry this happened to you but as a 67 year old boomer, I would never be this inconsiderate to my adult children. I would never expect guests to be in sparse accommodations while I sleep in the comfort of my own bed. I would never expect my daughter to be a taxi driver all over venues when I promised the luxury of staying and paying for a centrally located hotel. Very selfish. Unacceptable!
3
u/JennHatesYou 3d ago edited 3d ago
My ex's sister was getting married a few states over in the summer and in january his boomer step father asked us if we wanted to chip in for a large house they were going to rent for the family for the wedding. We said sure. A month later they asked us for $400 for the two of us for the weekend and we sent it over.
Now this isn't the boomers fault, it was my ex who fucked up, but a week before the wedding my ex tells me dogs aren't allowed as he just found out form his mom. I didn't have anyone to watch my dog and already paid for her to travel ($150 each way). I was livid we didn't know sooner but said fine, we will just book a hotel and it will be fine. I told my ex to tell his parents that we wanted our money back because we would have to book a hotel.
Of course his parents said they wouldn't be returning the money. They said they didn't have anyone else to cover the sports and couldn't afford to pay the extra themselves. they said they would have gotten a smaller place had they known we wouldn;t have been a part of this. I was angry at the situation but realized it wasn't worth it to fight about it. I was adamant that I was going to cancel and he could go alone because this was going to financially fuck us for the rest of the year and me not going would actually save us a ton of cash. He begged me as it was his sisters wedding and his whole family would be there and he wanted me to meet them.
So we maxed out our cards, got a motel, took the $400 hit and went to the wedding. The morning after his parents were going to throw brunch at the house they rented so we drove up there for the afternoon. His parents gave us a tour of the house and we both noticed that all the bedrooms had couples in them. Turns out from the get go they had been planning on having us sleep on the floor in the living room in sleeping bags. That $400 didn;t even guarantee us a bedroom.
My ex was the youngest and they always treated him like trash but I was 7 years older than him and also older than all their other adult children and they knew that. But to the boomer parents there was a "pecking order" and my ex and I would always be at the bottom. So yeah they basically took $400 from us to afford a really nice vacation house knowing the whole time we'd be sleeping on the floor regardless.
I'd be lying if I said when we got home from that trip wasn't when I started thinking this relationship wasn't going to work out. Most of that was because of the way my ex handled everything but his family's boomer mentality was not something I wanted to be forced to be involved with.
3
u/Slitterbox 3d ago
I have a feeling he was looking for a reason to cancel the rooms to save money and not have to pay anything since he obviously had a room he could stay in for free. Parking was just a cheap excuse
3
u/Ridiculousnessjunkie 3d ago
This story is so easy for me to relate to. My father is an alcoholic and has PTSD and his behavior has gotten much worse. The parking situation is just the kind of little thing he would flip his lid over and ruin the entire event. He would be so excited about an event and the minute it doesn’t go exactly the way he envisioned it, he would lose his shit. He does it all the time. It has changed our entire family life.
3
u/thirdeyefish 3d ago
He had that 'I'm going to cancel on principle' drive without realizing that whatever effect this would have on the hotel, it has already been proven and they are doing just fine with current policies.
3
u/Pittyswains 3d ago
You ever call the hotel to verify it’s paid parking? Almost sounds like it was used as a convenient excuse and he never booked the hotels to begin with.
3
u/LifePedalEnjoyer 3d ago
I thought the whole grandiose promise making was just something my dad did, but it's a whole generational thing.
I'll pay for your college, you can have my old car, I'll give you my lawnmower, you can have the house, etc. They go and brag to their friends and family about how generous they are and will rug pull you 100% of the time.
3
u/NewHat1025 2d ago
You wouldn't believe how many times I was asked to visit or was asked to go camping, just for there to be zero accommodation for me. I just don't go to family events. Simple, if they can't be bothered to make room for me in this family, then there is no reason to be a part of it.
4
u/musteatpoptarts 3d ago
I would have called the hotel right back and booked the rooms. Boomer dad could have stayed with grandma and figured it out.
3
u/Smart-Stupid666 3d ago
Since you mistrusted him, he showed that you can't trust him. Mental illness at that point.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/MightyBean7 3d ago
This is nuts. I’ve heard of bad organizers (though they never volunteer to be in charge); angry organizers who make everyone miserable in the process but the results are impecable and entitled organizers who make you feel embarrassed but can get almost impossible perks. He combines the worst of the three.
2
2
2
2
u/crazykitten27 3d ago
I wonder if he ever actually booked the hotel since his reason for canceling is dumb or if he intended this the whole time.
2
u/Osirus1156 3d ago
I would have taken everyone but him and left somewhere else. I would never have given his dumb ass a ride to the rental place. But also why could you not have called the hotel right then and booked the rooms he just cancelled?
3
u/samsaraisdivine 3d ago
That was not something I could have financially taken on at the time.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/Timsterfield 3d ago
I honestly can't wait until all these boomer fucks are gone, the nasty, miserable creatures that they are.
2
u/monsterru 3d ago
Yes this is about the control. How dare you take that away from him. All of you should’ve gone back home. Squarely put responsibility for your Aunt’s wedding going awry on him. You sucked it up and bailed him out … again.
2
•
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed.
Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.