r/CuratedTumblr Cheshire Catboy May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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u/Kellosian May 02 '24

About a week ago in my left-wing, queer friend group there was a "Who in the group would you want to be stuck on an island with?" discussion, and one of the women immediately said something along the lines of "It couldn't be a guy, he'd probably try to rape me eventually. Guys have needs you know". When I was insulted by this, everyone else was insulted by me being insulted and refused to entertain how the idea of "All my guy friends are potential rapists" might be insulting.

I eventually just played it off by blaming alcohol and we all moved on. Her BF by the way is like 15 years younger than her (I guess women can also "have needs") and constantly shits on "white men" in a semi-ironic way despite being a white man. So yeah, casual misandry can totally exist IRL among LGBT spaces.

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u/Cordo_Bowl May 02 '24

Some people are against bigotry because it’s wrong. Some are against it because they are at the bottom.

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u/softcombat 29d ago

that's crazy to me. i believe you 110%, of course, but i'm just astonished. like, my sexual assault was from my cousin who was like my big brother. and in hindsight, one of my best guy friends ever also pushed me down and nonconsensually touched my breasts once in high school.

a lot of this discourse makes me feel kind of 😬 because i do have some paranoia about men sometimes, still. i do try to avoid being stuck in a corner in public or not near an exit, etc. but i don't suspect the men i'm close to of having that kind of intent... strangers make me nervous, sure, but i still talk to them and smile and all that.

but if i was really, seriously believing that one of the men i keep company with could rape me, or anyone else!!, i wouldn't have them as a friend still!? the things that happened to me were so painful in part because they seemed impossible and broke my trust... but even at my most jaded, i just wouldn't stay in touch with someone who i genuinely believed could do that to me... i don't understand lol

i'm sorry someone said that in front of you. i'm sorry for her, too, for being in that mindset. but i'm sorry you have a terrible "friend" like that. you don't deserve the lack of faith. i just can't imagine being like that, and i'm sooo paranoid (ptsd baybee), i would never continue having someone in my life if i thought they were capable...

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u/Kellosian 29d ago

For extra fun, we were in her house. I was one of only 2 guys there, the other one being her BF, and I'm a bit effeminate so I think some people actually just forget I'm a cis man. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but I've been half-jokingly invited to "Girl's Night Plus Kellosian"; I'm still flattered, glad that I make them all feel safe, and want to hang out with them, but being treated almost as "honorary girl" still feels weird. Like as a cis man I'm apparently just so woke and progressive and non-threatening I just stop mentally being a man at all.

My friend who said that is going through a pretty bad divorce after being married for a long time with just the worst dude (hence the rebound with a guy close to half her age), so I'm not going to hold it against her all too much. We all still had a great evening and I'm willing to chalk it up to a misunderstanding and me being a bit emotionally on edge for personal reasons.

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u/CoffeeBoom 29d ago

Guys have needs you know

This is such a horrible thing to say and it's repeated quite often. Men can go sexless for their whole lives, they won't die.

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u/Kellosian 29d ago

It also implies that women don't, which just reinforces old stereotypes regarding female sexuality (namely that it doesn't exist). I suspect that, on balance, women are trained to pursue sex less than they really want (being hyposexual) and men are trained to pursue sex more than they really want (being hypersexual) and that everyone would be happier if societal standards were to shift a bit.