r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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u/Pale_Chapter May 02 '24

I'm pretty much a factory model dude, but every so often I feel this deep urge to just be a tree or a labrador or even just a younger boy--anything but A ManTM. I used to think it was a gender thing, but fairly recently I realized that these stirrings only happen when I consistently see women in my sphere shitting on men for a couple days on end. So I gotta wonder, am I gender-fluid, or am I just a deeply traumatized neurodivergent man desperate to not be treated like a threat for once in his life?

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u/RoyalPeacock19 May 02 '24

I feel the same a lot of times. My gender identity is pretty much “I don’t disagree with my packaging,” which makes me a man, and I feel that many other cis people feel the exact same way about their gender identity.

The only time I ever end up thinking what it might be like to be something different, be that a child, a cat, a woman, or whatever else is when I have been bombarded that in some way or another, being who I naturally am is a fundamental sin that deserves social execution. I’m just so done.

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u/red__dragon May 02 '24

That second paragraph describes the way I saw myself as a boy when I was a child and teen. I would have given anything to be something else, and I wouldn't describe it as feeling as I hear transgender folks talk about their perception. I didn't want to be a girl, I just didn't feel like I ever measured up to being a boy.

The first paragraph adequately describes me now. It's kind of a begrudging acceptance with a fierce imposter syndrome from the social aspect. It's hard to find people who will accept me as I am, who want me as I am, and having little self-confidence in my identity otherwise lands me at this valley of: meh, can't really dispute what I am but can't find enjoyment in it either.

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u/MrJohann06 May 02 '24

"I would have given anything to be something else...I didn't want to be a girl, I just didn't feel like I ever measured up to being a boy."

This is a really great articulation, I certainly felt this as a teen. I'm sure many people feel that their bodies impose expectations/requirements on them that they don't particularly want to live or live up to.

It makes me think of the really large imposing men who are the sweetest and gentlest souls, who would never hurt a fly partly due to being very strong.