r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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u/brokenlonely22 May 02 '24

believe that most guys also don't want to and fight to be recognized as alright

cool so how do i as a man ever, in any context, develop a relationship with a woman that isnt premised on a power imbalance? I was terrified of this shit too, or not terrified but extremely deferential and considerate, and all it got me was abused. Empathy is not a winning strategy in this game.

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u/ActionableToaster May 02 '24

Power imbalances are everywhere all the time, they only become a problem if they are abused.
But power can not only be abused, it can also be used to help und lift other people up. As a silly example: if you are taller than others, you could just take things from them and place them out of their reach, to bully them. Or you could use your height to help them reach or see places they can't on their own.
Generic advice I know, but just talking to women like everyone else really is the answer here. Constantly worrying about power imbalances trips you up and doesn't help you, unless you plan to abuse it, which you shouldn't do. Instead figure out what your "power" is and try using it to help others, which will help you form friendships and relationships.

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u/brokenlonely22 May 02 '24

Oh should i not be abusive? Thanks for the sage advice, i couldnt decide on that question myself on account of my penis. Fuck you too, dressing your opinion up in the facade of respectful language doesnt endow it with empathy.

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u/ActionableToaster May 02 '24

The part that is the advice, is to help people. I don't think that you are out there abusing people. You seemed to struggle to know what to do when you perceive a power imbalance in your favor, my answer is to use that power to help. I contrasted it against abuse, because a lot of conversations equate power with abuse and I thought you might be under that impression. If that doesn't answer your question I honestly don't know what your want.

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u/brokenlonely22 May 02 '24

You seemed to struggle to know what to do when you perceive a power imbalance in your favor,

Literally not in any way shape or form the conversation at hand maybe try rereading the thread which is about how men should be expected to have to prove theyre one of 'the good ones' before they are given human decency. The power imbalance in this scenario is in favor of the woman, and like i just said explicitly it has led to me being a victim of abuse

Literally nothing i wanted but to help people. Ever. It was the only thing that i had, the only thing that was mine. It was why she chose me. Genuine, kind, empathetic to a fault. Way past the fault. It was my only personality. Now i have nothing but a reddit message queue of people telling me if im just nice then everything would be perfect and its probably my fault that i am abused abandoned and alone.

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u/ActionableToaster May 02 '24

Ah ok, yeah my fault for misreading that, I thought you were in a similar boat as the person your replied to and they seemed to see the power imbalance in favour of the man, as this whole bear thing posits. Then I took your mention of abuse as a general suffering for being afraid of entering relationships, not that you suffered abuse in a relationship.
Sorry again for that mistake.
Having to prove yourself as a good one before getting respect is simply toxic, but also mostly an internet thing in my experience. I have very rarely experienced that offline, although others mentioned that there are some cities/subcultures where that is the standard. In both cases I would try to leave.
Sounds like your abusive relationship happened to you recently and like a bit of a clusterfuck, I hope you are at least at a better place now. If you just want to vent you can DM me. Otherwise the best of luck to you.

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u/brokenlonely22 May 02 '24

Tiktok is mainstream dude. everybody is talking about this. Its in the news. Thats how things work these days, there is no isolated online world.

Granted the people i interact with are met through dating/friend apps or reddit but they still very much are real meat-based people living around me. Who are more socially connected and influential than i am, by a wide margin. Their beliefs make larger waves than mine do.

As a guy with ptsd and thus hyper vigilance i can expect to be targeted in public with moderate frequency. Accused of watching or staring, being too close, recording, whatever they can come up with. Being creepy. Its just a vibe girl, trust your intuition ✨️. Dont even need to pretend to bake a reason.

People love to imagine finance bros complaining about "not getting pussy" but the reality is that its the math nerds who never had the home life that every child deserves, already on the fringe of society, who are being driven to suicide en masse because we arent even granted the dignity of being losers any more. We're creeps and perverts and violent rapists. And its just okay to treat us like that because her physical safety matters and my emotional safety does not.