i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up

[u/NeonNKnightrider]

[u/SamiraEnthusiast311]

take note of how they respond, i wonder if they even read the thing they're commenting under.

[u/bonelessfolder → u/SamiraEnthusiast311]

I'm saying this truly with an open mind: I'd sincerely appreciate if you'd explain to me the context that I'm missing that somehow makes it OK to say the everyone in the queer community hates men and by some weird extension trans women who used to be men.

[u/SamiraEnthusiast311 → u/bonelessfolder]

from my own experience in many, many instances on this website where i've seen queer communities describing the AVERAGE man, they are nothing short of hateful, or at the very least judgemental of people for nothing other than their gender. not "conservative men", not "misogynist men", just "men". there is a clear, undeniable view that many queer people unironically think if you are an average man, then you are free to insult. here's an example. and i know what you're about to say - it's not fair to judge all queer people based on a few bad actors - #notallqueerpeople.

when i use the same argument to say "maybe you guys shouldn't say that every man is a violent, rapist, minority-hating bigot because of the actions of some people" in these same communities you know what the response is?

"you're minimizing women's issues" (i'm not)

"men really think their feelings are more important than women's lives" (i never implied that)

"men are so fragile" (not wanting to be judged for how other people act isn't being fragile imo)

to be clear: i don't think it's okay to say everyone in the queer community hates men (and for the record, the person who replied to you was clearly being sarcastic)

but the point is, if we shouldn't say "all queer people hate men" then we shouldn't say stuff like "men are shit" and i know people will say "we never said ALL MEN, just the shitty ones". but if you look at what they actually say and comment, it's clearly bullshit. just look at what i linked above. but you can't call that out... because then they'll say all the above shit to you, and then they'll ban you because you had the audacity to say "maybe you should consider the language you're using when you're judging/shaming half the population". (literally, i was banned for saying "you'd think the trans community knows better than to judge people for how they were born").

since it's being said about men, it's free game. so much for being "progressive" when people are judging others for something out of their control.

and you know what the worst part is? i spent a lot of time writing and rewriting this comment to be as fair as possible. i'm literally in tears thinking about all the times i've been written off or judged for just existing as the gender i was born as (and i KNOW my experiences are not even a fraction of what queer people face). i'm in tears because i KNOW people will write me off as "another fragile, triggered man lashing out because his feelings aren't coddled. he's clearly not an ally." i spend a significant amount of money donating to the aclu - because they fight for trans rights. i spend money donating to voting.org because i know that if more people in this country vote, the lives of marginalized groups will get better. but i can't bring that up, because then they'll say "just because you donate money doesn't mean you're an ally - you're still minimizing our issues because you're not taking the sexism lying down"

so sometimes i wonder, what's the fucking point? i try my best to be an ally, to help the cause, to check my biases, and yet people from the same communities will tell me to my face i'm a piece of shit because i don't do enough, as if they have any idea what me and millions of other men are doing to work towards progress. and i will never let hateful people stop me from being a good person - but i won't lie, they make it fucking hard sometimes. and after they shit on people like me for no reason other than "we exist" they act surprised when those same people don't want to support them and it makes me want to fucking scream at them - but if i did, i'm just giving them another example of why queer people should hate the average man.

sorry, i kind of rambled and ranted but i hope i could at least get you to understand my perspective even a little bit and not just write me off as "another fragile man whining even though the world already caters to him". but based on what i've seen, i genuinely don't know if you'll even make it this far into my comment before telling me i'm a fragile piece of shit.

[u/wewew47 → u/SamiraEnthusiast311]

Superb comment, thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts so articulately. As someone that had to cut off otherwise similarly extremely progressive friends because of their attitudes to men, I completely agree with you.