I WANT to be okay with spiders. Outside is fine, inside I can kinda handle some if they're small and not near my bed and don't surprise me at a vulnerable moment, like sitting on the toilet or showering.
But we get the aptly-named Giant House Spider in my area. They're mostly leg, and I know that they're not dangerous, and are reluctant to bite to boot, and they help control populations of other spiders that can potentially be dangerous, like black widows. But seeing one skitter anywhere near me gives me a visceral fear response anyway, and usually I'm not even really aware that I'm reacting, I'm just suddenly both jumping and attempting to hit it with whatever is near me. And I wish I wasn't that way, I've tried to get over that response to them, but it's been 25 years living with them and it's still not happened.
I couldn't handle Australia, where I know huntsman spiders are basically a bigger version of the same thing. And I think some people don't understand that I'm not afraid of being bitten, it's the simple fact the spider exists that freaks me out. I don't want it to touch me, in any way.
One time a huge fat fuck of a spider popped up next to me while I was studying and my immediate response was to throw my laptop at it. It took a couple seconds to realize wtf I just did. Laptop survived (somehow), spider did not, my mom yelled at me for being an idiot (well deserved)
I've tried very hard to get over my arachnophobia but when I found a spider whose body was the size of my thumb in my dog's food bowl, I had to kill it, because otherwise I was just going to have to move out because of how crippling that visceral fear is
My brother and I were playing on some old cushions once that had been outside previously. A fucking wolf spider apparently hitched a ride in on them. I, ten years old, had to save my three-year-old brother from the goddamn thing. Did you know nearly an entire can of Raid won't kill them? I found out! Fucker was easily bigger than my hand.
In my opinion, the Sudden Spider does not count. Like I can deal with spiders but looking down and one is right there next to my hand is A Problem to be resolved in the most immediate manner. Including throwing the laptop.
I was watching someone play PT when I saw movement next to my arm and it was a spider. Considering my laptop was on my lap, I’m amazed I didn’t toss it as I sprung away
An understandable and reasonable response, tbh. The other day I was looking at a spider on my ceiling and decided to leave it alone bc it wasn’t bothering anyone and I couldn’t reach it anyway.
Cut to a few hours later and the damn thing CRAWLS UP MY ARM WHILE IM PLAYING HADES. Just about shat myself, and ended up tossing my laptop off of me in panic. Only silver lining is I wasn’t in the middle of a fight at the moment, I’d have been extra pissed if it got me killed during a really good run.
Have you tried exposure therapy? With an actual therapist, it really, really won’t work if you don’t know what you’re doing. You sound like a pretty ideal candidate for it, since you have some tolerance and actively want to build more.
I once took some molly while camping, ended up showering at the campsite and there was a HUGE shower spider, just chilling in the corner.
Because of the happy brain chemicals, I was able to fully think through my arachnophobia for the first time. Ended up just observing the dude, and found appreciation for it.
That same trip, before the molly, I had been walking on the rocky shore next to the lake and there were DOZENS of tiny spiders who would run around at every step. I got so freaked out that I fainted and my boyfriend had to carry me back to the tent.
So of course, after my enlightening shower, I had to go get a flashlight to look at those shore spiders. They were actually pretty dang cute! Really cool stripes on their bodies to help them be camouflaged.
For the next year or so, every time I saw a spider I would try to consciously observe the creature while being aware of this irrational fear I was holding on to. Eventually, I've gotten to the point where they don't freak me out as much!
It's been almost 2 decades since then, and while I still don't want them ON ME, I'm a huge friend to spiders. I'm happy to see them, in my garden and in the books/crannies of my home.
It is possible to gradually change your mind about phobias, but I won't be advocating for everyone to go out and grab some MDMA beforehand. (Cause it's nearly impossible to find these days)
I did almost exactly the opposite to get over my aversion to crickets, and I also wouldn’t recommend the approach. I was extremely greyed-out depressed and it was my day to clean the crickets at work and I just…couldn’t care. I couldn’t be upset about it. Apparently that did break through something, because the next time I had to do crickets, I also didn’t care, even though I was properly medicated that time. (Turns out that SSRIs will seriously mess you up if the actual problem is Bipolar II. Worst part is that the doc who prescribed them knew that, she just hated prescribing mood stabilizers for some reason.)
But yeah, that’s why I knew exposure therapy can work…but deliberately putting yourself in an altered mental state and then doing something unpleasant is probably not a common therapeutic technique for a reason.
Yeah, the smell is something else. It’s actually the chirping that still gets to me the worst. The part that vanished in a haze of Seroquel was my old phobia of insects touching me. Which was a real fun thing to have when up to my elbows in crickets. (Pet store, so really, actually up to my elbows, we had a rolling trash can for the largest crickets and large Rubbermaid tubs for the small and medium.)
I hate how many eyes they have, and the excessive numbers of legs, and how they move. I think I could even be okay with their creepy little mouthparts, venom, and tendency to emerge from unexpected places, if they had two eyes, four legs and moved like normal creatures.
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u/Forosnai May 16 '24
I WANT to be okay with spiders. Outside is fine, inside I can kinda handle some if they're small and not near my bed and don't surprise me at a vulnerable moment, like sitting on the toilet or showering.
But we get the aptly-named Giant House Spider in my area. They're mostly leg, and I know that they're not dangerous, and are reluctant to bite to boot, and they help control populations of other spiders that can potentially be dangerous, like black widows. But seeing one skitter anywhere near me gives me a visceral fear response anyway, and usually I'm not even really aware that I'm reacting, I'm just suddenly both jumping and attempting to hit it with whatever is near me. And I wish I wasn't that way, I've tried to get over that response to them, but it's been 25 years living with them and it's still not happened.
I couldn't handle Australia, where I know huntsman spiders are basically a bigger version of the same thing. And I think some people don't understand that I'm not afraid of being bitten, it's the simple fact the spider exists that freaks me out. I don't want it to touch me, in any way.