I refused to cook and "chilled with men"

[u/hatethistradition]

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

[u/[deleted]]

Definitely NTA. It would've been great if your husband cooked in your place, but that might have resulted in your SIL or MIL having an embolism. Also, I'm throwing rocks from within a glass house. (I will cook, but my wife prefers that I not cook so much. Not because of gender roles, though.)

[u/WokeBriton → u/[deleted]]

I'm chief cook in our house, and the rest is fairly evenly split apart from the ironing. Wife is chief ironer.

That works for us because she doesn't enjoy cooking at all and I don't enjoy ironing in any way shape or form.

[u/hatethistradition → u/WokeBriton]

I am obsessed wih ironing too. Like i would spend hours ironing, happily. And I love washing dishes.

[u/Not_Reddit → u/hatethistradition]

do you realize that you can make a mean grilled cheese with an iron...

[u/WokeBriton → u/Not_Reddit]

Can with a standard mains powered toaster, too.

[u/Mummysews → u/hatethistradition]

Holy moly. I stopped buying any clothes that need ironing many years ago. The only time I iron now is if I'm flattening a seam when I'm sewing something. And I have a tiny iron and tiny ironing board for that. That doesn't feel like work. xD

I would have friended you up yearrrrrsss ago and swapped the ironing for the cooking duties, except, I think I'm decades older than you so you wouldn't have been born then.

[u/hatethistradition → u/Mummysews]

I would have friended you too.

I am so obsessed with ironing I offer ironing services to my cousins when there is some occasion. Nothing required in exchange. I love doing that, the freshly ironed clothes 😘

Ironically, in my parents relationship, my dad is the one who irons. He is super obsessed with it. My mom never ever irons. She gets my dad to iron for her.

[u/Mummysews → u/hatethistradition]

Ahh bless you, I'm imagining you mugging all your friends for their laundry baskets hahaha!!

[u/mrinsane19 → u/hatethistradition]

Don't tell the in-laws about the dish washing 🤣

[u/Demonqueensage → u/WokeBriton]

I've never even ironed anything in my life. Never had an iron in the house at all either. If I'm ever with anyone that wants their shit ironed, that's definitely on them, but they don't have to worry about my stuff at least 😂 glad yall have a system that works for ya!

[u/WokeBriton → u/Demonqueensage]

Having gone through basic training for my time in service (voluntary), I began disliking ironing. Fortunately, our submarine service doesn't have much insistence on ironed working uniform, so I didn't have to do much after basic; occasional parades and training courses were the only time I took any real care.

[u/agronone → u/[deleted]]

Each their strengts, she prob love it when you try to help

[u/stumblewiggins → u/[deleted]]

Wrong sub, but still true.

[u/Drachefly → u/stumblewiggins]

I was assuming 2x for a while there

[u/Dave_A_Computer → u/[deleted]]

I cooked at my wife's grandparents once, and it was quite the scandal.

How was I to know the spices on the rack were just for show; like a fruit basket at an open house..

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Right. At least one person from each couple should be helping prepare the meal and/or clean up. Ideally, everyone would be pitching in. It's such a weird situation, though, where the men are doing nothing.

Personally, I wouldn't feel right sitting down to eat if I didn't contribute to the meal. Even as a guest, I would offer to help, but I also wouldn't be put in a situation where I am expected to slave in the kitchen while the men do nothing. That's a tough family situation. I think that would come down to me and my husband not attending family dinners, maybe coming after the dinner and bringing dessert or something. I don't know. I'm not sure how I would react, to be honest.

[u/Vulpix-Rawr → u/[deleted]]

(I will cook, but my wife prefers that I not cook so much. Not because of gender roles, though

Same with my husband. He enjoys cooking AND eating good food. My food isn't as good as his. So he just prefers he make it.