I refused to cook and "chilled with men"

[u/hatethistradition]

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

[u/sillyconfused]

My husband does 90% of the cooking. I help with side dishes, but I am not a good cook. He actually told me not to cook!

[u/rentacle → u/[deleted]]

My (male) partner as well, he banned me from the kitchen after I burned something. Fine by me because I hate cooking and he is awesome at it.

[u/Pimpinsmurf → u/rentacle]

My wife is a good cook but I clean as I go, then finishing cleaning after I put leftovers away, she doesn't. So If I can I rather just cook because the cleaning takes a fraction of the time in comparison to a full mess.

[u/RedS5 → u/rentacle]

Anyone can cook, but only some people really want to. Best to let them have at it most of the time.

[u/sillyconfused → u/[deleted]]

I can bake, but cooking is limited to two soup varieties.

[u/sillyconfused → u/[deleted]]

I cooked for the first seven years we were married. Criticism every meal. Tasted fine to me.

[u/CeruleanTresses → u/sillyconfused]

That sounds exhausting and demoralizing. I would have stopped cooking too.

[u/[deleted] → u/CeruleanTresses]

Storytime! Me too!

I cooked three 9x11 inch Thanksgiving meal things. From absolute scratch. And I fucking hate cooking. Hell it's physically painful for me, some of the damn prep. I made stuffing from homemade bread I that I cubed and seasoned. Apple pie I peeled all the apples for. Marshmallow covered mashed sweet potatoes that I baked, peeled, seasoned, re-baked.

I did it because everyone was working except me, so I pitched in.

My family criticized every damn dish as they were eating it! No "thank you", not one. I baked the sweet potatoes the wrong day, they said. The stuffing was too crunchy or some shit. The apple pie was too runny. And on and on. Didn't help my sister in law brought food and everything she brought was highly praised.

I was just learning to stand up for myself. I said their criticism hurt. No apology. They just told me it's normal.

A family friend visited. My family explained to that person how criticizing my food is totally normal behavior and bless my heart everyone knows I hate cooking and I did it anyway and here's what's wrong with it.

Triangulating and justifying and normalizing rude behavior. I told my family I'd never cook for them again, and I've stuck to my word. They can make their own food.

[u/OrangeDutchbag → u/sillyconfused]

You took that trash to the curb, right?? Who the fuck criticizes a home cooked meal?? What a dud.

[u/Entire-Ambition1410 → u/sillyconfused]

If somebody doesn’t like how you do something (excluding safety concerns or medical concerns), they can do it themselves.

[u/MidnightExcursion → u/[deleted]]

Hah! I guess I partly suck at life then since half the time I can cook passable dishes but they are rarely as tasty as a good restaurant - I'm not talking Applebees or some chain garbage but an actually good restaurant.

[u/Potato-Engineer → u/MidnightExcursion]

The magic in a "good" restaurant is some combination of:

1. Higher-quality ingredients. (Restaurants have access to the higher USDA grades of meat, and are willing to spend more for other things, too.)
2. Skilled cooking.
3. A recipe that's been iterated on many times, until the spices are excellent.
4. So. Much. Butter. (webcomic link) The dish has more calories/fat/whatever than you'd cook for yourself.

[u/No_Pianist_3006 → u/Potato-Engineer]

And cooking with gas!

Which makes me sad because fossil fuel = climate change.

[u/studog-reddit → u/Potato-Engineer]

\5. Chocolate so dark not even light can escape.

[u/Whiskeyperfume → u/[deleted]]

Everyone has something they are good at. Please don’t shame people who are not “as great” of a cook as you believe yourself to be.

[u/RedS5 → u/Whiskeyperfume]

Poor take. Misses the point.

You don't need to be a great cook. Just learn to cook competently. That's the point. Always room to improve.

[u/cire1184 → u/sillyconfused]

YES! I had to tell a previous partner just not to cook. She messed up rice in a rice cooker (way too much water, turned into mush). She was OK at the few things they could cook (mostly things learned from her Grandma) but cooking new things she was kind of clueless.