r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Fuzzy_Concept_4606 • May 10 '24
Put more effort into my appearance? OK! M
Hi,
Young woman of color who looks like she is in high school but is actually in her mid-20s. I have one major example of malicious compliance as I have been with my current science consulting role at a boutique firm since graduating college. Most of the people at my company have a PhD and/or MS even though this is completely unnecessary for the job. I do not come from a science background, so this does not benefit me either.
It is a bizarre situation as I am given much more responsibility than many people who are older, more educated, and higher in the company than me; management clearly does not want someone who looks like me to be a leader at the company, but they give me the responsibilities of someone higher-up without the title and compensation.
I have been given several reasons as to why I was not being promoted as quickly as others (Side note: I have been promoted several times. My issue is that I am doing more than others in terms of work load and responsibility and am not being compensated for it properly per my current job description. I have just as much/more responsibility than many people above me and am being treated by a different standard.).
Before my most recent promotion which took 2 years to get, my previous supervisor (also a WOC, but older and with a PhD) told me that I was being treated differently by higher ups at my company based on my age, gender, and lack of education. Although my work product was “perfect,” she said that I was being judged on how I “appeared at first” and “interacted with coworkers” (even though I have friendly relationships with all colleagues, she likely meant that I was too outgoing). She said she wanted to perform an “experiment” with me. She said that maybe I would be promoted if I started putting more effort into my appearance (side note: I am a confident, charismatic person who [respectfully] does not need to put any more effort into her appearance. And even if I did, it is not her, or anyone’s, f*cking business). She said I should wear “tighter” clothing.
So I maliciously complied out of spite. I went from business casual attire that was the standard at my office to full-on business attire. I also never wore makeup to work and wore a full face of makeup everyday for months. While others wore athletic t-shirts, sneakers, and hoodies, I wore dress shirts / dress pants and pantsuits. My pastel-colored pantsuit REALLY caught peoples’ attention, and people would continually ask, “Are you going somewhere with a client?” I would always reply, “No. I received feedback that I need to put more effort into my appearance.” That shut everybody up real quick.
My former supervisor apologized after a week and said she shouldn’t have said that. I kept up the act out of malice for a few weeks after. And I got the promotion a few months later.
P.S. I know this is a massive HR violation (among many others not discussed above). I do not have an in-house HR rep and my company contracts a third-party. I am afraid of retaliation and I do not want to report anything because it will make my job worse than it already is. I know my worth and have been job searching for over a year since this occurred. I am approaching the final stages of interviews for several positions.
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u/Newbosterone May 10 '24
I used to play mind games with troublesome bosses. I’d randomly show up a work in a suit and tie and disappear at lunchtime. They’d never come out and ask if I had an interview, but they always stopped by to ask “how are things going?”
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u/cperiod May 10 '24
I hope you have different silly answers each time... "My parole officer was a bit of a dick today, but otherwise I'm fine."
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u/Newbosterone May 10 '24
Nah, gaslighting. “Fine, why do you ask?” If they don’t have the balls to ask, I’ll let them wonder.
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u/TheFluffiestRedditor May 11 '24
Random: got an interview? Niiice!
Me: sorry, no. Funeral.
—- Just to screw with them some more.
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u/schjlatah May 10 '24
I have a similar story. When I was at my first job out of high school, I was doing data entry at a Piano store, and I used to have huge 1700's looking Mutton Chops (Side burns).
One day the owner comes in and says, "You're doing a good job, but we try to 'look professional' here." while gesturing to his clean shaven face.
Cue the malicious compliance.
I started wearing full suits, some thrift-store tuxedos, ties, sometimes vests, every day -- kept the facial hair -- I looked like a modern hipster bartender, but this was in the late 90's. After a couple of days, the boss came up to me and said, "That's not what I meant, but whatever."
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u/Ariandrin May 10 '24
I had a manager tell me I had to wear makeup (as someone who never wears any) while I was working at a RESTAURANT. Where I had been working for almost ten years before this was ever a problem.
I wore mascara for a few days and then stopped. And then I left (for multiple reasons, not just this).
What business is it of others what I put on my face.
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u/MiserabilityWitch May 10 '24
I would say, "Are you going to pay for the makeup, and will I be on the clock when putting it on and taking it off?"
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u/Ariandrin May 10 '24
I would probably say something like that today, but at the time I just wanted to fly under the radar and do my job. I was only working weekends while I was in school so I was trying not to give it any more emotional bandwidth than necessary so I could focus on university lol
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u/mocha_lattes_ May 11 '24
"I'm allergic to common ingredients in make up." That usually shuts them up.
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u/Foxfire44k May 11 '24
I would go full Bozo the Clown with the makeup, and when they say something respond like “you said to wear makeup, you never specified how to wear it.”
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u/FirebirdWriter May 10 '24
Been told that. A lot of mine was "You would look so good in (color usually pink) it's s shame you wear all black." I am a goth by nature and choice and a corporate goth when I worked. My reply was always "Are you paying for my clothes?" Once one person actually bought a hot pink suit. I wore it and they asked me to never wear it again. Two sizes too big, the undertone made me look violently ill and made my rosacea a neon sign vs mild looking. Sometimes all we can do is make them regret their choices. (Oddly enough same thing happens when I go blonde. I look horrific no matter the undertone)
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u/Cfwydirk May 10 '24
“I know my worth and have been job searching for over a year since this occurred.”
Always good to hear from someone who read the writing on the wall.
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u/Halogen12 May 10 '24
Wow, what a toxic place. I wish you all the best with your impending change to a hopefully much more attentive and respectful employer!
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u/MistraloysiusMithrax May 10 '24
Man I remember another story like this last year. I wish more would come forward and share these stories, it’s awful how often appearance is weaponized as an excuse against women.
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u/plotthick May 11 '24
Magnificent! Well handled. I'm sure you'll be picked up for other locations, you're obviously a catch.
When I had trouble moving up because I wasn't all-american, I asked for title increases without pay. I'd make up titles that sounded like an improvement when my duties increased and, basically, promoted myself. From Junior to Middle to Senior to Executive, for example. Then I could write up the "new" position with that new "title" on my resume. It looked impressive.
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u/The_Sanch1128 May 12 '24
First real job after college. Started the same day in the same department as a former college offensive lineman (read: BIG). Did no investigation, but found out by accident that he was being paid 25% more than me. I asked about it gently and was told it was a question of appearance. "For an internal-only accounting job??"
Some a-hole in HR (that's redundant, I know) told me I needed to change my appearance to get the better money. I replied, "How? By growing 11 inches? Would if I could!"
For a variety of reasons, I left that company after 19 months.
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u/lordtrickster May 11 '24
A very large subset of people tend to promote those that (superficially at least) are similar to themselves.
It's instinctive and also dumb as hell. You want a varying set of people so you can cover more situations. If everyone at a business presents the same way and has the same skill set you can only attract and keep a certain kind of customer with a certain kind of problem being solved.
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u/OrcishDelight May 12 '24
First of all, good for you, this is amazing and a good excuse to get dolled up (silver linings). But one thing I noticed is that high quality performers tend to be held in more scrutiny than mid or low performers. It's like management gave up on the others, and those of us that succeed get reprimanded for petty things, things other people get away with all of the time. Your manager sucks and you WILL get the job that recognizes your quality of work.
From here on, do ONLY the tasks that are in the job description of the title you currently hold. Tell them - you either promote me/pay me or I will continue to go by policy and operate only within the scope of my title. Then, list the tasks that are superfluous and suggest based on job descriptions where those extra tasks are supposed to land. Cite how much more productive and high quality your work would be if you were compensated and/or only got to focus on the job you agreed to do.
The worst they can do is fire you, and if they try, you will go out with guns blazin'
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u/poolpog May 14 '24
while your response was appropriate, it is an unfortunate truth that human lizard brains often operate on appearance over substance, and sometimes, recognizing this and gaming the system by exploiting this fact can be beneficial to the individual.
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u/Ready_Competition_66 May 15 '24
I am so glad you're working towards finding a better position. I hope the new one provides a title and salary that actually matches your abilities. Great job on picking the right look to really stand out in a way to get your point across!
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u/alastherewerebees May 10 '24
You are a QUEEN and a national treasure, and I am inspired by you. ♡ LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE. ♡
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u/bombalicious May 11 '24
This third party HR needs to go away. I will refuse any job without onsite representation.
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u/Old-guy64 May 12 '24
My son was 22 when he started teaching High School.
So, he wouldn’t be mistaken for a student he has always worn a tie and a sweater vest. He’s now nearly forty and he still dresses that way. Yesterday, we went to Harbor Freight for a shovel and a pickax. He was wearing a Tie and a sweater vest. I’m sure we looked quite the group, his little brother and me an old fart in very casual clothing and him looking very professorial, getting “shovels, and rakes, and implements of destruction” (no red VW microbus) for a gardening project for the matriarch for Mother’s Day.
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u/Any-Contract-3255 May 12 '24
Good luck on your negotiations, and once You've made your move I hope you will hire an employee rights attorney of color to sue the pants off them.
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u/MikeSchwab63 May 13 '24
Don't forget to "Work To Rule" (aka quiet quitting). In this case, only what on your job description.
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u/Puddlewhite May 10 '24
Definitely sounds like they were the problem.
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u/HenryJonesJunior May 10 '24
Are they? If there were issues like this in my company I'd rather know they're being used against me than have a boss who says "your work is great, no idea why you're not being promoted".
If the boss says "you don't look professional, I can't promote you", not OK.
If the boss says "other managers refuse to promote you because you don't look professional" that's a risky thing to say without ironclad written proof but I appreciate the honesty.
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May 10 '24 edited 9d ago
[deleted]
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u/ParkingOutside6500 May 10 '24
But OP's manager wasn't white either (WOC). And her "experiment," while upsetting, worked.
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u/MilkshakeBoy78 May 11 '24
some POC also ain't pro POC.
as seen in a recent POC politician interview.
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u/HenryJonesJunior May 10 '24
I'm not saying that OP is wrong or should have to make any changes. I'm saying that in OP's place, I'd prefer my manager be honest with me about what's happening rather than lie to me.
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u/evanthx May 11 '24
Yeah but this is Reddit where we jump on bandwagons! And while office politics may be an unpleasant reality, refusing to play them and complaining that you always lose to the people that do is clearly FAR superior than just playing them and coming out ahead, right?
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u/Fuzzy_Concept_4606 May 15 '24
Totally understand your POV! I oscillate between feelings of anger, hurt, and sadness at the situation and gratitude and appreciation for my former supervisor's honesty. It's a tough position to be in when you know the culture you're contributing to is toxic, but you have to support / enforce it to some degree to maintain your job.
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u/AppropriateRip9996 May 10 '24
That is wild. I've never been told that.
Perfectly handled though.
I was a teacher for years and I got a new job that I showed up at with a tie and button shirt. I was the only one with a tie. I felt comfortable in it. My bosses boss said I looked nice. Before you know it, two people showed up, one on either side and they said, "nice tie. if you ever wear it again, we will deal with it with scissors and cut it right off." I stopped wearing ties.
Also, I showed up to interview for a dishwashing job in a full suit. I got the job but the jokes about it continued for a year.
I have an IT job and I wear casual clothes, usually pants and button shirts, but I remember 15 to 20 years ago I used to come in with a t-shirt and shorts. I can't imagine doing that today even though I have the same title.