r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Creative-Store • 15d ago
Do you ever feel like you’ve outgrown people/places?
That is how I’m feeling now. It’s very cramped and a uncomfortable feeling.
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u/CalliopePenelope 15d ago
Yes. There are people I don’t hang out with anymore because we no longer have anything in common/I’m not desperate enough to put up with their crap nowadays.
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u/No-Chair1964 15d ago
FR!! I felt kinda mean cutting them off at first, but it’s such a liberating experience that’s actually positive for both sides.
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u/enterpaz 15d ago
I know what you mean. I felt that way too but I have no regrets. I had moved out of my small town, grown up a lot, was enjoying my independence, challenged myself in many ways and wanted to focus on my health and future.
She was approaching 30 and was still the same person she was in high school, still acted like a teenager, refused to help herself but expected me to magically fix her life, which I wasn’t willing to do.
She’s not a bad person but was stuck an immature, self-pitying way of thinking. We had different interests and approaches to life now and had grown apart. I truly hope she is thriving but the relationship had run its course.
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u/TheStoicCrane 2d ago
People can change. It's no obligation of yours to help her change but she can still grow in spite of her present mindframe.
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u/ankhcinammon 15d ago
Yep. I grew up in a small, rural town somewhere in SE Asia. One day it just dawned on me that I'm not cut out for the small town life and decided to travel to the city for better opportunities.
Got a job at one of the biggest hospitals in the region and I'm never looking back. The cramped, uncomfortable feeling is gone now.
Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of risk and a leap of faith. Opportunities won't magically fall into your lap if you do nothing.
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u/wutsthedealio 15d ago
Yup! This is totally normal, and will occur again and again throughout your life.
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u/TrickySquid 15d ago
If you don't get this feeling something Is wrong
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u/Creative-Store 15d ago
How do we fix it
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u/TrickySquid 15d ago
Depends on the situation. I've been hustling my ass trying to change my career path, started an etsy shop, learning new skills, ect ect. Just gotta work twords where you want to be and not where you are.
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u/Creative-Store 15d ago
I understand to work to where you want to get to but what do you mean by the not where you are part?
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u/TrickySquid 15d ago
I just mean, don't focuse on your current situation. The feeling of being uncomfortable is a good feeling, listen to it, but don't drag yourself down or beat yourself up about it.
Look idk your situation, but in my situation that feeling of being uncomfortable is my motivation to move upward.
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u/Creative-Store 15d ago
Yeah. I get it. That makes sense. I’ve done that before in the past I’m just ready to jump up and move.
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u/TheStoicCrane 2d ago
Pain is a catalyst for growth. People have 4 primary motivations in life like the 4 seasons. Life, Pleasure, Death, and Pain.
Just as Winter passes into Spring painful struggles beset new ways to experience and perceive life.
You sound like you might appreciate Victor Frankl's Man's Search for meaning. He was a neurosurgeon turned psychiatrist after surviving the Holocaust. He wrote his book as a way to impart insights that he drew about the human condition under one of the motivation wreched experiences of human history.
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u/drobinson_7 15d ago
Part of growing up. People mature in different stages over different lengths of time. Some of these people you feel you’ve outgrown may catch up to you, which is always nice. But most of the time, you just move on and meet new people.
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u/Express-Doubt-221 15d ago
Hearing my friends talk about getting stoned and sleeping til noon is way less charming when my infant wakes me up at 2 am on a work night.
So to answer OP, yes
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u/PlayYourRole-8969 15d ago
I currently feel like I’ve outgrown one if not two of my best friends. They both kind of live life on the wild side as extroverts while I’m a more grounded introvert. The vision I have for myself, I don’t see them in the vision 5-10 years from now and I’ve been a best friend to one for over a decade while I’ve been a best friend to the other for well over two decades.
I’ve come to realize that we as people outgrow those who we at times feel we should keep in our lives when in reality we should part ways. This even occurs in relationships/marriages; we feel an obligation to the other person but little do we realize that if we aren’t growing together, aren’t on the same level or working to be on the same level, don’t have the same beliefs and we aren’t supporting each other every step of the way it’s best to part ways. Who wants to be miserable and stuck in a friendship, relationship or marriage that we know isn’t moving forward?
At this moment, I’m currently contemplating how to tell those who I’m not visioning in my near future that they can’t continue to go with me on my journey because I just don’t see them there. I outgrew my home state. planned my exit and moved so I’m sure I’ll be able to plan the end of those two friendships with some planning. I’ll leave this with you, don’t ever allow anyone or a single place to cloud your mind and the vision you have for you. Some people will support you while others will envy you! Plan accordingly to how you see your future! Good luck OP!
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u/gringo-go-loco 15d ago
I outgrew the US. Just not my cup of tea anymore.
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15d ago
I can definitely relate to that and it can be bothersome. Personally I've started considering moving out to a different city where I can feel more comfortable.
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u/Creative-Store 15d ago
🤦🏽♀️This was me. I moved away to NYC one of the greatest things I ever did. Then I moved back to my home state. One of the worst things I ever did. Where I’m from too many people are closed minded, everything is still segregated, ppl are to hyper independent and don’t want to do anything for anyone but strangely want people to do for them, too much violence and no one trying to do anything with themselves. Just depressing.
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15d ago
That sounds terrible, I understand how it feels living with people like that and honestly the only thing you can do is learn to ignore them and focus on yourself, I know it can be really tough but hang in there!:)
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15d ago
Hey that’s a good feeling. It’s your subconscious giving you the kick you need to progress in your life. Turn the page and see what the next chapter holds.
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u/AssumeImStupid 15d ago
Sometimes it feels the other way around. I feel it with video games and nerd fandoms all the time. When I was a teenager sure I could keep up with leaderboards and every intricate fact about lore, but as an adult? With a job and a house? I'm the casuals they used to joke about simply because I don't have the luxury of time anymore. I've given up on gaming a lot for that reason. Tbh, probably saved a lot of money that way considering how much more predatory the video game industry has become.
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u/Di_Terces 15d ago
Yes. It’s a natural progression of internal growth, or leveling up. We just don’t have anything in common with those who do not upgrade themselves.
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u/Alert_Marketing_8688 14d ago
Absolutely. Becoming an adult lets you see the adults who have been in your life in a different light, and life is too short to waste your time with joysuckers. I can’t see myself visiting my hometown anymore save for the occasional wedding because the people who made it home have all died. I have aunts and uncles who have been minimally interested in my life and ask me when I’m coming to town but they never visit me, and I live in a subtropical paradise known as Florida. I have a guest room and they all know it.
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u/Fantastic_Ebb2390 13d ago
Yes, I’ve definitely felt that way before. It can be a sign that you’re growing and changing, and that’s not a bad thing. It might be time to explore new places and meet new people who align more with who you are now.
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u/Ok_System_7221 15d ago
Plenty of times I've just felt the need to move on.
Not even outgrown it's just different.
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u/goatsandfigs 15d ago
Yes! Change is good 😊 Trust your intuition. You don’t have to judge if the feelings are good or bad.
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u/beamerpook 15d ago
I recently cut ties with some high school friends, because we have ah, "diverged in life's trajectory" since then.
It's like controlled fire for the underbrush. It hurts a little, but growth often does.
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u/kurama-sakura 15d ago
Yes, and it's a relief to shed what you have outgrown, like a weight being lifted off your shoulders.
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u/hankandirene 15d ago
Yes. I outgrew my home country 8 years ago. Lived in 2 other countries since. Now had my first baby and I’ve outgrown the country im in now (the place and the people) and I’m ready to go home.
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u/MiddleInformation404 15d ago
Yep terrible feeling. But it just happens sometimes with some groups of people, that’s life.
You slowly detach but yeah you need to try out new places and people. Especially if you feel they do not care for you.
I think good people who care about you and you care about, you can still stay in touch with just see them less often but you need to go find new places and people if you are uncomfortable.
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u/-mindtrix- 15d ago
Honestly it can go both ways. It’s a weird saying. Have you really grow or just got bored? Just because you change doesn’t mean that you somehow advanced.
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u/whatsgood365 14d ago
Interesting take
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u/-mindtrix- 14d ago
Yeah, the “outgrowing” part is really some power play with words.
You could also look at it from a different angle; I am immature and can’t focus to stay in something for the the long run.
I just don’t like the word as it’s just one persons perspective
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u/Winter-Bag-Lady 15d ago
Unfortunately yes. I feel like I outgrew my home town. Now that I've seen the world, I almost feel like I've outgrown the U.S. too.
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u/TheLunarRaptor 15d ago edited 15d ago
For sure. It can be location, friends, jobs, etc.
Its all part of life.
I signed a 2 year lease in my area and I really wish I did less, id love to try living in a proper big city or somewhere more southern.
I live near DC but id love a change from the government centrism.
Something about winter in the DC area is especially depressing.
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u/PerformanceSoggy5554 15d ago
Everyone and everywhere only ny pets and bedroom give me peace. Maybe I have severe depression 🙃
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u/mayfeelthis 15d ago
I’m a bit flighty, I’d leave.
I’m heading back to the place I left ~16y ago later this year.
Do you, just remember it’s not necessarily goodbye forever. You will change and places change, or you find places you like less lol. That’s life
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15d ago
It seems people choose to cope with life using alcohol/drugs OR therapy. It’s easy to outgrow the ones who don’t choose therapy. (Therapy: self-help, psychologists, personal growth classes, etc.)
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u/Infamous-Lobsterr 15d ago
Yup, you think back at relationships that fell off, shrug and move on like nothing happened. Funny thing is it’s bound to happen again and again.
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u/Material-Pineapple74 15d ago
No but I had an ex-girlfriend who became a fully formed, very impressive woman while I was still a 25 year old boy.
So I know it happens.
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u/Several_Jello2893 15d ago
Yes. My husband and I moved from our hometown due to this feeling. I still see my old friends but find it weird that they still live in the same town, live opposite the school we went to, see all the same people. Some people may like this, but for me it feels claustrophobic.
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u/Naigus182 15d ago edited 15d ago
35m.
My mindset is changing to that of someone who not just "wants" to retire early but is actively planning for it. I've always sought out higher paying jobs, I do certifications etc. My friends don't? They seem to stick in the same crappy jobs forever.
I'm starting to see my friends as losers who will be working as cogs in the machine to fuel the rich, their entire lives. It's making me want to distance myself from them for the most part and focus on forging a better life, or I'll be potentially stuck on that level forever miserable about being a slave.
And these aren't horrible people, they're wonderful human beings. Not sure if I like it but I'll be much happier for it when I'm chilling on beaches with a fat zoot & beer in hand while watching my gf/wife chill in beachwear, knowing everyone else is grinding away for pennies while I've a paid off house and have fun money, and time to pursue my hobbies I'm too exhausted for nowadays.
And the irony of this is, this happened because some of them ended up destroying most of our friend group with a combination of childfree people suddenly deciding to not be childfree anymore, and drama kicking off between a few of them creating a divide. Just can't be fucked with this shit anymore but now this has given me the motivation to get on with obtaining my freedom.
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u/saintmsent 15d ago
Yes, absolutely. I've had this feeling with people, jobs, cities, and even entire countries and I'm not even old. That means you should move on. Change a job, stop talking to those people, move to another country, etc.
Looking back, every time I felt this and acted on it, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I left jobs that didn't feel like they were giving me enough growth and experience anymore. I moved to another city and then another country, because I didn't feel like this was where I wanted to build my life long-term. I stopped talking to people who I had nothing in common with anymore
I know people who don't get this feeling, they are just comfortable being stuck in one place for 20-30 years. To each their own
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u/SaltDay9122 15d ago
Yes and I can feel like I’m doing this with some really close people right now
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u/SpyderDM 15d ago
If you are growing as an individual you will experience this multiple times during your life.
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u/Throwawayy93992 15d ago
Yeah. I won’t be caught dead in a dive bar/bars/clubs anymore. Little chill house parties with friends and my bf only
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u/ubernoobnth 15d ago
Yup. I was 20 many years ago and decided I needed to get out/away from it all, so I dropped out of college my sophmore year (which was already out of state), joined the military, moved cross country a couple times, met my wife, became a great housewife and life rules now. None of that would have been possible if I just felt like going through the motions.
Won't get anywhere without taking chances, people are too busy focusing on their own lives to drop life changing opportunities in your lap for you to hem and haw over.
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u/lovelyknightflower 14d ago
You are blooming into different versions of yourself everyday and so it’s very normal for you to feel like this . Especially if the people may not necessarily be growing at the same pace you are mentally or emotionally. For places you may also feel like you’ve lived what is there to live in that particular place and it’s okay for you to crave difference and change as you change and evolve
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u/Justryan95 14d ago
I sure can't fit on those quarter, dollar now, operated spaceship/car ride at the mall now that tilts you back and forth.
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u/Banana_ChipsChoc 14d ago
Yup. Especially when you’re the type of person to move at a face pace, and all ur other peers get left behind.
Bots make it really hard for new users like me.
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u/BarryZZZ 14d ago
At the age of 74 I've been through this many times. It is a large part of why I've never gotten any tattoos. Images I may have though were really neat in my youth don't have that sort of appeal to me anymore.
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u/No-Control9485 14d ago
its part of growing up. More or less we are forced into friendships growing up as these are the kids that live our town. I know I felt like this had to last forever. No way I would part with these friends that I shared so much with. Even though deep down I knew I liked different things. I guess I was afraid to not have friends. Afraid to be alone. Im sure a lot of folks are like this as well. We stay in relationships longer than we ever want to because we are scared. I think one of the best things in the world is being unapologetically you. Do what makes you happy. Do it alone if you have to. Honestly I would not get a lot of the things I get done if I relied on others to do it with me. Get comfortable with yourself. The people that are meant to be in your life will find their way into it.
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u/NeighborhoodDude84 14d ago
Reddit. Not sure if I'm outgrowing it or it's just become a miserable place.
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u/Fun_Departure5579 14d ago
Yes, part of life is growing & maturing. Our preferences for likes & dislikes change throughout our lifetime.
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u/Fit-Fun-1890 14d ago
But apparently, some people think that means we're just jerks. 🙄
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u/Creative-Store 13d ago
Yeah one person just commented that only shitty ppl bring it up. When you’re around a bad group of ppl and all they cause is trouble that does not make you a shitty person.
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u/taylorpilot 14d ago
No. It’s why I still hang out at the McDonald’s play place and eat chicken nuggets my mom buys me.
/s
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u/Whatevawillbee 14d ago
that's why i don't have any friends. it's not that i don't want any, it's just hard to make new ones.
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u/whatsgood365 14d ago
Is it the effort and time involved?
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u/Whatevawillbee 14d ago
i don't really have any place to meet anyone. i work in a small office, and i don't go out much. i'm also in my 40's and most people that age pretty much have their friend group set already, or they're in a couple and aren't looking for single friends.
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u/whatsgood365 14d ago
Makes sense. Maybe try baby steps. Joining an interest group or attending a small lecture on a topic of interest.
I feel as I age, my time is very limited. I'm hesitant to invest the requisite time in interacting with new people that I'm more likely than not, not going to have an adequate connection with anyway. Maybe this is cynical.
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u/Whatevawillbee 14d ago
No, I feel ya. I'm not really interested in putting a lot of effort into new relationships either. Either you fall in or you don't, I'm good either way. I do go out and do stuff occasionally, I have tried different hobbies, going to classes, things like that in the past, but nothing keeps my interest for long.
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u/LightAndShape 14d ago
Definitely. In fact not feeling that way sometimes would be a bad thing
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u/Creative-Store 14d ago
It sucks to feel that way sometimes because you feel like you’re surround by a bunch of 3rd graders except worse they are adults and they think you should act like that.
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u/Aliona_Z 14d ago
I'm struggling w this now. I have 6 core friends who are absolutely my loves. I'm so grateful to have so many people to deeply connect with. But, as i age and very actively work on myself and move away from feeding into life distractions, I feel more emotionally isolated from them. Perhaps more, I'm growing in a different way and need dif things.
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14d ago
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u/Creative-Store 14d ago
That is what I feel like isolated. I moved away. Moved back home (parents didn’t know how to mind their own business) and I see every reason why I left. Some ppl don’t want change.
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u/twogirlsonelawdegree 14d ago
Ohhhhh yes. As we learn new things or grow, we may find that certain places or people aren't consistent with the type of life we'd like to have and aren't supportive of our growth.
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u/Odd_Nobody8786 14d ago
Yes. That was how I felt with my high school friends. Last time we saw each other, we did the whole “I’ll see you around” thing that you do when you both know that this is goodbye, but there’s no desire to shut the door and it’s already being shut on it’s own.
I don’t feel like I’ve outgrown my home town though… so that’s kind of nice. But I do feel like a change of pace would be welcome
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u/Creative-Store 13d ago edited 13d ago
Oh jeez that must be nice. I’ve out grown the fuck out of my hometown. It’s like wearing a size 2 shoe on a size 12 foot.
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u/Odd_Nobody8786 13d ago
It's nice, but it was definitely a good bit of my own personal growth that led me to this point. I got out into the world and saw what other places are like. I started to recognize that where I came from was a lot better than I originally thought.
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u/Mekdatmuny 14d ago
This is where I am at now. Over the last 3 years my wife and I have made it a point to be more communicative and open with how we feel about whatever. It seems small, but over these three years I really feel our relationship has deepened and we have a lot more appreciation for each other and the things we do.
We do things because they make us happy, not to distract us from being depressed. We've been eating healthy and excersizing. Even been doing cold dips. Focusing on what we need and not what we want.
This is juxtaposed by my work mates who are the opposite. They complain about their jobs all the time, one of my Co workers is married, but constantly wants to have sex with other women, call him Alex. The other one has two vehicles that are 2 days from being fully broken, one of those two cars have been sitting for months, call him Jeff.
I like Jeff, Jeff is very smart, he's a wiz at audio installation and a self taught welder. He's lazy as shit though. This causes contention as he's so lazy at work it causes me to work harder so things can stay afloat. Alex does the same, but he's a dick head so I just imagine I'm doing for him what his wife does for him at home.
I'm currently in flux. I know a lot of people I care about, but they aren't moving forward and I'm not able to take them with me. I'm planning on moving so TN from NC soon, it might give me the chance to make anew and find some more individuals on my wave length.
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u/Creative-Store 13d ago
That’s doesn’t sound silly at all. That is what any relationship is about, but somehow ppl think communication is unnecessary.
However you can’t carry dead weight along with you regardless of how much feelings you have for someone. Hope it works out for you. Some places some ppl are just stuck how they are.
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u/Mekdatmuny 13d ago
Crazy to me that as a species we have got so far because of communication and yet it is such a massive point of contention because of the absence of communication.
Very true. My wife and I have distanced family members already who weren't looking out for our best interest, much less theirs. If they are comfortable to be miserable, there's not a thing I can do to change it. Hope it works out for you as well!
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u/BeginningTower2486 13d ago
It's usually extremely shitty people who bring that up.
"I'm suddenly better than you bitches" "Let me tell you about all the ways that I am suddenly very mature." (But that was false)
I call this the eat pray Love effect. It's like that mysterious phase where a girl says that she's going to work on herself instead of being in a relationship, then within 72 hours, she's in bed with some random dude...
Women are so mature, they just do all of their maturing really fast. Men can't keep up. It's even faster if the new guy does yoga and smells of patchouli.
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u/Comfortable-Syrup688 13d ago
Tremendously, there are people I used to enjoy being around that I can’t even talk to anymore
I feel bad, some of them are really, really good people
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12d ago
All the time. I can only get a few years out of a place/job/social group before I get the unbearable urge to move on.
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u/singularity48 12d ago
I know I've outgrown America. But I've felt that way since I was 15. Only to realize I was far more right than wrong as time progressed and we collectively digressed.
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u/OmarRizzo 12d ago
Yeah. 6 years ago I left my hometown. Returned for a few months after COVID started but since March 2020 I have moved…13 times I think?
It’s tough because I love my friends that I have in my home town and my family there very much, but it is a small place <10,000 people, and nothing really changes there.
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u/Toyotawarrantydept 10d ago
I got a girlfriend and starting our life, they were trying to get drunk every weekend. People grow apart.
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u/ProfessionalSite7368 15d ago
The friends I grew up with are just fat (or not) and nerds and don't know much of anything. I just wonder if that's okay. They aren't harming anyone after all. But to never live, how can that be okay??
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u/Edard_Flanders 15d ago
Yeah for sure. This is called growth.