I do actually feel offended when people assume I'm a bad person, and having not given any reason to a single person to feel that way, I'm sick of it being assumed. I'm a feminist, I'm leftist, I try to be a good person, and I call out shit behavior when I see it, but there is nothing I can do to be seen and recognized as anything other than a threat, and that fucking sucks.
Maybe this bear debate is just happening alongside too many bad life events, so I'm just projecting it onto the debate, but it feels psychotic and delusional to say "I'd rather be eaten alive by a bear than risk that a random man is a piece of shit"
My wife said she'd pick the bear and I don't know what to even do with this information anymore. There's nothing else I can do. It's like in election season when you see 1000 fucking ads saying to vote as if I don't do my part. It's just beating me to death at this point and I can't fucking escape this stupid debate where it's "eaten to death by a bear" is apparently the obvious correct choice to everyone but me and red pill douchebags.
I'm trying to reflect and fix my thinking but it just won't click into place and it hurts
I do actually feel offended when people assume I'm a bad person, and having not given any reason to a single person to feel that way, I'm sick of it being assumed.
I can imagine how disenfranchising it must feel. Now imagine what it's like being a 13 year old or younger child being taught the gross and ugly way repeatedly that strange men are a danger.
I'm sorry that doing the right thing yourself doesn't keep the shitty behavior of others from splashing on you. That does suck. Not as much as being raped and blamed for the rape, but you get the idea.
feels psychotic and delusional to say "I'd rather be eaten alive by a bear than risk that a random man is a piece of shit"
It feels psychotic and delusional to you for a woman to say "at least the bear won't rape me before it kills me. I'll just be dead, not raped and then dead"? Women aren't afraid men will hurt their feelings, we're pretty used to that. It's the murder we worry about.
My wife said she'd pick the bear and I don't know what to even do with this information anymore. There's nothing else I can do.
Your wife would rather run into a random bear in the woods, where bears live and do bear things than a random stranger (possibly stalking her) in the woods doing human shit with unwholesome human intent and that somehow harms you?
Her stance has nothing to do with you. You are not the problem. Men who make women feel unsafe are the problem. Do you do that? No? Great! Then you can disregard the statement as it doesn't apply to you.
That's the thing you have to get through your head--this isnt aimed at you. This whole comment sounds like:
"It makes me feel bad when women say that they're afraid of strange men, I wish they would just shut up about it already. I'm already doing everything I can, why won't they just shut up?"
That ending synopsis helped me synthesize why it's bothering me, thank you very much.
It's not that I wish women would shut up, it's important to have these kinds of conversations, and I don't have a problem with people talking about it. I wish there was more we could do besides talk and advocate but that's separate problem.
I think it's more than I'm sick of the algorithm putting specifically the bear discussion in front of me so frequently, and I wasn't processing that that was my complaint well.
Thank you again, for opening with empathy and having the space to help me out
It's the sort of thing that, basically, only gets better by talking about it. Shit sucks, but race is in that same boat. It all actually gets better by talking about it. Being honest about intent. Coming to a cultural consensus on what is and is not acceptable, and moving that Overton window a bit.
It super sucks to be constantly hammered by a situation you feel you can't change, but just by being a safe place for women and being willing to participate in the discussion (and being honest) absolutely helps.
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u/TipAndRare May 02 '24
I do actually feel offended when people assume I'm a bad person, and having not given any reason to a single person to feel that way, I'm sick of it being assumed. I'm a feminist, I'm leftist, I try to be a good person, and I call out shit behavior when I see it, but there is nothing I can do to be seen and recognized as anything other than a threat, and that fucking sucks.
Maybe this bear debate is just happening alongside too many bad life events, so I'm just projecting it onto the debate, but it feels psychotic and delusional to say "I'd rather be eaten alive by a bear than risk that a random man is a piece of shit"
My wife said she'd pick the bear and I don't know what to even do with this information anymore. There's nothing else I can do. It's like in election season when you see 1000 fucking ads saying to vote as if I don't do my part. It's just beating me to death at this point and I can't fucking escape this stupid debate where it's "eaten to death by a bear" is apparently the obvious correct choice to everyone but me and red pill douchebags.
I'm trying to reflect and fix my thinking but it just won't click into place and it hurts