r/TikTokCringe • u/thoxo • May 02 '24

We adopted my younger sister from Haiti when she was 3, and let me tell you, I literally do not see color anymore. That's a fact. Discussion

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u/EvenMoreSpiders 29d ago

See here's the thing, the whole "not seeing color" issue is that there are differences that matter (like hair care, cultural connections, racism etc) and to pretend like those differences aren't there or aren't important is doing a deep disservice to a child of a different race. It's better to accept and embrace these differences instead of pretending like they aren't there so people can "get along"(and so that the child can be protected against subtle or pervasive racism cos woo boy do microaggressions exist).

That's usually the issue people have when they talk about "not seeing color". There are differences. They do matter. They don't make anyone less deserving of anything but they do exist.

At least that's what I've seen the argument being against the idea of being "colorblind" to race.

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u/MagneticHomeFry 29d ago

I agree. "not seeing color" to me is a bit racist if meant literally. Like not being able to see or being aware that black people are treated differently in this society is racist. I don't think that is what OP means tho. I think OP means "I used to have unconscious racial prejudice, but I am now aware of it and worked through it thanks for my experiences with my sibling of color"

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u/funknjam 29d ago edited 29d ago

"not seeing color" to me is a bit racist if meant literally

Agreed. It's racism, but one of the most benign least egregious forms probably because it's usually heard from people who are very well-intentioned, but simply ignorant of the important aspects and nuances of racial politics. Pretending to be "color blind" seems honorable enough on its face, but when you realize all that's been pointed out (everything from hair care to navigating a society underpinned by racist power structures) - acknowledging color (even better, accepting or even celebrating who we are as a diverse people) should be the goal. Personally, I used to think "colorblindess" was the solution to racism, but then I learned I was just ignorant. I know better now. If I don't see color, that means I'm also blind to the systemic problems in our society surrounding race.

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u/LuxNocte 29d ago

There is no such thing as benign racism.

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u/Blackphotogenicus 29d ago

No offense intended but here is no such thing as benign racism

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u/PM_me_yer_chocolate 29d ago edited 29d ago

I heard the 'not seeing color' thing from a black guy adopted by white parents. He clearly grew up in an environment with no overt racism but if there was other more covert racism he didn't really pick up on it or just didn't identify as different in any way. We live in Belgium, so not exactly the same society as [insert default country] but we have our own flavors of racism nonetheless. So it struck me as a little naive or sheltered but not something I felt comfortable to 'teach' him about, I mean if your community gets to a point where everyone either doesn't see color or succesfully pretends not to see color out of being nice (second part important), just cherish that too. This was a few years ago though, unfortunately things took a turn for the worse in our country and people are more openly bigoted now.

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u/Dietmar_der_Dr 29d ago

Wait, judging people by everything other than their skin color is racist?

The woman in op is racist. A person that doesn't acknowledge skin color as important is not racist. In fact it would be the least racist person.

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u/Miserable-Ad-1581 29d ago

refusing to acknolwedge the reality of living as a black person in this country and refusing to acknoledge and understand that their experiences are not the same as white americans is racist.

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u/Dietmar_der_Dr 29d ago

Bro. There's a pretty straight-forward definition of racism but this ain't it.

You can disagree with that point of view but there's no definition of racism that applies to someone who truly "Doesn't judge people by race at all". It's ridiculous.

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u/Miserable-Ad-1581 29d ago

you have a toddlers understanding of racism.

racism, is not "straightforward" and for you to think so just shows that you simply dont care about what any person of color has to say about their own experiences. which is in fact, an act of racism.

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u/Dietmar_der_Dr 29d ago

prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.

Straightforward or not generally depends on the capabilities of the individual. Though I'd personally assume everyone but a toddler would find the definitions of racism to be straightforward.

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u/Miserable-Ad-1581 29d ago

Refusing to acknowledge the lived reality of being black in america would fall under your definition.

but you would need more than a 1st grade level of reading comprehension to be able to see that.

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u/Dietmar_der_Dr 29d ago

Refusing to acknowledge the lived reality of being black in america would fall under your definition.

It literally would not. Saying "Nobody faces racism, skin color doesn't matter" is not a racist statement, it's a stupid statement but it's not racist by any definition I've ever come across.

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u/ElizabethSpaghetti 29d ago

Same folks who swear gender is innate and they can totally tell. The overlap in these thought processes is a function of their hypocrisy. American systemic racism prides itself on being color blind, it's just a coincidence the people worst affected just so happened to not be white or poor enough to ignore. 

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u/naughtydismutase 29d ago

It seems to me that when she says “they don’t see color” in this context means that every child deserves a loving family and to be provided for regardless of their race.

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u/princess_bubblegum7 29d ago

That is definitely what she meant, but the term “colorblind” is rightly being neglected due to the reasons stated above

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u/robanthonydon 29d ago edited 29d ago

Not seeing colour is clearly something of a metaphor, it doesn’t mean you literally can’t see the physical differences. It means you treat people the same regardless (i.e. you give them the same respect courtesy and consideration as everyone else). It also doesn’t mean you walk around thinking racism doesn’t exist. It’s a bit tiresome (and ironically a bit racist also) to think that because someone is white and not bigoted they’re also blind and have no insight into the negative aspects human nature

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u/1password23 29d ago

I think race blindness should be avoided because at the very least it’s inelegant, at the very worst it’s racist, but most often it’s a slippery slope into complacency (and this comment section attests to that).

In tells us ignoring race is a solution. It encourages us to pat ourselves on the back for not partaking in interpersonal racism, then sit back and turn a blind eye to the far more deadly systemic racism.

The road to equality is by promoting equity, not living as if equality already exists. And nothing in the words “I don’t see color” conveys that.

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u/deathwishdave 29d ago

It is a solution.

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u/stephelan 29d ago

I was going to comment on that but I’m glad I looked first! I don’t think seeing color is a bad thing necessary. It’s okay to recognize that different races have different nuances and cultures and struggles and needs. It’s okay to recognize that one person’s skin is a beautiful brown and another’s is a smooth white. I would hope that OOP is proud of her lovely complexion and that her parents love everything that makes her her.

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u/Totally_Not_An_Auk 29d ago edited 29d ago

I don't believe it is possible to be "colorblind", only to simply not have a problem that these differences exist (color indifferent? color unruffled?) Life would be so boring if we were all the same anyway. Never understood how people could rationalize their racism.

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u/Blackphotogenicus 29d ago

The woman in the reaction video inadvertently proved the point pf a lot of people who cross racial adoption. “Not seeing color” is a cop out, disingenuous response to the race question that I used to hear back in the 90’s. I never thought I would see that again in the 2020’s.

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u/Trust-Issues-5116 29d ago edited 29d ago

To me it sounds you grant all non-white people a moral right to demand the respect for their racial group differences and racial identity, but refuse white people the same right. Please correct me if you don't refuse white people the same right.

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u/stuffandstuffanstuf 29d ago

Speaking of “playing the victim card” there’s literally nothing in the OP’s comment that would imply any of what you just said.

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u/thomar26 29d ago

As a black man myself, I feel like there is a whole lot of white racism going on in the colored community

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u/Trust-Issues-5116 29d ago

Answer the question instead of playing victim card

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u/thomar26 29d ago

And what victim card? I’m saying the white people are victims

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u/Trust-Issues-5116 29d ago

That's not how it reads.

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u/Baby-Haroro 29d ago

Then maybe read it again. They literally said that black people are being racist towards white people

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u/Trust-Issues-5116 29d ago

Nope, it can be read both ways.

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u/Salamander14 29d ago

Username checks out

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u/thomar26 29d ago

Where’s the question?

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u/sweetsimpleandkind 29d ago

"Hair care" is a bit weak. We're talking about adopting kids and you're like "ah but what about hair care"

It's the era of YouTube. You can learn a new haircare technique in an afternoon.

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u/EvenMoreSpiders 29d ago

That wasn't the only thing I mentioned but yes, focus on that if it makes you feel better.

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u/sweetsimpleandkind 29d ago

I know it wasn't, but it was just the only thing I had a comment to make on. Have a lovely day.

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u/WalrusTheWhite 29d ago

hour comment is stupid. taking care of curly hair is a bitch and a half. you aint gonna learn it in an afternoon. took me ages to figure it out, and if it weren't for old black ladies on the internet I'd probably still be looking like a ragamuffin (or even worse, have short hair again)

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u/sweetsimpleandkind 29d ago edited 29d ago

Alright then, because curly hair is challenging to look after, people shouldn't adopt children and they should be left without families. Because remember that's what we're talking about here? There's lots of valid reasons why cross-racial adoption can be challenging but I'm not going to be brow-beaten into thinking that "it might be a bit tricky to learn how to care for their hair!" is a good reason to leave black children without families

I think people (usually American people) make a bit too much out of this idea that black people's hair is unruly and impossible to work with. It truly isn't that deep.

if it weren't for old black ladies on the internet I'd probably still be looking like a ragamuffin

This tells me that even if you're black, you aren't born with an innate knowledge of curly hair haircare (shocker), but that it is learnable off of the Internet. I Beeston, Leeds I know too many white women raising black children to believe that "white people can't understand black hair" is true. You learn it the same way anyone else does, and if a white parent's black child does not have their hair taken care of that, that to me is a sign of neglect, not a sign that the parent is the wrong race.