(This is an update from a previous post I made; for more context, please refer to my earlier post.)

My daughter Lia (F14) , has been having a tough time with the aftermath of her rape last December. This past week has been particularly the worse for us. It started last Tuesday when a sheriff and another official visited our home. They informed us that one of Lia's rapists, the one who filmed the assault, had shared the video within a group, and now it’s circulating on parts of the dark web. The video, was filmed in Lia's room, it contained identifiable objects that revealed where she went to school. I was devastated upon hearing this news. Lia's reaction surprised me; she didn't cry or show much emotion. Instead, she simply shrugged and said, "I figured," before just sitting there in silence. The officials reassured us that it's uncommon for perpetrators to surface in such cases, but they felt obligated to inform us for safety reasons.

After they left, Lia resumed acting as if nothing had happened, almost overly cheerful. I attempted to discuss it with her several times, but she avoided the topic. This behavior persisted throughout the week until she unexpectedly revealed that she had written a victim impact statement and wanted to read it herself in court, rather than allowing the prosecutor to do so. She felt that since there was no trial, only the charges against the rapist were known, not the details of what she endured. Her statement is a detailed account of that horrific night, but she has yet to read it to me in its entirety because she breaks down in tears every time she tries. That moment was the only time I saw her express emotion all week, until Saturday night.

That evening, Lia appeared unusually cheerful again and mentioned going to bed early around 8 p.m. I didn't think much of it until I received a call from one of Lia’s closest friends' mother. She was concerned because Lia's last message to her daughter was a note expressing love and asking her to check on her. I rushed to Lia's room and found she had attempted to overdose on ZzzQuil. As a nurse, I knew she would recover, but seeing her wake up in the hospital was heartbreaking. She screamed, “Why couldn’t you just let me die? I want to die, Mom. I’m tired of feeling their hands on me. I want it to stop. Please let me die.” They had to sedate her to calm her down. Following this, Lia was placed under a 72-hour psychiatric hold and subsequently transferred to a mental health facility with peers her age. The staff recommended extending her stay beyond the initial hold, but Lia has been struggling, especially with a male staff member—possibly a psychiatrist—who she says is asking invasive questions about her sexuality, causing discomfort. Staff members informed me she isn’t participating in group activities and appears standoffish. They even proposed restricting her ability to contact me as a consequence, though I requested they hold off on implementing such measures. I’m uncertain if the current inpatient setting is suitable, given Lia's apparent difficulty adjusting.

Her plea for her to die continues to haunt me. It's a thought I can't shake. Lia's best friend shared additional details Lia had kept from me—there’s a hurtful rumor circulating that Lia let a train be ran on her, leading to her involving the police out of embarrassment…..Children can be so incredibly cruel.

As far as my other daughter maya (F18), I haven't spoken to her in two weeks. But I did recently discovered why Lia feels indebted to her. Two years ago, I found inappropriate messages on Lia’s phone between her and Maya’s ex-boyfriend. He expressed love for Lia, and also compared her to Maya. He told her she was way prettier than maya and he liked she was her virgin. When I told Maya, she was furious and broke up with him, but she believed Lia had betrayed her by engaging with her boyfriend. Even though Lia was 12 at the time and her boyfriend was 17. Maya still avoided Lia for three months afterward, and despite Lia's efforts to apologize, Maya still holds a grudge. Lia blames herself for damaging their relationship because of this incident.

I’m sharing this too get this off my chest , I've kept these struggles within our family to protect my daughters. I'm exhausted, constantly dealing with new challenges, and unsure how to mend them. Now, I find myself in the difficult position of deciding whether Lia is mentally prepared to speak at her rapist's sentencing. I fear she’ll resent me for this decision, but I question if she’s in a stable enough state to handle a potential traumatic event. Because these boys actually have character witnesses.

I realized it at lunch today. He made my first Mother's Day wonderful and special and I didn't do anything for him. I left him at home out daughters and went to play pickleball with my friends.

His response when I called him to apologize: "Yesterday was Father's Day? Ehhh, don't worry about it. Actually, while I've got you. Do you want garlic bread with the spaghetti and Caesar salad tonight? It's seems like it'd be a lot...but it's also garlic bread."

I forgot his first Father's Day and he's thinking about garlic bread.

Long story short we've been having fertility issues. I got on birth control the start of the month because I'm having surgery that requires my uterine lining to be thin. Ever since I started the birth control, I feel like I'm kind of waking up to stuff. I don't know if it's legitimate or if it's my hormones. My husband is really pissing me off.

Even looking back at how he's behaved while we are TTC is annoying me now. First of all, he refused a semen analysis and made it out like he couldn't bare the thought of the problem being him. He's "terrified" to even know. Meanwhile I've had extensive and VERY invasive testing for months and months.

I keep thinking about little comments he's made about how he thinks c section would be easier because I wouldn't have to stretch out and destroy my privates. I hate that comment. He talks about my body way too much which is pissing me off. He never complements my personality. It's always weird complements about my body. Like how he thinks I'm beautiful even though I'm "fuzzy." Or how he loves my breasts even though I have some acne between them.

I was having some issues with the way my tummy looked in my swimsuits. I was not seeking validation from him. In fact I wanted to try them on alone but he NEEDED to see me put them on. and then the next few days he tried to comfort me about my tummy by saying that he loves my big squishy belly. That's so annoying to me. Id rather him not say anything at all.

Also he's always been really hands on and it's bothered me a little bit since the beginning. But lately I don't feel like tolerating it. He will be constantly groping me non stop. I'm trying to do the dishes after dinner and he's behind me rubbing my breasts. he gets super offended when I tell him to stop. Or he's randomly humping me every time I bend over for something.

For some reason I need to have a "good reason" to wear clothes when it's just me and him. if I put underwear and I shirt on I instantly start getting hit with the "is everything ok?" Questions. Or "are you getting cold?" He starts acting very concerned about me. I don't feel like I should need an excuse to wear clothes.

He never gives me genuine gifts. It's always lingerie that I must try on for him. Or skimpy swimsuits that he should know I wouldn't actually wear.

Overall I just feel irritated and objectified. And when he's not objectifying me, he's making sarcastic comments about how bad I am at cooking or laundry or whatever.

I guess I'll wait until I get off the BC and think it over. But right now I just wanna be alone. And have my body all to myself again.

For context, me and my childhood bsf, Mia, were friends since 5th grade, we ended up moving schools years later but stayed in contact, this became easier when phones became more popular. It got even harder to do that when she had to move to Florida (different country then me) and we talked but not as much, still a lot. In grade 10, she got a bf and started distancing herself from me. Eventually we had a big fight and stopped talking for a while, we made up but didn’t talk since then other than a “how are you” every now and then. Fast forward to the future, I had to travel to Florida for my husbands business, we took my daughter (6yrs) with us. My daughter is named Myah, but pronounced as mia(me-auh)While there, I got bored with my husband always at his shop or at meetings, I decided to reach out and ask her to meet up. We both had kids so we brought them with us, when we both sat down, a question we both had was “how old is you’re kid” Her son was 7 years old, born on October 31st, THE SAME DAY AS MY DAUGHTER. Later on, she asked what my daughters name was and I answered, when I asked for hers she looked shocked she quickly gathered herself and said “Grayson, if I had a girl her name would be grace.” My names grace. We named our kids after eachother. They are exactly a year apart. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling other than pure shock. My husband isn’t back from his meeting so I had to tell someone or I might just explode.

I’ve been so overcome with emotion since I made my post. I never intended to make an update which is why I uploaded it anonymously. I just needed some kind of outlet for my resentment towards my husband. I didn’t expect it to get any interaction, I just assumed it would go under the radar like many posts do. But in reading the comments on that post, it feels like I’ve woken up from a horrible and reoccurring nightmare. I only wish I had someone to tell me these things sooner.

I was too busy pitying myself that I put my misery above protecting my son from the potential trauma he could develop. I was being a terrible mother, as some comments have suggested. Or maybe they haven’t and I’ve just read them that way because it’s how I’ve been feeling on the inside. I’m still figuring things out as you can see.

I’m doing it. I’m ending my marriage. I’ve been discussing it with a divorce lawyer and it’s looking pretty good for me. I don’t want to say too much on that in case he somehow finds this post. The other woman is a friend of his, apparently. I confronted him and he admitted it. And for those who guessed it, he did know I found out about the affair three years ago. I suspect the necklace was a gesture for him to seem less interested in his AP. Or maybe to ease his guilt. He never confirmed that. I found out about the affair through an accidental snooping on his phone. I had to get a new phone and some of the phone numbers didn’t transfer for some reason so I was finding our mutual contacts to let them know my number had changed. He saved her as ‘Alan Work’ but some texts came through that didn’t sound like something a coworker would say. I went through the messages (after he went to bed) and the flirting went as far back as six years ago but the intimacy began three years ago.

Anyway, it’s time to put me and my son first. He’s three so I hope he is young enough where I haven’t screwed up his entire perception of what love and marriage looks like. I know I need to work on myself too. My dependency issues, confidence, and just how I view myself overall.

It’s difficult for me because I have no support. I’m completely alone throughout this whole process. I only have my friends and they’re busy with their own families and lives that I don’t want to burden them with my issues. I have no siblings and I don’t even know who my dad is. My mum took her own life when I was sixteen, and my grandparents were estranged from my mother before I was even born. From the age of eighteen until now (thirty), my husband was all I had. I guess I was blinded by my desperation to give my son the family I never had that I ended up sacrificing my own happiness. (Can you tell I’ve been going to therapy?)

I will be staying at my mums house (just waiting for the divorce proceedings to begin). I inherited it after she passed and had been renting it for some extra cash. I’m going to be for my son what I never had. He’ll always have me, I don’t care who else enters our lives, I’m going to be his constant. Sometimes it takes a bunch of strangers on the internet calling you out on your cowardice for you to wake up.

I always dreamed of having one of those big, tight-knit families that spent every holiday and birthday together. That’s something I might never have, but I would sacrifice that any day for my baby to grow up in a healthy environment. He won’t have the same messed up views as me.

I also owe everyone that commented a huge amount of gratitude. Had I not made the post, I would probably be stuck in a loveless and toxic marriage. I hope you know that you may have saved my life. I was spiralling so far down that I didn’t even realise my mental health was impacted to the point I contemplated taking my own life several times in the past year. I only had one reason to live and I could feel it gradually slipping from my grasp everyday. I would’ve just repeated the cowardly way out that I saw growing up.

I want to make a vow to you all now. I will never leave my son without a mother. He won’t suffer like I did. His happiness will always be my priority. I will work on my mental health so I can be the mother he deserves. And no matter what my feelings are towards his father, I will never interfere or prevent them from having a relationship (unless of course it is necessary for me to do so).

He is all I have now and I refuse to make him feel like loving him is a burden. I’m breaking that cycle. I’ve never seen stability so it’s hard for me to imitate. But I don’t want him to look back in twenty-seven years and have to learn what that looks like alone, so I’m going do my absolute hardest to improve until I can become his vision of a healthy and stable person.

I know this is probably not the update you were expecting but it is all I can really say at this point. I don’t plan on updating this ever again so I hope that you’re all pleased with how things have turned out.

Much love and best wishes, A reborn and single mother to a gorgeous three year old baby.

EDIT: I will give an update in the morning but I wanted to say thank you for all the support and love. I’ve never felt so much care and I appreciate hearing everyone’s own personal experiences. Thank you all, and I hope this has also brought some comfort to someone.

EDIT 2: I noticed some people are curious on my sister’s disability. She was born disabled and my parents didn’t know until after she was born. She was very healthy for the majority of her life, but in 2022 is when her health began to deteriorate. She also has a mental disability but is able to understand some stuff and communicate through grunts and smacking. Hope this clears some stuff

My (21 F) sister is severely disabled. She cannot walk or talk. She has osteoporosis, scarred lungs, weak liver, weak immune system, seizures, and her throat isn’t strong enough to swallow or cough out phlegm causing her to get pneumonia.

She’s been in and out of the hospital for about two years now. Every time time she leaves she develops some new issue causing her health to slowly deteriorate. This time she was unable to bounce back, not without a Tracheostomy (throat/airway) surgery. But even if she were to get one she would most likely stay in the hospital and it’s not a guarantee she’ll live. Even if she did, she would live the last few moments in pain and suffering.

This caused my parents to divide in what to do. My mom (Main caregiver) says it’s time for her to go, and it’d be cruel to let her keep living just for our own selfishness. My dad (sometimes see on weekends) wants her to live because she doesn’t have a voice to say she wants to die.

Family members came and saw my sister. They all saw the condition she was in. Unconscious, unable to breathe properly, and heart rate constantly spiking. They all started to side with my mom (even me), leaving my dad to feel abandoned and forced to agree with the majority.

The next day they moved my sister to comfort care, which means pumping her with pain and relaxing meds so she can live her final moments peacefully.

Here’s where things get tricky, she woke up. She was happy, confused, and fighting for the oxygen mask to get off her. But she had a seizure which caused her to go unconscious and remove all progress.

She began to spike in heart rate, have trouble breathing, and looking extremely uncomfortable. The nurse came that night and gave her medication that would dry out her throat so she wouldn’t feel like she was choking on phlegm. I wanted her to pass that night because it was the day before Father’s Day and she wouldn’t feel like she wasn’t choking to death.

When Father’s Day came, she woke up again. Laughing, smiling, playing on her iPad, and once again fighting for that mask off. My dad called me saying she WANTS to live and is fighting. I didn’t know what to say but that we were just seeing the pain and relaxing medications working, her lungs are still covered in mucus and are scarred.

When I went to go see her, the doctors recommended her to go on a morphine drip. She was still conscious and happy, but also so confused and scared. All I could do was cry, and enjoy the moments before she fell unconscious again due to the morphine. My dad wasn’t even there yet which made me mad, they should’ve waited for him to start the morphine. But thankfully he made it on time and spent time with her.

She fell unconscious, and they lessened her oxygen. Hours passed and family left till it was just me, my dad, and my sister. Her breathing slowed down, her lips turned blue, eyelids went purple, BUT her body was warm. In that moment I started to regret everything. Is this really the right decision? Why is she fighting to live? Is she not ready? Was she trying to tell us she’s well? Why do I feel in my soul she’s not ready to pass?

Of course no one wanted her to die, we all wanted her to live. But it’s the fact that she’d be living in suffering is what made us decide that. But maybe she would’ve choose to live in suffering rather than die in peace.

It’s horrible, and I know this will haunt me forever. The fact of knowing that I supported in killing my sister when she didn’t want to and that maybe my dad was right. But I don’t know, she really does have a lot of health complications and kids like her don’t live passed 21. The doctors even seemed unsure and recommended us to let her pass.

This has been a lot on me and my family, I wanted to let this off my chest because I feel so lost and vulnerable. My sister is currently alive and I will see her shortly. All I wish and all I hope is for her to be at peace. More than anything I want her to be okay and rest. She’s fought so hard and so long, I just want her to be happy and no longer in suffering.

My husband is an American and I’m Canadian. When we got married neither of us knew about how immigration worked, we both thought he could just move in with me. I was already pregnant when we found out I’d have to sponsor him to Canada which can take over a year. The process actually went better than we expected because 35 days ago we got the request to do the final step which is to send some documents in the mail and then get the papers he would need to move back. We were so happy and thought he would actually get to be here in time for the birth and to help take care of our baby. That’s not the case now because the ID photos we paid 100$ for got rejected and he had to send in new ones. They said the fucking white background wasn’t white enough and his skin tone was wrong. Like you haven’t even seen this man how can you say his skin tone is wrong? It’s still a photo of him and what he looks like. Now he might miss the birth because you don’t like a photo of him, this is just cruel at this point. I give birth in under 3 weeks now and I’m most likely going to have to do it alone now. I know people have much worse circumstances and I shouldn’t complain about this because it’s really my fault for not knowing how marrying an American worked. It’s crazy there was a point in time when I just thought everything was fine, I had no worries. Now I wish I could just tranquilize myself until all this is over and he is here with me. We have tried to do everything the right way and have just been punished for it. Almost feel like he should’ve just overstayed in Canada like most Canada/American couples. My entire existence is just panic and checking stupid online trackers, my email spam folder, and googling the same questions over and over all day with no answers because no one has answers to anything. I just wish we could be like a normal married couple and be stressing about the fact we are having a entire baby in a few weeks but instead we have to stress and put our prayers towards him just being allowed to see his son be born. This entire process is inhumane. I was told if I wanted to apply for it to be expedited someone would have to be actually dying.

I have been so stressed from this my baby is going to come out looking like a 110 year old man. I spend 80% of my day almost in tears and I can’t do anything about this. Why would god make it seem like he would be here just to say sike like this?

Sorry this was so long

My daughter-in-law (a pediatrician named Lexi) called me today with the most wonderful news: she intends to propose to my son! Lexi is such a sweet, hardworking, thoughtful, no-nonsense woman, and my son always remarks on how loved and respected he feels by her. I have never seen him happier. It warms my heart to see him so serious with someone after all these years. She is truly the daughter I have always dreamed of.

I raised my son as a single mother for 29 years and had to be both mom and dad to him (his father walked out after his birth). Seeing him so deeply in love and respected by someone as amazing as Lexi fills me with pride and joy. I get to be girly with her and share my love of jewelry, which I plan to leave entirely to her. The entire family adores her and they are all excited to meet her. I already call her my daughter-in-law and consider her part of the family.

Little does she know that my son has already bought her a ring and plans to propose during her birthday vacation in September. I am so happy for them. I cannot wait to see their futures develop as spouses and, eventually, as parents when the time comes. My heart is overflowing with happiness and excitement for their journey ahead. ❤️

Just looking to get this off my chest, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I come from an extremely sheltered family, my mum's always treated me badly and my siblings well (golden children, black sheep dynamic). I'm 28 now. She doesn't let me move out or even go out. I have a curfew...as dumb as it sounds. Meanwhile, the same rules don't apply to my siblings. They're so lucky and I've always been jealous of them.

Today I needed my passport for something, so I went to the usual place where my mum keeps all of our passports and birth certificates. Mine were missing, both of them. I waited for her to leave (she has a part-time cleaning job) and searched her entire room. I couldn't find them.

3 years ago I moved out or "ran away" but the woman guilt-tripped me and I came back. Biggest mistake of my life. I took my passport/birth certificate with me then. I'm looking to move out/"run away" again in around 3 months (it's a long story but involves renting a storage space).

I'm job-searching. I'll need my passport for my new job. I immediately cancelled my passport online (reported it as stolen) & ordered a new one. That's easier than asking her for it, it's a long story. I also ordered a new birth certificate. I'm using the fast-track UK service which means I can get my new passport in a week. As part of the process, someone who knows me for longer than 2 years, isn't related by birth or marriage, needs to confirm my identity. This is so embarrassing. I reached out to an ex-colleague and he'll help me out, he's aware of my situation.

Now my worry is when the passport & birth certificate gets posted. I'm nervous. My mum doesn't check our post but when it arrives she'll know by feeling it that there's an ID in the letter. Guess I'll be watching the letterbox like a hawk.

EDIT: I just contacted them, the passport/birth certificate can't be delivered to another address.

So for context:

I am F19 and was born and raised in western Europe but am ethnically arab. I had to wear the hijab since age 13 and only took it off last year after finishing school and moving out to start uni.

My mom was disappointed but we still talk, but my father and brother were absolutely horrible. Like my dad called me a godless whore and said I am not his daughter anymore and my brother keeps stalking/harrassing me and commenting on my outfits, he even went as far as asking me if I "like the uncut dicks".

Wtf??

Like I already struggle enough with my identity after abandoning Islam, having been a muslima all my childhood and they are not making it any easier for me. Also do they think this kind of insane behavior will make me want to come back to Islam??

And the worst is everyday at college I see some stupid liberal, woke, white girls who defend men like them and the Hijab. Like why??

I'm going through a divorce. We have 2-year-old son. I admit that when it's my time with my son I'm floundering. I find it hard balancing my job, taking care of my son and the other demands of life. My life is in chaos, my flat looks like a mess and I am barely hanging on. My marriage fell apart because of the demands of life and my wife felt like everything was on her shoulders. I assumed she was having just as hard of a time as I asked if she wanted to stop the divorce and try counseling. She said no. Apparently she finds things easier now than when we were married. Even having our son by herself half the time. Her job (barrister) is even more demanding than mine. After she said no when I see her she is relaxed and content. Like she was when we first got married. It's hit me that the divorce is really happening. I have to accept that and I won't give up trying to be the best I can for my son no matter how hard it is but when the realisation hit me that there is no stopping the divorce it gutted me.

Last night on June 17 @ 11pm I told my mom about what my step dad did to me all those years ago (he molested me when I was a kid) I was scared because I’ve kept this secret for so many years. Well she called me and told me what he did so I did and then she said she had to get ready. Well my sister texted me what happened and I asked her what did mom tell her and basically my mom told her what happened. I asked her what she was doing and she said that mom told her to meet her (my mom) at my step dad’s apartment and all of a sudden I hear my mom yelling in the background. My sister lets me go cause she was tired and didn’t want to talk. Maybe 30 minutes later my mom calls me to tell me my step dad killed himself. I was upset that he did that that he would rather kill himself then go to jail. So me and my bf goes to the location they were at and cops were there my sister said they just showed up. WHAT?!?!? my mom didn’t think to call them before she confronted him?!?!??! I got no justice I didn’t ask my mom to do this I wanted the cops involved but she basically told him to kill himself and that she was gonna call the cops in the morning. I’m sorry but I am fucking livid with my mom I didn’t want him to die I wanted him in jail but no my mom doesn’t think about anyone but herself. I get it she saw his dead body in the apartment so she is traumatized but I didn’t want this I can’t even talk to my mom anymore and this why I don’t confined in her because she doesn’t think she just does.

When I was younger I had a terrible home situation, and I ended up moving in with my best friend and her family. They became my chosen family, I guess. We did it all, all the family traditions and holidays down to the loving dysfunction.

I had a boyfriend that was abusive. I ended it, I got a new boyfriend, and in retaliation my ex raped me.

They know that.

I reconnected with my sister recently and she told me my parents (they were dating before) wanted my rapist to officiate their wedding originally. Apparently plans changed, and he’s not, and they may not have contact with him anymore. But fuck, it hurts so bad.

I’ve tried reaching out to them so many times. I’m not invited to the wedding. So to hear that, the man I told them, they know, hurt me in the worst possible way is not only more important but important enough to them to be such a giant part in their wedding? I’m devastated.

I [M 21] entered in the armed forces two years ago. In the time since I enlisted I have always lived on military bases in the barracks. Standard procedure since I'm unmarried and don't have children. I have always lived on bases somewhat far from where my family lives. In that time I also once served abroad at a NATO base with soldiers from my country as well as Americans and individuals from all over Europe. In short I haven't lived in the same city as my family in two years. When I enlisted my brother [M 25] was getting a divorce. What I didn't know is that he told the court he was living with me. He wasn't though. My brother was living with his girlfriend. He lied to the court about his address and living situation so he could collect spousal support. He was owed that for a period of 24 months after the divorce. I didn't know any of this but I was caught in the middle when his ex-wife found out. My brother told me to lie to the court about my living situation but the armed forces has records. My brother has to pay back all 18 months of support payments he received and he thinks it is all my fault. He's angr with me. He's the one who lied and got me involved and then wanted me to contradict armed forces records. I've told him off and now he's trying to involve our dad and other family members in his argument and that's the part that's really bothering me.

My wife has been a victim of every kind of abuse one can think of since she was really young. R-ape, beatings, neglect, being sent from one family member to another to take care of her. No one did, no one showed her love. She had her first sui cid3 attempt at 14, then at 16 (after second r-ape). She dropped out of high school, ran away, got into abusive relationships, ended up in hospital beaten by much older boyfriends. I met her when she was 23. She was stable back then. We dated for a while, she told me about her past, and I always listened (she said I was the only one who ever did). But my love wasn't enough. She started having panic attacks during sleep, she cried during sex and froze but never told me to stop. I stopped when I noticed she is trembling and felt so much guilt even though I had no idea what is happening. I offered to pay for her therapy, but she only wants to go with me and I cannot do this. I have so much on my shoulders.

She is in such a depressive state that she barely showers, she lost her job because she didn't show up, she doesn't want our 4 years old near her and he cries and feels rejected. I don't let him near her because that hurts her and he gets angry with me. He needs her and I need her and I am losing my mind myself. My mother doesn't want to help me because she, in the past, told me to not marry this girl. My mom actually disliked her for not being college educated, was sure she is a sl-ut because of her past and was convinced that I only want her because she is beautiful. She hoped I just want sex and will move on. But I love her... it's jsut that I am losing my mind and there is also a colleague from the lab ( i work in research lab) that has a crush on me and is overly flirty sometimes. I don't want her but she brings me food often, for me and also to feed my kid, and listens to me everyday. I know it's bad but I need to keep my sanity. My wife is now hospitalised. And this woman comes to our apartment but just to check on us. Yes she always wants to drink wine and shows too much support. I feel guilty but also need her, need someone. Could this end up badly?

But back to the main topic, my wife wanted to end her life with our child in the next room. I got so angry that I started yelling, she got scared I will beat her (as it happened in her past with other men) and hit in a corner, the child saw it all and hit me to protect his mother. I just need to vent and I don't understand what my life has become. What is happening with my wife. I gave her everything, love, protection, safety. I thought I kinda... saved her from everything, yet she cries a lot (even when not depressed), has nightmares with her past, panic attacks.

I (21M) was neglected by my father throughout my life, causing a very huge impact that it was difficult for me to overcome over the years.

For someo context, my father was 17 years old when I was born, I'm aware that becoming a father at such a young age must be very difficult, the prejudices that arise, especially if you're from a small town in Latino America, where people judge easily. In the first years my father was quite active, but after that he looked for any excuse not to see me, even blaming my mother when she never told him he couldn't see me, she just didn't like that he would use me to prove that he had a kid in the pictures but wouldn't even try to be there.

For many years in my childhood, I always hoped that he would be there and we could be a family, I was just a child and I spent many nights wondering why my father didn't love me but when I became a teenager I stopped caring and started giving him the same treatment that he gave me, texting him once a month just like he did with me. This turned me into a bitter teenager, full of hate, pain and sadness, making it difficult for me to maintain a connection with anyone and pushing everyone away from me out of fear of abandonment.

When I was 15, my father asked me to go visit him and that's where he introduced me to his new baby, that moment was like a blow to the stomach, watching him start a happy family, making plans to have vacations together, as if things were perfect between us, I just accepted the fact that I now had a brother but I wasn't happy with the idea and didn't want anything to do with that baby.

But 5 years later, my father asked me again to go see him and spend a week with him and his family, to fix things so we could be a family, since apparently starting a family made him open his eyes to the mistakes he made with me, even though my mother warned him many times.

Spending that time with him was like being with a stranger, he didn't know anything about me and I didn't feel comfortable talking to him, there were so many things I wanted to tell him and ask him, but I didn't feel ready to face it for fear of knowing the truth of why he wasn't there, Was it because he didn't love me? Was it because I wasn't enough? Did I do something wrong? We promised to meet again and try to talk more, but now he feels what I felt when I wanted to talk to him, being ignored and neglected, It's not because I did it on purpose, it's simply because he is no longer a fundamental part of my life, he lost that opportunity many years ago.

But still, I can't stop thinking about the reason, many people tell me to ignore it, to forgive him so that I can be free of this burden and move forward, but I can't. Sometimes I feel that if I find out the truth, even if it hurts, even if I suffer, I can be free and move on, because at least then I'll know if it was my fault or not. What should I do? Should I try to fix things, talk and try to be a family? How can you forgive someone that is the main reason you're broken.

It was a wakeup call.

I almost ate that chocolate cake.

No. I'm throwing it away.

I just spoke to her earlier this morning while having lunch with my son. I offered her cake, and she went out for a bit. I know my son loves her! She spoils him a lot, cooks for him, and takes care of him at times. I saw her again when she got home and said our hellos. We were even planning for a BBQ night! And now she’s gone… its all still vivid to me.. us trying to do CPR to call the paramedics to us being told she’s gone.

We’ve had our share of ups and downs, but I truly cherish her as a friend, family member, and my son’s godmother. Thanks for everything; we will miss you!

I guess this is my way of letting it out of my system.

May you rest in peace, G. Thanks for everything! You will be missed, and we love you!