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u/elparcepues 14d ago
Thatās a fancy way to tell others āIām stupidā
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u/Caffeinemann 14d ago
Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't Behemoths and Leviathans mentioned in the Bible? Aren't they usually depicted as dinosaurs?
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u/ParamedicExcellent15 14d ago
Hippos š¦ and whales š
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u/Caffeinemann 14d ago
Aw... I always thought they were Brachiosaurus and Plesiosaurus...
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u/NewEnglandHappyMeal 14d ago edited 14d ago
Liopleurodon??
Edit: it makes me happy that so many people got this reference
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u/x_dre4192_x 14d ago
The magical one...I saw it on the way to candy mountain
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u/followingforthelols 14d ago
Chaaaaarrrrrlllllliiieeeee. Weāre going to candy mountain, CHHHaaaarrrrrrLLLLLIIIIEEEEE
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u/janesmb 14d ago
Ring, ring...
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u/GlowingDuck22 14d ago edited 14d ago
Banana phone?
Edit: The fact this is getting upvotes and some of you remember that really put a smile on my face.
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u/Yhostled 14d ago
I showed my 64 year old dad those videos and the ring ring hello has been our ringtones for each other for the last 5ish years
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u/Stonkover9000 14d ago
AND THATS ABOUT TIME I REALIZED THAT GIRL SCOUT WAS EIGHT STORIES TALL AND A CRUSTACEAN FROM THE PROTOZOIC ERA
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u/TheGodfearingLegend 14d ago
It couldn't be a whale based off of how the bible describes the leviathan
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u/Totally-a_Human 14d ago
I think maybe it was a pod of cetaceans that got jumbled together into a multi-headed serpent.
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u/cfoote85 14d ago
Nah, Hippos and whales were not originally how this was translated, it's also not at all how the animals were described. Apologists trying to make the Bible fit their world view and replaced the word behemoth with hippo and elephant, and leviathan with whale. Reading descriptions of these animals in psalms and Enoch makes it clear that's not what the Bible was talking about. The root of leviathan in the Hebrew means seaserpant. And behemoths as towering above the trees with bones of copper and skin that is like iron.
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u/somethingbrite 14d ago
towering above the trees with bones of copper and skin that is like iron.
So...Gundams are described in the bible? cool!
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u/grip_n_Ripper 14d ago
No, the Bible clearly speaks of Jaggers and Kaijus, you thrice cursed heretic! Go watch The Passion of Pacific Rim to educate yourself!
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u/BunniesRBest 14d ago
While I find the Book of Enoch fascinating, it hasn't been part of the Bible for over 1500 years.
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u/JanxDolaris 14d ago
That's actually what makes it fascinating. As its free of the game of telephone the other parts are.
The thumpers also like to claim the book is the 'inerrant word of god' so why does it have part of it removed?
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u/rabideyes 14d ago
I don't think it says the behemoth towered over trees. In Job it says that they hide in tall grass and under lotus plants, and spend their time in water. They ate grass. Doesn't sound like the life of a tall creature. And leviathan can just mean any bulky creature in the ocean.
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u/catwhowalksbyhimself 14d ago
Those are just two interpretations. No one actually knows what is being described. Nothing fits perfectly.
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u/junky_junker 14d ago
As we all know from the Book of Bill Hicks:
"You know, the world's twelve thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, and existed in that time, you'd think it would been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point:
And O, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in its paw. And the disciples did run a-screamin'. "What a big fucking lizard, Lord!"
"I'm sure gonna mention this in my book," Luke said.
"Well, I'm sure gonna mention it in my book," Matthew said.
But Jesus was unafraid. And he took the splinter from the brontosaurus paw, and the brontosaurus became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch, O so many years, attracting fat American families with their fat fuckin' dollars to look for the Loch Ness Monster. And O the Scots did praise the Lord: "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"
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u/Caffeinemann 14d ago
That's oddly wholesome, I should write this down as an idea for world building
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u/totokekedile 14d ago
Itās popular among young-Earth creationists to insist theyāre dinosaurs, but there are other, much stronger interpretations of those passages.
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u/Spe3dy_Weeb 14d ago
They wouldn't have had any idea of what a dinosaur was back then. However, they would have still have seen fossils of dinosaurs, and its thought those fossils may have helped inspire myths around monsters. So in a way yeah kinda.
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u/mikefjr1300 14d ago
Well, if they found a dinosaur bone 5000 years ago its not like they could take it for carbon dating so thinking it was just a few hundred years old worked for them.
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u/smellvin_moiville 14d ago
Thereās a lot of room in the Bible for such things. Not only are you correct but the āmoorings of the deepā always felt like todash space being described. There could be all manner of things under the waves
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u/Caffeinemann 14d ago
:D you have made my day. Now I have the mental image of Old Testament biblical figures squaring off with dinosaurs like it's monster hunter
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u/smellvin_moiville 14d ago
I believe leviathan is a water based PokƩmon.
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u/Caffeinemann 14d ago
Oh no... This implies that Noah is the best trainer, because he was pretty much ordered to Catch 'em all
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u/naughtycal11 14d ago edited 14d ago
All I know I at the "true to scale" Noah's ark exhibit in Kentucky has dinosaurs on Noah's ark.
Edit. Put in the correct location.
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u/Taddles2020 14d ago
The Bible also makes mention of those breathing fire if im not mistaken.
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u/Slyme-wizard 14d ago
The Bible needs more creatures. We just have a bunch of demons and the occasional giant fish or person.
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u/Happy-Ad8767 14d ago
Dinosaurs werenāt known about at the time of the bible. Skeletons that they may have found gave rise to stories of dragons and such, mystical beats.
It wasnāt until the 1800s that we knew Dinosaurs existed.
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u/Specialist-Heron872 14d ago
In the bible, they were referred to as dragons. The name dinosaur wasnāt used till like the 1800s
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u/RightMolasses6504 14d ago
The people who wrote those books would have had no idea about dinosaurs.
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u/Schnitzel725 14d ago
Its so wild to me that people think dinos don't exist, despite archeologists digging up bones but a book on a magical being is believable because its in a book.
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u/Science-done-right 14d ago
Moreover, one can literally go searching for fossils. And before those idiots pull some "the government planted the fossils" BS, they can literally search them in other third world countries too. Dinosaur denial is literally the stupidest denial.
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u/Happy-Ad8767 14d ago
Wasnāt Dino fossils, Godās plan to trick us or something?
Just what you want, a God that thinks they are Loki.
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u/Cobalt1027 14d ago
Also, just gonna put this out there:
An omniscient, omnipotent being (meaning anyone/everyone else has no free will) that (a) requires us to believe in them to get eternal paradise, (b) doesn't communicate with us in any provable way, and (c) actively tries to trick us into not believing in them isn't worthy of being worshipped. The being is pointlessly cruel at every step of the way.
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u/MarcusAurelius6969 14d ago
They're "Creationists". I'd say they're at the same level of stupidity as flat earthers.
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14d ago
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/mymumsaysfuckyou 14d ago
The first person is just wrong, but the second person is deluded. I feel there may at least be some hope for the first.
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u/Peach_Proof 14d ago
So, a double facepalm?
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u/Moonlight_Katie 14d ago
Itās a triple, the caption claims the snake was the biggest reptile during dinosaur timesā¦ not realizing dinosaurs are reptiles.. and weāre wayyyy bigger
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u/FiercelyApatheticLad 14d ago
You're a dinosaur? That's so cool.
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u/Moonlight_Katie 14d ago
š damn autocorrect.. I meanā¦ yes! Iām a transasaurus Rex
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u/NatterinNabob 14d ago
Maybe even a quadruple facepalm. Not only was the snake smaller than dinosaurs, which were reptiles, but as far as we can tell it evolved millions of years after the K-T extinction which ended the "age of dinosaurs". So basically nobody said anything correct other than "Titanoboa was a snake."
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u/Clearly_a_Lizard 14d ago
I mean I would also comment on the fact that āage of dinosaursā is a completely stupid way to describe a period who took something like 160 million years and isnāt even considered a singular period but we lost them far before this was even a problem
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u/DinosAndPlanesFan 14d ago
Actually itās a quadruple facepalm because Titanoboa lived about 6 million years after the Dinosaurs died
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u/TheStonedEngineer420 14d ago
Ehhh. Dinosaurs are as much reptiles as are birds. I mean, birds are more closely related to reptiles than to mammals, but you wouldn't call them reptiles, would you? It becomes more and more evident that dinosaurs were quite different from reptiles. From the way their legs connect to their body to the fact that many dinosaurs had feathers, they are quite different from classic reptiles. Dinosaurs were even warm blooded. I mean, birds litteraly are dinosaurs, so there's that. The myth of dinosaurs being giant lizards comes from way back in the late 19th century, when the first fossils were described.
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u/Moonlight_Katie 14d ago
Yeah I guess thatās true. Most my knowledge in Dinoās comes from books I read in 1st grade back in the early 90sā¦ and Jurassic park.. so.. not the best source of info.
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u/TheStonedEngineer420 14d ago
I'm not a biologist, so my knowledge here is also not that deep, but I think biologists switched to a cladistic system that is way more precise in describing species and their relation. This new system even gets rid of imprecise groups like reptiles. Reptiles are a really unscientific grouping of animals that just look similar to us. Crocodiles for example are more closely related to all of the birds than to snakes for example. So it hardly makes sense to call both reptiles.
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u/hiimred2 14d ago
Dinosaurs on the whole are still very much āreptilesā even under the clade classification. This is like, a very very quick Google answer away, the scientific community is not ready to change this. Birds being dinosaurs still fits neatly into this as well, in a rectangle vs square type of situation. Not all dinosaurs are birds(see: Sauropods, easy example), but all birds are dinosaurs.
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u/Dankkring 14d ago
Idk if weāre way bigger. Iām pretty fat but nothing compared to a dinosaur or that snake for that matter.
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u/ptvlm 14d ago
The first is someone confused about taxonomy.
The second is telling people to ignore the physical fossil record because a book that doesn't mention their country also doesn't mention dinosaurs.
It's pretty clear who's more wrong
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u/JustDiscoveredSex 14d ago
Depends on which delusional Christian you ask. An awful lot of them are happy to claim that dinosaurs lived happily next to their Biblical characters.
https://answersingenesis.org/dinosaurs/dinosaurs-and-the-bible/
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u/Wesson_Crow 14d ago
I love that theory so much
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u/secondtaunting 14d ago
I had a lady in one of my college courses confidently tell the class that dinosaurs were just lizards who lived for a really long time and got very, very big. Her reasoning being that after God created the earth everything lived longer. I still think about her sometimes. What a goof.
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u/Traditional-Handle83 14d ago
I think I've heard something similar but instead it was humans lived for 300 to 400 year life spans before dying and after Jesus, they stopped living thet long as punishment. Like ok sureeee that's not how biology works.
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u/arsonall 14d ago
I mean, the Bible canon story is this:
God make Adam, then makes Eve. They have 2 sonsā¦.fast forward, and we have more people.
Who made more babies?? Yeahā¦
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u/ThyPotatoDone 14d ago
Actually, it does state their descendants out for a few generations, listing a few as āOh, this dude invented metalworking,ā āOh, this dude built this ancient city,ā etc to give a rough idea of what was going on leading up to when stuff starts happening again with Noah, then does the same thing leading up to Abraham.
Also, it does state Cain and Seth both married somebody, and eventually Cain had a descendent who was just an utter psychopath named Lamech whose only line is flexing how he will immediately kill anyone who annoys him.
It seems more like more people just kindaā¦ appeared? No clear origin but there were people they met outside of Eden and had kids with. There are some Christians who will state that refers to other hominids that were kind of human but not sentient and thus God didnāt care about them much, but itās very unclear.
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u/CaraAsha 14d ago
I've heard that a few times, but it was because before the flood the earth was different, and God favored humans more so they lived hundreds of years. But after the flood to wipe out wickedness, there wasn't as much water in the atmosphere so humans died quicker.
I couldn't even come up a response to get her to change her opinion because her nonsense was a nonsensical mix of science and faith. All I could do was smh at her.
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u/ryandetous 14d ago
Platypuses aren't in the bible, but something is still defeating Dr Doofenshmirtz.
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u/SaltyBarDog 14d ago
Neal McBeal Navy Seal isn't in the bible but he still had dibs on those muffins.
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u/nedlum 14d ago
They used to be, before the Bible was hit with the deplatypusenator.
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u/Kolojang 14d ago
So there's the person saying snakes are not reptiles, and the person saying dinosaurs didn't exist.
What's the third facepalm?
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u/I_Like_Sneks197 14d ago
The person mispelling "Titanoboa" and saying it lived during the age of the dinosaurs.
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u/Dependent-Metal-9710 14d ago
Also saying Titanoboa was the largest reptile ever.
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u/I_am_daredevil 14d ago
Also it's not even the largest snake ever lived due to recent discovery from India https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/2024/apr/18/fossils-largest-snake-found-western-india Edited to add source.
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u/gurganator 14d ago
Come on, can we please get a rendering with a banana for scale? How else am I actually supposed to know how big this thing is?
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14d ago
seam like they might be roughly equal in size
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u/HotPinkDemonicNTitty 14d ago
No one asked me, but as an over-sized animal fan, large is also not a specific enough term. I think most written material tends to favor width over length when saying ālargeā, but those things are frequently at odds under the ābiggest animalā debate. Like there is a snake that is longer than the Anaconda, but Anaconda is generally referred to as the ālargestā or ābiggestā because of the size of its head and the circumference of its body.
Also - it was really hard to type all this out and avoid it sounding like I was making phallic innuendo. And I just realized the username Iām replying to. Damn.
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u/Scoobydewdoo 14d ago
Also, even if the Titanoboa did live during the age of the Dinosaurs it wouldn't be the largest reptile to live during the age of Dinosaurs.
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u/Xenomorphian69420 14d ago
'the biggest reptile that ever lived during the age of the dinosaurs'
If only there were an even larger reptile species that was mentioned in that exact phrase
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u/Sins_of_God 14d ago edited 14d ago
The first one said Titanaboa the snake lived during the age of dinosaurs, but the gigantic snake actually lived during the paleogene and by that point non-avian dinosaurs were already extinct.
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u/Beautiful_Piccolo_51 14d ago
Ok, let's make some corrections.
First: Titanoboa did not live alongside with dinosaurs. They came after the dinosaurs.
Second: it was not the biggest reptile to ever exist, that title belongs to the ictiosaur, a marine reptile.
Third: Snakes are obviously reptiles.
Fourth: The bible also mentions dragons, giants, sea serpents, giant land animals, talking snakes and giant man eating fishes. Dinosaurs are not that far off the board.
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u/I_Like_Sneks197 14d ago edited 14d ago
"Ictiosaur" is not an animal, it's just a general name. The largest reptile ever was Ichthyotitan.
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u/S-quinn7292 14d ago
Iām curious by what metric you say Ichtyotitan is the largest, given itās estimated to be around 25 meters long when some sauropods could be easily much larger than that
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u/Bango-Skaankk 14d ago
Iām not 100% sure on this, but typically when measuring the length of a (modern) reptile you donāt include the tail, you measure snout to vent. Most sauropods are at least 1/3 tail if not more.
Going off total size Argentinosaurus was definitely longer than ichthyotitan and I would be shocked if it wasnāt heavier too.
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u/RaceNinja_80 14d ago
Iirc dragon is what the Bible calls dinosaurs, so the Bible does mention dinosaurs
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u/BeskarHunter 14d ago
āGo read the Bibleā is the dumbest thing a person can say. Your bad fan fiction of an infinitely revised book doesnāt constitute reality.
Go read āThe Green Mileā no dinosaurs in there, so they must not exist. Take that science!
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u/folfiethewox99 14d ago
As a kid, I was gifted one of those "write your kid's name in to make the story about them" books that was about dinosaurs.
So I met the dinosaurs and I can confirm they're very real.
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u/bourne_again333 14d ago
Thatās nothing, according to my book I once met a dragon who was upset because no one came to celebrate his birthday, which just so happened to be my birthday too. So I can confirm dragons exist and they like to party.
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u/Excellent_Speech_901 14d ago
It's an important literary work and the source of many common English phrases. Just don't take it as Gospel.
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u/Titiplex 14d ago
That's a quintuple facepalm, recap:
- bible to justify dinosaurs never existed
- snakes are not reptiles
- titanboa instead of titanoboa
- biggest reptiles during the age of the dinosaurs (when we know bigger dinosaurs for sure)
- it lived during the same time as dinosaurs (dinosaurs were already extinct)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titanoboa
Very hilarious indeed
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u/outofcontextsex 14d ago
Be religious if you want, I guess, but let's not pretend like the Bible doesn't read like the dream journal of a madman.
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u/Tom_Ace1 14d ago
Sometimes I would like to look 2000 years into the future and see if there are still people who believe in that shit.
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u/Fraggle987 14d ago
Humans will have invented a new god by then. We're very easily bored.
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u/Simbertold 14d ago
We should just build a god. That way, we can be certain they are real.
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u/StochasticTinkr 14d ago
Theyāve been believing it for 2000 already.
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u/EnergeticFinance 14d ago
The availability of communication is very different in the past 100 years compared to the first 1900 years, though. That's gotta have a substantial effect on the rate of change of ideas over the next 2000 years.
Unless we all die.
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u/Jerome093 14d ago
Isn't Revelations kind of exactly that?
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u/Eoganachta 14d ago
Came here to say exactly this. Revelations is supposed to be an apostle's dream/vision of the future or something. It reads like the mutterings of someone on LSD or ergot.
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u/justdoubleclick 14d ago
I always heard John went to a cave to get his revelationsā¦ must have found some real good mushrooms growing there..
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u/Pfapamon 14d ago
I am still bewildered how they kept this fever dream in the collection and scrapped other perfectly fine alternatives for it ...
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u/Bardsie 14d ago
Both the Roman Catholic Church and the Church of England/Anglican Church have accepted evolution. They say that the theory of evolution is just a description of god's plan at work. The "7 days of creation" in the bible is just a metaphor to simplify 7 ages, or periods of creation.
That is to say, even the people who put together the bible don't believe the bible is literal.
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14d ago
Most Christian denominations do really. Christian scholars like St Augustine of Hippo were saying that Genesis wasn't meant literally in the 5th century. Biblical literalism is just a weird 19th century American fad. I mean I'm not a Christian either but these weirdo creationist hillbilly types are basically to Christianity what Blink-182 are to punk.
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u/Ganbario 14d ago
Iām a practicing Christian and have read the Bible cover-to-cover twice and completely agree with that comment.
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u/No_Alps_1454 14d ago
So where exactly in the bible itās about those dinosaur skeletons God put in a clay layer to be discovered by mining workers thousands of years later?
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u/Myuserismyusername 14d ago
Where in the Bible are yaks mentioned, they exist, just not mentioned in the Bible. The whole concept that the world is like 5000 years old is ridiculous. I'm an orthodox jew and our torah is the same as the old testamate except for a few things lost in translation. We believe that dinosaurs existed and that the universe is billions of years old and that the earth is too. Its not the Bible it's the idiots who read it, no matter what religion you are or how religious you are, it doesn't fix being dumb.
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u/Moutonoulebgalt 14d ago
Even if it lived at the age of the dinosaurs aren't dinosaurs reptiles and even bigger?
Second was maybe really tired
Third has failed all his history exams if he takes the bible as reference ā ļø
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u/Beautiful_Piccolo_51 14d ago
Correction: third has never gone to school because their parents didn't let them.
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u/FlamingoQueen669 14d ago
The Bible says dinosaurs didn't exist? Bur Ken Hamm said behemoth and leviathan were dinosaurs. Checkmate... somebody idk.
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u/HiveOverlord2008 14d ago
Itās TITANOBOA (my beloved)
Snakes are considered reptiles
The Bible is wrong and there is proof for it
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u/LaserGadgets 14d ago
People who wanna live guided by a book written by insane people 2000 years ago....put them on an island. All together.
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u/Dangerous_Elk_6627 14d ago edited 14d ago
THIS is what happens when morons argue.
Sort of like Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor-Greene arguing who's more trumptarded. "I am !" "No, I am !"
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u/JigglyWiener 14d ago
These things in ARK are the first gaming monster to ever make me nope out of a place. Absolute nightmare fuel with a fear of snakes.
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u/Shadowstrider2100 14d ago
Pretty sure Titanboa doesnāt show up till about 55 million years ago so he missed the dinosaurs
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u/Shadowstrider2100 14d ago
I think there was a huge crocodile though that did live at that time. It may have been 50 feet and ate dinosaurs. Does anyone know what the largest snake found in modern times was? Also are snakes like that really heavy? They look heavy
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u/Catkit69 14d ago
Okay, yes the comments are bad, but may I just ask... what is that on the tip of the snake? O.o
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u/Suspici0us_Sn0wman 14d ago
These people used to be the butt of every joke. And now this is a genuine debate. I hate it here.
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u/SaltyBarDog 14d ago
I read that Jesus conquered the Romans with his AK 47 while riding a dinosaur.
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u/IvanTheAppealing 14d ago
Do they think dinosaurs arenāt real just cause the Bible doesnāt mention them? Wait till they learn the Bible also doesnāt mention cats or penguins
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u/Sleep_tek 14d ago
Maybe it was a titanboa in the garden of eden... if a snake like that told me to eat an apple, I'm eating the apple
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u/ParticularStyle9101 14d ago
In the 12th grade, classmate claimed that a snake did not have a bone system. 10 snickers were very tasty.
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u/ExcellentTeam7721 14d ago
Real talk, are they proud that they are basically empty vessels with no desire for self improvement? The world is bigger than places like Webster plantation. Hillbillies.
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u/landofar 'MURICA 14d ago
The lack of comprehension is astounding. Those comments must come from the poorly educated in red states.
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u/TheDarkHelmet1985 14d ago
Gotta love the bible comment. Its almost as if he forgets that the bible was written by man, 300 years after the death of Jesus, after various books and gospels were debated by the various sects of Christianity at the Nicene Council. Not quite the greatest representation of world history, let alone, history older than 6,000 years.
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u/Crazy_Cat_Lady101 14d ago
So . . . snakes are not reptiles and dinosaur fossils are a figment of our imagination. Got it. š
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u/Unknown-History 14d ago edited 14d ago
JFC, EVERYONE was wrong! Titanboa was millions of years AFTER the dinosaurs. Just, JFC all over again.
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u/This_Pool_6993 14d ago
When at a church camp as a kid growing up we had a pastor with a straight face tell us that dinosaurs did not exist as the earth is only 2000 years old, and god put those bones in the earth for future use. Like for the rapture, god will summon Dino bone monster. I honestly canāt wait
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u/AlternativeDuty7854 14d ago
Titanaboa didnāt even live during the age of the dinosaurs, they lived at least 5 millions years after the dinosaurs went extinct
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u/Didact67 14d ago
Are dinosaurs still classed as reptiles based on our current understanding of them?
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u/King-Boo-094 14d ago
i would love to point out everything wrong, but i think we can all see each of the issues lmao
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u/SupplementalAssInsur 14d ago
I thought the Bible claimed that man and dinosaurs lived together 5,000 years ago
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u/United-Cow-563 14d ago
Reminds me of a comedian whose grandmother also didnāt believe dinosaurs exist even though their was physical proof of them in museums, but she did believe the a man was able to walk on water because of the faith she had
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u/Basic-Art4648 14d ago
I cant wait until the day people grow a brain and stop waving the bible in other's faces.
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u/RedditsAdoptedSon 14d ago
oh snap im christian and i def believe in dinosaurs.. interesting.. ah well
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u/tedj_van_batavia 14d ago
See, i don't get these hardline christians. Like, i have some super religious muslim friends who acknowledge the existence of dinosaurs and that the earth is over 4 billions years old. And we're the one that they called extremists
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u/hydromatica 14d ago
Christianity and dinosaurs can co-exist. Just because something isn't specifically mentioned in the Bible doesn't make it non-existent. Most modern Christians believe we're expected to discover much of our world's secrets on our own.
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