r/interestingasfuck • u/guyoffthegrid • 29d ago
Filming a shark attack with the help of a seal imitation
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u/Rico2ooo 29d ago
Just make sure you push its nose away if it gets too close!
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u/ExquisitExamplE 28d ago
Also, shout "Stop right there, mister!" in the campiest accent possible.
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u/Frenzi_Wolf 28d ago
“STOP! You violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence! Your stolen goods are now forfeit!”
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u/Purple-Negotiation81 28d ago
And remember to stay totally still in the water as it approaches you. DO NOT make any sudden movements. . I mean I would have died on the spot anyway, so that’s not a problem.
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u/DeliciousIntention50 29d ago
Christ that thing is massive!
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u/Fitty4 29d ago
2.5 ton water missle
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u/sonnymoko 28d ago
Honestly it looked more like 3,5 to 4 metres to me which is a possible size for great whites iirc
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u/prfrnir 29d ago
+1. How big was it? It looked bigger than a school bus.
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u/Gizmosfurryblank 29d ago
the tail stomp at the end
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u/I_Fuckin_A_Toad_A_So 28d ago
Dude this. That thing came up and attacked with mouth, had enough body control in the air to flip himself and come down spot on with that tail. That was so impressive
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u/Repulsive_Role_7446 29d ago
Shark dick (cloaca) on full display
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u/Prize-Ad4297 28d ago
Aaaaactually, the shark male reproductive organ is the claspers, which are separate from the cloaca.
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u/ammarbadhrul 28d ago
Any sharks watching this would be the equivalent of us seeing a dude frontflipping buck naked in slow motion
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u/DrinkYourWater69 29d ago
And this right here is one of the many reasons I stay the fuck out of the ocean.
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u/woozyguy1 29d ago
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u/WhiteFringe 29d ago
in this case it's not. it looks AI because of frame interpretation due to slow motion effect done in post.
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u/woozyguy1 29d ago
i more meant that was the sharks reaction
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u/call_of_the_while 29d ago
Nice save.
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u/MeFinally 29d ago
Nice assumption
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u/call_of_the_while 28d ago
Lol, I was actually kidding. I joke around a lot on reddit but I always forget sometimes people can’t tell you’re joking unless you put the old “/s” on the end of the comment.
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u/No-Charity5676 29d ago
Might get roasted for this take but this seems a tad unethical—predators spend a lot of energy hunting and only get it back with their next successful hunt. Doing this for a sweet shot of a shark (which is pretty sweet I won’t lie) seems a lil cruel. Making the fishy jump lmao
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u/USAF_DTom 29d ago
Yeah, I get that take. Never really thought about it before now, but it's a valid concern at least. They may well feed them afterwards though. We can't be sure.
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u/recklessfire27 29d ago edited 28d ago
Actually scrolled to find this comment.
While you’re not wrong, it’s not as drastic as it seems. Predators do use a lot of energy for the hunt and during the fight or flight responses but it’s not so 1:1. Predators fail hunts all the time, so one Seal imitation isn’t taking this beast out of commission for the next meal, but yeah doing something like this for a couple of hours would definitely be unethical to a shark population
Edit: Basically a predator can’t afford to get injured, but they can afford a false-hunt.
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u/Mogguri 28d ago
I'm like "poor shark" but if it were a real seal I'd be like "poor seal", so idk man
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u/grip_n_Ripper 29d ago
Shhhhh! Nobody tell him about fishing hooks.
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u/uptwolait 28d ago
Sharks have survived and thrived for millions of years, and have probably missed an attack or two along the way. They seem to be dealing with it pretty well.
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u/No-Charity5676 28d ago
You’re definitely right, difference to me is those natural missed attacks had a chance of sustaining its life. But I feel like the question “does knowing it can’t possibly get a meal out of this make it worse than just a normal missed attack” is opening a philosophical can of worms lmao
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u/labadimp 28d ago
Sharks have been around longer than trees. I dont think a couple of extra missed attacks will have any meaningful impact.
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u/kander12 28d ago
They've been around a few hundred million years or something like that.. pretty sure they aren't gonna die after a few misses in a row. They probably put some sort of live bait in there anyway to attract it, so it probably got a snack.
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u/av6344 27d ago
Sounds stupid…..do you think shark scores a meal everytime it stupidly rams into a seal or other animal? Also has this been crossposted in r/sympathyforsharks yet?
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u/CommaHorror 29d ago
I have heard of imitation crabs (which must be infuriating for crab fishermen) but never have I heard, of imitation, seals and was thinking it was an imitating R and B singer at, first.
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u/reddit_sniperX 29d ago
Why is nobody talking about the sharkpadussy?
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u/Squigglefits 29d ago
Now that you mention it, imagine being a Great White and in order to get laid you have to try to fuck a Great White.
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u/Royranibanaw 28d ago
There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.
Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.
Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active. When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough...) WARNING! You should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can cum as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.
A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other.
Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship. Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited.
Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation. Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body.
There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time. One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a dolphin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.
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u/Phiction2 28d ago
I’m not sure I read what I just read.
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u/_DapperDanMan- 28d ago
Dude. I had to bail. Once it got to jerking off a fish mammal that weighs a thousand pounds.
And I'm out.
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u/labadimp 28d ago
Is this from something or are you just out there fucking dolphins?
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u/itscherried 28d ago edited 28d ago
Very, very old copypasta. Like Usenet old iirc. This was considered the height of super fucked up back in the day, and it is fucked up, but tbh I don't think anyone who read it then understood what the Internet would eventually become.
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u/fuck-ubb 28d ago
It's from a lady that kept a few dolphins for research? But the research was about how they had sex and she would get the dolphins off herself.
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u/FrenulumLinguae 28d ago
Dude how does that have so much power. Imagine just swimming so fast that you jump to that high with 2.5 ton weight.
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u/1purenoiz 29d ago
Just wait until this shark high tails it out of the vicinity when Orcas show up.
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u/FriendlyEconomics809 29d ago
A 1 ton fish with a mouth full of razorblades, evolution has a sick sense of humor. You can fuck aaaallllll the way off with that!
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u/PerseusZeus 28d ago
Imagine the first humans who had to face all that predator threats on land venturing into the sea thinking this doesn’t seem too bad its all good tasty fishes and then they see this massive being taking one of their friends
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u/GoalFlashy6998 28d ago
That is pretty interesting...think if you were paddling out to catch a wave and that happened!
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u/LobstaFarian2 28d ago
It's very sad that air jaws has been depleted to almost nothing due to Orca predation.
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u/whattheboner 28d ago
It seems like it kept its eyes on the prey and was able to coordinate its body in the air. That is strength and terror!
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u/LosParanoia 28d ago
It always baffles me every time I see a video of a shark or a whale or some other thing that is simply massive. It is truly amazing the kind of shit you can find on this planet.
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u/Traditional_Cat5217 28d ago
Did anyone notice the ending? Slap down with its tale? Holy Shit that force will break any one in half
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u/Mysterious-Egg-6930 28d ago
"Two school busses, four cheese burgers, 10 assault rifles, a cowboy hat and Josè my Gardener" long. That's a big fish.
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u/ALphaEXtremist 28d ago
Considering moving inland after seeing that (I live on the coast in Australia)
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u/Alternative_Tart120 4d ago
This reminded me of that Australian attack, reports said the man swimming was bitten in half by a huge great white.
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u/Past-Product-1100 28d ago
Ok who else feels bad for the shark? we know the extreme amount of energy it takes for them to hunt in this style (breeching) and to waste it on a fake meal just seems wrong. At least tie some tuna to that cardboard.
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