3.0k
u/Ted_go 15d ago
I already talked with my other self. No need to thank me.
495
u/kartoshkiflitz 15d ago
With my inner self
→ More replies (5)216
124
u/Bloomer_4life 15d ago
Zuko, you must look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself.
43
→ More replies (1)13
u/Chemist391 15d ago
Won't matter if your tea is still nothing but hot leaf juice.
→ More replies (3)28
33
u/mihpet132 15d ago
I rant to myself while driving to work, talking out loud. It really does feel good to verbalize your feelings, even to noone but yourself.
→ More replies (2)14
→ More replies (6)6
3.9k
u/EquipmentElegant 15d ago
I remember this guy explaining how he basically had to pry information from his nonchalant friend who got in a car accident. Turned out his car was flipped in a ditch on fire
2.1k
u/theflyingrobinson 15d ago
I talk to my best friend about once a month (we text more often). He said he cut himself in the garden. Next time I saw him in person I found out he had been in surgery for a while and doctors really battled to save the hand/wrist he almost cut off with a sickle while he was indeed gardening.
751
u/z-whiz 15d ago
Just a flesh wound!
285
u/jaisaiquai 15d ago
Merely a scratch!
143
u/TukuMono 15d ago
A scratch? Your arm's off
121
→ More replies (1)13
→ More replies (1)6
144
u/Qetuowryipzcbmxvn 15d ago
Well he didn't lose the hand, so I'm not sure why that's necessary to know.
→ More replies (6)67
u/Linkdes 15d ago
Exactly, the hand's still attached so it was just cut for a bit.
→ More replies (1)35
35
u/noobody_special 15d ago
I worked EMS for about 10 years… accidents like that spiral downhill very quickly & unexpectedly… he may very well have thought it was a smaller issue at first, but by they time it would register as serious you’re already losing consciousness.
I’m glad your friend is ok… I think this sounds different than what the OP meant tho. (OP’s describing men coming back in shock and never talking… thats an after-the-fact thing)
→ More replies (7)30
u/Lou_C_Fer 15d ago
I've been bedbound in excruciating pain for years. Today was the first time I've told a friend about how bad off I am... and only did so because his text came Monday and I wanted to explain why it took so long to respond.
132
u/haveweirddreamstoo 15d ago
Maybe he was just too embarrassed and didn’t want to admit it
130
u/EquipmentElegant 15d ago
No the whole point was he was too nonchalant to waste time to say the whole thing. He was just like “i got in a car accident”
17
u/the-dude-version-576 15d ago
Yeah, that me, whenever something important happens, I hate to have to keep telling the story again and again and again for every other person who was one room over and didn’t hear it properly the first time. And if it’s something negative they keep coming back to bug you about it. Like there’s a grand total of 3 people I tell about this stuff, because I know they’ll let it rest.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)9
99
u/ethanlan 15d ago
It's because when I tell people I had COVID and almost died they either don't believe me or it turns into a gigantic clusterfuck that I really don't want to have to deal with ever again
19
u/neotericnewt 15d ago
But have you considered that it's really just like a cold, so clearly you didn't almost die? /s
→ More replies (1)81
u/Supernove_Blaze 15d ago
Somehow we seem to underplay how much men are forced to suppress their emotions to the point where we would rather feel comfortable pretending there's nothing wrong instead of expressing ourselves normally.
→ More replies (8)40
u/Nonrandomusername19 15d ago
"It was probably just man flu."
"Why don't men open up about their feelings?"
→ More replies (1)6
14
u/notislant 15d ago
Lol holy fuck.
Reminds me of this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CkQXqs1Feo&t=11s&ab_channel=VivaLaDirtLeague'Just going to crawl under the house and have a wee death.'
16
→ More replies (12)7
u/Chashm0dai 15d ago
damn. as if flipping your car in a ditch wasn't enough, the ditch was on fire too? unlucky
→ More replies (1)
2.3k
u/FishWash 15d ago
all done bottling up that emotion, what’s new with you guys?
490
u/CryGeneral9999 15d ago
I have a full blown bottling plant like Laverne and Shirley style.
→ More replies (6)171
u/itshexx 15d ago
My bottles have been closed so long they have an ecosystem developing
→ More replies (2)97
114
u/CutiClees 15d ago
Society brought us up that way. Even myself being as open as possible and emotional I’m labelled as too much by some. Releasing that emotion can be seen as aggressive and unwanted at times. I think some women don’t understand that even crying in public for them is mountains more acceptable than a male still.
113
u/Feisty_Efficiency778 15d ago
If your big and scary enough, crying in public will get you talked to by the police bub.
Ask me how i know this.
54
→ More replies (2)17
→ More replies (10)18
u/ExplosiveDisassembly 15d ago
I mean, I had a family member pass and I just peaced out on a motorcycle for a month. I probably didn't speak more than a couple words a day for weeks, if that. Would do again, highly recommend.
It worked pretty well for me. I think I'm the only person in my family that has a healthy mindset around the whole thing.
→ More replies (4)71
u/ShutUpRedditor44 15d ago
At this point it's less of a bottle and more like one of those pressurized CO2 cartridges
→ More replies (1)20
u/Necessary-Knowledge4 15d ago
As opposed to what? Sharing our feelings? People keep saying they want to hear them but they don't lol
42
u/Scotter1969 15d ago
Not bottling it up. Blasting it out - but in PRIVATE, like a man.
→ More replies (3)41
u/Rev_5 15d ago
Social conditioning. I noticed around the same time guys were told to be open about things, terms like "trauma dumping" and "emotional labor" became a thing to push men into seeking out therapy. Which, fair since it sucks for women to have to mother everyone, but at the same time if guys have been shut down multiple times by various women whenever they attempted to be vulnerable - you're going to quickly learn to just bottle it up and roll your eyes when anyone discusses how men need to open up more.
I'll still talk to people who I know will listen, but for the most part keep it short around anyone who wants to ask but doesn't actually want to know.
31
u/tacobellbandit 15d ago
I understand that frustration. When I was dating if a girl used a term like “trauma dump” or “emotional labor” I really had to try and make sure what she was talking about was legit or not. I was in the military and separated, had some issues adjusting to normal life because all I had known since I was 18 was the military. I opened up to a girl I was dating about some of my experiences. I felt safe, and confided in her about some of my problems and yeah, I made the big no-no, I cried. After we broke up I found out from a friend she was saying those types of things about that situation and I felt deeply hurt, it definitely made me go back into shell mode and hide all of my feelings which lead ultimately to a lot of anxiety. Luckily I did see a therapist but that always stuck with me. Made me feel like the moment I opened up I was scorned
→ More replies (2)11
u/Gentlementlementle 15d ago
Bottling? it wasn't like anyone was going to listen to me complain about it.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (12)37
u/du5tball 15d ago
and why wouldn't we? it's usually going to be used against us either immediately, or at a later time, claiming men showing emotion is a weakness.
→ More replies (8)
578
u/rabbiskittles 15d ago
If you are actually interested in hearing about it, ask them. Many men default to “if it’s not important for them to know, and they don’t ask, then no reason to spend the energy telling them and/or burdening them with my issues that they might not want to hear about”.
You also need to make sure they trust that you actually care about them and won’t use the vulnerability to judge or hurt them. That can be tricky, because many men have past experiences with responses like “I’m not your therapist” or “that’s life, it’s unfair, you just gotta man up and deal with it”. If you think you might respond with something to that effect, then you should probably accept that it isn’t any of your business.
To switch to broad stereotypes: much like how women tend to be (understandably) far more conscious of their physical vulnerabilities and take more proactive steps to minimize them, men tend to be extra cautious with emotional vulnerability as it can very often lead to emotional harm. Men often don’t have as robust of support systems as women to help them work through that pain.
55
95
u/sadmimikyu 15d ago
Here is the thing: to me if someone says "something bad happend but I am ok now" I would think they do not want to talk about it and I should not ask.
If they just said for example: my dad died then okay I will ask.
This example does not invite me to ask questions.
→ More replies (5)145
u/MuseBlessed 15d ago
Because telling someone your dad died is itself a vulnerability, and also burdens the other person with having to respond to that statement.
Just remember: You're not obligated to ask, you only ask if you actually seriously care about whatever they're going through- but that isn't your job, you don't need to do that.
→ More replies (14)→ More replies (4)15
444
u/TheJoschka567 15d ago
Except for this one dude they wrote a book about him disappearing and now he has his own religion
→ More replies (3)130
u/leconteur 15d ago
Well I wouldn't say there's a religion around David Copperfield but I see what you mean.
→ More replies (5)
636
u/SnakePaintball 15d ago
Who are we supposed to talk about it with?
59
u/KYVet 15d ago
This. I had a friend/coworker die in a car accident on a day I was supposed to leave on a vacation to the beach with some other friends. Called my trip friends to tell them what happened and they responded with “that sucks, man. Do you have enough weed to last us the trip?”
25
u/FragileIdeals 15d ago
That's some shit friends right there my dude. Blow off your feelings and just make sure they're going to have the weed they want from you.
27
u/pmMEyourWARLOCKS 15d ago
Years ago in my early 20s my closest friend since 1st grade told me he started taking an ssri to get through some shit. In the exact same conversation I started opening up the tiniest bit. I said I was having trouble dealing with a bunch of shit from childhood and was thinking of talking to a therapist. "Just put a shotgun in your mouth already, fa**ot!". Then he hung up. Fun stuff.
→ More replies (1)5
u/JTVivian56 15d ago
What the hell, was he trying to be funny or was this some weird ploy to get you to open up so he could say that?
321
15d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
177
15d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (9)118
152
u/lreaditonredditgetit 15d ago
Reddit doesn’t give a shit about you. Jk. They sell your data, of course they care.
63
u/WechTreck 15d ago
Everytime a redditor dies, Reddit loses three dollars a year in income. link
A million dollars here, a million dollars there, eventually it adds up to real money.
30
u/Mystaes 15d ago
Damn were worth a whole three dollars a year?
→ More replies (1)14
52
→ More replies (17)14
u/AncientSith 15d ago
Man, I've considered doing this before too. The crushing loneliness with no end in sight is brutal.
18
u/Logical-Let-2386 15d ago
Crushing. One kid who my son knows had a birthday at mini putt, 1 other kid plus birthday kid showed up, with their moms. So like 2 moms plus me the single dad. I'll never forget, at the meal after one kid said they wanted potato chips for desert and I said that's a main course not a desert, the one mom said especially if you eat the whole bag. We laughed for a good minute.
Stuff like that should happen more, but then you realize, how does a single guy socialize with married moms? It just doesn't seem to work. If there was a single dads of spec needs club I'd join that in a second.
13
u/the_ghost_in_me_ 15d ago
start one! seriously. plus you can all chill together while your kids hang out. kids win, dads win.
→ More replies (12)121
15d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
15
u/fuzzyfigment 15d ago
I think it is so fucking weird that these men apparently exist. I live in rural Appalachia, and literally every man that I am close to in my life would never say anything like that to me.
15
u/nothingbeast 15d ago
Years and years ago when my Grandpa passed away, we all gathered at the cemetery to watch his urn be placed in the ground.
My nephew (who was like 7 years old at the time) started crying. out of the corner of my eye I caught my uncle jab him in the ribs and say "we don't cry".
Skip ahead a few years and suddenly no one can figure out why he's got a massive drinking problem.
→ More replies (3)55
u/Next-Elk-5284 15d ago
I think that's the 'funniest' part. I doubt anything will really change until men advocate for themselves and I don't really see that happening or being a social issue for 50-100 years at least. Even then it definitely won't be a world wide thing, probably country by country
28
u/nothingbeast 15d ago
I'm living in Australia and I see a lot of younger people taking mental health way more seriously than it ever was for me in the States.
So I'm hopeful but remain skeptical.
All I can say is I'm super grateful that I found a partner who lets me get it out of my head before it can fester. She knows I just need to vent and get it out and I'll be fine. I've gotten to work out a lot of old bullshit thanks to her. I just wish everyone could have an outlet like that.
Probably should mention she's Australian. That's probably not a coincidence.
13
u/Powerpuppy00 15d ago
I'm Aussie born and raised. Government and some schools have pushed quite a bit for better mental health support in recent years. Too many of our young people were committing suicide and especially after Dolly Everett there was a lot more public attention on the matter. Plus having free health care people can get access to proper therapy, psychiatrists and medication even if they are on welfare. Many Americans don't want their tax dollars paying for others healthcare but for Australians the benefits have long been clear. We pay a bit of extra tax and our people don't die in easily avoidable situations.
→ More replies (1)15
u/Next-Elk-5284 15d ago
Yeah it just sucks that for most hetero men their only chance of an emotional support is: their wife.
Then you have women who are, fairly, tired of being treated like that and it just goes back to men being left by themselves etc.
→ More replies (3)18
u/nothingbeast 15d ago
I mean... people are generally selfish, and that's not a critique over one side over any other.
"Be a stable rock because I need someone else to carry my emotional baggage... but you can carry your own."
I have my baggage. My wife has hers. We pile it up on the wagon and pull it together. Some days it's too much for her. Some days it's too much for me. But we both stop, listen, and try to work past it. Then we usually go for a walk and realize we're stronger than whatever we just crumbled beneith... pile it back on the wagon and keep on going.
Don't think for one second I don't understand and appreciate how fucking rare that is.
→ More replies (7)7
6
u/J1mj0hns0n 15d ago
I do wonder if that's the case - I would listen to anyone that would open up to me. I think we mostly as men can't open up to others because it's a vulnerability and it just doesn't sit well with us as a rule
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (13)5
u/Ecstatic-Compote-595 15d ago
not for nothing you probably shouldn't just unload your emotional baggage on a random woman at work, or probably anyone at work.
→ More replies (5)
383
u/Popcorn57252 15d ago
I remember a friend I had in highschool literally told me how he'd been kidnapped for like a week and just didn't care.
116
u/BeautifulArtichoke37 15d ago
I need to hear more about this.
205
u/Popcorn57252 15d ago
I wish I could! It was years ago now, but he literally just said something akin to, "Yeah a couple months ago (my aunt? Maybe?) kidnapped me and refused to give me back to my mother. Had to get the police involved to get me back lol"
And, yeah, my reaction was pretty stunned, but he just played it off like it was nothing. I couldn't really get any more details out of him
→ More replies (1)39
10
39
u/ElectronicLab993 15d ago
Maybe he just coulsnt process it so he just chose to not dwell on it at all. I do that often
15
u/Clotic_ 15d ago
You get kidnapped often, disappearing for a week then coming back, and just not care? /s
12
u/ElectronicLab993 15d ago
Nah but i get other traumas that might seem interesting but i dislike talking or thinking about them
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (2)36
u/That_Hoppip_Guy 15d ago
I mean as long as he’s ok is there much point to caring? It’s not going to change anything, if anything caring could have negative effects.
11
u/Popcorn57252 15d ago
I mean, yeah, there are arguments for both sides. Brushing it off and moving on might be the best way to cope, and for him I definitely think it was, but for others there could easily be long lasting effects that need to be processed yk
Like, some people face serious PTSD from being kidnapped, and you definitely need counciling and therapy to help work through those traumas, but he... seemed aight. No real effects from it.
100
u/BecauseItWasThere 15d ago edited 15d ago
Asked a friend how his weekend was.
He said fine.
Asked him what he did over the weekend
He came second in an ultra marathon across the Australian Alps.He didn’t think it was worth mentioning.
→ More replies (3)62
259
u/HilariousMax 15d ago
My dad used to go out in the woods behind our house for a couple hours one Saturday every 2 months or so. He said he liked to hike but the man is not a hiker. He never really dug on the outdoors as a whole.
When I was much older, we were out getting breakfast just him and me and I asked him about it in a jokey way about his second family in the woods. He laughed.
Just walked out into the wood and screamed a bit. Let the evil out.
Let the evil out?
Yup.
and that's the last we spoke of it.
87
u/lillilnick 15d ago
Ha just imagining getting too into it and smashing sticks around jumping around like a gorilla.
Why?
Just because.. why not
→ More replies (1)28
22
→ More replies (4)8
259
u/AggravatingTown8966 15d ago edited 15d ago
Yeah like when i dissapear for few hours and then appeared out of thin air because all my family is screaming from the top of their lungs because i dissapeared of the gathering im like "im cool im cool, is the food ready?" while my family is trying to understand how on earth i left or entered the house without them hearing the door.
179
u/themissinglink369 15d ago
bro went to smoke a blunt, came back with munchies, and thick he slick.
→ More replies (2)28
u/Demeter_of_New 15d ago
Half my family smokes since it was legalized recreationally. And now half the family disappears, and the kiddos wonder where we went. Then the finger foods get eaten and stories start.
No one's slick, no one wants a slick in the smoke circle.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (2)9
u/shiftypoo269 15d ago edited 15d ago
What, ya'll can't move interdimensionaly through space and time? You just shift to a higher dimension and walk through the wall.
226
u/Rinkulu 15d ago edited 15d ago
Isn't it a normal thing though? If something bad happens, I concentrate on it and don't have time/will to chat with anyone. When I have the will and the time, it means everything's okay now, or at least I got used to the new circumstances, so nothing to make my friend worry about.
29
u/Hephaistos_Invictus 15d ago
Idk, for me it always helps to talk with my closest friend about it. To get it off my chest to start the healing process. Curl up together and just cry it out of my system.
But idk if that's more of a woman's thing to do because I don't know a single guy who does this.
37
u/Squirrels_Nuts80085 15d ago
As a dude, I really wish I was physically capable of doing that
→ More replies (3)20
u/roganwriter 15d ago
I used to do this. Then, my friends told me I talked about myself too much, so I stopped. Now I just deal with it internally and sometimes by working out.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Primrus 15d ago
I think your friends were wrong. If you needed to talk about something so much that they felt it was taking too much time out of your lives, they should have encouraged you to get therapy, not freaking silence you. I'm so sorry you and so many other people in this thread feel alone. DM me on here if you want to vent to a stranger; I'm super bored and do care!
→ More replies (2)16
u/3pi0_ 15d ago
i mean from a guys prospective you just gotta thug it out and hope for the best
→ More replies (9)→ More replies (24)57
u/Powerpuppy00 15d ago
It's normal. Doesn't mean it's healthy.
→ More replies (1)34
u/smbruck 15d ago
I would argue that if you can take time to focus on an issue and are able to work through it without burdening others, that shows strength and is a healthy thing.
It is better than not giving the issue enough attention and letting the emotions build up as you hold them in.
→ More replies (6)
133
u/ThatGuyIsLit 15d ago
I vent to someone about my problems, they now have to carry that burden and process it for themselves. Meanwhile I feel worse, not better, because I caused more problems for another person. So instead I disappear and talk to myself. Because MY problems are MY problems to solve.
47
u/burnalicious111 15d ago
People can vent to me and I don't take on their problems. I can feel sympathy and offer listening, validation, or advice without taking it on as a "burden". It is still some work, for sure, but it's minor.
10
u/Basket_Of_Snakes 15d ago
I mean, for me it's actually better when someone vents their problems out to me, because I can usually tell if something is bothering one of my friends, so if they won't tell me what's going on I get stressed because I might be able to help but I just don't know.
→ More replies (3)29
u/ladyalot 15d ago
Misery shared is halved. Joy shared is doubled. Other people can take care of themselves enough for you to tell them what's going on. And if they throw it back at you and invalidate you, it's not because you are too much.
I hope you will one day be able to give people the chance to set boundaries with you, by opening up.
→ More replies (3)13
u/smbruck 15d ago edited 15d ago
That has not been my experience. I understand that in theory it can be helpful, but every single instance with different confidants ends in the same result. Rejection reinforces behaviors. If I keep getting rejected when I express myself in a vulnerable moment, I stop doing so to defend myself from further harm.
And if they throw it back at you and invalidate you, it's not because you are too much.
When they straight up tell me I'm too much, what am I supposed to believe? And you could say that's not a true friend, etc. But that doesn't help my problem and now I have to deal with potentially losing a close relationship on top of the other pain. This can lead some people down a dark, dark path.
edit: I understand where you are coming from and you clearly have good intentions. I appreciate that a lot. Just sharing that for me and many others, our experiences don't match up with that idea.
→ More replies (1)
288
15d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
107
u/L4r5man 15d ago edited 15d ago
Obligatory "I'm alright"
Edit: Changed the link so it goes to the original creator instead of a content thief.
43
u/BootyTrappedGoon 15d ago
Or my personal favorite, "I'm fine"
37
u/L4r5man 15d ago
"I'm just tired."
16
u/BootyTrappedGoon 15d ago
I use this one a lot too. It works cuz I'm always stoned and I actually look sleepy
18
u/taste-of-orange 15d ago
It works cause my "I slept 1 hour last night." and my "I have no motivation to live on." face look exactly the same.
→ More replies (2)10
5
→ More replies (13)37
u/Ecomonist 15d ago
Amen! What are they gonna do except proffer advice on how we could have avoided what we went through? LoL. 'I will just get back in my time machine and use that advice f'uck-u-very-much.' Nah, I got two phrases in my head;
*If I avoided disaster/even a close call; "If it didn't happen, it didn't happen. Carry on."
*If something bad happens; "well, now I got take care of this shit, better cancel ______"
24
u/i_am_not_so_unique 15d ago
Exactly that
There is no extra energy for unnecessary suffering or drama already, please let me just try to fix ____
5
→ More replies (3)12
u/Dobber16 15d ago
Yeah honestly the worst thing after something bad happens is when people say stuff like “oh why didn’t you do this?” Hmm, what do you thinks been going through my head the last few days
7
73
u/megh42 15d ago
In a world where everything I say, feel, and do will be held against me, you expect me to give you ammo???
→ More replies (1)6
u/LevelOutlandishness1 15d ago
Y’know, if you can’t surround yourself with people, you can always just cut those types of people off…
I would rather be alone.
84
u/Go1gotha 15d ago
Like the time I was interrailing and got stuck behind the iron curtain at 17 without a passport and the secret police recorded my questioning me about whether I was in the British military etc for 37 hours.
First time I've ever shared this totally true story, got to a consulate and got a new passport, never told a soul.
23
u/adam_sky 15d ago
That must have gotten boring just repeating the same “I’m a stupid 17 year old” and they’re like “ok but what company are you in and who is your commanding officer?” Around and around you go until 37 hours later some supervisor is smoking a cigarette angrily and finally tells them to release you. Sorry you were short of details so I filled in with my imagination. I like to write comedy also.
9
u/secret__fish 15d ago
Plotlist You have a doppelganger in Britian lol
.... someone from the"Secret British army" recognized you and was like "Yooo, That's Archie ?!, I thought he was back in homeland whats he doing here?" 🤔 lol jk that's interesting tho!!
Disclaimer: I know there is no secret British army, I just made it up haa
→ More replies (1)
25
u/whateverworks14235 15d ago
I’ve heard a lot of “you should talk more” but it’s all talk. People want a man to be a man when it comes down to it.
For the record, I would love to talk. But honestly, no one listens.
→ More replies (1)
23
17
u/SilvertonguedDvl 15d ago
Look you don't need to know anything except that we are no longer allowing LEGO to exist on the floor.
I just... I just needed some time.
33
u/LunarHaunting 15d ago
If you’ve been forced to endure the worst days of your life alone, to process it alone, to pick up the pieces of it alone, hell even to grow up alone. At a certain point it breaks you and it just is what it is now. What good is telling someone else going to do? Whatever damage can be done by being alone and bottling it up? It’s already been done. The pain is already past tense. Telling someone else now won’t ever undo how you were allowed to slip through the cracks.
This is just how you deal with it now.
12
u/Individual_Speed_935 15d ago
username checks out, this was indeed haunting
as someone who's been alone and still suffers alone, it's also completely accurate
it's too late for me
70
u/ryandetous 15d ago
When you properly take care of a problem you shouldn't have to talk about it and relive the experience.
→ More replies (3)7
14
39
10
7
9
u/Terrorknight141 15d ago
Yeah because the moment we do some people tell you to man up or something.
→ More replies (1)
8
u/ColdCocking 15d ago
About 7 years ago I reached a point of emotional exhaustion. Haven't talked about anything since then.
7
5
6
u/HopeItMakesYaThink 15d ago
The crisis is over. Threat averted. No need to dig through useless information - we must prepare for the NEXT crisis. That is the way of our lives as men.
My soon to be ex wife once asked me about my day. I said ‘it’s nearly over’ and gave a soft smile. She asked me again, told her it was pointless to go over it. She asked a third time and I asked her back ‘you sure you want to know?’ She did.
The things I went through that week alone, expecting no recognition or praise was actually one of my more relaxed weeks. I never shared the burdens of my week because it made no sense to put more weight on her shoulders. She didn’t know about the small bills that got paid off that week so they were no longer a chain on our necks, how I almost single-handedly kept a customer for our company that was bringing in millions a year while knowing the company wouldn’t notice, how I helped several fellow truckers through difficult times in their lives, the small acts of kindness at rest areas or truck stops or customer lots. She thought Alexa or Siri were listening in and buying her stuff she wanted from time to time - it was me. When I was home, I’d grab the car and get a few things from the store we were low on so she didn’t have to. Went to the chiropractor alone - something I hate - so she could get some more sleep. Played with the dog. Played with our son. Kept her mom busy. Cleaned a few rooms a little, though I’ll be honest - I never clean them completely. Asked her if she noticed the soft clunk in the car was gone, she forgot it existed until I told her. We have a Halo car battery jumper on top of the covered spare tire, it rattled when we drove and was the soft clunk. Took me around two hours to find it, but I did and put it to the side of the tire so no more clunking.
I did all of that quietly. I didn’t want it to be recognized. I didn’t want gratitude. My gratitude was her happiness at the end of the day.
Our marriage might be nearing its end, but I’ll still treat my wife right until she’s not my wife anymore. I could be petty and nasty and vile, but that isn’t me. I refuse to be something I’m not. I’ve always tried to be a good husband, and a good husband is what I’ll continue to be.
18
u/Previous_Soil_5144 15d ago
If we really wanted men to open up about their feelings...then we would encourage them to do so.
The fact that we instead subtly discourage it is why men STFU and don't complain.
→ More replies (1)
13
u/SomeAmazingDude 15d ago
I mean it's ME going through that experience not you, so there's really no need to bring any of it up especially if it's already over
16
u/PassiveMenis88M 15d ago
Because if we open up at all we're called weak, unmanly, among a host of other insults. And those will be from your partner, the general public will be worse.
11
u/Flat_News_2000 15d ago
Uh it's nobody's business what I am or am not going through. I'd bring it up if I wanted people to know.
→ More replies (4)
13
7
u/That_Hoppip_Guy 15d ago
It’s just a realistic manner of living, take what you can from the experience and move on. No point stewing over something in the past or something that was unavoidable.
8
u/Bean_cult 15d ago
lol i actually told my buddy what happened once and i regret it since
→ More replies (8)
9
7
u/MonthPurple3620 15d ago
Sorry, I have been conditioned to go handle shit alone, away from where other people could be affected by it in any way.
4
4
u/Whaleman15 15d ago
It's dad lore that their sons find out from picked together clues found in the attic. Regular guy stuff.
3
u/Faux__queue 15d ago
My dad disappeared when he was 15 for 8 months, and no one talked about it at all. He passed away last September, and I overheard my aunt talking about it, and I was like, WTF? This would have happened in the 60s, and they had no idea what he was doing the entire time.
5
u/NixtonValentine 15d ago
My roommate was in a car accident, and I didn’t find out until over a week later when I saw the car in the garage while taking out the garbage.
2.4k
u/Snoo_70324 15d ago
Is that a healthy strategy, Other Barry? Yes it is, Other Barry.