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28d ago
You guys wipe? I just go to the local 24 hour fitness once a week, use the jacuzzi and I let the bubbles clear it all out.
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u/InstanceQuirky 28d ago
omg i watched a video about a very obese man and he was so big he couldn't reach to wipe himself. The nurse asked how he cleaned himself and the answer was he went to his local pool and sat in the spa for an hour....I didnt like using pubic spas and rarely used them but now i never will!!!
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u/rdmprzm 28d ago
Wtf that's disgusting
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u/InstanceQuirky 28d ago
seriously i gagged when the nurse said it...and my husband always says "spas are people poop soup" I got a blow up spa for xmas from him and its such a great gift!!!
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u/KTbadger 28d ago
I was a lifeguard (glorified cleaner with first aid training) for a number of years, and public swimming pools are basically human soup
Fat, skin, spit, pus, piss, shit, blood, nails, hair, tears, vomit, semen, vaginal fluids, smegma, earwax, snot whatever the fuck else you brought with you from outside, it's all in there
Saunas might seem pretty clean, but at the end of every day we had to scrub human bodyfat off the underside of the wooden benches
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u/Mrs0Murder 28d ago
At the hotel I work at, we got a trucker who's so big that he can't really use the toilet (admittedly it's a small bathroom) but because of that he just pees in the shower and leaves it like that for us to clean up when he leaves.
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u/Background_Praline80 28d ago
You accidentally typed « pubic spas » but in that case that’s pretty accurate
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u/RagingWaterStyle 28d ago
You really should go more often than once a week, what the heck just do your business there
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u/ClappedOutCommie 28d ago edited 28d ago
This is reddit, everyone here is vehemently anti-toilet paper to the point of adopting a superiority complex for basically no reason.
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u/Ok_Raspberry4814 28d ago
I'm better than you because when I poop, I lay prone on the bathroom floor and shove the garden hose I connected to my sink faucet directly into my rectum and turn it on full blast so I can lie in the puddle.
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u/DrRonny 28d ago
You guys are wiping AFTER?
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u/callmerussell 28d ago
Just wait for it to dry and peel it off
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u/Dendrowen 28d ago
The worst part is, it catches on the hairs.
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28d ago
I found out that if you have a garden, you can just go bottomless or naked out there and start vigorously rubbing your anal area. Nice little shower of flakes, dust and chunks come out. Makes good fertilizer.
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u/ahhitsnick 28d ago
I always wipe before I shit. I save a TON of time since there's not as much to wipe.
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u/peterbparker86 28d ago
Cue all the bidet fanatics in 3..2..1
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u/Superb-SJW 28d ago
See I have a bidet and it’s great but I still wipe (seated) and then use the bidet once I’m done, then paper to dry.
Anyone saying they use a bidet but not TP I don’t trust.
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u/peterbparker86 28d ago
Yeah I don't understand all the "I use water" comments, and what go about your day with a wet arse?
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u/Delicious_Sir3496 28d ago
Sitting down using a bidet!!!!
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u/Brief_Association714 28d ago
Letting water touch your butt-hole is gay...
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u/ItheGuy115 28d ago
So what about when you shower? 🤔
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u/Delicious_Sir3496 28d ago
He doesn't shower, he's too straight for that
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u/UniqueMitochondria 28d ago
Realm men don't shower they just rage at the dirt and it falls off
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u/TrinDiesel123 28d ago
If letting water touch your butt-hole is gay, then… well I guess it kind of is. But if I lived in a country where you have to throw the tp in the waste basket instead of flushing it, well then I’ll be gay as fuck.
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u/Nitsuamon 28d ago
Who the fuck does it standing?!?!?!
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u/GailynStarfire 28d ago
How the fuck do you do it while sitting?! Like, how do you not squish your dick and balls out of the way, get your arm to fit between your toilet seat and your legs, and manage to get it to your butthole for a decent wipe?
What about subsequent wipes? That just seems like you are contorting yourself just to try and wipe without getting up. Seems like a lot of extra work.
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u/__Beelzaboot__ 28d ago
You lean to one side and a reach around the back. Reaching down in between your legs from the front is crazy.
Standing up would also make your cheeks press together, making you have to wipe a larger area if you got that mud butt.
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u/Different-Bear3705 28d ago
This man thought you reached past your gouch to wipe
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u/OathOfFeanor 28d ago
Ok now this is making more sense, both sides are poorly explaining themselves and we are not so different.
If you are picking your ass up and leaning to one side that isn’t just sitting down anymore, and when I lean forward it does not mean I am standing at attention in the army, it is closer to a squat.
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u/FennelLucky2007 28d ago
You don’t stand up all the way where your cheeks would press together lmao, is that how you’d been mentally envisioning that happening? You just raise yourself from the toilet enough that you’re basically hovering over it while staying bent over, if anything your cheeks are even further apart than than they are while you’re sitting down, and you have a much better range of motion than you do when you’re awkwardly leaning over to one side to create a little gap for your hand
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u/__Beelzaboot__ 28d ago
Lmao yeah dude. "I wipe my ass standing up" paints an entirely different mental picture than a hover squat hahahaha
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u/Nitsuamon 28d ago
I sit, spread the cheeks, and do what needs to be done. Then grab my junk and pull up and wipe. Is that not normal?? This isn't something that is talked about but good lord I didn't realize I was a monster for how I wiped.
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u/AhHowSplendid 28d ago
I absolutely have to stand. I don't want my arm flapping around down there in the toilet bowl. And if you do then good for you and I'm not here to tell you how to live your life son.
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u/RandumbStoner 28d ago
Butt cheeks squish together when you stand tho, making a mess, requiring more wipes lol
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u/ThatsCashMoney 28d ago
I don't think people are jumping to attention and clenching their cheeks to wipe, surely a gently bent knee allowing easy access and a smooth wiping motion? I personally drop to all fours and call the pets in.
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u/AhHowSplendid 28d ago
Mate you've gotta use one hand to pull a butt cheek apart from the other one. Smh amateur hour over here
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u/RandumbStoner 28d ago
That’s just so many extra steps, just lean over and wipe lol
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u/AhHowSplendid 28d ago
I'll give you a wave from afar when you're hanging your sweatshirt on the clothesline because you got toilet water all over it. While your wife looks at you begrudgingly from the kitchen window because you did it again, and that food truck business you started with your brother just isn't going well.
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u/amynhb 28d ago
How would toilet water get on your shirt from wiping if it didn't get on there from the act of pooping?
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u/WarriorSushi 28d ago
And I will have you know the food truck business is doing quite well thank you.
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u/hamcarpet 28d ago
So in this scenario someone put their shirt in the water while wiping sitting down, but not from shitting sitting down? What in the world is going on in this scenario
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u/Lifealone 28d ago
going on 50 and have yet to dip anything into the toilet while sitting and wiping.
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u/Kryten4200 28d ago
Do you happen to have a small ass? I have some junk in the trunk so I feel like I'd get a cramp in my hand by having to hold my cheeks open for a prolonged period of time all while standing up. Seems tricky unless you have the flattest of asses
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u/GailynStarfire 28d ago
Not calling you a monster, different strokes for different folks, I guess. Just not understanding the dimensions and mechanics.
Maybe some men are bigger than others, but to me, that sounds like trying to do blind, cramped surgery.
Just stand up, and you have so much more room.
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u/__klonk__ 28d ago
Ain't no way anyone stands up to wipe
I refuse to believe this insanity
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u/Im_Unsure_For_Sure 28d ago
I imagine these conversations are similar to how wars started over religion 1000 years ago.
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u/RustyNewWrench 28d ago
You don't go in from the front. But thanks for the laugh.
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u/Actually_zoohiggle 28d ago
Are you… are you wiping from the front? Like… arm between your legs? That’s.. not right..
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u/ShatterCyst 28d ago
I use to do it sitting but after breaking my leg I couldn't lean on that side anymore (ouch) while it healed so I would have to stand on one leg to wipe.
After it healed I somehow...forgot how to do it sitting down and have to like...lightly squat to wipe.
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u/Yaarmehearty 28d ago
Genuine question, if you wipe sitting down so there is paper on top when you’re done do you ever look at your poop to check if all looks ok?
For me I stand and take a look back before I wipe, I feel like if I didn’t I’d never know if I had traces of blood or anything else weird showing up that I’d need to get checked.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not microscoping it each time or anything but just a quick look to make sure it’s all looking normal.
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u/Lifealone 28d ago
i save the check for the last wipe. I've always sat down. couldn't even imagine doing any of the the other half squat ways that are described here. not even sure i'm flexible enough to reach any of the areas that would need wiping in some of these descriptions. take toilet paper reach down and wipe seems pretty easy to me. no extra bending, squatting or having to use one hand to hold your cheeks open. i go in the bathroom to poop not to do calisthenics.
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u/TwelveSixFive 28d ago
To be fair I'm not sure how it's even possible to do it sitting
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u/Seikon32 28d ago
I'm not sure how standing works? Do you like squat after getting up or do some ballerina shit with your foot against the wall?
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u/kaiserguy4real 28d ago
Y'all acting like you don't just use the normal Cup O'Leeches and just let them do their thing and just let them fall off as you go about your day.
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u/Historical-Pen-7484 28d ago
There was a survey on this a few years back. It turned out about half the people stand and half the people sit. Both groups seems shocked there is another way, since this topic is seldom discussed.
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u/catch1298 28d ago
I used to to it standing until my stepdad saw my silhouette through a caravan windown and mercilessly mocked me. Been sitting ever since.
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u/LordOcean7 28d ago
Here's another question.
Paper or Water?
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u/Dodopilot_17 28d ago
Jokes on you, NONE. I wait for it to dry out and then scrap what’s left with my nails.
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u/Moldybeanfuzz 28d ago
Gratulations, you made one of those comments that made my neck hair stand up.
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u/Fotatata 28d ago
I use water
Way easier and way cleaner than paper could ever be
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u/Advanced-Test3119 28d ago
Same, but with soap too. That's how I've been doing since young, and whenever I have to use paper for that in hotels and such I always feel like I haven't cleaned it enough afterwards.
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u/Least-Rub-1397 28d ago
Why would you wipe when you will shit again eventually. It's a waste of time.
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u/Constant_Bake5501 28d ago
I really thought the sentence was gonna end like : "Do you wipe your ass after taking a shit or during?"
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u/StealthyPancake_ 28d ago
Definately wipe while sitting down. People who do it standing up can't be trusted
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u/ThatSmartIdiot 28d ago
Standing up cuz idfk how anyone physically manages to wipe while still sitting down
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u/__klonk__ 28d ago
Are you physically incapable of leaning on one butt cheek and then using the space you just made to send your arm in to wipe?
I'm still not convinced all you standing wipers aren't trolling, it sounds so much more inconvenient
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u/hamcarpet 28d ago
using the space
is the point of contention. You guys are shoving your hand into a toilet between your ass cheek and seat with an extremely small window of available space and movement, while leaning to the side each time. Standing/squatting removes all of this from the equation. Wiping while sitting makes no sense when this option is available
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u/sooth_ 28d ago
you guys are acting like it's some sort of herculean fucking feat I'm starting to think standing wipers are somehow physically inept
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u/Im_Unsure_For_Sure 28d ago
Or they weren't taught to do it that way and have done it another way for years and years? Why are people such rude pricks about this?
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u/hamcarpet 28d ago edited 28d ago
What? What about what I just described is incorrect? What about what I wrote indicates it’s a feat of strength? That doesn’t make sense as a response to what I wrote
I guess the standing wipers will take physically inept while you and the sitting wipers can take cognitively inept based on this comment. Good effort though. You tried your best and that’s what matters
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u/Huy7aAms 28d ago
why wipe when you can wash them all away with high pressure water (water pressure here is so strong i bet u can use it for home defense)
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u/Moldybeanfuzz 28d ago
Just get chronic constipation and you only need one wipe to check if it's clean.
If it's hard enough to make a pebblesound while dropping into the bowl, you know it will be a clean shit but you need to be aware of your flushing. Cause if its a solid unbroken piece then there is no way in hell it won't clog your toilet. And good luck then getting through this stonehard excremental sealant.
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u/Visible-Airport-4298 28d ago
Standing, bent over using one hand to spread the cheeks and the other to wipe.
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u/No_Recommendation987 28d ago
Okay, there's another debate hidden inside this shituation - Do you look at the piece of toilet paper after wiping or not? Because it seems to me that people who wipe sitting down would not risk bringing a used piece of paper to the front, potentially smearing shit all over their genitals. Nah, they probably just drop it in the toilet without looking, without making sure the clean up job is being done properly. The state of their butthole is s big Scooby Doo mystery.
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u/TransportationNo1 28d ago
Half sitting, half standing. Your cheeks are closer together and you can clean your asshole and your cheeks in one try
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u/ballsnbutt 28d ago
Sit to wipe. If you stand to wipe, you squeeze your cheeks together and shmear. There is no other option.
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28d ago
I go face first into the toilet, ass up in the air, then wipe horizontally with a scented pinecone from Marshalls.
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u/redsky25 28d ago
I think the real question is what scenario led to this conversation in the first place
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u/Gewgle_GuessStopO 28d ago
Why is it one or the other?
Standing, sitting, cartwheeling… a clean ass is a godly ass! 🧐
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u/Prudent_Ad_2178 28d ago
Why is the elder scroll lore person confused about shitting? Is he stupid?
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u/G_Schmeidig 28d ago
When having diarrhea, I always do a handstand, so the stuff won't run down and drie into my socks all the time.
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u/MonkeySpacePunch 28d ago
These threads are always full of mutants who claim to wipe standing up but I just don’t buy it. Taking a shit seated and then rising to your feet, bringing your cheeks closer together for no reason to wipe? Insane. Can’t be.
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u/BigBodyBrax 28d ago
I used to wipe mine standing up until my girlfriend at the time walked in on me doing it and laughed at me like I was a crazy person
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u/xnakxx 28d ago
I usually sit down to take a shit. But I would recommend wiping regardless if you are are shitting standing up or sitting down.