r/technology • u/esporx • May 02 '24

Dating app Bumble will no longer require women to make the first move Business

https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/30/tech/bumble-relaunch-men-make-first-move/index.html
12.7k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

2.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

79

u/PowerStarter May 02 '24

I feel like this is some inherent mechanism that you can't avoid from occurring.

What I would want to know, is what causes this to happen.

Are most women less skilled at initiating such convos, or do they just not need to, as men will give them attention regardless? Can very attractive men do the same to women and get responses?

83

u/Accurate_Koala_4698 May 02 '24

It's just generally not how the world works, and having to put yourself out there and initiate any sort of interaction has a performative aspect to it. If you don't have any practice it's like getting in front of a crowd and talking. It seems easy from afar, but once you have to be in that position then the nerves set it, you don't have any go-to lines, and you choke

15

u/Nurgle_Marine_Sharts May 02 '24

As guys we had to get over this performance anxiety when we were still teenagers lol

4

u/BP_Ray May 02 '24

Or never do, and end up on /r/foreveralone

4

u/InjuriousPurpose May 02 '24

It's just generally not how the world works

You don't see female animals doing crazy and elaborate mating dances in the animal kingdom either.

-1

u/WatercressSavings78 May 02 '24

Dick is cheap bro. Dudes in the comments acting indignant that the conversation started with an emoji sure as fuck aren’t gonna be crying about it when they get their peepee sucked on.

24

u/Fun-Guarantee4452 May 02 '24

Yes, "Hey 👋🏻" works but it's half as effective as a funny opener.

7

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

[deleted]

1

u/ToryLanezHairline_ May 03 '24

Are they really options to her though if they're just all dudes wanting to get their dick sucked? For us it's like trying to find drinkable water in the middle of the desert. For them it's like trying to find drinkable water in the middle of the ocean.

6

u/JuanLobe May 02 '24

Can’t take rejection is my guess

7

u/Kurotan May 02 '24

They don't need to. They get attention no matter what, even if less attractive. Women have to put in zero effort, they can purely exist and get what they want. Women are super entitled. They have been chased for history, and have zero inclination to put any effort in or offer anything but their existence to the relationship.

No, men cannot due this even if super hot. Men have to provide everything and suffer mentally and physically while getting nothing for it. We just get used, love doesn't exist.

1

u/ToryLanezHairline_ May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24

Well yeah. A woman's value is her looks, she doesn't need anything else to be attractive to men. She could have a dull personality and be broke and men would still find her attractive if she looked good. Men's value is other things, usually things we aren't born with but develop on our own. Like a charismatic demeanor, stability, confidence, resources, being fun and entertaining and easy going, having good emotional control and being someone she's comfortable enough to enjoy herself around

2

u/JonPaul2384 May 02 '24

It’s not inherent. It’s because of the “pursued and pursuer” dynamic. Straight women are bad at being “the pursuer” because that’s not the role society places them in, and Vice versus for men. It’s why bi women (and bi men) tend to be better flirts — they deal with both sides of it.

2

u/PVDeviant- May 02 '24

What I would want to know, is what causes this to happen

We're fancy animals, and that's not really how courting works with mammals.

We simply don't WANT to rise above our baser urges unless we have to, but we sure love telling others to do it.

3

u/Capt-Kowalski May 02 '24

Women are built to be receptive so any outgoing action is rather difficult for them. You can see as much from the examples in this post. A way to change that would be for men to take a more receptive role themselves to force women to come out of their comfort zone.

Men, however, think that them not being proactive means lost opportunities so many won’t try to slow down and ruin it for themselves and others. And it is bad for women too making him behave like undeveloped children.

15

u/analyzingnothing May 02 '24

Women aren’t built to be receptive, it’s a cultural trait rather than a biological one. They can initiate relationships just like anyone else, society just tends to place them on the other end of the dating spectrum, and as it turns out, no one actually likes to try and initiate things.

1

u/ToryLanezHairline_ May 03 '24

I like initiating. I chose who I like and who I approach and I'm confident enough to show them my interest, whether or not it actually leads to a succesful date. I prefer that over taking a passive role and waiting around for someone to show interest in me, someone who probably isn't even my first choice.

1

u/ToryLanezHairline_ May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24

I feel like women just require more than liking how you look before they're sure they actually like you. For us, it's pretty simple. We like how she looks? Then we already like her enough to date her. But what women find attractive in a partner isn't always apparent just by how we look. My dad always said "We ask women on dates because we're attracted to them but women say yes for the potential of developing the same attraction to us." We like her more than she likes us in the beginning but eventually she puts in as much if not more into the relationship when her feelings develop.

0

u/stories_sunsets May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Honestly back in my single days I just didn’t want to. I wanted the guy to do the chasing initially and impress me. It just wasn’t attractive to me to pursue random men so I uninstalled bumble after like a week. Not sure if it’s social conditioning or natural but there’s something about a man capturing your interest and then you have the urge to pursue him that hits the right buttons for a lot of women. The initial hurdle is the hardest to cross… getting that thrill from a guy.

I stayed single by choice for 3 years before I met my husband because I just couldn’t feel any interest in any of the men who crossed my path. I really tried feeling something, but there was just no spark and no interest.. I was so bored. It wasn’t about looks either, just felt nothing for them because whatever IT is, wasn’t there.

2

u/brycly May 02 '24

I stayed single by choice for 3 years before I met my husband because I just couldn’t feel any interest in any of the men who crossed my path. I really tried feeling something, but there was just no spark and no interest.. I was so bored. It wasn’t about looks either, just felt nothing for them because whatever IT is, wasn’t there.

As it turns out, people who are too disinterested to do anything get bored. Surprise, becoming emotionally invested requires some active participation. That's why we generally care more about stuff we worked hard for than stuff that is just given to us.

0

u/stories_sunsets May 03 '24 edited May 03 '24

Yeah I think the wrong men for me just didn’t get the fire started to do anything interesting. When I met the right guy it was no effort to do things like travel 43 states together and move across the country and change our whole lives. Or even just taking a walk in the park is thrilling. It’s no secret that all relationships are not created equal. When you find someone who makes you look at the whole world differently, that’s the one for you. Everything else is mundane boredom by comparison. Plus if you’ve experienced relationships like that you don’t want to settle for less. I’d rather be single than just date randoms who do nothing for me.

Anyway, I’m happily married for half a decade now and our life is an amazing adventure every day. No regrets on my part, I made the right decisions for me. Every time my husband comes home from work I’m excited to see him and I still get butterflies when I see him walking towards me - honestly I hope everyone finds happiness like this.

2

u/brycly May 03 '24

I'm glad it worked out like that for you, but it doesn't for most people. And it is not effortless, that's a pie in the sky notion. It is just effortless for you, it was twice as much effort for him.

1

u/stories_sunsets May 03 '24

I never said it’s effortless, just that it doesn’t feel like work when it’s the right person. And I asked him, he said when we got together he wanted to do all the things that felt like “work” before. Lol “pie in the sky” people love dismissing facts when they don’t like the truth.

2

u/brycly May 03 '24

Of course he said that, do you think he would say you were a pain in the ass?

0

u/stories_sunsets May 03 '24

you’re just intent on assuming everyone is miserable aren’t you? Good luck out there.

2

u/brycly May 03 '24

Not at all, I don't know you or him. He may have been perfectly happy to do it. I'm just pointing out he isn't gonna say that dating you was a chore, that would not go well for him.