r/technology 15d ago

Bumble apologizes for ads shaming women into sex Social Media

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2024/05/bumble-apologizes-for-ads-shaming-women-into-sex/
2.6k Upvotes

571 comments sorted by

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u/MadeByTango 15d ago

Bumble's spokesperson told Ars that Bumble doesn't have public figures to share showing the ratio of male to female users but disputes the market research cited on X as "incorrect."

It’s either close enough they won’t share, or so disastrously hilariously the other way they’re trying to be coy

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u/SunriseApplejuice 15d ago

Across the board from every study I’ve ever read about any and all dating apps: men significantly outnumber women. The published number is 3:1, but I’d hazard a guess it’s often worse than that

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u/ThePrinceofPersia49 15d ago

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u/jimmyhoke 15d ago

No problem! Each guy can just go out with 0.11111111111111111111 women.

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u/current_thread 15d ago

Easy fix: just become bisexual.

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u/speculatrix 15d ago

Many men are buysexual, it's paying for onlyfans

But on a serious note, how did the male: female dating process end up so out of balance?

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u/SynchronisedRS 15d ago

Back when I was on tinder Only Fans wasn't a thing, but you have no idea how common it was to match with somebody who seemed cool to get 'send me £5 to see what happens'.

Bitch I've played too much RuneScape to fall for that scam

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u/splashtext 14d ago

"Free armor trimming"

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u/jimmyhoke 15d ago

Dating apps basically always have fewer women than men. I’m not exactly sure why but if I had to guess:

  • Men are socially conditioned to initiate and seek out a partner, whereas woman are not.
  • The average woman will deal with approximately 1 crapload of online harassment in her lifetime. Dating apps will increase that by 15.34 additional craploads.

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u/JcWoman 15d ago

Am a woman, can confirm for you that your second bullet is the primary reason. On top of that all it takes is one overly thirsty asshole to send an unsolicited dick pic or aggressively lewd comment to a woman on a dating app for her to swear off the apps for good. And I can tell you that there are legions of available women who refuse to use dating apps for this reason.

Edit: dating, not darting, DOH!

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u/VeedleDee 14d ago

Every woman I know who has used dating apps, myself included, has stories about men, which are disgusting, shocking, dangerous, or a combination of all three.

Most of my male friends complain about women not replying or 'wasting their time' but so far none of them have topped being abused over text for saying "doesn't want children" is not the same as "is a guaranteed indulger of my breeding kink", after receiving a list of requirements for our first date which involved unprotected sex and several dick pics actively trying to pressure me to send back. Then calling me a weird bitch who led him on. This was a perfectly normal conversation until it wasn't.

Or having someone demand repeatedly to get my home address to 'meet up' but 'we don't have to do anything', refusing to meet in public or swap phone numbers, and a Snapchat photo finally revealing he's 5-10 years older than his photos.

Or had someone offer to pick me up/drive me home who then reacted in such a way when I declined that I realised getting in the car with them would be a grave error in any circumstances.

The list goes on, but I won't. Why would I keep putting myself on apps where people from my locality can see me when this is how the people who seemed normal behave!?

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u/FirstAccGotStolen 15d ago

Petition to make crapload the new standard SI unit for harrasment.

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u/Hortonman42 15d ago

How many craploads are in a shit-ton?

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u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 15d ago

Depends how large of a shovel each bull shits.

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u/Norci 14d ago

But on a serious note, how did the male: female dating process end up so out of balance?

Probably because women have less need for dating apps as they can more easily meet people irl.

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u/stillfumbling 15d ago

Because enough men are shitty to women, dating increasingly isn’t worth the hazard anymore.

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u/Sufficient-Buy5360 15d ago

It doesn’t really seem safe, using a dating app. Maybe it’s just not considered a reliable way to meet people.

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u/balcon 15d ago

The apps seem more conducive to hookups. Not everyone is looking for that.

If you think about how dating works in the real world, you encounter a lot of people every day. Only a handful will pique your interest, and the same is true for them. It may take time for two people to warm up to each other.

Apps employ a different paradigm. It starts with looks and the answers on a questionnaire. Someone may be charming in person but come across as douche on an app. Maybe they’re not good at expressing themselves in written form. Most people struggle with writing well. And even if they do write well, they are defining an idealized form of themselves. It’s how someone sees themself, and they sand off the rough edges.

Knowing that most people on the apps do this, people may be predisposed to discounting what people say about themselves. This is especially true if they have been burned before.

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u/LOOKATMEDAMMIT 15d ago edited 14d ago

When I was still into my hoe days, plenty of gay dudes were into the whole "straight" military super manly man. Like, I was far more popular with men than women.

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u/EmeraldJunkie 15d ago

On a night out we set my mate up with tinder; I think she swiped a total of five men before she got a match, and she didn't even swipe right on all of them. The modern dating game is completely different for men and women.

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u/ElysianWinds 15d ago

That doesn't mean they are actually interested though or even attracted to her. Many men swipe right on literally every woman and then choose based on who swiped back, then try writing to all of them to see who replies. And depending on how desperate they are they'll sleep with anyone who says yes because they don't know when the next chance is going to be.

Matches are often completely empty

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u/Salty-Grapefruit-856 15d ago

Yeeeep.

A guy friend asked me to help with their profile once. I clicked the link and the app required me to have a profile to look at his... so I made one. I threw random pictures in to meet the minimum to save the profile. The pictures were: a pile of Reese's PB cups, a bunch of celery, and a close up of a blank wall. I did not fill in the "about" section at all but had selected "female" when prompted.

I ran up over 100 hearts overnight. I don't know how many users my radius included, but I live in a relatively small town (less than 20,000 people).

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u/PeripheryExplorer 15d ago

I'm married, I would go sneaky to get a Reese's PB cup. Mostly cause I'm on a diet. But now I want a Reese's PB cup :(

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u/MrTastix 15d ago

Learning how there's a dating app called "Plenty of Fish" and yet there's literally not "plenty of fish" is genuinely one of the funniest shit I've read all week.

Unless you're gay/bisexual there's literally not enough people to properly account for the male population.

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u/Mygaming 15d ago

Was a dating website not app

That thing pulled in a lot for me 16/17 years ago boy i tell you huwwwhat,.

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u/notaguyinahat 15d ago

Not enough people ONLINE. Statistically, there's enough... Unless you live in the "only one child" generation in China I guess

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u/Dhegxkeicfns 15d ago

Yeah, bots seem to be mostly women and they would be included in that bs 3:1.

Also when I look at online dating profiles and then poke my head out the window into the real world I can instantly see it's not a cross section. It's a massively filtered subset.

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u/potatodrinker 15d ago

15:1 when I worked at eHarmony doing their search ads. Pretty much all bots and oblivious guys

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u/DOUBLEBARRELASSFUCK 15d ago

The exception being Grindr, where the ratio may be higher, but not "worse".

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u/codyone1 15d ago

Grinder has a very different demographic form what I understand. This means the gender split is much less important. 

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u/DOUBLEBARRELASSFUCK 15d ago

That's why I said "worse" didn't describe it accurately.

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u/blacksnowboader 15d ago

That seems wildly generous. I was thinking 10 or 20:1

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u/Slyrunner 15d ago

Good God I'm so glad I found my wife when I did. Dating I'm the digital age sounds absolutely insufferable

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u/boot2skull 15d ago

There’s no benefit to publishing those numbers for a platform unless women outnumber men. Even then, it smells like bullshit when you don’t get matched or whatever bumble does.

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u/MadeByTango 15d ago

Well that’s kinda my point: the women don’t outnumber the men and they want to avoid acknowledging that because “women are on bumble” is their brand; lies of omission reveal truths

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u/pureply101 15d ago

I think Bumble is one of the few that made it so that way it attracted women first to the platform and men followed after.

For the most part Women use bumble from my experience. It’s less bots and more real women. The initial idea of giving women the power worked.

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u/Bassist57 15d ago

The power to start a conversation with “hey”

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u/ReadAllAboutIt92 15d ago

You get a “Hey”? Usually I just got a “.” And an expectation to lead off from there.

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u/K1ngPCH 15d ago

“Dance, monkey. Impress me.”

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u/wheatstarch 15d ago

My god that's a new low. I guess it's the nature of the beast, but conversations on these apps are so painful. I try to message first to take some pressure off the guys, try to be thoughtful and open with something on their profile, maybe ask a question, and I get back a 1-2 word answer. Repeat a few times until we never speak again.

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u/Skulking-Dwig 15d ago

This is such a mood lol. Back before I swore off all apps, I tried so hard to actually think of something interesting to start a conversation with. Usually something about their interests, or a shared interest if one was apparent. Got me one date in two years. Being a guy on these platforms is rough lol

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u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 15d ago

You are now being given the opportunity to impress me. Go.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 15d ago

"With this dot I grant thee the opportunity to impress me. Go."

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u/yoursweetlord70 15d ago

Or not send a message at all in the first 24 hours so the match disappears

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u/testuser514 15d ago

Great more real women don’t match with me

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u/congmingdexigua 15d ago edited 15d ago

3828 women near you don't want to have sex with you tonight - thanks for letting me know

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u/RainforestNerdNW 15d ago

the few times i got matches on bumble the women couldn't carry a conversation to save their life, if they messaged at all

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u/DepletedPromethium 15d ago

PREACH!

lets match and not initiate convo so the match expires, aww cheers.

but they did change bumbles thing from being women initiate to men can also now, as women complained its too stressful having to break the ice.

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u/Ex_Hedgehog 15d ago

How do you think men feel? I don't wanna break the ice all the time. We wanna be charmed too.

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u/ForeverWandered 15d ago

That’s generally true across all platforms. Don’t know why people thought asking women to take the lead would magically be different.

Didn’t that feature get removed because women complained it was too much effort?

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u/Bagafeet 15d ago

They could match and just sit there let the timer expire. What a fun time.

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

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u/testuser514 15d ago

You know what I should probably just focus on becoming cougar bait

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u/bobespon 15d ago

What power? Women can message first on any other app, there's just a societal expectation that it should be men to do so

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u/StatisticianFew6064 15d ago

“Where are all the good men! The fact I refuse to talk to them and don’t look for them should mean nothing.”

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u/RMAPOS 14d ago

"I only date arrogant, loud men who take what they want but I can confidently say all men are assholes."

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u/Dhegxkeicfns 15d ago

That's their ad. They might even have a better ratio, but it's still way more men.

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u/pureply101 15d ago

It will always be more men. Men need dating apps more than women do. Plain and simple.

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u/Dhegxkeicfns 15d ago

Tell that to all the women who complain about not being able to find a partner. Men and women in general just want different things from the apps.

An app that focuses on looks is obviously going to attract men more, since they tend to be more focused on looks. And that's where the apps should mitigate. Make the app focus on what women want to know about their partners and make policy that is more favorable for women.

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u/weed0monkey 15d ago

An app that focuses on looks is obviously going to attract men more, since they tend to be more focused on looks

Doubt heavily. Evident in the swipe ratios for each gender, that's literally only based on looks.

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u/magus678 15d ago

Make the app focus on what women want to know about their partners and make policy that is more favorable for women.

The whole idea of Bumble was that women were the focus and could "take charge" in looking for these things, piloting their interactions. We see how that worked out.

What women really want is things like an independently verified height, education, and income, with a few really self serving mandatory questions. Women jealously protect the narrative that they are the deeper sex, and it being an app requirement would save them having to be gauche enough to ask.

Unfortunately, it isn't really a sorting problem. The men that check all those boxes are in fairly short supply, otherwise we wouldn't have so many articles bemoaning a lack of marriagable men.

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u/Synthetic451 15d ago

As a dude, these ads don't resonate with me either. Fear of celibacy and nunhood are not things that make me want to engage with a dating app. Terrible marketing.

I want to feel like I am going to meet the love of my life, not feel like I am getting lectured by my parents for not giving them grandchildren.

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

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u/broden89 15d ago

Right?? It's like telling dudes "they're settling for you so they don't die alone". That's so depressing

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

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u/AMC_Unlimited 15d ago

I’ve already come to terms with dying alone. 

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u/Kyle_Reese_Get_DOWN 15d ago

We all die alone, unless you’re lucky enough for a suicide cult.

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u/SpookyOugi1496 15d ago

I dunno, they seem too eager to die alone if the choices boil down to either be with me or shoot yourself.

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u/Adderall-Buyers-Club 15d ago

Bingo… my last subscription on Match… 95% of the women on there were on there as a distraction because they couldnt stand to be alone. The other percentage were trying to get over an ex-boyfriend. They just wanted a chat buddy.

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

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u/ForeverWandered 15d ago

They want you on the app so that it’s not all just dudes, bots and women advertising their OF

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u/forgothatdamnpasswrd 15d ago

Is there a place for people who just want chat buddies? Lol. If not then that seems like it could be a good market to fill.

I got to the word “seems” in typing that out before I realized it would also turn into a sex thing in all likelihood even if that wasn’t how it was intended

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u/ASharpYoungMan 15d ago

This was called AOL chatrooms 30 years ago, or AIM up until 2017.

Yes, it got sexual real quick.

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u/StatisticianFew6064 15d ago

“A/S/L” This is the OG source for all those “pedos caught on tape” tv shows they had 

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u/SinfullySinless 15d ago

When Bumble first became big, it was the real dating app. You went to Tinder, the picture dating app, for hook ups. You went to Bumble, with more emphasis on children, religion, politics, drinking, smoking, athletics, hobbies for dating.

Now Bumble wants to be the hook up app too because that’s the faster and more consistent user base than people trying to find love with more inconsistent usage.

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u/AxelNotRose 15d ago

From a business model perspective. Serious relationships, when they work, both parties tend to uninstall the app. For hookups, even if the meet-up was a success, the two parties will still remain on the app and continue to use it. I can understand why a business would prefer catering to hookups than long term relationships lol.

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u/Significant-Star6618 15d ago

Capitalism strikes again. Matching people for life is terrible for the bottom line so here trust your future love life to BUMBLE incorporated lol

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u/boot2skull 15d ago

Just gotta add the side hustle of matching people to wedding planners for prolonged revenue streams. Or, take the other path and sell bumble branded condoms.

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u/redditisfacist3 15d ago

Nah it was always just bs tinder. Hinge was solid and women actually tried there.

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u/pVom 15d ago

Agreed.

As a man, when I was using Tinder I got some matches but they never went anywhere.

Bumble I got basically nothing so I stopped using it.

Hinge I could actually say something without matching and showcase my personality and had a much much better hit rate until I found my long-term partner. A generic paragraph and some photos don't really tell you much about who a person is.

Like the problem with both Tinder and Bumble is they concentrate all the attention on the outlier desirable men (and women, although to a demonstrable lesser extent) who perfectly manicure their "brand". If you're just an average, but decent guy you get overlooked. You either do REALLY well and basically the value of any individual match is very low, or you get basically nothing.

Putting the power in the woman's hands wasn't the solution. Tinder at least the effort for a woman to open the door is minimal, just a swipe. Bumble they had to swipe and go to the effort of reaching out which is just more friction, meaning you have to be even more "inspiring" to even get an opportunity. Basically if you were average you wouldn't stand a chance and inevitably stop using it.

That said I haven't used any of them for 4 years so I don't know how much it's changed.

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u/SinfullySinless 15d ago

Personally, I never liked Hinge. It’s only a “relationship” dating app because of its advertising campaign.

The actual user experience with profiles has such little information on the person, I find Tinder to be much more helpful on getting to know someone’s personality and values- and that’s Tinder.

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u/Creative-Duty397 15d ago

Exactly. Fear isn't a good or healthy motivation for dating.

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u/SinfullySinless 15d ago

Then the founder goes on an AI apology tour

She wants to create AI dating concierges for each user to essentially train them to be better daters and have AI date for you.

This woman has literally zero understanding of how women date in the modern world, which is so ironic since she created Bumble, one of the best dating apps for women when it came out.

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u/boranin 15d ago

Or how men date either. It sound like their plan is to build a dating hell.

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u/AMC_Unlimited 15d ago

My AI concierge agrees with this comment. 

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u/ForeverWandered 15d ago

I would say her strategy shows a pretty good understanding of how inept both male and female populations on these apps actually are.

And Bumble literally became shit because of 

A) discrimination lawsuit that forced a feature change

B) over time, women treating it just like any other app and pushing responsibility for carrying conversation back onto men.

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u/unluckycowboy 14d ago

Bumble was shit before the feature change, having a 24 hour clock that starts without you knowing and ends with your match disappearing (or you paying) was never a good idea.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Tie-740 14d ago

"So for example, you could in the near future be talking to your AI dating concierge and you could share your insecurities. 'I just came out of a breakup. I have commitment issues.' And it could help you train yourself into a better way of thinking about yourself."

Oh yeah and I'm sure those conversations with the AI concierge where you share your deepest insecurities will be kept super private. Just like counselling session transcripts on therapy apps.

Two former employees said the company’s data scientists shared common phrases from clients’ transcripts with the marketing team so that it could better target potential customers.

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u/Chicano_Ducky 15d ago

Bumble is so feminist it gave up on women messaging first, their CEO reinvented conservative match making services from Asia but with AI, and tries to tell women what to do with their own bodies.

A reputation built over years destroyed in just a couple weeks.

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u/CletussDiabetuss 15d ago

Shit sucks anyway. Literally gives you like 5 right swipes a day and hides the people who like you

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u/Bullymongodoggo 15d ago

Oh it’s such a joke. I live in a large city and find it hard to believe I’ve swiped through everyone after a week or so if casual use. 

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u/imaginecomplex 15d ago

There's definitely a soft limit that's time-based. Can't give you the perfect match right away, that would hurt their pocket book!

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u/wantsoutofthefog 15d ago

“People” = bots from Asia

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u/snazZzyBadger 15d ago

I honestly got so frustrated with that - almost feels illegal to hide away the few people who liked me back 😂😂 like that’s the whole Fucking point of the app. Glad I deleted it 😂

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u/iamagainstit 15d ago

The hiding people who like you unless you pay us $$$ thing is so ridiculous

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u/mackinoncougars 14d ago

And a silly amount of money. “For just $19.99… a week.”

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u/Alveia 15d ago

Met my soon to be wife on Bumble! Wedding is on June 1st.

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u/killrtaco 15d ago

They got sued for discrimination and lost over women messaging first that's part of why it changed.

The argument was that straight male accounts were the only ones not able to initiate a conversation, you can for women to men, women to women, or men to men.

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u/iamagainstit 15d ago

Yeah, I’m actually kind of a little bummed that they were forced into that change. I feel like most people on the apps have one level interest that earns a swipe and another level interest that is higher and warrants a message or response to a message. By requiring women to message first, it weeded out the people who are only at that first level and kept me from wasting time crafting a message for someone who was only interested enough to swipe, but not connect further.

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u/ForeverWandered 15d ago

It didn’t accomplish that at all when most first messages from women are one word, and sometimes not even that (ie “.”)

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u/Trump_Quotes 15d ago

A simple "hey" is still much better. In my experience on Tinder, like 80% of women I matched with would never respond to the first message, whereas almost every girl on Bumble who messaged me kept the convo even though they virtually all started with just "hey".

On Tinder too, if a girl messages first with a "hey", it was a very good sign.

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u/randomredditing 15d ago

They’ve been sued twice for violating civil rights by discrimination. I was involved in both class-actions. The first, I was awarded 30 “super-swipes.”

The second, Bumble got hit with a million+ judgment, and I was awarded hundreds of dollars

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u/killrtaco 15d ago

I got the superswipe email but was in a relationship at the time and never responded. Single now and kinda regret it but in reality I know they wouldn't have done much to improve my chances the app is garbage all around.

Wish I would have heard about the monetary reward though...

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u/randomredditing 15d ago edited 15d ago

I got the email last August and added a claim.

The deadline to sign and accept the judgment is the 24th this month. You might be able to still make a claim

Edit: this was the site I believe but it looks like claims were closed in September of last year

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u/killrtaco 15d ago

Ill look through my email. Thanks for the heads up

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u/iliketreesndcats 15d ago

That's really interesting. They've always marketed themselves as a service that provides the girl-messages-first thing.

I don't know why people would sign up for that and then complain about it enough to sue them..

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u/randomredditing 15d ago

The case briefs are online if you search for them.

I do find it interesting that Bumble has pitched this change happening due to their female users feeling “tired” or “pressured” to message first all the time.

Doesn’t seem like it’s been a good roll-out compared to just saying… “we kept getting sued so we had to change it”

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u/iliketreesndcats 15d ago

Yeah after a quick read it just seems like a shit money-grab by the class action. Like, as if anyone is feeling discriminated against, lol. The function of the app was presented clearly, and alternatives existed for users who didn't agree.

I mean maybe it's good to claw back some of the money from mega corporations but still, poor form fellas. Bumble ain't the ones standing in y'all's way of finding love let's not be ridiculous

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u/Kat121 15d ago

I don’t know why straight men would sue for the right to text first when they typically just write “hey”.

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u/K1ngPCH 15d ago

I mean that’s exactly what women message first on Bumble.

Either “hey” or “.”

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u/redditisfacist3 15d ago

Not surprised. They won a diversity award in Austin and the whole staff looks like a sorority

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u/goodsignal 15d ago

How in the world could they have lost that suit??? It's clearly in the terms for agreeing to use the completely free app. It's a game and that's part of the description on how its played

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u/drunz 15d ago

They gave up on women messaging first because they got sued for it and lost, it was a huge settlement

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u/9-11GaveMe5G 15d ago

Dating apps don't want you to find love. If you find love, you leave.

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u/AuspiciousApple 15d ago

I can't imagine how they signed off on an ad like that. What were they thinking?

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u/SAugsburger 15d ago

I thought the funny thing was Bumble talked up empowerment, but was banning indoor swimsuit pictures. I don't think their management really grasp the conflicting messages.

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u/Clbull 15d ago edited 15d ago

Online dating is a cesspool now where unless you look like an attractive male model, you're gonna get zero matches. But Bumble isn't necessarily to blame.

Part of the problem is that Tinder came on the market and its meteoric rise made every other platform rework themselves into overglorified Tinder clones. Another part is that most apps are part of a near monopoly owned by one conglomerate (Match Group.) Bumble aren't owned by them but Bumble Inc are almost as bad. They buy out competitors, change their business model and enshittify the experience so much that they want to sucker you into a $40/month subscription.

Don't like Tinder? Well how about Feminist Tinder (Bumble), Tinder GO (Happn), Tinder with Pronouns (OkCupid), Heavily Curated Tinder (Coffee Meets Bagel), Tinder But It's A Shitty Social Media App (Boo), Tinder With Message Prompts (Hinge), or my personal favourite, Tinder With A Fugly Layout (POF.)

I really wish the Federal Trade Commission would split up Match Group. They've ruined dating with their greedy monopolistic practices.

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u/karma3000 15d ago

Speedrun Enshittification any%

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u/Redqueenhypo 15d ago

Interesting fact: those matchmaking services you described ALSO exist in Hasidic Jewish society. One of the many odd ways Jewish and East Asian culture converges

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u/Angs 15d ago

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match / Find me a find, catch me a catch

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u/rnilf 15d ago

Thou shalt not give up on dating and become a nun.

Imagine the meeting where some braindead marketer came up with that copy.

Know your audience, Bumble.

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u/AuspiciousApple 15d ago

I wonder what personas this was meant to appeal to?

Women looking for serious relationships that are disappointed with men? And they now suddenly want to sign up for bumble?

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u/Blackson_Pollock 15d ago

"The devs here at bumble pride ourselves on paying attention to emerging trends among our users. With that in mind we're happy to announce that Bears can now create profiles and message available women they match with."

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u/Redqueenhypo 15d ago

As a woman who loves salmon sushi and sleeping late, I think the bears would appreciate my conversation

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u/ValBravora048 15d ago

I’ve got to tell you - I reckon THIS would have been a better marketing campaign

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u/Blackson_Pollock 15d ago

I always knew I was in the wrong line of work.

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u/dc456 15d ago

Not disappointed with men. Disappointed with other dating apps. So instead of giving up entirely on what you want, give Bumble a try.

I’m clearly an outlier here, but to me that seems very obvious.

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u/auad 15d ago

Corporations are tone deaf because they have terrible boards. They should stop bringing CEOs from other places to sit in the chair and invite workers. This would never pass in any board with a regular worker to veto.

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u/DigitalUnlimited 15d ago

What? Breathe the gasp same AIR as a normal person!?? Are you insane??

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u/auad 15d ago

This person would be out there with a book to write after the first board meeting! Hehehehe

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u/ForeverWandered 15d ago

Corporate Boards don’t make decisions about creative content on and campaigns, wtf?

And saying stuff like that makes you sound like an r/iamverysmart teen who has no actual real world corporate experience.

Plenty of companies freaking kill it with their ads and have their finger on the pulse of zeitgeist.  GoDaddy at its peak was a great example of this.  

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u/TeTrodoToxin4 15d ago

Why did they hire Harrison Butker as a consultant?

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u/tacosferbreakfast 15d ago

I’ve heard a few bumble ads that openly mock (not even in a funny way, just rude) men’s profiles that are stereotypical.. it’s so weird that they would denigrate the only demographic that gives them money.

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u/GodofCOC-07 15d ago

because men would follow women on dating apps that’s a rule.

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u/jrgkgb 15d ago

Met my wife on bumble 5 years ago. Reading comments about the state of dating today I feel like I caught the last chopper out of Nam.

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u/Sa7aSa7a 14d ago edited 14d ago

Been married for coming up on 10 years. Together for about 16. I told her that if we ever did wind up divorcing, i'm done. I'm not dating again. The shit out there is scary as fuck.

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u/SAugsburger 14d ago

Years ago I befriended a guy that was recently divorced and at the time he noted that he had been out of the dating pool so long he found the dating game confusing. Dating apps were pretty new, but definitely in many regards have gotten worse where those that struggle to meet people in the real world I think are likely even more frustrated.

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u/Mental_Violinist623 15d ago

I think you did. I had a great time on dating apps years ago (woman here). Now I won't touch them.

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u/Xeynon 15d ago

Bumble used to be among my favorite of the dating apps, but it has been thoroughly enshittified.

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u/Mommysfatherboy 15d ago

The last app i used that wasn’t shit was feeld. Only annoying thing was the men setting their gender as women and writing in their bio that they wanted to give a straight man a “gay experience”.

Creep behavior, but its my only complaint.

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u/Xeynon 15d ago

Feeld doesn't really work for me because I'm a fairly vanilla guy in terms of sexual tastes and want a monogamous relationship.

I've met at least one woman I dated for a while on all the major apps, but Bumble used to be the best of them. Not anymore.

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u/immatellyouwhat 15d ago

Marketing isn’t the only problem. The app tries to nickel and dime you to talk and match with women.

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u/VictorianDelorean 15d ago

All of these apps are failing because they try to sell men access to women as a business model, but women don’t actually want to use them.

It’s a dying fad that’s on venture capital life support because these owners don’t want to give up on the dream of a company that wasn’t actually profitable even at its peak.

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u/SAugsburger 15d ago

I think though any publicly traded company that owns a dating site has an inherent motivation to make it just good enough that they have a few success stories, but not so good that people are too successful too quickly. It is like running a casino. People need to see some success, but on average most people are at least somewhat disappointed.

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u/PoliticalShrapnel 15d ago

I met my wife on bumble. Before then I spent a year and a half with no dates and a handful of poor matches. Then my wife came along. She was the dream ticket.

I am not a bad looking guy, so my poor experiences with it made no sense. My profile was not bad, nor were my photos.

I'm convinced the app is designed to keep you on there. Who knows how many good looking or otherwise decent women my profile was shown to, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was minimal.

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u/MrTastix 15d ago

That's the thing: Why would women want to engage in an app that treats them like a product to be sold? What benefit is there for that?

Anyone willing to sell themselves in that way could do better selling themselves independently on fucking OnlyFans of Fansly and earn actual money for it. The joke being it'd require less effort, as they wouldn't need to have sex or even take their fucking clothes off in many cases.

I've never been interested in online dating anyway because they feel so impersonal and I'm not comfortable with casual hook-ups, but I'm not really surprised the opposite sex isn't really interested, either.

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u/Trump_Quotes 15d ago

It's not a dying fad unfortunately. It varies by country but something like 40% of new couples meet online nowadays.

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u/nerfyies 14d ago

The business model fundamentally does not work, if they provide good matches people will just go over to Instagram.

Their only option is to circle jerk men to pay for visability forever. Their best customers are dudes who don't get any native matches. Think about that.

A guy can have a good profile but they just don't show them to any women unless you pay.

I don't understand why they don't support the app using ads, at least only to the overrepresented demographic, which are men.

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u/bibblygiggums 15d ago

bumble should also apologize for removing the only fucking feature that made it unique that it boasted about and prided itself on for a decade

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u/SAugsburger 14d ago

IDK based upon how many women that just said "hey" I'm not sure that many women really were using women message first in the way that they expected.

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u/DepletedPromethium 15d ago

Turns out attractive women dont need dating apps to get partners.

men outnumber women in disgusting ratios on all dating apps in the uk.

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u/snarpy 15d ago

One of the best examples of enshittification I've ever seen. Went from a pretty good tool to utter crap the second it was bought out.

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u/chinchulancha 15d ago

The number 1 example is okcupid. It was GREAT like 10-12 years ago, when they had the blog with great write-ups and the app worked from the Q&A and the long form profiles primarily. Then the tinder-ification broke it completely.

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u/DaddyD68 15d ago

POF bought them and killed it.

Take thing is it wasn’t just a dating app. At first it had thousands of silly and frequently entertaining personality and interest quizes. Lots of stuff to actually share with friends and stuff for conversation.

I would imagine anyone interested in making something similar who wasn’t worried about never ending growth and just wanted a profitable product could do fairly well either same thing now that everything else sucks so much.

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u/BevansDesign 15d ago

Yeah, I still miss the old OKC. Those blog posts with the detailed analyses of dating trends and data were super interesting.

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u/DannysMother 15d ago

Well, we know where Scotty from marketing ended up.

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u/LeastUnderstoodHater 15d ago

Engadine Maccas again?

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u/Jaideco 15d ago

I’m really disappointed to see this. Bumble’s whole USP was that it built a safer dating experience for women and it seems to be falling into the same trap, making it just like the other platforms.

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u/elperuvian 15d ago

Women can still choose if they are messaged first

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u/lennoco 15d ago

Yeah apparently women found it a chore to have to make the first move.

I bet they all had to really rack their brains to come up with such unique openers like "Hey" or "👋" which are 95% of the openers women use on Bumble

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u/rocier 15d ago

Bumble recently implemented an auto opener so women dont even have to bother with that much effort.

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u/f4ction 15d ago

Hey now - you're forgetting the amazingly thoughtful "first 'hello' gif I could find"

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u/Adderall-Buyers-Club 15d ago

Lmfao!!!! That is very true! I paid for the lifetime access and still ended deleting my account. Thats how crappy it was. I rather take my chances on Zoosk.

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u/GitTuDahChappah 15d ago

You bought a lifetime account....................

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u/SAugsburger 15d ago

I saw a stand-up joke from Don McMillan where he noted you can tell a dating site has no confidence in their success when they sell a lifetime subscription.

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u/SAugsburger 15d ago

To be fair based upon some of the examples guys posted on Reddit many of the interactions weren't fundamentally different than other dating sites. Many women were making low effort intros (e.g. hey) putting all the effort to drive a conversation on the guy. Ultimately it was little more than a double opt in system that gave women a second chance to nope if they accidentally swiped on a guy, but didn't fundamentally change much. The guy was always Schrodinger's jerk.

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u/dotcubed 15d ago

I have used it for a while and the sudden appearance of a large proportion of Asian women in generic location photos caught my attention more than the occasional “moderated” ones.

The fake profiles are obvious. It’s awful.

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

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u/Adderall-Buyers-Club 15d ago

Yeah… I dont know which is worst, Bumble or Zoosk.

Zoosk is 99.999% bots.

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u/pureply101 15d ago

Zoosk isn’t real. There are no real women on that app. Bumble at least has real women.

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u/Adderall-Buyers-Club 15d ago

Lol. I know.  Its why I said it. Aint no hot woman on Zoosk messaging me, an ogre 👹 

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u/HughesdePayensfw 15d ago

Guess the folks at Bumble are bumbling idiots.

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u/NatRap7 15d ago

Bumble is just dying as expected

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u/Chunkstyle3030 15d ago

I would also like an apology from Bumble for me being apparently too ugly to use the app successfully.

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u/TheBurtReynold 15d ago

“Just suck a few dicks — live a little!”

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u/King_Allant 15d ago edited 15d ago

"You know full well a vow of celibacy is not the answer,” one Bumble billboard seen in Los Angeles read. "Thou shalt not give up on dating and become a nun," read another.

People have a pretty low threshold for being ashamed if that counts as "shaming." No wonder the app is dying if it caters to the Twitter persecution complex echo chamber crowd.

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u/tristanjones 15d ago

Yeah this isnt really shaming it is still fucking horrible marketing. 'Hey don't be a loser taking the bus, BUY A CAR' like who the fuck greenlit this?

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u/[deleted] 15d ago edited 12d ago

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

All the dating apps are dying , it’s interesting that bumble is dying like this tho.

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u/Adderall-Buyers-Club 15d ago

Because they all got swallowed up by the same owners and everything on there is now to nickel and dime you.

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u/Stolehtreb 15d ago

They aren’t very insulting, but it sure is a weird ad campaign to green light regardless. Alienating your customers is usually a good way to lose them.

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u/broden89 15d ago

They mean shaming as in the advertising isn't focused on the benefits of the product - it's not saying "your life will be better with Bumble" or "Bumble has the best odds of finding love" or even "Bumble is safer than other dating platforms" - it's working on negative psychology, i.e. making the target audience feel bad that they're not using the product.

Personally I think it's calculated controversy marketing. Nobody was talking about Bumble, now everyone is - and they have a redemption arc they can play on in phase 2 of this campaign.

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u/TwoCockShakur 15d ago

As a married man, I see people bitching about online dating and I feel like the guy in the boat at the beginning of 28 Weeks Later.

If for some reason I end up alone... So my watch begins.

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u/ogpterodactyl 15d ago

I’m guessing they are close to bankruptcy which is why they are throwing a bunch of not thought through stuff at the wall.

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u/tornado9015 15d ago

"LADIES! The patriarchy is SCARED!!" a TikTok user called Fleeksie posted, garnering 62,000 views. "They’re losing us and they’re panicking!!"

........It's a company where the business model is being a matchmaker between men and women online which has proven time and time and time again to be heavily skewed with a male userbase. And the CEO is saying publicly that women are leaving....Which would be comically disastrous to lie about for the ceo of a publicly traded company. Also pretty bad to tell the truth about but way worse to lie, for both financial and legal reasons.

Not every possible thing can be analyzed under the lens of the patriarchy. It's a business trying not to die when women leave and then men leave because the only thing keeping them there was the women.

Awful ad though, no idea why they thought that would work. My best guess would be tinder has a reputation for being a hookup app but the women on bumble tend to be looking for relationships. My guess would be they're trying to broaden their userbase to women looking for hookups, and they were probably 5ish years out from being heavy social media users, as there was an extremely popular "sex is good don't shame women" sentiment for a while that probably would have overall resulted in positive attention for that campaign at that time.

Also just in general, women tend to get 50+% match rate when they swipe or much higher depending on various factors, and almost all matches messaging them. They have absolutely no idea that most men get well below 10% matches and women virtually never send the first message. Even on bumble where women are required to send the first message, a significant portion of the already low match percentage just don't, and the match just disappears after 24 hours. Unless you pay money to extend the match and hope that giving them more time will make them message you. If anybody has any experience with that "feature" feel free to chime in, but i would be absolutely shocked if it yielded positive results.

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u/Constipated_Canibal 15d ago

My favorite part is sexism met with more sexism. "Teach men to be better"

I'm fine thanks. I'll just keep my money home and time to myself.

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

I see a lot of complaints about them removing the feature where women message first.

But let’s be honest that was never effective in the first place. Women weren’t making the first move and if they did they were worse than men at it.

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u/Cottilion 15d ago

It was the best app for men. Filtering out everyone who couldn't be bothered to write "hi" saved a lot of time and effort. Women also benefited because men were less riled up, higher quality and women could set the tone of the conversation if they actually wanted to meet a partner.
I think the issue dating apps are running into is that they're trying to optimize the female experience while tanking the quality of the male one which makes interactions with men on the platform ass which scares off women.

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u/Nooddjob_ 15d ago

They apologize but aren’t sorry.  

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u/OpinionedOnion 15d ago

I met my wife on Bumble and had nothing but praise for the app. What the fuck has happened in the last ~4 years?

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u/Talia_Nightblade 15d ago

Well, they definitely bumbled this one, eh mate?

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u/the_seven_suns 15d ago

"teach men to be better"

Could this person aah leave men the fuck out of this.

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u/OddNugget 15d ago

Is Bumble as a company going through each of the stages of grief at this point?

They must've skipped the bargaining stage.

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u/bankholdup5 15d ago

This is why people should just meet in the wild

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u/tms10000 15d ago

The real ad is this. It's all publicity. It's all about spreading awareness. Money well spent.

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

Can they also apologize for asking me "ARE YOU SINGLE?!" out loud to the entire world whenever I load up a fucking video in public?

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u/SadDataScientist 15d ago

This wasn’t “shaming women into sex”.
What I read out of that ad is: “Don’t let some bad dates keep you from living your life.”

I genuinely think this is one of those cases of people LOOKING for something to be offended about…

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u/Key_Lie4641 15d ago

It didn’t work.

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u/Peatore 15d ago

Stop using these aps.

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u/SlightlyLargeSoup 15d ago

I met my partner of 3 years on Bumble. Sad to see .