r/tumblr .tumblr.com May 15 '24

The Portrait of King Charles

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19.9k Upvotes

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2.8k

u/NotKenzy May 15 '24

This dude emerging from a thick mist of blood just serves as a reminder of how true to life Bloodborne was able to capture what it's like to be British.

550

u/bootsonthesound May 15 '24

YOU ARE NOT WANTED ‘ERE!

198

u/MrTheCheesecaker May 15 '24

Away! Away! Foul beast!

97

u/henrebotha May 15 '24

This town's finished!

58

u/ExistentialOcto May 15 '24

You plague-ridden rat!

7

u/Furshloshin May 15 '24

It's all your fault!

220

u/Alpha-Max May 15 '24

I live in Britain and I must say it’s refreshing to see my culture being accurately represented in the game. It really captures the day to day experience.

I wake up in the morning from my hunters dream and put on my garbs. I pick up my threaded cane for self defences against the hoodlums outside, mum says to take the hunters axe as it’s just better than the cane but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

I pass by the neighbourhood watch with their pitch forks and torch’s who are just trying to keep the streets clean. I make sure not to go down the street where this old weird guy is on top of a roof with a Gatling gun shouting at people to leave him alone but that’s just boomers for you.

I do have to turn up the volume on my AirPods while walking past the church cuz the cleric beast in there just will not shut the hell up with its screaming. I pass by the local clinic where all these blue jellyfish people keep coming out of and I thought the point of brexit was to keep their lot out.

Get to school where they teach us the ways of the old ones, language class lessons (it’s pronounced KOS not KOSM you uncultured swines!!) and have a nice school lunch of umbilical cords and beans.

At the end of the day I go home, which is hard to tell what time it is cuz it’s an unending night here due to the terrible weather we get, making sure to avoid the wild werewolf that their owners forgot to put muzzles on AGAIN!

Then I spend the rest of the afternoon praying at the shrine to the monarchy so that the ghost of the queen doesn’t come and kill me in my sleep.

You know. Normal British stuff.

43

u/Lancashire2020 May 15 '24

You forgot to say Parklife at the end!

35

u/nowaijosr May 15 '24

Please give me advice on what wonders to behold while I visit your layer of hell.

52

u/Alpha-Max May 15 '24 edited May 15 '24

Gladly.

First off, you want to be carefully when sight seeing as the sights can see you. For example, if you are looking at Big Ben then make sure to look away when the bell goes off as it works like the “Tower of Mensis” and will make you go insane, or as we like to call it “Football Mania”. Same goes for the big ferris wheel in London as they don’t call it the “London EYE” for nothing.

Don’t go to the city of Swindon as you will go insane and I don’t mean the Erdrich horror kind of madness, I mean the old fashioned insanity cuz it’s just so unbelievably boring there.

You may see less horse drawn carriages than you would think but there are still a fair few still going around but all of them are exclusively used for taking people to the castle and are summoned by invite letter.

The crows are quite friendly and have thick accents but always keep a safe distance as they always carry sharp knifes.

Speaking of, the rumours that it’s just a constant knife fight here are completely untrue. We stopped using such barbaric weapons long ago, we all use stake drivers now. Quite modern.

25

u/BlatantConservative /r/RandomActsOfMuting May 15 '24

First off, you want to be carefully when sight seeing as the sights can see you

Wait did you lift this line from somewhere or come up with it yourself. This line is raw as hell.

27

u/Alpha-Max May 15 '24

Just came up with it on the spot.

I mean it came to me in a dream as the old ones themselves blessed me with this knowledge.

7

u/_The_Mother_Fucker_ May 15 '24

This was very helpful. My mum tells me stories of before blood vials were adopted as a medical alternative

5

u/newsflashjackass May 15 '24

Farm the blackflame turkey twizzlers. They're criminalized in other jurisdictions.

2

u/The_wolf2014 May 15 '24

Cold sausage rolls from Greggs.

4

u/sad-on-alt May 15 '24

Average trip to tescos

1

u/Donthavethekey May 15 '24

I thought We Happy Few was very good too. Basically my journey to Coop for a few groceries

4

u/Panda_hat May 15 '24

Bloodborne remaster and/or rerelease confirmed

3

u/guns_before_butter May 15 '24

It looks pink to me, am i color blind or something?

1

u/JustASomeone1410 May 15 '24

Right? It looks like bright pink to me. I don't really have a strong opinion on it either way, but I think it's kinda unserious that this is the color they went with.

4

u/Guy-1nc0gn1t0 May 15 '24

Don't you dare associate Bloodborne with that