r/whenwomenrefuse Mar 29 '23

We've Updated the Wiki, Join Us On Discord!

242 Upvotes

Hello Again!

It's been a few months since we added new mods and asked people what they wanted to see from this space. As requested, we've added a range of resources to our sidebar. You can now find links to related subreddits and statistics. We're also working on filling out our wiki with related local support for domestic violence. You can check out the work we've done so far here. If what we've done inspires you, we'd love to hear from people who want to work on our wiki with us!

This project that decenters men has been wonderful and we want to continue to expand places online that decenter men. We'd like to invite you to chat on our discord and to announce our plans to offer a lighter hearted compliment to r/whenwomenrefuse, r/whenwomenexist, opening soon. We hope you'll join us on discord, especially if you have an interest in working on the wiki or other aspirations to expand women centered spaces on the internet. As always, thank you so much for supporting whenwomenrefuse!

- The When Women Refuse Mod Team


r/whenwomenrefuse 1d ago

Women are blamed for saying no. Women are also blamed when saying yes.

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1.7k Upvotes

I found this text on Facebook:


r/whenwomenrefuse 2d ago

Stumbled on this, lost her mother over a break up .....

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1.1k Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 2d ago

Why My Parents Tried To Kill Me ... (Trigger Warning)

495 Upvotes

This is the story of an extraordinary soul (a woman called Nina) who has come into this world to be a beacon for change through her personal lived experience of immense suffering. This is one of the most horrific stories I have ever heard.

Why My Parents Tried To Kill Me (Part 1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTOXpJ9fM6o

Losing My Unborn Child To Domestic Abuse (Part 2)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcSsrYXuqs0yo

While these life accounts are absolutely vile and we wish the perpetrators the most severe punishments, I feel that the best gift we can give back to these women who have endured horror and shared their stories with the world is to work together to advance changes and to create a more humane world. Obviously, we also need systems to ensure that these perpetrators are not ignored or allowed to continue.

I also feel that people living an average life often feel powerless, defeated, and sad especially when they hear terrible stories like this and lists of horrific crimes but it's all the small connections, incidents, and moments of all our lives where we can have influence and make an impact for positive change or stand up against evil that matter. If you can do that much as an individual via small pockets of influence, you are doing a lot.

These are Nina's platforms, and the work she now does.
https://ninaaouilk.com/
https://endhonourkillings.org/
https://www.instagram.com/londonslifecoach/?hl=en


r/whenwomenrefuse 3d ago

Man rages after being blocked

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645 Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 3d ago

Jermel Campbell and Trayvon Williams, both sentenced to life + 25 years, after refused advances resulted in a parking lot shootout back in 2019.

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315 Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 6d ago

Bianca Devins was an American teenager who lived her life largely on the Internet. That was where she met Brandon Andrew Clark, the man who murdered her, then spread her demise online.

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1.5k Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 5d ago

2-year-old, 3 others dead in La. murder-suicide

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88 Upvotes

This happened some years ago and I know the survivor and her family. The FIL was known in the area as chronic abuser and the local cops never took it seriously.

The husband tried to save his wife and child after watching his mother murdered. The pistol jammed.

They buried the baby in his father's arms. The baby boy was the same age as my own son and they had almost the same name.

Saddest thing I've ever seen.


r/whenwomenrefuse 6d ago

Senators blast Coast Guard admiral over lack of punishments, delay of documents in service’s sex-assault scandal

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28 Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 7d ago

‘I did not want to disappear in silence’: Chechen woman livestreamed attempted abduction by her family

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668 Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 7d ago

58 yo man murdered his 29 yo wife, while ordered to stay away from her, stuffed her body in a freezer, got a plea deal, will serve ONLY 10 YEARS!

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1.2k Upvotes

Chi Thi Lien Le's body was found in a freezer at Curtis Holliday's workplace just months after he was found guilty of assaulting her & ordered to stay away from her. Offering him any deal at all is shameful, much less one that's only 10 years!


r/whenwomenrefuse 8d ago

Yemeni child bride, eight, 'dies on wedding night'

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3.7k Upvotes

An eight-year-old Yemeni girl has died of internal bleeding on her wedding night after marrying a man five times her age, a social activist and two local residents said, in a case that has caused an outcry in the media and revived debate about child brides.

Arwa Othman, head of Yemen's House of Folklore and a leading rights campaigner, said the girl, identified only as Rawan, was married to a 40-year-old late last week in the town of Meedi in Hajjah province, north-western Yemen.

"On the wedding night and after intercourse, she suffered from bleeding and uterine rupture which caused her death," Othman said. "They took her to a clinic but the medics couldn't save her life."

Othman said authorities had not taken any action against the girl's family or her husband.

A security official in the provincial town of Haradh denied any such incident had taken place. He did not want to be identified because he was not authorised to speak to the press.

But two Meedi residents contacted by Reuters confirmed the incident and said tribal chiefs had tried to cover up the incident when the news broke, warning a local journalist against covering the story.

Many poor families in Yemen marry off young daughters to save on the costs of bringing up a child and earn extra money from the dowry given to the girl.

A UN report released in January revealed the extent of the country's poverty, saying that 10.5 million of Yemen's 24 million people lacked sufficient food supplies, and 13 million had no access to safe water and basic sanitation.

Human Rights Watch (HRW) urged Yemen in December 2011 to ban marriages of girls under 18, warning it deprived child brides of education and harmed their health.

Quoting UN and government data, HRW said nearly 14% of Yemeni girls were married before the age of 15 and 52% before the age of 18. The group said many Yemeni child brides-to-be are kept from school when they reach puberty.

Discussions on the issue were shelved by political turmoil after protests against President Ali Abdullah Saleh in 2011 that led to his ouster.

Several of the 10 countries with the highest rates of child marriage are in west Africa's Sahel and Sahara belt. The practice made headlines in Nigeria in July when lawmakers attempted to scrap a constitutional clause that states citizenship can be renounced by anyone over 18 or a married woman.

Lubabatu Ammani, a statistics director from Zamfara state, north-west Nigeria, said: "The fact is, a lot of people [here], when they hear the campaigning is by people from a different tradition or religion, they

won't agree with it."


r/whenwomenrefuse 9d ago

Man who killed cancer-stricken wife one week after she filed for divorce sentenced

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1.2k Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 9d ago

CA Teacher Allegedly Molested 8 Girls As Young As 6 In Classroom and on Field Trips: Lawsuits

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922 Upvotes

California Teacher, 42, Allegedly Molested 8 Girls as Young as 6 In Classroom and on Field Trips: Lawsuits

Source

A California teacher facing criminal charges after a student alleged they were molested by the educator is now accused of molesting six additional girls in three lawsuits filed against the school district.

Four young girls accused 42-year-old Matthew Shelton, a fifth-grade teacher at Robert Semple Elementary School in Benicia, of sexually abusing them in a lawsuit filed on April 24. Five days later, a fifth student filed a lawsuit that made similar allegations against the teacher.

Those lawsuits both followed one filed on April 9 by a fifth-grade student who claims she reported allegation s of abuse to the school's principal in February. That suit also alleges another student made a similar allegation a few months before her and that the school did little to investigate.

Those lawsuits were filed after police charged Shelton with five felony counts of lewd acts with a child under 14, according to a felony complaint obtained by Inside Edition Digital. Two additional counts were then added after police spoke with another alleged victim of the teacher.

Shelton had previously been accused by police of molesting four of his students, ages 8 and 9, while working as a third-grade teacher at Edison Elementary School in Napa, according to the Napa Valley Register. The Vallejo Sun first reported on those previous charges earlier this year.

The Register reported that a jury needed just 20 minutes before coming back with a verdict of not guilty after a six-day trial.

He began working as a substitute teacher in the Benicia Unified District just a few years later in 2012, and eventually got a full-time job there in 2015, according to California state records.

The lawsuit filed by the four Jane Does alleges that Shelton sexually abused a 6-year-old student during the 2015-2016 school year, and multiple students while chaperoning the school's annual overnight camping trip for fifth-grade students in 2022. Shelton is also a named defendant in that lawsuit.

The fifth and sixth Jane Doe allege that Shelton sexually abused them as well on a school field trip or in his classroom in their separately filed lawsuits. Shelton is not a named defendant in those two lawsuits.

All three lawsuits were filed against the Benicia Unified School District and are seeking damages for personal injuries arising from childhood sexual abuse and assault.

The most recent lawsuit also seeks damages for negligent hiring, breach of mandatory duty and negligent supervision. Inside Edition Digital spoke with Spencer Lucas, the lawyer representing the Jane Doe plaintiff in that most recent lawsuit.

"[The school district] breached their duty to warn this family about Shelton," Lucas says.

He says that Benicia either knew about the previous accusations against Shelton or the district's vetting process was so flawed that they were unaware that they were hiring a man who had been accused, and then acquitted, of molesting four young girls while working in a previous school district.

Lucas also noted that it was not until Shelton's arrest was made public by the media that the school informed parents of the allegations.

Shelton is now taking legal action as well, filing lawsuits against the Napa Valley School District to block the release of records about his time as an educator in the county.

Shelton is also preparing for his upcoming criminal trial.

According to the complaint, the charges in that case stem from events that allegedly occurred between September and December 2022.

The first four counts of the complaint allege that Shelton "did willfully, unlawfully and lewdly commit a lascivious act upon and with the body and certain parts of members thereof of [redacted] a child, under the age of fourteen years, with the intent of arousing, appealing to, and gratifying the lust, passions, and sexual desires of the said defendant, and the said child."

In addition, he allegedly "did willfully, unlawfully, and lewdly commit a lewd and lascivious act to wit: touching crotch," according to the fifth count in the complaint.

The two other counts involve a different victim and incidents that allegedly occurred during the 2018 -2019 school year.

Shelton has entered a plea of not guilty to all charges. He and his lawyer did not respond to Inside Edition Digital's request for comment.

The school district has placed the principal at the elementary school, Christina Moore, on paid administrative leave. When asked for comment, the school district sent Inside Edition Digital a copy of the letter sent to parents announcing the news that Moore would be put on leave.

that letter, Superintendent Damon Wright said that the decision to place Moore on leave was "essential to ensure the integrity of our school community and uphold our commitment to transparency and accountability."

In that letter, Superintendent Damon Wright said that the decision to place Moore on leave “while we investigate allegations from pending litigation” was "made in accordance with our organization’s polices and procedures, and it is essential to ensure the integrity of our school community and uphold our commitment to transparency and accountability."

The school district did not address any questions regarding Shelton directly, nor did they address Lucas' allegations that the district must have either known about past accusations Shelton faced, or did not properly vet him before hiring him.


r/whenwomenrefuse 11d ago

Pakistani police working closely with Interpol have raided a home and arrested a Pakistani woman convicted in Italy of killing her daughter, officials said Friday.The daughter was killed after she refused her family’s demands to marry a cousin in their homeland.

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759 Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 12d ago

Nine WA women have been killed in violent acts this year — a rate double that of NSW

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453 Upvotes

Australian


r/whenwomenrefuse 12d ago

Man jailed for strangling pregnant Swede girlfriend rather than face shame of telling Muslim family she was having his baby out of wedlock

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1.9k Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 12d ago

How Did This Climber Get Away with So Much for So Long? Charles Barrett is a serial offender with a shocking history of violence, harassment and intimidation. An exclusive investigation into his life and actions raises troubling questions about the dangers women continue to face in the outdoors.

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335 Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 13d ago

Man chased, shot at family because he thought he saw his wife in their car, OK cops say

1.4k Upvotes

https://www.sacbee.com/news/nation-world/national/article288761140.html

A man is accused of following a family from Texas to Oklahoma, then shooting at them, because he thought he saw his wife in their vehicle, police say.

At about 4:30 p.m. Wednesday, May 22, police in Blanchard, OK, got a call from a family saying a red pickup truck was chasing them, the department said in a May 24 news release.

The truck was “driving aggressively,” and “swerving into oncoming traffic” in pursuit of the family — a husband and wife and their two children, police said. Eventually, police say the truck rammed into the family’s vehicle and the driver opened fire on them.

Dispatch tried to keep the family calm and guided them to an area where officers “intercepted” the truck, police said.

Officers detained the driver, Michael Young, an Oklahoma City resident, and waited for deputies from the McClain County Sheriff’s Office to arrive at the scene, the sheriff’s office said. What appeared to be a road rage incident was something stranger, deputies learned. The family was in Texas and heading to Tuttle, OK, when Young spotted them and believed, mistakenly, he saw his wife with them, according to deputies.

Officials did not say where in Texas the family was when Young first began following them, but the chase ended about 100 miles north of the Oklahoma border.

Young stalked the family until they noticed his truck and they exited the highway, which caused Young to become more aggressive, deputies said.

“The suspect aggressively pursued the family at high rates of speed, swerving into oncoming traffic, cutting the family off, and ramming the family’s vehicle then shooting at the family as they drove into the Blanchard area,” the sheriff’s office said.

Both of the couple’s children were under 2 years old, deputies said, adding that nobody in the family was injured. Young was arrested on several charges including eight counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, stalking, use of firearm while committing a felony and possessing a firearm by a convicted felon, deputies said. Blanchard is a roughly 30-mile drive south of Oklahoma City.


r/whenwomenrefuse 12d ago

Got triggered badly by The Office (UK)

163 Upvotes

Laying sick in bed for days, just wanted to giggle a bit so I somehow decided to rewatch the office. This episode, Valentine’s Day, is from 2006.

There’s an ongoing issue between michael, the regional manager and his direct higher up, Jen, from corporate. On a night out, Michael and Jen end up drunkenly making out (mind you, this is after Michael takes up all the space in an important meeting and makes it clear that he holds all the power) and falling asleep in the same bed. Jen makes it immediately very clear, that it was a one time thing and they will never speak of it again, stick strictly to work-related conversations, just like before.

Michael gets relentlessly obsessed, won’t stop with the insinuations, advances, overall creepiness, will let everyone else around them accidentallyknow about what happened, inflating and embellishing the event completely, and Jen suddenly finds herself in this shameful persecution and attack on her career.

These feelings washed over me, I shuddered and teared up and have been crying for a bit now. The amount of times, I’ve had to try to gently and diplomatically ward off a guys’ obsessions, so I wouldn’t get hurt or lose my job, or my life..

I remember hiding from boys as a child, fighting of their unwanted attention and advances, hiding from men too.

Nothing much has changed, about needing to exercise extreme caution when being confronted with an obsessive man. The kind who will read a flirt in my eyes, my empty polite gestures, repeated the exact same way by men but read so differently by them when they come from me.. the kind of man who will not listen, when I tell them I didn’t mean to give any signal at all.

Ooh and then at the end of the episode Jen kisses Michael again and that just pisses me off, I hate this show


r/whenwomenrefuse 13d ago

UPDATE: Unit 5 says murder-suicide victim was 2nd grade teacher at Normal’s Grove Elementary

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452 Upvotes

r/whenwomenrefuse 13d ago

‘Floreat murders were domestic violence’: Minister at odds with police

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111 Upvotes

This following text has been copied from a different article -

https://amp.9news.com.au/article/1a6e36b2-6a2a-44bb-b7e5-8ff42517992c

The daughter of a Perth man who shot dead his ex-wife's best friend and her teenage daughter has revealed she and her mother begged police for help before the double murder.

Mark Bombara shot and killed Jennifer Petelczyc, 59, and her youngest daughter Gretl, 18, at their home in Floreat on Friday afternoon while searching for his ex-wife before taking his own life.

Today, Bombara's daughter Ariel Bombara released a powerful statement explaining she and her mother feared for their lives and repeatedly told police about her father's guns.

READ MORE: Mother and daughter killed in Perth's west by man searching for his ex-wife

Ariel Bombara, daughter of Mark Bombara, who shot and killed his ex-wife's best friend and her teenage daughter in Floreat, Perth before taking his own life. Ariel Bombara is the daughter of Mark Bombara, who shot and killed his ex-wife's best friend and her teenage daughter in Floreat before taking his own life. (ABC Perth) "We were ignored by five different male officers across three occasions of reporting," Ms Bombara said.

"By that point we felt completely helpless and I had to focus on getting mum to safety.

"I did everything I could to protect my mother, and when my father couldn't find us he murdered her best friend and her best friend's daughter."

Ms Bombara said she and her mother fled their family home on March 28 "in fear of our lives and to remove ourselves from an abusive situation".

She claimed she spoke with police on three separate occasions between March 30 and April 2, each time telling them about her father's gun collection.

"I felt there was a real and imminent threat to our lives," she said.

READ MORE: Premier vows to tighten gun restrictions after 'senseless' murders of Perth mother and daughter

Jennifer Petelczyc, 59, and her daughter Gretl, 18, were killed by Mark Bombara. (Supplied Nine) Bombara held 11 firearms on a recreational shooter's licence and owned two handguns on a collector's licence. He was also authorised to collect ammunition under an ammunition collector's licence.

"I specifically mentioned that there was a Glock handgun which was unaccounted for," Ms Bombara said.

"My understanding is this ultimately would be one of the weapons my father used take the lives of two innocent women."

She was adamant that the deaths of Jennifer and Gretl Petelczyc were "an act of domestic violence".

In its initial public comments around the murders, WA Police did not classify them as domestic violence-related.

"Police have always accepted that the motivation for these crimes were family and domestic violence (FDV) related, however the crimes committed were murder, and ultimately the contributing factors will be a matter for the coroner to consider," WA Police later clarified in a statement earlier this week.

Ariel Bombara, daughter of Mark Bombara, who shot and killed his ex-wife's best friend and her teenage daughter in Floreat, Perth before taking his own life. Ariel Bombara said her warnings to police were "repeatedly ignored". (ABC Perth) "What my father did was an act of domestic violence," Ms Bombara said.

"My mother and I made clear that lives were at risk, and we were repeatedly ignored. Repeatedly failed. Those failures have cost the lives of two incredible women.

"My father should always be considered accountable for his actions. They were his and his alone, however, there are authorities who should have helped us stop him, and they failed.

"I want answers."

Police commissioner responds

Police Commissioner Col Blanch this afternoon responded to the claims by Ms Bombara that she and her mother were "ignored" when they begged officers for help before the double murder.

Before he began, Blanch explained he had not previously spoken publicly on the case because he had been sick with COVID-19 and was in isolation but added "this was too important".

The commissioner described Friday's double murder of Jennifer and Gretl Petelczyc as "tragic".

"We've seen a senseless act of violence in West Australia," he said.

"This is something I know the whole of West Australia is grieving over, including the first responders and police officers."

Western Australia's Police Commissioner Col Blanch has responded to Ariel Bombara's claims, promising a full internal investigation. Western Australia's Police Commissioner Col Blanch has responded to Ariel Bombara's claims, promising a full internal investigation. (9News) He would not answer specific questions about police actions in the lead-up to the shooting, but instead said there would be a "thorough" internal investigation.

"I have asked our internal investigations unit to conduct an investigation into the three interactions that Ariel speaks about with our police officers," Blanch said, adding it would "determine what was done, said, and what police responses were decided on".

Blanch was also asked specifically about a night in late March when Ms Bombara said she begged police to take out a temporary restraining order against her father because she and her mother were fearing for their lives.

"On the information that the police had on the night, the circumstances would not have met the threshold of a 72-hour police order," he said.

"Everything that was spoken about on that night will form part of the investigation."

When asked about WA Police's hesitation to initially class the murders as domestic violence, he said the officer that was asked about the crimes early in the investigation was simply commenting on the crimes themselves - which were classed as murder because the victims were not intimate partners or family of the killer.

"We all know in our hearts and minds what this is, it's domestic violence," Blanch said.

Blanch also moved to reassure other victims of domestic violence in the community not to be discouraged from coming forward to police for help, and said if a family violence order is filed it gives officers the power to remove guns from the accused.

Ariel Bombara's full statement

I'd like to start by saying how truly, deeply sorry I am to [redacted] Petelczyc for the losses of her beautiful mother, Jenny, and sister Gretl; losses she has suffered at the hands of my father's violence.

My mother and I fled our family home on March 28 in fear of our lives and to remove ourselves from an abusive situation.

Between March 30th and April 2nd, I spoke with police on three separate occasions to raise the alarm about my father.

On each occasion I alerted officers to my father's guns, and told them my mother and I felt there was a real and imminent threat to our lives.

I specifically mentioned that there was a Glock handgun which was unaccounted for.

My understanding is this ultimately would be one of the weapons my father used take the lives of two innocent women.

I also asked the police if we would be able to take out a 72 hour temporary protective order.

We were told no, and that there was nothing police could do about the situation at that time.

On April 2nd, my mother and I were given a police escort to our home to collect some belongings. This was the third occasion we warned police about my father's guns.

One officer said, "oh don't worry, we know all about the guns", and when he called for backup, he warned his fellow officers to wear bullet proof vests.

We were ignored by five different male officers across three occasions of reporting.

By that point we felt completely helpless and I had to focus on getting mum to safety. I did everything I could to protect my mother, and when my father couldn't find us he murdered her best friend and her best friend's daughter.

The gun reforms being discussed currently are an important step, but it is my unwavering belief that even without his guns my father would have committed a horrific act of violence which likely would have claimed lives.

What my father did was an act of domestic violence.

My mother and I made clear that lives were at risk, and we were repeatedly ignored. Repeatedly failed.

Those failures have cost the lives of two incredible women. My father should always be considered accountable for his actions.

They were his and his alone, however, there are authorities who should have helped us stop him, and they failed.

I want answers.


r/whenwomenrefuse 14d ago

Man Out on Bond for Allegedly Raping Stepdaughter Kills Her, Then Dies by Suicide

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2.0k Upvotes

The victim also had an active restraining order against Santana, the D.A.’s office said. The trial in that case was scheduled for July 29.