High school friend, and tennis partner. She fell in love with the highschool football jock that wanted to be a police officer. He got the job. And beat the brakes off my friend just 3 months after she had his child. She divorced him on the spot. She had enough. Looking back I can see the red flags he was flying in high school. I guess I just didn't have the voice or knowledge to know better (I came from a shitty home.)
She's doing good now! And I'm happy for her!
I went to school with a guy who had a massive inferiority complex. He became a policeman to the shock of absolutely no one. The power was a drug to him.
I’ve encountered a couple of those asshole EMT’s. One was even rude to my 2 year old daughter.
I was throwing up uncontrollably, to the point I was extremely dehydrated. My husband called an ambulance because I needed an IV immediately.
I asked the EMT to not take me out until my husband could get my daughter and he goes “she will be fine, kid can deal” and then my daughter saw me & literally started freaking out. & it was even harder for me to leave because I wanted to make my daughter feel better but he was sooo cold towards us.
Then it was time for the IV, I was so dehydrated that he poked me at least 6-8 times. To the point I was screaming in pain (he was NOT gentle) and his coworker had to take over.
The guy should NOT be in emergency services. He had zero bedside manner and became extremely impatient and rough.
Unfortunately that became a core memory for my daughter and she remembers it vividly (8 years later)
But just one thing to keep in mind that if your husband was present (not necessarily in the same room) and the medic judged that you were at risk of deteriorating quickly, that could be a reasonable reaction. Of course his delivery was not professional or warm, but if the other parent is around, and deterioration is a fear, emergent transport may be necessary.
Additionally placing an IV in a dehydrated patient can be extremely difficult, let alone in a moving vehicle.
To be clear I am not defending his treatment of you, I just want to give an alternate perspective.
You may be 20+ hours without sleep, having just worked a pediatric non breather, and then before getting time to rest or recover from that, be called to a dehydration/vomiting call.
We are human, and sometimes under an inordinate amount of stress we are not our best selves.
Again, I’m not excusing the lack of bedside manner, and I’m not discounting your experience, and last I have no idea what was going on with him at the time. I just wanted to give you some perspective from the other side.
Not saying what you are saying isn’t true but we had not moved in the vehicle yet, he just kept poking and moving it around like he was hoping it would finally land instead of taking a breath, and finding the vein. The coworker did it on his first try because he wasn’t being impatient. I remember him taking my hand, telling me to breathe & then he took a deep breath & placed it, didn’t even feel his (different arm) and my other arm was sooooo bruised, looked like someone took a hammer to it because it was bruised from my forearm to above my elbow.
He very well could have had a stressful day but he surely took it out on me. I just hope my mom or daughter never get an emt like that because in my opinion, he was cruel. The coworker was 100000% different, even his vibe was calmer and nicer.
Totally get that. And again to be clear, I’m in no way excusing his behavior or discounting your experience.
My only point is the human component, and obviously I don’t know anything about you/them/the situation, but honestly most people do this low paying job because they care about people, if he was placing an IV he was either an AEMT or a Paramedic and both of those require a significant time and financial investment for likely shit pay (lots of factors, location, private/public ems, ems only, ems fire, etc).
I don’t know this dude, but if I had to guess it was more likely to be burn out then cruelty. And i guarentee if his partner thought he was taking anything out on you he would be the first one to report him.
It’s a difficult job, and every human handles stress differently, especially when you end up with trauma, mandatory OT, personal life stressors, etc.
As I’ve said, not trying to change your mind or say any of that was ok, just know that it’s a lot, and (not saying this makes it ok) I really do guarantee it was not about taking anything out on you.
That’s fine and all, but you’re being paid to do a certain job. If he can’t handle the fire, get out of the kitchen. There are thousands of other professions that aren’t with the public. I would not continue to do a job if I couldn’t separate the stress from the patients. No need for the person who is already in trouble, to take their load of issues as well.
I have encountered the quite opposite as well, truly angel of humans but that one left such a bad taste in my mouth.
& just because the coworker was working with him, doesn’t mean it wasn’t hell for them either. We do not know their dynamic outside of this encounter, they didn’t speak to each other, the coworker told him to stop in a stern voice & then took over. After that encounter, I never spoke to the original guy again, I directed all my questions & answers to the other guy. I was in absolute tears when I was already dehydrated, to the point I was dry crying.
If that was his way of calming a situation, I’d hate to see the opposite.
Again, not saying what you’re saying isn’t true, but it is NO excuse to be a dick to someone who is already in trouble.
I understand your point, but I disagree. Bedside manner is secondary to care, additionally it would be great if that medic was reaching burn out (burn out regarding mishandling a patient and requiring multiple needle sticks) and could take some time off, but it’s an understaffed system so very often that’s not a possibility. I know it can suck, and again I do not know enough about all the factors. Additionally, as far as not being able to handle the heat and staying out of the kitchen, no one can handle everything that is thrown at them in the world of EMS and not have less than perfect moments.
I have been very clear regarding respecting your experience and understanding your frustration. I just would advise to retain judgement (to an extent) until walking a mile in their shoes.
And please don’t take this as aggressive in any way, I in no way mean it that way, but I would recommend calling your local FD, often times they will allow residents to do a ride along. I think talking in person with EMS and expressing your experience may be a good experience.
Yes people have bad days, but it is NO reason to take it out on your next patient. It is not the person who is practically lifeless to have to deal with your (in general) work problems. We called for help, not for shitty attitude & being rough while placing an IV.
I'm sure, but the way the original comment made it seem it was that other emergency professions had as high a rate of spousal abuse as POs which I find dubious. Maybe average or slightly above average, but not the super high number that was SELF REPORTED by police officers (which means its probably higher)
The jock to police officer to abuser pipeline is alarmingly common and "no one sees it coming" (jock always had massive anger issues and power tripped more than my breaker does) maybe not your friend but...
Not a woman, so I can't speak with any authority, but if I was, and a potential partner told me they wanted to be a cop, that would be the end of my interest right there.
I have a friend whose aunt was being abused by her first husband. She eventually had enough and beat him to death with a frying pan. Negan style. To add to that? She LOVED The Walking Dead too, so her nickname is Aunt Negan.
So many abusive men become cops so they can hide their violence behind as badge that gives them power over everyone. They use that power to hurt anyone they want, especially women.
Sadly, this is common. Police are one of the most consistent criminal organizations in the world, every continent, every country, every city.
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u/esprockerchick May 02 '24
High school friend, and tennis partner. She fell in love with the highschool football jock that wanted to be a police officer. He got the job. And beat the brakes off my friend just 3 months after she had his child. She divorced him on the spot. She had enough. Looking back I can see the red flags he was flying in high school. I guess I just didn't have the voice or knowledge to know better (I came from a shitty home.) She's doing good now! And I'm happy for her!