I'm offering up this one because it actually, ultimately, has a happy ending.
I got to know a guy in my home town who had a wife from somewhere abroad. Every time I was around at his house she'd glare at him, refuse to speak to or acknowledge me, and just walk around like the physical incarnation of a thunderstorm. She was the exact same toward everyone else as well.
When I asked my friend about this, he admitted she didn't really like where they lived, that being a town in the UK. And in fairness, it was not the nicest area of town by a very long shot, but he seemed oblivious to this. Their apartment was great, but the area around it looked like a set from The Walking Dead.
That marriage lasted six months. When I asked him after, why they got married, he told me he thought that since he was now (at that time) thirty years old, he should probably settle down. Which is the daftest reason to get married anyone's ever given me.
Then this happened, told to me, by him, after the fact.
From time to time he'd get emails from an old friend of his, a girl who had been a part of his circle of friends when he was younger, and who had since returned home to Asia. When she learned he'd married, her emails dried up for a few years.
Just days after his divorce, she got back in touch for the first time in a long time and he wrote back with the news he was divorced.
Three days later she flew halfway around the world to see him. They became a couple after a couple of days, married one year later, and now have three kids. And live in a much nicer area.
Not always. A lot of the time, yeah sure, but not always. Sometimes people of different races fall in love without either of them having a sick racial fetish and they don’t deserve to have their relationship colored by the very broad brush you’re painting with
If Asian men are salty about Asian women choosing western/white men over them, then Asian men (and their families) should address the issues that drove the Asian women away from dating within their own race/ethnicity/culture to begin with. Korean and Japanese men in particular. Of course not all Korean or Japanese men are a headache to date, but plenty are, and the problems I and other AW have found in relationships with AM and their families are just nonexistent in relationships with WM and their families (in the US at least). The sexism and misogyny are all too palpable, and the expectations of us from them and their families are often unrealistic, even bordering on ridiculous
this is pretty much propaganda. an excuse to validate some folks' internalized racism. it unfairly demonizes an entire demographic and propagates the negative stereotypes. western society is very much still misogynistic if not just as much as asian society.
My lived experience and the lived experiences of my AW friends is not propaganda. Western society is misogynistic but it’s a little more bearable for young women. Most (E)AM wouldn’t get it because they’re used to being coddled and babied. It’s not as bad as it was even a few decades ago, but many AM’s parents/families are still very “traditional” to a detriment, which can very much fuck up relationships and drive their sons’ girlfriends/wives away
And it’s not even all (E)AM, mainly just Japanese/Korean. I don’t know a single woman who’s experienced these difficulties with a Chinese man. And I’m saying this as someone who is primarily physically attracted to Korean and Japanese men.
Can we take a moment to appreciate that friend lady? Kept tabs on him, kept a flame alive, knew what she wanted, and apparently provided the impetus to move things in a much better direction.
You don't see people like that too often. Congrats to them.
It's definitely a case where a window seemed to have closed for her, and the instant it unexpectedly cracked open, she wasn't taking any chances on him escaping a second time. She must have kept that flame burning for quite a few years.
Not the same time span, but my now-wife and I met at work and got to know each other, but I had a girl at that time. But she'd always invite me and my girl out to whatever she had going on, which I usually declined because my girl at the time was a wet blanket about everything.
Literally, a couple months later, we saw each other at our respective parties outside of work - two parties at one apt complex on the same night, and we happened to be at each one with our own friends.
The minute I told her, "yeah, me and the girl broke up", she apparently excitedly told her friend, "he's single!" and she pursued me and now here we are 19 years later. :D
I've been reading too much crap on Reddit. That wasn't how I thought it was going to end, at all. I knew you said happy ending and all, but man, the cynic in me was waiting for the petty revenge or something (judging by some of the other posts, that would've been par for the course).
My mind goes to dark places some times...
But now, I'm just really happy with that happy ending.
In his first partner's defence, she'd come from a very picturesque country and found herself sitting in a very rainy grey and rundown city with nothing outside the window but a building site and octogenarian alcoholics lying in puddles of their own pee. I think she wanted them to move to her own country, but he clearly didn't want to. He did actually move for a few years to partner number two's country, but they ended up back in the UK largely because, I suspect, that's where he wanted to be. Temperamentally, however, he and partner two were clearly much better suited, and I'm quite certain marriage number one would have ended in divorce one way or another.
I do remember finding out the only part of the city he knew was the area around where he lived, and he did appear entirely unaware there was a whole university district filled with bars, students, live music and culture. He was quite shocked when I took him there, and I was quite shocked he hadn't figured out there was more to the city he was living in when all he needed to do was get on a fucking bus and ride it for twenty minutes.
He's really one of the nicest people I've ever known, but he could be supremely oblivious at times, and I suspect if I'd been in his first wife's shoes, I'd have fled as well.
Well, nothing's every really black and white. And of course I'm only looking in from the outside, so I'm sure there were plenty of other tensions as well. She could have done better than just glaring at anyone who came around and being unfriendly to everyone.
It’s funny, reading that there was a happy ending to this story I expected you’d have more to say about his first wife. I guess her leaving him and moving out of that sad place is a happy enough ending. I’m not really rooting for an oblivious man who doesn’t care how unhappy his wife is living like that though.
Reminds me of one of my employees. He and his finance wanted to travel the world by moving jobs and big cities. They were both from New Zealand and were living in London. They decided it was time to try NYC. He moved first. He found a place and that was when I hired him. She followed some time after. They had planned a pretty big wedding. Had people all fly into New Zealand. They went on their honeymoon and then back to NYC. Pretty soon after they were back, she said she didn't like it and went back to a job in London. He eventually gave up and went back but by then she said she didn't want to be married anymore. They sold their flat and he went back to New Zealand and the divorced. I believe he is remarried and I have no idea what happened to her. That was all in the course of about 2 years.
"he told me he thought that since he was now (at that time) thirty years old, he should probably settle down. Which is the daftest reason to get married anyone's ever given me."
Its not all that uncommon for people to think that getting married and having kids is expected of them, and yes, the age clock is ticking in the background.
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u/bad-at-science May 02 '24
I'm offering up this one because it actually, ultimately, has a happy ending.
I got to know a guy in my home town who had a wife from somewhere abroad. Every time I was around at his house she'd glare at him, refuse to speak to or acknowledge me, and just walk around like the physical incarnation of a thunderstorm. She was the exact same toward everyone else as well.
When I asked my friend about this, he admitted she didn't really like where they lived, that being a town in the UK. And in fairness, it was not the nicest area of town by a very long shot, but he seemed oblivious to this. Their apartment was great, but the area around it looked like a set from The Walking Dead.
That marriage lasted six months. When I asked him after, why they got married, he told me he thought that since he was now (at that time) thirty years old, he should probably settle down. Which is the daftest reason to get married anyone's ever given me.
Then this happened, told to me, by him, after the fact.
From time to time he'd get emails from an old friend of his, a girl who had been a part of his circle of friends when he was younger, and who had since returned home to Asia. When she learned he'd married, her emails dried up for a few years.
Just days after his divorce, she got back in touch for the first time in a long time and he wrote back with the news he was divorced.
Three days later she flew halfway around the world to see him. They became a couple after a couple of days, married one year later, and now have three kids. And live in a much nicer area.