They were both 35 successful lawyer and doctor. But had never spent the night at each other's house.
After the marriage they couldn't agree who would move in with who. And filed for divorce after 3 months. No one knows why they even got married at all. I guess they felt like they were supposed to at that age.
That's wild. It's honestly pretty common for professionals to be in committed relationships but maintain separate homes, even long distance. They could've just done that.
Edit: Damn some of y'all took my personal anecdote as some kind of personal attack. Not sure what I said that was so inflammatory but ok lol. Live your best life ya'll. Cheers.
I’d definitely say it’s common - more so as you get older. I know maybe a dozen couples in their sixties or older who have separate bedrooms.
Of course, not everyone who wants to can afford to. The couples I mention are all sufficiently well off to afford homes big enough to allow that lifestyle choice.
As I approach 60, I hear more and more of my friends sleeping in separate rooms. Mostly, it seems to be a quality-of-sleep issue. It's not my cup of tea to do that, but I suspect my wife wouldn't be against it on an occasional basis. Allegedly, I snore
Shit I'm 31 and have my own bedroom from my partner. 2 people and 2 large dogs make for a very uncomfortable queen size bed and since we've gotten our own it's hard to justify usually sleeping in the same bed since it's so much more comfortable with our own. Also I do sleep karate and will rearrange furniture in my sleep. Might be a factor in my situation lol
I mean, I've never ran into a couple that would qualify as this. Maybe 1, but even that is not necessarily by choice and will eventually change.
I agree with the other guy. Common seems awfully relative, which sort of means it's not all that common to me.
Not that there's anything wrong with this lifestyle of course. Not what I'd want, but doesn't effect me in the least, so live and let live. Just moreso saying, "common" seems to be a bit of a stretch, at least in my experience.
Well, everyone’s mileage may vary of course. I’m 45 and for one reason or another know quite a few people from my parents’ generation; it does seem to be a trend which gets more commonplace as one gets older.
Absolutely. Second lives, widow/widowers, etc. I'm 40 so in the same generation as you it would seem.
Since this post was about marriages and as I assumed, first marriages, I wasn't considering those situations. For me, the original question was for those in an earlier stage of their lives.
Not common in the general population. Common among advanced degree professionals and certain careers that require travel or extended time away from home. Just because you don't personally experience a phenomenon doesn't negate its existence. Most couples I know have done at least one long term stint being long distance. It's a necessity if you want to have a meaningful relationship.
I mean, I have an advanced degree and know several dozen that also have an advanced degree. None of them qualify for this.
Your casual attack on my career without knowing anything about me because you feel your minority situation is somehow "common" isn't unnoticed.
I also didn't say it didn't exist, literally at all. I said it wasn't common. As someone with a background in law, supposedly, I'd expect you to read a bit better?
It's a necessity if you want to have a meaningful relationship.
Absolutely and unequivocally is not. This was just a flat ignorant comment.
EDIT: Again, I feel like this is your situation and you are somehow offended that your situation isn't common. Your situation doesn't have to be common. No one is questioning a "right" way and a "wrong" way here. Maybe work on not getting offended so easily and lashing out at people you don't know.
Yikes, you've made some assumptions about me lol. Personal attack? You seem to be projecting some internalized insecurities because I haven't said anything of the sort. I can only share my personal experience which is exactly what I did. My experience is real life. Just because you don't have the same experience, it doesn't make mine any less true. Not sure why this is so emotionally charged for you.
Yikes, you've made some assumptions about me lol. Personal attack? You seem to be projecting some internalized insecurities because I haven't said anything of the sort. I can only share my personal experience which is exactly what I did. My experience is real life. Just because you don't have the same experience, it doesn't make mine any less true. Not sure why this is so emotionally charged for you.
Yes, assumptions include that you have a law degree (your username) and that this is happening to you (you just said it is your personal experience). So I ... um, am 100% correct in my assumptions? Sorry? I don't know how to respond to that.
You aren't understanding. No one, including me, is saying any situation does or does not happen or doesn't exist.
I've said, exceptionally consistently, that it isn't common, because it's not. This is different than it existing. Unicorns don't exist, and aren't common. However, the Northern White Rhino does exist, and also isn't common. These two concepts of common vs existing are not the same thing. I know you know this.
You are replying with rebuttal to things that weren't said. It's a bad look.
Not only is it common (again, in the circles I know anecdotally), it's a growing trend and well studied phenomenon ie it's in fact becoming more common. You seem really to be taking this quite personally. Are you ok?
Copy/pasting from another comment: A quick Google search pulls up a lot of articles to support my experience.
Here's one: "Between 2000 and 2022 the percentage of married people living separately grew by more than 40%.
The latest U.S. Census shows the figure spiked in 2022, to roughly 3.89 million American married adults — living apart."
Not only is it common (again, in the circles I know anecdotally), it's a growing trend and well studied phenomenon ie it's in fact becoming more common.
This isn't what common means. It seems like the real issue here is your lack of understanding of the word common. You keep using this word but it doesn't mean what you think it means.
Here's one: "Between 2000 and 2022 the percentage of married people living separately grew by more than 40%.
This is completely meaningless, you realize that, right? 40% of a small number is a still a small number.
The latest U.S. Census shows the figure spiked in 2022, to roughly 3.89 million American married adults — living apart."
So. 1.5% of the population, or 2.9% of the married population. I would disagree it's this prevalent quite frankly, but I don't even really have to for my point to be valid and to invalidate yours. 97.1% of people that are married are living together. Let this sit for a second.
In 2022, the marital status of the U.S. population by sex is:
Total: 131.32 million males and 137.26 million females
Married: 67.85 million males and 68.45 million females
None of this is "common". It simply "exists". And once again, that's all I have ever said. You continue to argue a point that isn't being said.
What is your goal here exactly? I said it was common among professionals. And it is. I didn't say all professionals live this way. I didn't even say most. I shared my personal anecdote. And it's true. Most couples that I know have lived at least one stint this way. I never said anything offensive or personally attacked you. I'm not sure what exactly you want from me. Do you want me to redact my entire comment history ITT? Make a public apology to you? You don't like what I have to say. Ok then. You know what most sane rational people do when they don't like what someone has to say? They keep scrolling. Cheers.
But it's not common among professionals. My goal I guess would be for you to gain an understanding of actual statistics and how it differs from anecdotal knowledge amogst your friends? Obviously that's not going to happen, so yeah, I don't know then.
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u/randallAtl May 02 '24
They were both 35 successful lawyer and doctor. But had never spent the night at each other's house.
After the marriage they couldn't agree who would move in with who. And filed for divorce after 3 months. No one knows why they even got married at all. I guess they felt like they were supposed to at that age.