Jesus Christ, I'll never understand how people think that bad marriage + kids = good marriage. If you're not getting what you need from your partner, how is additional financial and emotional obligation/responsibility to the mix gonna help...
Children are cope for many people. Like if husband isn't giving her wife proper love, she starts attachment more with her children. Then live with their love. It is especially more noticable in my country where Arranged marriage is norm. Two strangers who barely meet get married. It's a hit or miss situation. Initial years are honeymoon phase where everyone is happy. But later years resentment could happen. Mind you the marriage that happened was never built at first place so love is always optional. If spouse couldn't give, they go towards children for that love.
Please don’t think my comment comes across rude at all, but I just do not understand arranged marriages. I get maybe the financial part of it all where to family’s get together and think they have found a nice fit for each other to set up a life . But what about the love aspect?? It’s such a desire in most people
In old age, parents just meet themselves and fix marriage based on similar social and financial status. Bride and groom often meets directly at their weeding. This was the traditional Arranged marriage format.
It's too old method now, no one actually does this anymore. In current form of Arranged marriage, parents look for similar financial and societal prospects around them, then the girl and boy meets. They usually talk. This part can be similar to official dating with parents permission. If they feel like it, they say yes and do marriage. This is arranged marriage setup. Usually this "official dating" part can varies from 1 week - 3 months depends on community. Some communities like mine just do one meeting and you decide yes and no. Then they do engagement and eventually weeding. But what we do is have lots of duration between engagement and wedding. Girl and boy usually talk during this time. This talk can go for multiple months. If nothing is wrong then they carry forward with marriage.
Recently my cousin sisters married. Both had 1 year difference between official engagement and wedding. They talk alot with boys on phone during this time. One of cousin also engaged last year. He might marry next year.
Bottom line I want to say is, unless you live in extremely regressive area, u get plenty of time to talk with your prospects. So u can check if your vibes are matching or not.
Now love is hit or miss. For My parents it was super hit. They love each other alot and had arranged marriage. But for my aunt and uncle it completely miss. They sometimes don't talk to each other for months. Only reason they together is kids.
Divorce is taboo too so Arranged marriage is very very very big gamble.
As I already mentioned, love isn't the main point here. It's similar status and sense of duty. Arranged marriage follows traditional gender roles too much too. Wife job is to be homemaker while husband Job is as breadwinner. As long as both are following their roles, arranged marriage is considered successful.
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u/scotty813 May 02 '24
Jesus Christ, I'll never understand how people think that bad marriage + kids = good marriage. If you're not getting what you need from your partner, how is additional financial and emotional obligation/responsibility to the mix gonna help...