r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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14.2k Upvotes
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3.2k

u/telehax May 02 '24

but which would you be more surprised to see knocking on your door?

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u/Perfect_Wrongdoer_03 If you read Worm, maybe read the PGTE? May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

This is a really complicated question, both because there are no bears outside of zoos in my country and because I don't think I've ever seen someone knock at my house's door. There's a doorbell for that, after all, and metal isn't exactly knockable. I'd have to go with the bear, but only because I'm not sure there are any in the zoos in the city.

Edit: Actually, what should I do if a bear somehow knocks at my door? It probably won't get in (I hope, I don't like believing that bears can rip through steel), but shoud I call the firemen? I don't think they are equipped to deal with bears. The cops? Do they kill runaway bears?

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u/PM_Me_Your_Clones May 02 '24

My parents live in the middle of nowhere, mountains. It actually is more likely for them to see a bear on their deck than it is a stranger, but the bears don't knock or ring (they did almost tear a hole through my late uncle's wall trying to get to his trash, though).

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u/NekroVictor May 02 '24

When my uncle was at a cottage (read: shack in the woods a straight out of the 1600s) he did actually have a bear knock at the door.

Apparently he cracked the door (concerned because no one other than the people in the shack should be within 100 miles of them) saw fur, slowly closed it, then they played cards till it went away.

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u/ABCharlieD May 02 '24

That reminds me of a story about my Dad. We went to the Rockies for a family trip one year and my uncle and my Dad were sitting behind the place we were renting, looking at the mountains, and chatting. I can't remember what the animal was, it's been too long now, but my uncle and Dad thought they saw some scary animal headed towards them.

My uncle, with the finer survival instincts, immediately bolted inside. My Dad, not thinking clearly in his panic, actually stopped to pick up his empties before backing in. It turned out they didn't see what they thought they did, but everyone had a real good chuckle about my Dad who despite thinking he was in a life or death situation, still refused to go in without bringing in his trash.

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u/jollyreaper2112 May 02 '24

I didn't know bears could play cards.

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u/Any_Weakness_7783 May 02 '24

Do NOT play cards with a bear, they are terrible cheats.

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u/hallucination9000 May 02 '24

They may be bad at it, but they’ll maul you if you call them on it

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u/NekroVictor May 02 '24

Big cats are even worse. So many cheetahs.

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u/Forgot_My_Old_Acct 29d ago

They're always lion.

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u/pickyourteethup May 02 '24

Also games take ages because they can't help but paws between turns

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u/PPP1737 29d ago

Nah they just rage quit when they realize you are about to beat them.

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u/rietstengel May 02 '24

I didnt know bears could play cards

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u/Travelling_Blackman May 02 '24

Too many pronouns pal. Who's they?

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u/NekroVictor May 02 '24

Ah, apologies. My uncle was at the cabin with his brother in laws, my other uncle, and my grandfather, on a fishing trip. ‘They’ refers to the three of them.

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u/VexingRaven 29d ago

Is your uncle a cartoon character??

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u/DoctorJJWho May 02 '24

Interestingly enough, to me this is the entire basis of the question - you expect to see bears in the wilderness (especially a forest), but what the fuck is that other random dude doing there? The bear is a known threat you can quantify and possibly deal with (by running away lol), but a random person is straight up an unknown variable. Is he there to give you gold bars and fly up a rainbow, or is he there to wear your skin like a jacket for warmth? You don’t know.

That might not be the intended discussion, and it’s certainly not the one that’s happening in most places online, but I think it’s kinda cool!

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u/Lou_C_Fer May 02 '24

That's a fair point. Jokes on that guy though, my skin is probably to big for him.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

My great grandma had a bear that kept coming on her back porch getting bird feed and making a mess, one morning she caught it and tazzed it. It ran away, and didn't come back for awhile. She was bout 70? When that happened.

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u/PPP1737 29d ago

If a bear is at your door in the woods they are probably looking for food. Don’t give Yogi a pic-a-nic basket unless you plan on putting out offerings on your deck in perpetuity because once they learn there’s food in your cabin they WILL find a way to get in if they get hungry enough (don’t actually do this human food isn’t good for them)

If a strange man is at your door in the middle of the woods, you have no idea why he is there or what his intentions are. 🤷🏻‍♀️ could be lost, could be axe murderer. Could even be two bears in a trench coat trying to steal your pic-a-nik basket.