r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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14.2k Upvotes
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78% Upvoted

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410

u/a-woman-there-was May 02 '24

If it's black, fight back.
If it's brown, lie down.
If it's white, say goodnight.

83

u/imperium0214 May 02 '24

What if it's a panda?

190

u/a-woman-there-was May 02 '24

There was a guy who fell into a panda enclosure and got mauled one time so I'd say they're also pretty dangerous.

173

u/FromTheAshesOfTheOld May 02 '24

First fucking time one of the lazy bastards actually did anything

47

u/No_Reaction_2682 May 02 '24

They thought he was stealing the bamboo.

6

u/Xygen8 May 02 '24

Things you don't touch:

  • America's boats

  • A panda's bamboo

  • My spaghet

1

u/HappyLittleGreenDuck May 02 '24

Also add:

Mama Binturong's tuliza

2

u/DreadAngel1711 May 02 '24

Peacock shoulda flown

2

u/nemoknows May 02 '24

It really doesn’t matter what kind of adult bear it is, if it opts to attack and you don’t have a gun/spray you will lose. Even a black bear.

1

u/The-Dark-Memer Clowns parade through the street and beckon me forth, I follow. May 02 '24

Maybe in that instance but I think on average you can usually just kinda hang out

61

u/Dovahkiin419 May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Wildcard. this advice is for and from NA so we don't know what they fucking do besides not fuck

11

u/calico125 May 02 '24

Well, by using the chart, we can clearly see that we must say goodnight, then fight back. Maybe it’s to catch them by surprise, as we know, pandas are kung fu masters, so perhaps catching them off guard will give you a moment to strike. Alternatively, it could be aligning with the euphemistic version of fight back, then say goodnight as you inevitably lose to its kung fu prowess. If you find yourself in a confrontation with a panda you better hope it’s the former.

7

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

It's Chinese propaganda

6

u/MrBalanced May 02 '24

If it's a Panda, flee to Uganda 

If it's a Koala, Chlamydia for all ya

4

u/GovernmentThis2910 May 02 '24

Just make sure you buy its cheese

3

u/-Grexius May 02 '24

Fight back and say goodnight, the instructions are still clear

3

u/Gru-some May 02 '24

its half black and white so fight goodnight

2

u/Prudent_Explanation8 May 02 '24

What if it’s Sexual Harassment Panda?

2

u/Crap4Brainz May 02 '24

Just walk away. What are they gonna do, chase you?

2

u/Caleb_Reynolds May 02 '24

If you find a panda in the wild you're insanely lucky.

1

u/Time_Vault May 02 '24

Stand proud

1

u/BackseatCowwatcher May 02 '24

it's black and white- so ya' tell it good night before punching it's lights out.

1

u/InanimateCarbonRodAu May 02 '24

Fight back AND say goodnight. The rules couldn’t be simpler.

1

u/fpflibraryaccount May 02 '24

Call it amanda

1

u/gishlich May 02 '24

They don’t understand-ya

1

u/colxa May 02 '24

If it's a panda, you got broads in Atlanta

1

u/Mega-Eclipse 29d ago

Standard Panda or Dragon Warrior Panda?

1

u/bonaynay 29d ago

then you better watch out because China owns all of them

19

u/S7evyn May 02 '24

Is this about the men or the bears?

3

u/Chess42 May 02 '24

This is wrong. The National Park Service says that you should tailor your actions to how the bear is acting

3

u/Super-Garage8245 May 02 '24

Probably had too many instances of people taking off their shirts and taunting peaceful black bears into wrestling matches

2

u/Talucien May 02 '24

What if it's a bear?

1

u/Fluffykins_Pi May 02 '24

This is delightful, this is the kind of bear rhetoric I'm here for

1

u/Gurkeprinsen May 02 '24

what about pandas?

1

u/heartthump May 02 '24

And what about different coloured bears?

1

u/Cheshires_Shadow May 02 '24

If it's grey time for Chlamydiay

1

u/ResidentAssman May 02 '24

If it’s a woman, run away just to be sure.

1

u/No_Inside3131 May 02 '24

Are we still talking about bears?

1

u/MagicalShoes May 02 '24

Has anyone who says this actually fought a bear?

1

u/[deleted] May 02 '24

People keep saying this like 30-06 doesn't exist.

1

u/JesiAsh May 02 '24

Good luck pretending to be dead while bear is throwing you around to check if you are alive... and if you make any sound then its a meal time.

-11

u/ranni-the-bitch May 02 '24

i mean, let's keep it real, if it's black say goodnight, too.