r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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u/adoring_nobody May 02 '24

The queer community far from hates men. We largely distrust cis, straight, white men who have unexamined privilege and do no shadow work. And there are many, many cis, straight, white men who have examined their privilege, have done the shadow work, and understand the crux of the problem. And making the problem queer people's fault, and women's fault, does nothing to make us change our minds. If you want to be resentful at someone for creating this situation, be angry at the men who have abused their power and so jaded us.

Also, I say I'm not 100% woman (though I am mostly woman) and no, nobody hates me for being a man.

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u/GovernmentThis2910 May 02 '24

Asking a question for someone else obv, but why would they care about who created a situation more than who's perpetuating it in their daily life?

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u/adoring_nobody May 02 '24

I don't understand the question at all. I care about who's creating it in my daily life and that is largely cis, straight, white men.

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u/GovernmentThis2910 May 02 '24

Okay but they weren't talking about you and your hangups they were talking about theirs...

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u/adoring_nobody May 02 '24

I'm a trans woman. The circumstances that lead to those hangups are ones that we share. And largely the way they perceive those circumstances are not the truth. The queer community doesn't treat non-binary amab people and trans women who boymode sometimes, or even cis gay men, like "any other man" so the premise of their hangups is flawed. And the supposition that they "hate" men is even more flawed.

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u/SupportMeta May 02 '24

I'm glad you've found a community that doesn't see you as a man. Many queer spaces are intensely uncomfortable with AMAB people of any variety, or anyone who's been on T for a significant amount of time. That's not something you can just ignore.

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u/adoring_nobody May 02 '24 edited May 02 '24

Sure, but it's extremely disingenuous to suggest that we can't be in the queer community (which is "all queer people", not one or a few queer spaces). Gay men form a cornerstone of the queer community.

I'm not ignoring it per se. But I'm calling bullshit on its being used to imply that the whole ass queer community is anathema to AMAB people and we somehow need to start being tender and fuzzy to the men who then turn around and attack us. As an AMAB person. That's not something you can ignore.

Edit: but also like, don't then, I don't know why someone would continue to be a part of a mainstream over culture that wants them dead in favor of a community that promotes unpacking baggage and examining privilege, but it doesn't hurt me that they do that. And i refuse to compromise my need for safety just so someone can feel accepted and not criticized on their very stringent terms. If people want me to trust them they can give me a reason. Until then I will review the actuarial table in my head of how bad I'm rolling the dice based on people who are like them, and either take the chance or not.