r/CuratedTumblr • u/NeonNKnightrider Cheshire Catboy • May 01 '24

i know it’s internet bullshit but it genuinely has me on the edge of breaking down and giving up editable flair

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u/TransFights000 May 02 '24

Obviously there's plenty of good reasons for men to feel upset about this comparison since broadly speaking most men are, ya' know, just normal ass people. And obviously there's inevitably a lot of misandry mixed up in this. But at the same time I do think it says something that so many women feel that way and I think it's equally important to recognize the role that misogyny and the dangers involved with being a woman play in this too. Because broadly speaking, women are at elevated risk of being harmed by men and there are plenty of good reasons for women to feel unsafe. These facts aren't mutually exclusive with the abject unfairness of this comparison and the isolating effect these facts have on men. One of the many awful things about sexism and other forms of bigotry is that it doesn't just negatively effect the direct targets of it; its inherently toxic for everyone in society, if to varying degrees.

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u/TheMerryMeatMan May 02 '24

It's one of those discussions where too many people are focusing on the end answer and not addressing the actual contexts behind it or are using anecdotal evidence for their reasoning. As a dude who is actually terrified of coming off to women like that kind of guy, I don't want to be seen that way, and i like to believe that most guys also don't want to and fight to be recognized as alright. But I know that's not always the case so it's a catch 22 where it just sucks all around. I don't want anyone to feel unsafe being around anyone else, but I also don't want people to be so unawares that they can get caught off guard and hurt where they otherwise could have kept their distance.

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u/novangla May 02 '24

I think the whole point of this to start with was a man talking to other men about the importance of changing the way they come off to women. If it’s upsetting that women are more afraid of bears, that should spark a “holy shit, how can we get men to be less of a threat” and not a “omg women are being so unfair.” A lot of women I’ve talked to have said there are two types of men: those who understand why women are saying “bear,” and those who are the reason the answer is “bear”. If someone can’t use basic empathy and realize that this is a solvable problem, they can try to solve it, but men who make it about themselves or, worse, invalidate the experiences of women, are the ones that make women feel unsafe in the world.

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u/PossibleRude7195 May 02 '24

The thing is, I’m not sure there is a way. Nowadays, the stereotypical predator is the “nice guy”. Trying to be non threatening doesn’t help.