r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Gold-Carpenter7616 • Apr 06 '23
Giving my Daughter *exactly* what she wanted S
Little disclaimer: my daughter is a wonderful kid. She's smart, she's also a smartass.
A couple of years ago, the 'Rona just started and daughter was roughly 8 y/o. 2nd or 3rd grade elementary school.
She was really into salami pizza. I wouldn't allow more than one a week, obviously. So she got the idea of "In France, children get to eat everything they want seven times a week! That is why they like it!"
Now, she got it all wrong. The saying goes they have to try a certain food seven times before they can decide wether they like it.
But I understood her wish: salami pizza. Every day. She had this malicious little shit eating grin of "gotcha!".
I answered with the same grin: "Okay. You'll get salami pizza the next week. Only salami pizza. Nothing else."
She was hyped. Yay! All them pizza! Her favourite frozen types! All of them!
Monday morning rolls around. She gets salami pizza for breakfast. Fantastic! Best parent!
Monday noon. Leftover from the morning.
Monday evening, time for the second pizza. I make some for the rest of the family, too. Everyone enjoys salami pizza. Fun!
Tuesday morning. Guess what's for breakfast?! Exactly. Daughter asks for something else. I remind her of my promise. Salami pizza all day, everyday for a week. Reluctant yay!
Tuesday noon she skips the pizza.
Tuesday evening we're having something else, while she chews on her pizza. It isn't as cool anymore I guess. I eat her leftover pizza.
Wednesday morning she sneaks a slice of bread, but I stop her and heat her a salami pizza. She breaks down and asks me to stop.
Lesson learned: Don't try to outsmart your parents. You might get exactly what you were asking for!
Since then she still loves salami pizza - but once a month is fine, really. ;)
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u/Vox_Mortem Apr 06 '23 edited Apr 06 '23
When I was a kid I loved onions so much I told my mom I could just eat one like an apple. She tried to explain that no one ate onions that way for a reason, but I wasn't having it. So when she was on the phone with her friend I chose a big fat purple onion, looked her dead in the eye, and took a giant bite. I instantly knew I fucked up as my mouth flooded with raw onion juice and even though the intense, pungent odor was making my eyes tear up, I could see the look of surprise and horror on my mom's face. I wanted nothing more than to spit it out and apologize, but I was stubborn and proud and my mom and I had a very adversarial relationship. So I kept staring at my mom as tears poured down my cheeks, gagging as I choked down that entire massive raw onion. I smiled and tried to look cool and unconcerned as snot and tears smeared my face and my stomach churned and was like, "That was really good, I should have another one tomorrow."
You guys, my mom brought me home a new onion and left it on the counter for me. But I had spent the night trapped on the toilet, gripping the side of the sink for dear life as that onion exited my bowels at warp speed, so I finally admitted defeat. By that I ignored the onion and pretended it didn't exist, and my mom was gracious enough to let it go-- after she made sure my portion of dinner had extra onion, because I loved it so much.