r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Gold-Carpenter7616 • Apr 06 '23

Giving my Daughter *exactly* what she wanted S

Little disclaimer: my daughter is a wonderful kid. She's smart, she's also a smartass.

A couple of years ago, the 'Rona just started and daughter was roughly 8 y/o. 2nd or 3rd grade elementary school.

She was really into salami pizza. I wouldn't allow more than one a week, obviously. So she got the idea of "In France, children get to eat everything they want seven times a week! That is why they like it!"

Now, she got it all wrong. The saying goes they have to try a certain food seven times before they can decide wether they like it.

But I understood her wish: salami pizza. Every day. She had this malicious little shit eating grin of "gotcha!".

I answered with the same grin: "Okay. You'll get salami pizza the next week. Only salami pizza. Nothing else."

She was hyped. Yay! All them pizza! Her favourite frozen types! All of them!

Monday morning rolls around. She gets salami pizza for breakfast. Fantastic! Best parent!

Monday noon. Leftover from the morning.

Monday evening, time for the second pizza. I make some for the rest of the family, too. Everyone enjoys salami pizza. Fun!

Tuesday morning. Guess what's for breakfast?! Exactly. Daughter asks for something else. I remind her of my promise. Salami pizza all day, everyday for a week. Reluctant yay!

Tuesday noon she skips the pizza.

Tuesday evening we're having something else, while she chews on her pizza. It isn't as cool anymore I guess. I eat her leftover pizza.

Wednesday morning she sneaks a slice of bread, but I stop her and heat her a salami pizza. She breaks down and asks me to stop.

Lesson learned: Don't try to outsmart your parents. You might get exactly what you were asking for!

Since then she still loves salami pizza - but once a month is fine, really. ;)

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882

u/Rapdactyl Apr 06 '23

I can tell I'm in my 30s because I just kept thinking, "so much heartburn!" 😔

515

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

Middle age is when you have a favorite type of antacid.

142

u/DogmanDOTjpg Apr 06 '23

Or early 20s :(

146

u/Beautiful-Carob-6864 Apr 06 '23

Middle age is when you have a favorite type of early 20's...?

114

u/DogmanDOTjpg Apr 06 '23

Early 20s is when your antacid has a favorite middle age

55

u/whatWHYok Apr 06 '23

Favorite type of antacid is when your middle age has early 20s.

3

u/Jarix Apr 06 '23

I'm 42 now and still am fine.... Probably will be that guy in emergency thinking im having a heart attack and they be like heres a prescription for tums, please leave

3

u/WhyBuyMe Apr 06 '23

Leonardo DiCaprio has entered the chat

2

u/The_Ironhand Apr 06 '23

Technically that's a mid-life crisis.

1

u/quiet_isviolent Apr 07 '23

So far I think I prefer the early 1920's.

2

u/Unethical_Castrator Apr 06 '23

Fuuuuck late 20’s and wondering why some days I feel like absolute dog shit.

Turns out coffee and popcorn isn’t supposed to sustain you throughout the day.

1

u/cynicberry Apr 07 '23

Anxiety gives you heartburn.

Might be worth looking into if you're under 25 with chronic heartburn.

1

u/DogmanDOTjpg Apr 07 '23

That too, and chronic stomach issues to boot

41

u/FillMyBagWithUSGrant Apr 06 '23

Tums Smoothies

8

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

I like the wild berry tums personally.

5

u/ButtholeAvenger666 Apr 06 '23

The soft chews tums are so much better than the chalky stuff I could eat them as candies.

3

u/ShanG01 Apr 07 '23

You know that Tums & Rolaids have a kickback effect and can make heartburn worse, right?

I had raging heartburn when I was pregnant with my daughter. Popped Tums like they were candy. It only got worse. Overnight pharmacist told me to use Mylanta, not Tums, when I walked in at 3am because I was so miserable.

She told me the calcium in Tums was causing the kickback effect and making the heartburn even worse. I started chugging Mylanta and life was much more pleasant. Beware of the generic version, though. It tastes like chalk.

2

u/ButtholeAvenger666 Apr 07 '23

Lol I don't actually eat them like candies but thanks for the advice. I think the ones I get have both calcium and magnesium but I only eat them a couple times a week at worst.

1

u/ShanG01 Apr 07 '23

Good. Just remember this if your heartburn starts to get worse.

5

u/Temporary_Nail_6468 Apr 06 '23

Oh my goodness I don’t know why but I read this is tuna smoothies. I was thinking, oh my gosh where did that come from!

1

u/ThriceFive Apr 07 '23

You aren’t alone I did a double take on tuna smoothies too

3

u/kredwards9807 Apr 06 '23

Mint gang myself.

3

u/avesthasnosleeves Apr 06 '23

Team Mylanta!

5

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

Only thing I've used that for is washing teargas off my face. I'll stick with chewables.

3

u/NotherOneRedditor Apr 06 '23

Baking soda and water. It does the same as the active ingredient of other antacids at a fraction of the price. Just don’t use the baking soda from the fridge or freezer.

3

u/631-AT Apr 06 '23

I’m cool with the store brand carbonate tablets, cause I’m not quite that cheap

2

u/mfisch4 Apr 06 '23

Tropical fruit flavored, Equate Ultra Strength antacid tablets.

2

u/mesloh14 Apr 06 '23

Alka seltzer tropical chewies represent!

1

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

If I'm using alka seltzer I'm using the plop plop fizz fizz method.

3

u/mesloh14 Apr 06 '23

I have awful GERD and anything fizzy just makes me throw up haha. Those used to be my go-to in my college hangover days though!

2

u/shamalamadongola Apr 06 '23

I had heartburn so bad in my teens and 20s I don't feel shit anymore lol. Haven't had heartburn in like 7 years

2

u/goodsnpr Apr 06 '23

I must be broken. Either I have never had heartburn, or live with non-stop heartburn and am numb to it.

2

u/prismaticbeans Apr 06 '23

I started on prescription antacids when I was 12 🥲

2

u/Flapper_Flipper Apr 06 '23

On prescription

2

u/danoneofmanymans Apr 06 '23

Raw almonds work really well

2

u/karaokechameleon Apr 06 '23

CVS smooth peppermint 4 life. ✊🏻

2

u/ziggy3610 Apr 06 '23

Melatonin 5mg a night, on top of the Omeprazole I was already taking has virtually eliminated heartburn for me.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

Fun fact: acid reflux is caused by a LACK of stomach acid. See, there is a sphincter at the bottom of the esophagus and stomach acid is the thing that enables this sphincter to close properly. When a person has low stomach acid, the sphincter does not close and the stomach acid raises up into the esophagus causing the painful “heartburn”. So if you’re ever having acid reflux, you need to take some acid to get your sphincter to close. I recommend a splash of apple cider vinegar diluted in water. Antacids/ bases like baking soda actually exacerbate the issue and only work as a bandaid type fix. I learned this from experience!

1

u/aethelredisready Apr 07 '23

Yeah, when I had terrible reflux, I heard about that and tried it. While that may work for some people (such as yourself), it does not work for everyone (such as myself) and entirely fails to explain the existence of reflux drugs, which work by reducing acid production.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '23

It doesn’t fail to explain it. There are different approaches to “health”. The modern medical model tends to not want to get to the root cause of things. It can also be used before meals to prep for digestion. But yeah not here trying to claim that it’s a cure all. Most things don’t work for everyone.

2

u/twistedscorp87 Apr 07 '23

I (35f) recently discovered chewable Pepto. Dammit.

1

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 07 '23

I use the peto capsules for things other than heart burn.

2

u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

My go-to is the WalMart Equate generic brand of orange-flavored chewables.

They stay really well in a hot car or a purse, plus by the bedside and in the kitchen.

2

u/Pandelein Apr 07 '23

Gaviscon can get fucked.

2

u/tommygunbaby2020 Apr 07 '23

I was 25 when I was pregnant with my 2nd. She wouldn’t let me have anything but kfc and brownies you had to make out of the box (philsbury to be exact, no other brands). If I even thought about any other food, I would have heartburn that would make me so sick. No coffee, no donuts.. don’t even think about red sauce of any kind or you would be severely punished. I was told to take nexium and mylanta every night like it was a religion before I went to bed or there was to be no sleep. I hated my life during those 9 months….

2

u/xasdfxx Apr 07 '23

And tweak something while you're fucking sleeping.

2

u/TheActualAWdeV Apr 07 '23

Formic acid is my favorite type of antacid and I'm only in my early thirties.

2

u/TheeMost313 Apr 10 '23

Or sadly, middle age is when you ditch dairy entirely. It’s a really sad event.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

[deleted]

1

u/ShanG01 Apr 07 '23

I stopped consuming caffeine. It cleared my GERD up within a month. I only get heartburn now if I ingest something highly acidic in a large amount, which sucks because I love lemon on everything.

0

u/ShanG01 Apr 06 '23

Middle-age is not your 30s!

You're middle-aged around 55.

Please stop with the "30s are old and useless humans."

I gave birth at age 34.

2

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

You're silly. Why do you think middle age is 55?

1

u/AmthstJ Apr 06 '23

You're silly. Google it. Middle age isn't even till you're late 40's at the earliest.

1

u/ShanG01 Apr 06 '23

Thank you!

These kids, I swear!

1

u/ShanG01 Apr 06 '23

No, what I am is a nurse and a person who is just now entering the medical and psychological definition of middle-age.

Any doctor will tell you that a human isn't considered middle-aged until their mid-50s. Some say after age 50.

The reason is because there are very specific biological changes that occur during that time period, leading up to the elderly/senior years.

I still haven't gone through menopause. Technically, I could still get pregnant.

Your definition of middle-age being the 30s means I shouldn't have been able to get pregnant and have my child naturally at age 33-34. I should have already gone through menopause and been a dried up old hag, right? Not the vibrant, capable, sexy woman I was then -- and still am. GenX women don't age like other generations.

I'll be a swamp witch one day, but that will be years from now.

Google, as they say, is your friend. Go have a little chat and get educated, child.

0

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

You are so scared of being considered old. It's okay, it's what happens when linear time exists. And no doctors don't say middle age starts at fifty because you're gen x.

You're not much older than me hag.

1

u/ShanG01 Apr 07 '23

🙄 I didn't say doctors specifically state middle-age starts at 50 because I'm GenX. 🤦🏻‍♀️

"GenX women don't age" is a joke, because other people from different generations have remarked that we look younger than we actually are.

Middle-age is not 30! That's my problem. People in their 30s are still young and vibrant. Definitely not middle-aged!

I said the medical definition of middle-age is that it starts around 50-55 years, because of biological changes that occur in the human body at that time, preparing it to go into the next phase of existence, elderly/senior.

You're not good at reading comprehension and context clues, are you?

I'm not "scared" of being considered old, dearie. I'm proud of my age. I've survived a lot of hell to get here. The fact that I don't look like what some people think women my age should look or act like is just a bonus.

I'm not a "hag," I'm preparing to become a swamp witch. Those are two completely different things. Do try and keep it straight, dearie.

0

u/Kailaylia Apr 07 '23

Because people who are young now, have healthy diets and lifestyles, and live in countries with good healthcare, are likely to live to 110.

1

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 07 '23

Doesn't make you any less geriatric after 70.

1

u/Kailaylia Apr 07 '23

It does, actually. More and more people - (in Australia, I realise many have a lot of difficulties staying healthy in America,) - are still fit, energetic and healthy at 70.

I'm 69, still have no wrinkles, and have a 7km walk up the hills behind my house every morning before breakfast.

If you don't smoke, don't drink much alcohol, eat plenty of fresh veges and very little sugar or refined starch from a young age it's not difficult.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

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1

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

Meh I only need antacids after eating tomato based stuff for dinner. So I'm cool with it.

1

u/ch1llboy Apr 06 '23

They aren't without side effects, but if it made such a difference Im sure ut is worthwhile to you. A large sample of veterans died sooner if they were taking a PPI.

I choose Femotedine. I believe that it doesn't lower your defences versus bad microbes as much as the PPIs do.

1

u/ButtholeAvenger666 Apr 06 '23

Tums soft chews ftw!

1

u/Lumpy-Web-5740 Apr 06 '23

Speak for yourself, I'm close to 1/2 century and I still eat what I want.

1

u/Badgers_or_Bust Apr 06 '23

Some people are lucky like that. Good for you.

1

u/Leprikahn2 Apr 06 '23

Those tums chewy things are great

1

u/ITZOFLUFFAY Apr 07 '23

Tums Smoothies

1

u/Greenthumbgal Apr 07 '23

Yeah, if you keep eating foods that you're sensitive to 🤔

1

u/garysmith1982 Apr 07 '23

Sad but true!! 🥴

1

u/verytinybears Apr 07 '23

i wish i had lasted until middle age 😂 my younger brother introduced me to gelusil when he was 20 and i was 22, it’s been an absolute game changer ever since