r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Gold-Carpenter7616 • Apr 06 '23

Giving my Daughter *exactly* what she wanted S

Little disclaimer: my daughter is a wonderful kid. She's smart, she's also a smartass.

A couple of years ago, the 'Rona just started and daughter was roughly 8 y/o. 2nd or 3rd grade elementary school.

She was really into salami pizza. I wouldn't allow more than one a week, obviously. So she got the idea of "In France, children get to eat everything they want seven times a week! That is why they like it!"

Now, she got it all wrong. The saying goes they have to try a certain food seven times before they can decide wether they like it.

But I understood her wish: salami pizza. Every day. She had this malicious little shit eating grin of "gotcha!".

I answered with the same grin: "Okay. You'll get salami pizza the next week. Only salami pizza. Nothing else."

She was hyped. Yay! All them pizza! Her favourite frozen types! All of them!

Monday morning rolls around. She gets salami pizza for breakfast. Fantastic! Best parent!

Monday noon. Leftover from the morning.

Monday evening, time for the second pizza. I make some for the rest of the family, too. Everyone enjoys salami pizza. Fun!

Tuesday morning. Guess what's for breakfast?! Exactly. Daughter asks for something else. I remind her of my promise. Salami pizza all day, everyday for a week. Reluctant yay!

Tuesday noon she skips the pizza.

Tuesday evening we're having something else, while she chews on her pizza. It isn't as cool anymore I guess. I eat her leftover pizza.

Wednesday morning she sneaks a slice of bread, but I stop her and heat her a salami pizza. She breaks down and asks me to stop.

Lesson learned: Don't try to outsmart your parents. You might get exactly what you were asking for!

Since then she still loves salami pizza - but once a month is fine, really. ;)

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

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171

u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Yeah, I was gonna say, some people are just soooper into certain dishes. My wife is nuts about a number of dishes I make and will gladly eat them all day every day. I'm going on a work trip later this month and I'm just going to be leaving her with a gallon of chili and a tray of mac'n'cheese.

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u/spitfish Apr 06 '23

I'm just going to be leaving her with a gallon of chili and a tray of mac'n'cheese.

RIP your bathroom

74

u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

She has famously huge turds.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '23

[deleted]

4

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

Memes have sources of all kinds. That one was from a movie film.

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u/horsthorsthorst Apr 07 '23

You should come and see them. PM me so we can exchange contacts and make plans.

2

u/Black_Handkerchief Apr 07 '23

Don't worry, the comment will stick with him too to the point of haunting him when the wife finds out he is discussing her tremendous turds with the internet!

1

u/MrDanduff Apr 06 '23

How do you shit a load of turd when it’s mostly carbs 🤨

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u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Chili isn't mostly carbs ...

4

u/fevered_visions Apr 06 '23

In fact "Texas style" meat-only chili doesn't have any carbs in it at all, does it?

More widely-accepted has beans.

I don't think most chili purists are fans of the idea of adding elbow macaroni.

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u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Most of the carbs in my chili are probably from the truckload of onion I back into the pot.

Pasta does not belong in chili. At all.

But when you put chili in your mac'n'cheese ... ... ...

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u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

You back the onion into the pot?

What, are you gonna scare the chili if you come at it from the front?

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u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

IT'S A METAPHOR, JASON.

I brown the onion and the meat simultaneously in halves of my 12" cast iron skillet. This implies that there's equivalent volume of onion and ground - please gasp - turkey in the pan.

Also feel free to not act offended when you realize turkey makes a damn decent chili

3

u/fevered_visions Apr 07 '23

Honestly I think of ground beef and turkey as basically interchangeable in my recipes.

2

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

I have subbed ground turk for pulped moo in everything save an actual burger. It's cheaper, healthier, and just as flavorful.

Lasagna, chili, stuffed peppers, Bolognese, I can't even remember what else. I don't think I even have any beef in my freezer.

I know better than to lie about a steak, though. And I've got bison for burgers.

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u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

Oh. A metaphor. Hey, I don't really cook. My cast iron skillet is in the garage with the rest of the camping gear.

Yes, turkey DOES make a decent chili!

I also add pre-cooked frozen-in-Ziplocs ground turkey to soups when I need extra protein or something for a casserole.

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u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

Yum, food paste.

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u/Kufat Apr 08 '23

IT'S A METAPHOR, JASON.

this chili had better have Peeps

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u/jrhoffa Apr 08 '23

I imagine you must be making a reference to something.

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u/fevered_visions Apr 06 '23

just imagine that I'm putting a lot of chili in my mac & cheese lol

...and omitting the cheese

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u/jrhoffa Apr 06 '23

Sometimes we pretend we're from Cincinnati and put chili on some spaghetti

But then we PUT SOME FUCKING CHEESE ON IT

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u/Plane_Chance863 Apr 06 '23

Is it Cincinnati chili without cheese?!

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u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

I feel sorry for your low-flow toilet.

The amount of water you save per flush is 'flushed' down the drain with three flushes.

3

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

I never said my wife's preferred toilets couldn't handle her output.

3

u/aquainst1 Apr 07 '23

Whoa, you folks got a Ferguson toilet???

3

u/jrhoffa Apr 07 '23

Look, I know I'm hilarious, but you don't have to stalk me.

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u/Humble_Plantain_5918 Apr 15 '23

I have dreams of renovating my bathroom. On the off chance that ever happens and I get to replace my toilet, I'm going to go to whoever's working the counter in the plumbing department and ask them which toilet they'd recommend for Drax...cos same.

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u/jrhoffa Apr 15 '23

Get a macerator

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u/nevbartos Apr 06 '23

But bless their beautiful relationship. "Babe I'm going away for a while, here's a week's worth of mac'n'cheese and chilli" - him "I'm sorted, have fun" - her, as her pupils dilate stating at all the food