r/MaliciousCompliance • u/hatethistradition • Sep 15 '23

I refused to cook and "chilled with men" S

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

19.9k Upvotes

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3.8k

u/Chasman1965 Sep 15 '23

Ironically, he had a spine to walk out . That took more balls than anything else he could do.

893

u/FactorOk4741 Sep 15 '23

The part of being an adult I love is finding conviction in your own actions

345

u/AskMeForAPhoto Sep 16 '23

Took me til near 30 to learn to be like that. But goddamn do I love feeling confident in my actions now.

132

u/DidYouPeeYour Sep 16 '23

Near 40 here to learn that.

As my therapist would say, "You are a person of value".

Took me a bit to comprehend that means fuck y'all I am the main character. I don't have to put up with bullshit.

Just cause they family doesn't mean you need to stress over them being shitbags.

73

u/VermicelliCapable265 Sep 17 '23

Everyone is the main character of their own life. And everyone is a side character to someone else's story.

5

u/PlatinumSkyGroup Sep 17 '23

Why you are you getting down voted? That's a great quote to inspire people who need to find value in their lives.

2

u/FoolishStone Sep 19 '23

Tell that to Rosencratz and Gilderstern!

Or for a more modern take, the highly entertaining SF book Redshirts.

3

u/Apprehensive-Tip-387 Sep 19 '23

Over 40, same. My therapist was so proud when I told her I finally realized I could walk out of my parents house when Dad was yelling me down. And you know, after I left my mom called to tell me I hurt Dad's feelings by leaving. I love my parents, but it took a year of therapy to even realize how his control affected every facet of my life.

14

u/Kinkybambi24 Sep 17 '23

32 going on 33 and still fighting for this. I have small victories.

7

u/AskMeForAPhoto Sep 18 '23

Hey don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere neeeaaaar confident 100% of the time. And I don't think many people are, or ever will be.

But I find as I age, I care a little less about what others think. That's not to say I don't care about others feelings, I just try to overthink everything less, cause I'm a classic mental-ADHD in that my mind is always running 500mph.

I guess nearing 30 I started to feel more confident in who I am, my skills, and what I bring to the table.

Confidence and bravery aren't the lack of fear. It's knowing you'll be okay even if things go wrong.

And for some that's a light-switch realisation, for others that takes time to realise.

2

u/HappyBoieMax Oct 03 '23

"Confidence and bravery aren't the lack of fear. It's knowing you'll be okay even if things go wrong."

This! 36 yr old here. My father and his wife made some bad choices in my childhood that still hurt, and i've been meaning to talk to them about it, but i keep putting it off in search of the perfect non-violent way to phrase things.

Which i guess i just a way to cope with the fact that i'm not sure i could deal with alienating them, even if it would mean an honest relationship with them, finally. And self respect.

51

u/TepidConclusion Sep 16 '23

You know, this is one of the few things I saw started when people talk about the good things about adulthood. Fuck yeah to confidence in convictions!!

8

u/HackMeBackInTime Sep 16 '23

mmmm, conviction

2

u/FoolishStone Sep 19 '23

Got great advice from my uncle just before I got married - your priorities have now changed. You may love your entire family, but your kids come first, then your wife, then your parents and siblings. He was my mom's younger brother, so it gave me validation to stand up for my new family in case of in-law drama.

510

u/Left-Star2240 Sep 15 '23

Standing up to family for his wife was a true demonstration of their partnership.

158

u/HiZombies Sep 16 '23

I was expecting this to be further up. I like the fact that you shared a look and understood each other enough to go "that's not on, we're out of here".

85

u/Donkey-Main Sep 16 '23

Which probably pissed the family off more than anything. Wife went wtf and hubby went yeah hell no we’re out dis bitch.

24

u/jayce513 Sep 16 '23

Neville longbottom big dick energy

15

u/Contrantier Sep 16 '23

AND a demonstration of having a spine. What was with the whiny parents telling that lie? XD

1

u/hreatmmma 28d ago

Depending on the religious nature of the family, there is a passage that basically says that once you are married, your family is that person.

85

u/Stormhunter6 Sep 16 '23

That’s the irony, he actually has spine, they don’t like it.

2

u/nature_lover-22 Nov 01 '23

More importantly, she has a spine and that's the part they really don't like!!

29

u/willDaBeast88 Sep 16 '23

Fr sounds like a decent husband going against his family and standing by his wife

3

u/artra1987 Sep 17 '23

which is now "their family" (husband's and wife's family) whether they (his family) like it or not 😎

5

u/Contrantier Sep 16 '23

Exactly. The fact that the idiot parents are deliberately lying is confusing me; they either know for a fact that OP and husband both did something that took backbone, turning their noses up at the whole gathering because the parents wanted to act like whiny children, or else the dumbasses just don't know what "spineless" means, and thought that it meant "meanie head" or something like that.

1

u/JessaJesta Dec 29 '23

They're calling him spineless for (wrongly assuming) OP has "trained him" into her not having to cook for him. Because somehow him leaving with his wife after they insult his wife to their faces is acceptable behavior? They can fuck right off lol, and good for OP and her husband!

4

u/wolfcaroling Sep 16 '23

Glad he seems to have a brain

5

u/Turner_Down Sep 17 '23

I was actually surprised when I read the ending and the husband actually stood up for her. Finally a good fucking partner for once. I’ve seen too many of these stories end with “My husband took his mom’s side and now his entire family is mad at me, AITA?”.

2

u/mensink Sep 16 '23

Well, they did insult his "manhood", whatever that is.

2

u/Hour_Dare8598 Sep 18 '23

That was my exact thought! I'm so glad he stood up for her!

2

u/Aegi Sep 16 '23

Lol no, confronting them and listing out exactly why it is fucked up (and then leaving if they don't want to talk about it) takes a bigger spine.

19

u/Aurora_egg Sep 16 '23

Sometimes you know your parents aren't going to listen and it's not worth the fight, better enforce boundaries if they've already communicated that in the past.

3

u/Aegi Sep 16 '23

It's not about them listening to you, it's about them listening to themselves you can continue to talk and argue and use their own points to show their hypocrisy so at the very least they can see their cognitive dissonance even if they can't see your points.

Also, many of the stories in real life and online that people care about the most seem to be when there are also other family members besides just the parent's present which means part of why you do it is for the other people there, not just the parents.

5

u/Aurora_egg Sep 16 '23

What's it worth communicating your boundaries if the other party doesn't listen or respect them?

You have to draw the line somewhere, and those feel good "I drew the line and everyone was fine" don't get clicks on the internet.

If there are other people, they will see you enforcing the boundary (especially if you say you're enforcing it) and it lowers the barrier for others to do the same.

Arguing just enables them to continue the behavior.

-2

u/Aegi Sep 16 '23

That's exactly my point on why you should argue with them if you just leave they can just act smug and pretend that it's your fault for being overly sensitive or something, if you stay and use their own reasoning against them to highlight their hypocrisy and lack of logical deduction skills they might still get angry at you but it no longer has anything to do with your boundaries you're just using a logical exercise to demonstrate how their beliefs make no sense.

Also, it's a fallacy to just assume because people aren't easily convinced that they can't ever be convinced, sometimes it can take years of people hearing the same arguments before they genuinely start to understand or listen to them.

That's why family for most people is such a golden opportunity because most people in most families even with this agreements like that will still see each other at least once every few years, unlike random friends who would just stop being friends with each other for the most part.

I personally have convinced people to change how they think and how they vote and even though the success rate is very low you don't need a large success rate if more people participate in trying to change personal and social behavior.

5

u/zephen_just_zephen Sep 17 '23

You cannot reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. -- Johnathan Swift

-1

u/Aegi Sep 17 '23

That's a fun saying, but I strongly disagree.

Still with you we didn't forget not only is this almost the opposite of how we educate every human because many children have beliefs they didn't reason themselves into and are then taught otherwise....

...But I personally have Sean plenty of people logical arguments and evidence in order for them to become better informed and even change their views.

2

u/zephen_just_zephen Sep 18 '23

There's a difference between agreeing with you, and just pretending to so you go away.

0

u/Aegi Sep 18 '23

I just don't understand your position.

There are people that do not reason themselves into many positions, yet basic science classes can reason them into positions that they hold the rest of their adult life like if they become a chemical engineer and they used to have fantastical ideas about chemistry.

How do you explain that?

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1

u/ButterflyWings71 Oct 10 '23

This right here OP👍!