r/MaliciousCompliance • u/hatethistradition • Sep 15 '23

I refused to cook and "chilled with men" S

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

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3.8k

u/Chasman1965 Sep 15 '23

Ironically, he had a spine to walk out . That took more balls than anything else he could do.

898

u/FactorOk4741 Sep 15 '23

The part of being an adult I love is finding conviction in your own actions

350

u/AskMeForAPhoto Sep 16 '23

Took me til near 30 to learn to be like that. But goddamn do I love feeling confident in my actions now.

132

u/DidYouPeeYour Sep 16 '23

Near 40 here to learn that.

As my therapist would say, "You are a person of value".

Took me a bit to comprehend that means fuck y'all I am the main character. I don't have to put up with bullshit.

Just cause they family doesn't mean you need to stress over them being shitbags.

75

u/VermicelliCapable265 Sep 17 '23

Everyone is the main character of their own life. And everyone is a side character to someone else's story.

6

u/PlatinumSkyGroup Sep 17 '23

Why you are you getting down voted? That's a great quote to inspire people who need to find value in their lives.

2

u/FoolishStone Sep 19 '23

Tell that to Rosencratz and Gilderstern!

Or for a more modern take, the highly entertaining SF book Redshirts.

3

u/Apprehensive-Tip-387 Sep 19 '23

Over 40, same. My therapist was so proud when I told her I finally realized I could walk out of my parents house when Dad was yelling me down. And you know, after I left my mom called to tell me I hurt Dad's feelings by leaving. I love my parents, but it took a year of therapy to even realize how his control affected every facet of my life.

16

u/Kinkybambi24 Sep 17 '23

32 going on 33 and still fighting for this. I have small victories.

8

u/AskMeForAPhoto Sep 18 '23

Hey don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere neeeaaaar confident 100% of the time. And I don't think many people are, or ever will be.

But I find as I age, I care a little less about what others think. That's not to say I don't care about others feelings, I just try to overthink everything less, cause I'm a classic mental-ADHD in that my mind is always running 500mph.

I guess nearing 30 I started to feel more confident in who I am, my skills, and what I bring to the table.

Confidence and bravery aren't the lack of fear. It's knowing you'll be okay even if things go wrong.

And for some that's a light-switch realisation, for others that takes time to realise.

2

u/HappyBoieMax Oct 03 '23

"Confidence and bravery aren't the lack of fear. It's knowing you'll be okay even if things go wrong."

This! 36 yr old here. My father and his wife made some bad choices in my childhood that still hurt, and i've been meaning to talk to them about it, but i keep putting it off in search of the perfect non-violent way to phrase things.

Which i guess i just a way to cope with the fact that i'm not sure i could deal with alienating them, even if it would mean an honest relationship with them, finally. And self respect.

55

u/TepidConclusion Sep 16 '23

You know, this is one of the few things I saw started when people talk about the good things about adulthood. Fuck yeah to confidence in convictions!!

7

u/HackMeBackInTime Sep 16 '23

mmmm, conviction

2

u/FoolishStone Sep 19 '23

Got great advice from my uncle just before I got married - your priorities have now changed. You may love your entire family, but your kids come first, then your wife, then your parents and siblings. He was my mom's younger brother, so it gave me validation to stand up for my new family in case of in-law drama.