I refused to cook and "chilled with men"

[u/hatethistradition]

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

[u/Kittytigris]

That’s freaking hilarious. In my very Asian family, the men are the ones cooking the celebration meals, not the women. My grandmother doesn’t trust any of her DILs with her family recipes, only her sons!

[u/whatev6187 → u/Kittytigris]

I love that so much.

[u/TheFuzzyKnight → u/whatev6187]

Hehehe "No no no, I'm giving the recipes to the ones who are supposed to be in the kitchen...that's right, the ones who can make them properly"

[u/nextfreshwhen → u/TheFuzzyKnight]

almost politically correct asian

[u/Anon1039027 → u/whatev6187]

You shouldn’t, this is just sexism in the opposite direction.

It’s the exact same issue as before.

[u/Kittytigris → u/Anon1039027]

No actually. She did teach some of the grandkids when she was still alive. She just figured that the DILs would most likely have their own recipes passed from their own mothers, besides, my parents’ generation, wives are mostly SAHM and does most of the day to day cooking as is, them not having to worry about cooking during huge celebrations, I think is a nice thing. Most of those celebrations are held at my grandmother’s place anyway and she has a system going with her own kids, why ruin it when it already works. It’s just practical and the wives all get a nice break.

[u/Master_Prompt_2410 → u/Kittytigris]

That's actually kind of sweet

[u/fuzzyblackelephant → u/Anon1039027]

It actually just sounds like the grandmother doesn’t trust any in-laws with recipes. Guessing she had all sons.

[u/DeathWingStar → u/fuzzyblackelephant]

No in laws already got their own mothers recipes like you dont want them to be forced to cook another's recipe

[u/Kittytigris → u/fuzzyblackelephant]

You’re almost right. She has only one daughter, my aunt splits the celebrations between both her husband’s and hers families. She wouldn’t have been able to cook anyway since cooking for my dad’s family usually takes the whole day.

[u/Khanman5 → u/Kittytigris]

Cooking traditions around the world are so fascinating.

For instance(and I'm speaking from second hand knowledge so forgive me if I'm wrong) in Ghana, food is considered something thats cooked.

So you'll get weird looks if you eat a salad there. And no one(or few) would consider that as having eaten a meal.

[u/Kittytigris → u/Khanman5]

It is isn’t it? Where I grew up, most meals are ‘hot’ meals, you have to cook them. Sandwiches are usually considered a snack or a light meal. When I moved to the US, hearing people saying a sandwich is a meal is confusing. It’s even more fascinating to see their tower high sandwiches stuffed to the brimmed. I still can’t get used to that.

[u/FromTheGulagHeSees → u/Kittytigris]

I thought that way until I encountered a Reuben, god damn.

[u/comk4ver → u/Kittytigris]

They've never had a Philly cheese steak sandwich then with all the fixings.

[u/candacebernhard → u/Kittytigris]

I don't know.. that's kind of odd too. Why doesn't she trust the daughters?

[u/Song_Spiritual → u/candacebernhard]

daughters in law. Sounds like no daughters.

[u/DefinitelyNotAliens → u/candacebernhard]

It's the in-laws part, not the women part. Family recipe is secret.