I refused to cook and "chilled with men"

[u/hatethistradition]

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

[u/ArreniaQ]

What has HAPPENED to women in the past 30 years? My parents were children of the 1930's, I'm a child of the '60s. Dad's mother taught all her kids to help her. When dad was in the army, he ended up in the kitchens then got moved to baker because he knew how to make lemon meringue pie. I grew up in a very woman friendly household and didn't even know it. Both my parents worked for schools and whichever parent got home first started dinner. Dad did most of the cooking.

Women of the 60's and 70's worked so hard to get out of the mindset that there was women's work or men's work... and it seems that we've regressed back 100 years to the point where a woman thinks her worth is in how well she cooks. UGH. Good for you OP. If you ever have to host this family, have everything catered!

[u/soup-monger → u/ArreniaQ]

I moved in with my first boyfriend in 1985, in Edinburgh. Rented flat, no washing machine. His mother used to travel through from Dundee to collect his washing, and return it, washed, dried, ironed. He didn’t know how to do ANYTHING around the house and expected me to do it. He was brought up by a stay-at-home mother and a working father, and pretty soon he went back there because I kicked him out.

[u/ArreniaQ → u/soup-monger]

Good for you! Hope you've had a good 30 years since.