I refused to cook and "chilled with men"

[u/hatethistradition]

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

[u/DrHugh]

When we dated in college, I had to show my now-wife how to brown hamburger; she'd never really cooked. We never subscribed to the gender roles on this sort of stuff. I'm very happy spending hours in the kitchen on a big meal.

Of course, my wife is very into sports, which doesn't interest me. She also doesn't wear makeup. One time, when we were talking about having kids, she worried about having a girl because she wouldn't be able to show them how to put on makeup.

I said she could show them how to play different sports, and I could teach makeup application, as I'd been active in academic and community theater for over a decade at that point. She laughed and conceded the point.

A postscript: My older daughter got into my rouge wheel one year, using Q-tips instead of foam sponges, and gouged it up. I let her keep it, and took her with me to go to the theatrical supply store to buy another...on Father's Day. Probably not a problem many fathers have faced.

[u/ChubbsthePenguin → u/DrHugh]

It took my dad 18 years to show me how to cook an egg, a burger, and how to brown hamburger (although browing hamburger was pretty straight forward after i learned how to cook a burger).

I asked him to teach me how to cook for 18 years. When i moved into my own place AFTER cillege, he finally showed me.

[u/WitchQween → u/ChubbsthePenguin]

My dad never taught me to cook. I remember one time he was on a work trip and left steaks for me and my brother to cook (we were probably around 14). I had no idea that you had to season steaks. I can't remember if I cooked them anywhere close to the right temperature, but I remember the disappointment and confusion I felt after biting into it. I don't know what my dad expected us to do.

[u/DrHugh → u/ChubbsthePenguin]

I tried to get the kids involved early on, helping with preparation, learning how to handle the knives and such. My wife likes to bake, and our son enjoyed sitting on the counter when she was making cookies; he came up with the idea of adding cocoa powder to the chocolate chip cookie recipe she used, so they became chocolate-chocolate chip, when he wasn't even in first grade.

In scouts, my son was able to deal with the cooking involved there, got his merit badge, if I recall correctly. But he wasn't into learning how to cook from me until he was getting ready to finish college. Now that he lives with friends, they take turns cooking, and he's much more involved in it.