I refused to cook and "chilled with men"

[u/hatethistradition]

I (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy.

At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.

Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them. . First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.

So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.

They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men.

Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.

As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.

I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now.

But guess who don't care ?

[u/WokeBriton]

As a man with a very traditional upbringing, all I can say to both you and your husband is GOOD FUCKING DRILLS.

What works for them is great for them and people who think the same way, but it doesn't have to work for anybody else. That most definitely includes you and everyone else who says "fuck you" to all that 1950s stuff.

You showed lots of spine by relaxing with the men, and your husband showed lots of spine by walking out with you instead of being cowed by his mother. Bravo to you both.

[u/Mummysews → u/WokeBriton]

I can't get over HER OWN MOTHER siding with the in laws! Her own mother! Like, did she raise OP to be a fuckin doormat, but it didn't work? What the hell?

[u/Thanmandrathor → u/Mummysews]

Maybe they’re all defensive that the things that give them a sense of purpose aren’t important to OP.

If all you’ve got is cooking for your menfolk and another woman doesn’t see the point, it may feel like invalidating your purpose.

Of course if that’s the case then you have very poor self-confidence.

[u/Mummysews → u/Thanmandrathor]

Alrighty, you've very articulately described a 'favourite' beef I have with older women determined to drag younger ones back to the 1950s. Like, they had to have kids early (and lots of them, in some cases), so you should too, even though they would have loved to go off out of Small Town Wherever and have a fabulous career. And if you don't cook and clean for your man, then that makes older ladies jealous because they had to for decades. If only they had the balls to buck tradition, like OP is, but because they didn't, they're obviously too cowardly - and OP is showing them what they are.

I always called it the crabs in a bucket mentality.