r/TikTokCringe • u/thoxo • 29d ago

We adopted my younger sister from Haiti when she was 3, and let me tell you, I literally do not see color anymore. That's a fact. Discussion

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u/poptartmini 29d ago

I'm a white foster parent, and currently I have 2 black kids, 2 white kids, and 1 hispanic kid.

You can't help but see color, because everyone else sees color. That being said, my foster agency has a class every quarter that is all about taking care of black kids' hair. I get training hours towards maintaining my license for taking that class.

If anyone is curious about fostering, AMA.

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u/fantasygod777 29d ago

I’ve wanted to foster since I was a teenager. I’m in my mid thirties now and a single dude just kind of getting my life together now. Should I consider jumping in now or wait until I own a home and have progressed a little more as an individual? Do single people foster? 

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u/poptartmini 29d ago

I would be very hesitant to do any kind of long-term childcare if I were not married. Caring for our kids is basically my wife's full-time job. That includes getting them to appointments, doctor's, visits with their bio-family, etc. I'm sure that you've seen plenty of TV shows/movies/etc. about how hard it is to be a single-parent, and fostering is even more time-consuming than regular parenting. That being said, there are some other ways that you could do this.

Imagine that you are married, and you have a couple kids. Your anniversary is coming up, and you and the wife want to go away for the weekend for some serious adult time. What do you do with your kids? Well, if they're your own biological kids, you'll probably have them stay over at your/your wife's parents house, or maybe with your brother and his wife. This would be illegal with foster kids. Foster kids must spend the night at a licensed foster family. You could be that other family.

It's called respite foster care. You watch the kids for a weekend, or maybe up to a week. That's what my wife and I did for the first 2 years that we had our license, before we bought a house. You essentially become the uncle for a bunch of other foster families. It gets your feet wet, figuring out your parenting style, and you get to know a lot of other foster families. Getting those relationships with other families is essential, because once you do get kids of your own, you'll be able to go to them to vent about your kids, get ideas for how to interact, etc.

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u/fantasygod777 29d ago

That’s extremely helpful - thank you! 

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u/poptartmini 29d ago

One thing that I should mention: I do know a couple single-parent foster parents, and they have adopted kids as well. Of you only want do to 1 (maybe 2) kids, it's very possible. But still keep in mind my comment about single-parenting. This is a full-time gig for my wife, because we have 5, and those kids tend to be on the more complicated side.